I’m the Director! Now. Shut up and do as you are told!

Ok. I know I shouldn’t say this, but some of these actors are going to make me lose it! This actress (I won’t name names) said she has creative differences with me about MY FILM! I told her to do as she is told or she will be looking for a new job! You see…I am THE DIRECTOR. It’s my vision. It’s my artistic integrity that is on the line. You are just the actress who will read the lines as she is instructed to do. Sorry. I just had to vent. These actors are going to cause me to get my first wrinkle!

No Time to Blog

I’ve been so busy! Directing movies is very easy, but it’s so time consuming. I know my fans are probably wishing that I would get back to the studio and record the next blockbuster album. However, my attention is on my latest film right now. I hope you will be patient with me. Enjoy the latest copycat until I return. I won’t name names.

No more Baby Food for Me!

Ok. I have had it with Tracy Anderson and her stupid baby food diet. As many of you know by now, she is no longer my trainer. I am using dance and these big rubber bands for my exercise now. And I eat real food. I will never eat baby food again. I suggest you don’t either.

That’s What Friends Are For

This may sound corny, but I don’t care. I don’t know what I’d do without my friend Gwyneth. She has been there for me through all of this latest scandal surrounding me. I was so happy to see her in New York. She’s been helping me in so many ways. We were just just joking around yesterday singing, “Keep smiling, keep shining…knowing you can always count on me…for sure…that’s what friends are for!” I am so frustrated with all of the lies and rumours about my life. My attorneys have sent a warning letter to Mrs. Rodriguez’s attorneys. One more comment about me and their firm will be facing a defamation lawsuit. I don’t play around! I hope you are having a better week than I am having. Oh…I almost forgot. I have been working with Britney on a special project. She has made so much progress. I cannot wait for you to see it! It’s da bomb!

It’s All An Illusion

This is amazing. Look at this up close and then walk away from the computer about 15 feet and look again. It’s all an illusion. There’s too much confusion!

The Queen’s English: At Her Majesty’s Pleasure

At Her Majesty’s Pleasure: The term is used to describe detainment in prison for an indefinite length of time. A judge may rule that a person be “detained at Her Majesty’s pleasure” for serious offences. Guy uses this phrase all the time. When the children ask when they can leave the table, he says, “At her majesty’s pleasure!” Please use this phrase in a sentence today! I am here to spread my scintillescent light upon you all! Remember Kabbalah encourages you to share your knowledge with everyone! Teach others what you have learned. Have FUN!

Please Do NOT Buy This Book!

A true fan would never buy this book. I’m sure my brother will use the money to purchase drugs. If you buy it, you’ll be hurting me and my family at the same time. Whatever you do, please do NOT buy this book!

Give It To Me

I have to admit that performing “Give it to Me” is a nightmare. The lyrics are “don’t need to catch my breath!” However, each time I get to that part I am gasping for air! The choreography is so intense that I am completely out of breath like Amy Winehouse leaving a crack house! Last month one of the new dancers laughed and said, “M, you’re out of breath! Ha ha ha!” I told him that I had several dancers who would love to replace him. He hasn’t made any rude comments since then!

I’d like to remind you all once again that my marriage is going great and I am not having an affair with anyone. Please take note of this. Have a great week!

Sticky and “Sweat”

I am so exhausted. I have been rehearsing over and over. I know I’m still youthful looking, but I am starting to feel the effects of time on my body. If I have to sing “Borderline” one more time! I know you guys love that song and would like to hear it in the tour, but it drives me bonkers. Maybe I’ll keep it; however, I will be the one who decides. You can count on that. It won’t be you. LOL. I was singing “Spanish Lesson” on Tuesday and I thought, “Why the hell am I singing this? Yuck!” I immediately pulled that song from the set list. I’m just not feeling it right now. At least I have it rehearsed in case we need to add something later, but I cannot imagine singing that over and over! Arrrgh!

I was so sweaty during rehearsal the other day that one of the dancers said I should call the tour “The Sticky and Sweat Tour.” I was like “Ok….NOT!” Could you see the awful sponsors like “Arrid Extra Dry.” I can’t take anymore. Have a great 4th, you guys!

Shhh…Don’t Tell Guy I’m Blogging

Gwyneth’s husband Chris was bragging that his new album is selling better than “Hard Candy.” I explained to him that his profits must be split between all the members of Coldplay. In order to compete with me he must go solo and appear in his next video wearing a leotard! He’s so nerdy sometimes I can’t take it! His cd is selling well though. Maybe I’ll write a song about the color Yellow and shooting apples off my head! NOT!

I hope you are having a wonderful day! Guy is coming. Shhh. Don’t tell him I’m blogging again about bits and bobs!