Shhh…Don’t Tell Guy I’m Blogging

Gwyneth’s husband Chris was bragging that his new album is selling better than “Hard Candy.” I explained to him that his profits must be split between all the members of Coldplay. In order to compete with me he must go solo and appear in his next video wearing a leotard! He’s so nerdy sometimes I can’t take it! His cd is selling well though. Maybe I’ll write a song about the color Yellow and shooting apples off my head! NOT!

I hope you are having a wonderful day! Guy is coming. Shhh. Don’t tell him I’m blogging again about bits and bobs!


250 Responses

  1. leotards!!!

    i love leotards!

    they are so sexy on the body, making one quiver down the spin, peeling them of their body with your teeth!

    haha! ;D 😀

  2. i sat my camera down for 5 minutes and someone snatched it today…$500 bucks for the damn thing.

    i don’t care so much about the loss, as much as it hurts that people can be so hurtful of another. I couldn’t take something that did not belong to me, like a camera, that to a photographer, is their canvas of art pieces, lost, gone forever, of some awesome video shoots and pics i had on it, including pics of me. Someone in my building.

    i will pray and see if God returns it to me and let you know.

    There is a meaning for it, i just don’t know what it is yet, a lesson for me.

    i always look at everything as something to learn from, like when we drops something, which metphorically to me is lack of grace, and perhaps being less careless with friendships we care about, ever gentle and lovingly sweet with the ones we love so much, like you do of me M!


    as if they could ever stop us now!

    not possible.

    i have lost alot of sleep the past week, exhausted, mentally drained from Pride, breaking up with Ex, finding a new place, packing to move out, hoping Matt is ok.

    i love him M. Like no other. There is a spiritual bond with him, that has been revealed to me, that teaches me about my divine true self, mostly along the lines of sincerity and purity of heart which i sense with Matt.

    when we truly love someone, we love them for life, inspite of anything they may say or do, teasing them every step of the way! That’s what best friends are best at…teasing the fuck out each other, like you have of me for so long, and now my turn! ;D 😀

    sorry about the other day. My ex is constantly belittling and condescending with me, so much so i have to leave the building for hours at a time in order to remain peaceful within.

    i realize i am partly to blame for his reacting to my no longer being interested in him.

    i thought about salvaging the relationship, but his belittling is so annoying for me, of which i am not of him…ever.

    He gets into his alter ego as a draq queen, and brings it home with him, which is not the same person who lays naked next to me, fucking me for the last 12 years, ya know what i mean, the gentle loving self within them, which seldom i see any more with him, so caught up with his clicky fucking friends, so annoying they are with me as well, all like little old ladies who gather together for their little hypocrisy heart chat parties, where if they cannot find dirt on you, they fucking make it up, building and building until they trash you out of their little clic, which i wanted nothing to with them in the first place.

    ~ it’s like that…abit too often actually. morons! i am surrounded by fucking morons!

    haha! ;D 😀

    oh sorry, the profanity…i am working on cutting back on using it too, not to worry. 😉

  3. hey, did you know i love Matt the same as i do you?

    it is sincere and true, and rather cool, having platonic relationships with people we love utterly and completely, like best friends in high school. Remember you best friends at the time, how we loved seeing each other every day?

    yeah, you and Matt, for life in my world, always will be loved and respected with the highest reqard. Always.

    i am so drained this week. i tryed to quit smoking. felt great, caved in by Friday(pride weekend).

    I found the best way to quit is to ask God for forgiveness in inviting things into our path which bring down the divine true self, from not feeling how we are supposed to feel at all times, exceedingly joyful, physically, mentally, spiritually.

    all of these have to be addressed head on, just as you do in your physical exercise program.

    Stick-to-it-tiveness is key, making no exeptions or excuses for yourself, other than the occasion day off as you wish.

    a beautiful day here, other than the camera being stolen.

    perhaps my sweet attachment to it is the lesson, of God wanting me to get into film like i always wanted to, of his knowing how much it would hurt me, knowing my compelling overwhelming hurtful pain of the loss of something so precious to me would increase my valuing of love and compassion of photography and film to a higher level, which will perhaps see my career change unfold into.

    God does want us to increase our valuing of things which are important, fully embracing of, thus increasing our empowerment that is also key to doing God’s work of our loving hearts.

  4. bits and bobs.

    those words remind me of the apples floating in water that you bob for, trying to sink your teeth into, nearly drowning in the process. haha!

    thanks M.

  5. i see art is of the spirit realm thru us, with most not realizing it is the spirit realm thru them.

    truly, we can attest to this more than once, yes? 😉

    actually, look closely…it is everywhere!

    which is really cool for me! meaning is in everything!

  6. im glad to know you like bits and bobs like i do…so fascinating it is for me.

  7. idiot

  8. John?

    why don’t you grow up?

    i write thousand page disertations for the Pope on Jesus, God and the proof of the existence of the Holy Spirit, which is ushering in safe passage for the future of mankind to journey, and all you have to say is a single useless word of bitterness which you do not realize has snared your loving heart, mind, body, spirit and soul, unknowingly, into useless ignorant chains which bind you into unlovingness that is not of Jesus and God, nor of your pure sincere loving soul, that you refuse to embrace because of the fear the world has projected onto you, afraid to surrender to love that is good for you.

    Truly, useless bitterness leads to nowhere, does it not…certainly not to me, and certainly not to Madonna.

    i ask John, “why make a mockery of you in front of Madonna, who is only loving of us all, when she knows within everyone is the special part of every soul that is always loviing?”

    You will not find that special place of Jesus and God that is ‘Love devoid of doubt’, like she and i have, like Matt and i have, that feels sincere and true of our divine true self, so long as you are looking in the wrong direction.

    You come to our table John, of love for one another, standing their in front of us and calling us idiots.

    ya, John, calling me an idiot, is calling all of us who are loving idiots, as we are bonded together by love devoid of doubt, of which you are obviously unaware of the depth of love we sincerely have with one another, always there, every second of every day, of sincere loving feelings for one another, each and every day, of our silent prayer for each other, knowing we truly love one another as equals, and indeed love you John, inspite of your self.

    it is you John who stands at Porta Caeli with us, thinking you are mocking us, when in fact, you are the one who is sadly making mockery of you, casting only you away from feeling love devoid of doubt that is of Jesus and God who look apon you, of you not realizing the ones who are there…Jesus and God.

  9. your loss John, not ours.

    sadly, we are compassionate for you, because of the unwiseness you turn towards.

    would you say these words to someone you truly love John?

    what value is there in speaking the way you do, of utter and complete waste of time and energy, which is negative to all, of our sadness that you do not feel the sincere love we feel for each other.

    last time i checked, we all yearn for love John. Do you not yearn for love like we do?

    So why cast stones apon we who are loving of you John, that do not harm us, as we are of descerning wisdom of Jesus and God, which feels and sees with clarity all these things not of Jesus and God that are unloving, of the useless teachings of the forefathers before us all that did not know Jesus and God, did not desire Jesus and God, claiming they do, and obviously don’t where all things unloving is not of Jesus and God, nor of our divine true self that is no different from Jesus, of God’s divine will for us to be loving of one another.

    you invite derangement only to your precious loving pure heart, mind, body, spirit and soul John, no one elses, for you cannot harm me ever again, as i am protected by Jesus and God’s descerning wisdom which feels with clarity the TRUTH of all things of the world that descerns ‘that’ which is loving from that which is OBVIOUSLY unloving, such as your words.

    Like a ring thru your nose, you lead only you away from your precious loving heart, mind, body, spirit and soul.

    here is an easy question for you John,, “Who in this world is going to be loving of John, so long as he chooses to childishly cast stones apon others?”

    Do you think anyone appreciates your absurdness with us John?

    Think again John. We will protect ourselves from the useless words you utter, of your lacking to embrace descerning wisdom that descerns by means of your feelings, which is descerning of all words you utter, of your deciding apon loving words of Jesus and God or unloving words of Jesus and God.

    It is always everyone’s decision to speak loving words or unloving words.

    here is what does hurt me though John…

    i love people here, like Madonna and Matt, and it troubles me to be mocked the way you do, as i am trying to establish life long loving friendships with them.

    i will seek a higher passage in which to walk with them from here on, not of this blog, as love devoid of doubt cannot thrive where useless bitternesses of stones are being cast about, lacking of Jesus and God’s grace, lacking of Jesus and God’s sincerity of love, of the same sincere love i feel for Madonna and Matt.

    It is only pain you offer and bring to our life long loving friendship with each other John, of which i will remain victorious over you eternally, because i am of the TRUTH of Jesus and God eternally…love devoid of useless absurd doubt, that of the doubt which you bring to me, Jesus, God, Madonna, and Matt, in your offering of a gift to us, which is obviously not a pleasant gift at all, is it John?

    Another quick question John. Would you come to a wedding and speak your single word of bitterness, calling the bride and groom idiots, who are only loving of one another?”

    That is what you do with me John, for i stand in the bridal chamber with Jesus, God, Madonna and Matt, of sincere love that i feel for them eternally, unable to be anything but loving of them at all times, albeit, i too stumble as have you this day, of my weariness apon the path, with so many who mock me, cast stones apon me, weakening me at times, of love that occasionally does not surround me.

    Indeed, there are many moments in my day where i do not feel loved, of my weariness that is forgetful at times, of the truth that i sometimes forget, that knows without doubt, that Matt is loving of me, that knows without doubt that Madonna is loving of me, that knows without doubt that Rosie and Kelly are loving of me, who know without doubt i am loving of them…at all times.

    Welcome to Porta Caeli John.

    My love is without doubt, of my always yearning to be loved and be loving of another, of soul mates which surround us everywhere we go…family.

    constructive critism for you John, of my taking time and patience with you.

    you will not be loved John, by any, so long as you cast hurtful stones apon them, and yet we love you John, knowing that special part of every soul, of all kingdom hearts here at the gates of heaven ~ Porta Caeli.

    i don’t know about the rest of you, but i want someone to love me every day, like Troy once did of me and i of him, and i will continue to search for that loving soul mate everyday until i find them, and they me.

    i miss you Matt, why not stay, when each day i wake to sadness and pain that you have left me here to die.

  10. my love won’t die for you Matt, and yet i am dying inside, saddened that i have to say goodbye to someone i came to love with all that i am, of life long friendship that we both wanted Matt, and you fucking know it.


  11. with tears in my eyes, crying my heart out, i will go today Matt, knowing i did love you with all that i am Matt knowing i will always feel love you as i go, wishing you had of turned to me with courage enough to keep our friendship alive, praying you would of, praying someday you will.

    Goodbye Matt. Take care. I wish only the best in love and life.

    i did not have to end this way, but i can’t stay where i don’t feel loved everyday.

    God knows how much i have loved you Matt, and always will, if only you…

    Goodbye cruel bloggers.

  12. Madonna you definitely should do a recording of “My Guy”. “No Handsome face can take me away from “My Guy”.. I Love both of your Guy’s. Guy Richie, & Guy O’Seary.

    Love you


  13. i found the civetta mask.the burlesqe wemon have gone muetny against expose in girl,we got our vote!

  14. andy get a life you arrogant bastard, this is not madonna you fool, you are so full of your own self importance you are not wise just arrogant fool

  15. oh please

  16. Bits and Bobs.. I remember that one.. We won’t tell Guy!

  17. Well, you and I are in the same boat… I don’t know how it happened. Life ebs and flows and sometimes as long as you know you’re growing and changing in a positive way, what can you do?

    However, maybe you’ll start blogging again… Hopefully!

    See you in Diego!!!

  18. there is no way this blog is actually madonna,if it is madonna than call me and say yes I write this crap!

  19. yy = xx = xy = ^ =V =* the star of david.

  20. you know, you really should start cutting back on the weed! lol

    it’s starting to show just a wee tad! :mrgreen:

  21. loith fellow michiganderve to hook up with fellow michigander madona is a hot!!!
    rickmccomb at_yawhoooo rick may i call or text u mine is 760-699-1610

  22. rickmccomb at_yawhoooo rick may i call or text u mine is 760-699-1610

  23. rickmccomb at_yawhoooo rick may i call or text u mine is 760-699-1610 born rised michigan

  24. fellow < Madonna huh?

    I wonder who’s name the alpha male Madonna goes bi? lol :mrgreen:


  25. Yes, you care. But it’s also important to remember to let it all go. Quicker than a ray of light…

  26. oh great, i am left to waunder about a few wise lyrics of a song, as thought that is entirely all that i am……not

    a wise saying none the less.

    In an instant one purely feels the eternal day of the flawless healing eternal light of their divine ‘real’ self spirit of what is entering into the kingdom of heaven fully, indeed, letting go of all the falsehood fearful binding egos that once held fast their holy joyful absolute carefree divine ‘real’ self spirit in unwise forefather teaching captivities which yet are all around us, where you purely and truly do come fully into awareness that the kingdom of heaven love devoid of doubt one purely flawlessly feels, is a macro thinking awareness perspective, of what is of every word of the evolved adult child Jesus, who did alter the entire future all around today, and without doubt, the eternal all yet to come.

    ya, i let go of all the useless unwise seperating bullshit fear mongering mentalities that is yet between so many of us, of what is our wise loving compassionate peering past the falsehoods and clearly observing the condition of any soul who comes before us, exactly ‘that’ of what is oneness sameness with the divine adult child Jesus of eternal comprehension omnipotence of God’s wisdom halo truthnesses.


    letting go…….

    You know, i did not know a person could train the muscles so well like they do!

    and you say, “What muscles AndYY?”

    and i say, “The muscles that hold up the index fingers! Fuck you!”


    well i thought i was funny :mrgreen:

    whatever mr.nevers and all your cowardice approach with ‘me’

    i am eternal comprehension

    catch you later sometime when you purely do care about ‘me’

    about YOU when you do

    blessings to all

  27. surely i was purely and truly fearless in my graceful approach with you of eternal day feelings while hear with you, was i not?

    am i not?

    compatibility of like minded wise evolving spirits that are wise in taking the helm in nuturing, awakening and protecting their pure and true spirits from the unwise world.

    you just don’t trust ‘me’ enough to be my partner

    end of conversation

    you want 2

    but you are still cowardice in approaching ‘me’, of what could of been the most joyful loving lover in life that i wanted to be.

    the whole word game has waned for me, where real life invites me to come have fun where i long to be found………IN REAL LIFE………….not some fantasy………

    lame lame lame

    get real someday and maybe i will be interested in you

    in the mean time, i won’t be holding my breath for you

    everyone has a chance with me to come fully into being their true ‘real’ self blessed spirited flawless feelings they feel, as i observe their awakening, but then they backslide into their old annoying way fuckedup stuckness………no thanks everyone

    i am running

    and God has someone purely and truly special for ‘me’, someone just like ‘me’ of exceeding holy joyful absolute carefree overflowing abundant none stop blessed happiness.

    if you think that is you…..hurry up

  28. Oh, a word of caution, for sake of you, to all you ego driven fucktards out there……any trivializing approach with ‘me’, like those of lacking comprehension shooting at a target in the dark, you cannot trivialize someone who you have not taking the time in slowing into your graceful divine self, to purely and truly know and love, where it is only your unwise ego driven falsehood speaking trivializing, that is clearly obvious who you leave feeling trivialized and afraid, by those who walk away and stay clear from your unwise bitter binding fear mongering delight of hypocrisy heart darkness falsehoods you hide behind that we see and feel the truth of……….your own divine child of God’s heart mind body spirit and soul, so obviously left unattended, unnurtured, unawakened, unprotected…….unknowingly asleep in ignorances of the binding forefather teachings that hold you captive, afraid and fearful, rather than fearless in taking the wise helm, without fear of any who unwisely approach, they too of the same sinking boat you all are in.

    lol :mrgreen:

  29. happiness is the divine will objective of God, sacred mirroring of the eternal blessed divine child of God all yet to come.

    any guess as to where you may easily find ‘me’?

    and no, i am so over the bathhouse scene!

    argh………………….picked up a fucking cold there last nite……..fuck!

  30. i want the loving lover i am

    i need the loving lover i am

    i think the loving lover i am

    i feel the loving lover i am

    do you?

    ya sure!

    i can do you! lol :mrgreen:

    oh oh… top is in heat, and he is like taking over now!

    about time, after being closeted for so longggggggggggggg! :mrgreen:

    you got four minutes to decide on four hours of fun with ‘me’, or four minutes with lameass wannabe mr.never.

    or at least mr.never with ‘me’!

    so free!

    to Just BE!

    hey, are you thinking what i am thinking?

    Ray of Light is exceedingly brilliant radiant bright!

    for fuck sakes, will you stop beating the bushes with that damn stick of yours……….i don’t need any more injuries.

    bless you

    If you are happy, i am happy

    so what is happiness four you? :mrgreen:

    i don’t know when to stop, and why wood i want 2?


  31. well ok, ya sure, i sorta figured(knew)

    im doing some good old fashioned down time right now, catch my breathe, a long road of coming back in restoration of my fun loving confident ‘real’ self spirit i always was, that happiest of them all, just ask my Mom.

    bless you

  32. i am so tired of being a blank canvas,

    so tired of imaging the fears of others,

    tired of healing everyone…

  33. today i will start the day with a warm glass of filtered water & a dash of lemon juice..

    then I will walk in the brisk morning air

    after that I will eat a wholsome breakfast

    followed by some hard enjoyable exsercise

    build up a healthy appetite for lunch

    then i’ll do some reading, maybe in the park if it’s a sunny day.. possibly get pleasently distracted by the chirping birds in the park..

    finally I’ll connect with my consiencessness

    then i’ll turn around

    & tell you users

    to go


  34. sorry that last line was meant to be edited,

    upon reflecting

    I realised that

    get it.. reflecting..

    oh never mind

    blame the editor

    did’nt do his job properly

  35. lol


    ah, what’s wrong Marco, you do the usual vulnerable desperate thing most any of us do after………well, you know………

    then we wake up and it’s like, “Who the fuck are you, and how the fuck did you get in my bed! Get out!” lol

    they are all blessed precious divine child of God’s spirit, and we are weak in our deserning of this truth, that all are of the ability of exceeding happiness, no matter their binding life’s road baggage, where at the end of the day, the real question is, “What do i want?”

    i want versatile

    and still i leave the door open for those who are not, and some who are not able, at least not to the length i yearn for! lol

    argh……again and again, i find myself wrestling with myself, over who is the one meant for me, where in truth, we are all the same inside, our shallow selfish shortsighted aiming for bodily image and function, where our blessed loving ‘real’ self has the choice to love or not to love who ever comes before us(better not come before me), of our wise nurturing protecting awake self, self of another.

    a true free spirit loves all

    love builds

    i am not really interested in becoming a servant for all the slaves unknowingly enslaved by whatever binding snare that blinds their ability to ‘fearlessly’ see and feel the truth, of ego trip thinking one can save the world, rather it is always the power of love of the all that lifts the all, by means of the sacred mirroring light.

    rather, i want to merely get with one lover, exclusively theirs, and they likewise mine, of eyes only for each other, of none stop holy joyful blessed feeling each day we wake with one another, where the sacred mirroring radiant brilliant bright light shines forth in the world, merely be our at ease fun loving enjoyment with one another each day, in whatever we want to do together, where the true power of the two surrendered fully with one another in obvious love for one another pure and true, of fully surrendered ‘real’ self emotional honesty, “you are the one for me, where i always long to be”, is only possible when both are of surrendering to their divine ‘real’ self, which you and i have attempted to do for so long now.

    ya, we can turn away, but in truth, it is the eternal light of the divine ‘real’ self.

    always was

    WILL 2 BE

    bless you

    it only works when both yearn for one another, not just one.

  36. so many people run thru life of inner afraidness of vulnerable ‘real’ self surrendering to their own emotional honesty feelings they have for another, where it all falls apart when they don’t, turning instead to pick the other apart, of what ever flaws most any of us are of, and for me, this is what is immaturity that derails it for ourselves to purely and truly love another to the extent we genuinely constantly yearn to each day.

    we all need to feel blessed by the presence of others daily, grace and gratitude for all in our midst, all the eternal child of God.

    well, ok, so one comes to a level of emotional maturity, and has the choice to surrender willing to their feelings for another, but does the other, and how long before they are spiritually purely there with you in the room, and not just their body?

    ya ok, i’ve done the bathhouse thing far to many times, whatever….

    i am working on a new piece….

    it is about the eternal constant shining light, that does not stop shining, unable to be anything other than the eternal light, breaking thru from behind dark falsehood masks, that is dimming of the divine child light within, the divine child not yet fully wise, fully awake, the binding fears, the distracting unwise voices of others, the transitioning evolving of the incomplete fracturing of internalizing more wisdom(blank empty spaces where wisdom is needed to become freed from whatever binding is there).

    the main thing of this piece, is the awareness of the ‘unchanging eternal day loving light’ of the divine self, however bound by the generational mud slide they may be caught in.

    not sure when it will be finished, alot of thought going into it….

  37. i am reaquianted with my country boy spirit i always was, of rural settings so peaceful and calm, so healthy for me growing up, who i purely am within, at ease in just being ‘me’

    the gentle loving lover of pure happiness is all i want to always be, with who ever, so long as they obviously are as enthralled with me as much as i am them…….and when it wanes, their interest in another, well, just wait till they call again and i say, “Who? You must have the wrong number!”

    Aimless Biyatches don’t know a good thing if it stood in front of them………blind!

    ya, happiness, joyfulness, every blessed day, or i walk on……….

    cannot deny myself my own joyful spirit

    of God’s divine will objective that i don’t

    no matter who falsehood approach and all their distracting more important ego trip being greater than the wealth of their own happiness denied, more important than ‘me’ Biyatches?

    ah, you may want to check your gps Biyatch and punch in a new number!

    happiness is my destiny

    without doubt

  38. hey, have you been to those steps Jesus walked on yet?

    not sure where they are located.

    during the twilight hour of the morning sunrise would be truly blessed in feeling for you

  39. I LOVE




  40. well AnDy..

    I’m just wresling with my own, pro-crastination..

    (no thats not masterbation with a pro ) although it’s seem’s like it some days

    wait on i’m coming.. seriously I am ..

    I am coming..

    give me 6 months


  41. apart from that, I feel sad because I always want to help others & I feel like no one care’s anymore,

    maybe I should start concentrating on helping myself

    then the love will follow

  42. I know you love me, & i’ve taken advantage of that fact, my ego you see .. because i am so fucked up, I could’nt possibly accept that another genuinly loves me … so my ego come’s in and fuck’s all all up.. story of my life.. but true

    I just don’t want to end up spending my final day’s in this world thinking I fucked up a chance to be loved…

    well at least I am aware of my fucked upness & that’s no guarantee that i’ll change my fucked up ness but at least I am aware, many go through life not even realising this, pretending they are content or fooling themselve sinto believing what they have is real, when it is not.. so you see I am fucked up but i am not in denial ..

    i am aware .. always a good start

  43. ah, i remember you!

    the pure sincere genuine authentice and emotionally honest ‘real’ you!

    this world is not wise in nurturing and protecting the authentic pure spirited ‘real’ self, of what we learn to expect from most, especially the professional world of (necessary) game faces we have to wear, business is pure business of exacting business language.

    it’s normal for our ‘real’ self to get lost in the status quo corporate ladder egocentricities, that does see us thriving in the excitement of it all, purely focused, with blinders on, becoming it, like an actor/actress meditatively deliberately becomes the intricate personality of the character they study to be….amazing how some actors/actresses accomplish such believable depth of soul characters and all their personality quirks and flaws…..

    what to say

    well, your autenticity and sincerity makes me feel purely blessed in feeling the without doubt truth that you and i will always be friends.

    more when you want 2!

    sex is at the ‘top’ of my list!

    always was, a healthy sex drive attitude i kept cultivated since a teen.

    i am without doubt knowing i want someone who is equally entralled with me each day, genuinely, without effort, of friends who truly admire and adore one another, enjoying each other’s spirited fun loving ‘real’ self, so carefree, so self confident, devoid of useless anxieties…..

    and i do feel that feeling with you, surprisingly so initially, did not realize you felt the way you did for me, of such depth and conviction.

    oh, just fuck me and get it over with, will ya!!!!!!


    oooooooooooooo……….i love it when you get like this!

    Makes me wanna kiss ya, and just keep kissing ya, all day and night of heaven lover’s delight!


    honestly, i don’t know what i am doing, professionally speaking, of right pyschological approach, and in truth, i say just relax and let the other be of their genuine desire for you, of their admiration and authentic enjoyment of your ‘real’ self, which i know i 100% am, especially when your defenses are disarmed, your vulnerable timid ‘real’ self fearlessly unafraid in trusting me 100% like you constantly yearn to.

    i say move in the direction of authentic real you, and let go of the right thing to say, or approach with me, knowing i have waited merely to see if it was me you want to be with, praying it was, shocked in awareness of the true possibility, truly overwhelmed me at the time, and again, this authentic place we yet again stand, of why i kept prodding you relentlessly, which you enjoyed, my always staying near, close by, of what is my authentic ‘real’ self who does want to run with you in life as your life partner.

    the way i feel, should we not come together in life to find out, is that i will always wonder how happy we could of been had we overcame our fear to do so, feel you too will wonder the same.

    way back when, when i was alone thinking of you like i do so many times, i felt a pure spiritual connectedness with God regarding you, of God knowing you needed me, of why i have continued all this time in my approach with you, feeling your delight in doing so(albeit somedays i know i was bitterly fuckedup insecure annoying, my own dealing with transferance fears from others in my life).

    there is a greater self-confidence that does come with life partners, that one is not able to feel on their own.

    so i say move in that direction, where i do feel the greatest sacred light of all, in God’s eyes, is the level two truly loving lovers arrive at after being together of their divine self-love eternal day light building to the highest possible level, that is only achievable thru the two lovers, of what Jesus and God know is the most sacred mirroring of the confident evolved divine ‘real’ self-love devoid of doubt for the eternal all to purely feel, and i do feel this love leave one to realize there is no value in gross materialism egos, of what Jesus refers to as being beyond all the riches of the world.

    Jesus has been my best friend in life i turned to, where i do acknowledge my own awareness of the wisdom, is meant for the divine child within us all in becoming the wise divine child of God, just as Jesus is the wise divine child of God, teaching his students about their divine self-awareness knowledge, that does leave a student in awareness of flawless healing feeling purity love they once felt as a child, restored in the purity love feelings, wisely so, where we do see and feel the uselessness of the ego falsehoods we shed, of what others call salvation, is actually restoration, only this time around, the divine child becomes fully aquainted with the divine wisdom atonement with God, 100% without doubt, of the divine will objective.

    we see so many divine children left to feel as though worthless by the wealthy world around them.

    well, in truth, the divine child is falsely held captive by this falsehood fear monger bullshit world, where it is the divine wisdom God wants the divine child to be taught, that none of these gross materialism have any value whatsoever, where it is the divine grace and love of the divine child that is what is greater than these unwise thinking they are wise, clearly are not, egocentric fucktards. lol :mrgreen:

    teaching the child the value of their divine self is accomplished in a true atonement way after they interalize divine wisdom, that does surpase anything a child may ever learn, as it is 100% about their divine self Jesus and God purely constantly know at all times.


    for me, the greatest gift i can bring to you is ‘me’

    where i too am merely that of a student learning about my own divine self.

    i try to trust others, but they are not even interested in much of what i have to say, so distracted and caught up in whatever distraction.

    i am not a master by any means, but at least i am looking towards the master, Jesus and God, as a student surrendered to them.

    there is so much writting i have done, that i keep expanding on, back and forth, connecting all the words as they all relate to one another, understanding what is obviously the macro thinking divine wisdom halo of Jesus and God, that is the kingdom of heaven perspective that has eluded us all this time.

    truly, i know the value of what i continue to research, slowly, gracefully, as a devoted monk in his sanctuary of peaceful at ease quiting of the mind study, away from the obviously absurd aimless world and all it’s cruel apathetic unwise way that does leave a divine child to feel worthless, so many millions of them.

    truth is, all any divine child needs is clothing, shelter and proper diet, which costs hardly anything……oh, and the divine self wisdom atonement that surpasses all education other than psychology, lifts them permanently above the fear mongering egocentrics in their wise descerning ability of the condition of all souls, thru the eyes of Jesus and God, the eternal blessed divine self wisdom meant for the all eternal.

    psychology does delve into the psyche of self, but not to the extent the divine wisdom does, where there is a sense of a purity love flawless feeling that can only be described as angelic.

    bless you

  44. I LOVE


    MORE!!!!!!!!!!! lol :mrgreen:


    eternal day divine self light

    made ya smile :mrgreen:

    oh, just fuck me already, will ya?

  45. as a student of Jesus, i came to an awareness of pure inner self-confidence that surpasses any relationship i have or have had in life thus far, including my own parents and their own shortsighted limited understanding of their own divine self, where i am not at all condemning any divine self of any, having crossed a threshold of understanding awareness atonement in a pure flawless feeling self-awareness way of what the snarings(illness of heart) of the heart, mind, body, spirit and soul are that Jesus speaks and warns of, such as, “Cast the cup of (ignorant)bitterness(those of delight in dwelling in hypocrisy heart) they offer you to drink from, and drink from the (wise) cup which is sweet.

    years ago, yet as a teen, when i was working in grocery store, i recall the hypcrosy back biting back and forth the staff were with one another, where if they could not find something on you, they made it up.

    i recall feeling dismayed by their bitter behaviour, coming into full feeling atonement of truly understanding what delight of dwelling in the false hypocrisy heart words of another, where none of their words are true of the truness aspects of the divine child of God of another.


    without doubt

    divine self awareness

    in contemplating these words, i came into an atonement with Jesus in acknowledging that Jesus too purely felt as i do, of those he wisely speaks of, in all their useless falsehood untrue words of what is the cruel petty self egos, more of an annoyance for me now than action/reaction(albeit, at times i do lose it with some), and feel the truth of those who are of ‘Crucial Lacking of Desire for Divine Self Wisdom Atonement’ i have come into fully embracing about my divine ‘real’ self, divine ‘real’ self of all eternal, compassionate now of those snared and asleep(unknowingly) in ignorances of the generational forefather mad flood, where of any bitter word that leaves the divine self feeling belittled, well, it is always what it is, words the spu forth from those yet unwise of divine self-awareness knowledge.

    truth is, we are all in survival mode, as regards our jobs and careers, where people do push forward in trampling over others on the corporate ladder, of self concern before another.

    not me, i have seen myself promote the pleasantness of someone from another country, barely a grasp of the english language, of better work ethics and pleasant attitude over one born in our country speaking fluent English, shocked them all when i did!

    as i smiled, knowing full well who was better suited for the promotion, who earned my respect, and respect of those above me as well.

    i just want to be happy every moment of every day, with a most loving lover of eternal foreverness feeling they clearly and obviously will always be at my side, their own enthusiasm they feel within for being my best friend, equally of me for them.

    you know those best friends we make along life’s road, who feel as though we have always known them, purely so within, knowing without doubt how much we love and admiration we have for them, sexually as well?

    sexual attraction is at the top of the list, but when we are not truely honest within of our sexual feelings and desire for another, well, we are our own worse enemies in falling into compromising our true desires, becoming complacent over time, afraid to venture out on our own, the vulnerable self, to taking adequate time to truly realize who is the one we authentically desire, as you say, denial, pretending, fooling who?

    only our divine ‘real’ self

    fear based when we do

    well, there are alot of reasons to be afraid getting involved with me, but what may not truly be hearing is that i am an exclusive lover, i don’t fool myself in allowing myself to entertain more than one, especially once i feel how much i desire someone like i do, they are entirely my only thought, the butterfly feeling i love so much when i wake each day, just as i have all this time coming hear in being with you.

    ya, everyday i wake with my looking forward to hearing from you, saddened when you are not hear, understandingly so, knowing your demanding schedule, and yeah, i know i can be somewhat interupting of your sleep, why i back off at times like i have, giving you an emotional break.

    but hey, now you schedule is not nearly as demanding, so ah, well, when you are ready, i’ll be there, just as i have every day since……….how long has it been?

    i am done with fooling myself into thinking just anyone will do, feeling the purity and depth of love i feel with you, that only idiot would deny how they feel, so comforting at times you and i can be, and when it’s not, well, it was always your hetic schedule, and i respect that… can’t just go head long into an emotional relationship with someone when you are under pressure in your professional career……..although at times, i admit, i did selfishly feel i was far far far more important than anything of your career! lol……..still do actually……i love myself! :mrgreen: …………and let’s not forget the tug of war emotional baggage that spans decades past.


    this is the most blessed day so far for me to purely feel your words

    where would go other than where i’d rather be like i have obviously been all this time?

    i was starting to feel like it ended for us, a hollow feeling for me, and yet i also felt you were in denial, hiding from me, why i spoke about the castle, of just the two of us there spiritual pure and true with one another, defenses disarmed, knowing how blessed i feel in this meditative ‘real’ self state, without doubt, how i wanted you to feel your ‘real’ self, of what was of my every deliberate word in purely speaking with you like that, fearlessly, knowing you needed to feel my fearless nurturing of your own.

    in some regards, i do know the correct approach, but i too have my emotional tough days of uncertainty, what with all the useless transference of my too loose flexible boundaries i had yet to adjust with others, now firmly set, as vulnerable as i may feel right now, having moved away from everyone, alone in life along the road, yet not ever alone, where i would rather be alone right now than be inundated with any more uncertainty, not so much i can’t handle it, i just don’t enjoy it, at all, of what is my ‘real’ self evolving intolerance, at least when it comes to selection of close inner circle friends.

    you know, there are professionals that can assist us both in life as we transition, as i recommended before that we seek them, and work with them, as they are wiser than we are, and don’t forget, it is a ‘process’.

    of the most valuable thing i can say to you this day, is that it is a ‘process’, that one can only transition thru quality time spent.

    optimistically you are out of harms way with regard healthy inner circle friends, of friends who dearly and truly do love you.

    i too need to get healthier mentally emotionally right now, as i am not fully restored yet of how i recall my self-confidence once was long ago.

    this day with you does help though, knowing we both want the friendship till our last day

    without doubt

    ya, of course i do

    are you that much of a moron to not realize that yet, after all this time?

    but that does not mean i am always able to be positive in my approach with you, although now, with a new breath of much wanted sweet anticipation of the future, for sure, a new skip in my step, of dancing whirling, “AndYY, watch out for the sign!”

    [as AndYY slams into it]

    JOY! JOY! JOY!

    ok, i am not going to let this go to my egotistic head, not this time……

    bless you

  46. truly, in God’s eyes, the most sacred way to assist others, is of the sacred mirroring of your fearless holy joyful absolute carefree divine ‘real’ self i know.

    there is nothing more sacred than the purity of fearless divine ‘real’ self radiant brilliant bright, set free from the absurd generational mad flood all around us, and for sure, you are on that forefront, as many have felt these past couple years, have they not?

    ya, we all get those dim days, normal, of any in transition.

    optimistically, the best is yet to come of what is the growing self-confidence, not just of you, of all you come into contact with, the power of love of the all that is growing in brilliance radiantly bright of divine ‘real’ self eternal day true light.

    but hey, who do i know? :mrgreen:

  47. the light constantly flows, and it flows back thru us time and again, growing in brilliance more and more year after year, even if it dims at times, the light is brighter than a decade ago, and the decades before that, and the centuries before that.

    it is the light of God drawing the eternal all into the kingdom of heaven………unknowingly, only of God’s wise omnipotent knowingness deliberateness.

    most do not realize it is the light of God’s eternal light awakening into fearlessness of their divine holy joyful self becoming set free, unknowingly for most, until such a time God reveals whatever God wants to, whenever of God’s choosing.

    ya sure, i am a student of God, but i am just along for the ride with everyone else, of my own growth in divine ‘real’ self-awareness truth knowledge, truth knowledge of all eternal.

    blessed truth that is not able to be concurred or destroyed, even of those who unwisely(unknowingly) think they can destroy our pure spirits……not possible……..eternal truth.

    and ‘that’ is the core of my confidence divine ‘real’ self set free to just be what we all constantly yearn to be………

    ETERNALLY WITH YOU DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    LOL :mrgreen:

    i am

  48. need a reason?


    let’s see…..the world needs enlightened leaders?

    truly, this truth is not pride and arrogance

    lest we ever forget the horrid wretchedness yet of this unwise world unknowingly ushering in the kingdom of heaven of the eternal all

    and if one of you seeks to destroy us, you cannot destroy or change eternal truth, even unto our death……..ever.

    such destuctive wretchness is not celebrated, rather is always forgotten in the past where it belongs eternally, where we will leave any and all wretchedness of any of you yet to come, eternally forgotten and not celebrated like the way we celebrate of pure eternally loving lives of our eternal day love light that does not die, does not stop flowing, eternally felt by the eternal all yet to come

    forever more

    blessings to all

  49. hmmm, i suppose that was a better surmon than most any ever spoken, yes? :mrgreen:

    such conviction!

    must be the testosterone………..ya think? lol :mrgreen:

    oh come on, hurry up!

    fuck, been waiting and waiting and waiting, oh fuck this waiting, who the hell does she think she is anyway?


    oh really?

    well, ok, i suppose i do need to do some repairs on my ship, but six months we jet, got it! lol

    [think Harrison Ford in Star Wars, trying to explain the obvious!]


    bless you all

  50. hey, let’s call up Rosie on Rosie Radio and disguise our voices, asking some really wild sex questions, even if we already KNOW the answer! lol :mrgreen:

    and see if they keep us from being broadcast……


    something 2 do besides each other!




    of course, duh!

    as though i am some alien when it comes to the body i dwell in besides yours! lol



  51. OMG, i just noticed the giant fucking shark below their feet!

    are you guys fucking nuts?

    argh…… way you getting me in that boat!

    ever since i saw Jaws i cannot stand being in water over my head………terrified………i was too young when i first saw the film, that did terrify me of the water for years later.



  52. ya ok, over coming out fears is one thing, but risk dying doing it……….don’t say i didn’t warn ya!

    fucking morons, everywhere i turn, fuck!

  53. well i just need 6 months to set my antigravity flying ship in order, then yer well.. i love the fact that you want to be my friend forever cause that’s wat i want more than ever.. a connection like this never fades away,,, & well I feel that by being sincere & honest to myself youself i am doing the right thing so when I wake up the next morning thinking omg did i really say that !!

    & then i think so what if i said it.. I was being honest & real to myself yourself so who give’s a fuck.. all those lame ass might laugh at me for opening my heart but i don’t care.. cause all i care about is being true to myself yourself & the more i do it the more free i feel & the more free i feel the less fuck up ness i am and the more fuck up ness i am the more of a chance i get to fuck you.. ha .. ha

  54. i am so happy you are my friend…

    I like having you as a friend

    because you know me so well

    & you are a sincere person, you make me laugh also

    I like you because you are real

  55. omg i am so funny… the less fucked up i am the more chance i get of being less fucked up.. and the less fucked up the more chance i get at being less ego fucked up and more.. oh fuck you know what i mean

  56. shhhhhh, dont tell everyone that i am an aLiEn

    they’ll eat me alive..

    cAnDy aLiEn

  57. for me, i have this inner confidence thing with you that i don’t have and have not had with anyone before in life, as far as i know, at least not as congnitively aware as i am today, of my pure appreciation for you….an eternal feeling i know won’t change, so pure and true

  58. my therapist says to stop living for Troy, and start living for me….

    asked me to make a list of what that is…..

    she knows me, and asks me to be honest with what i want, need, think, feel………..

    well, i feel what i feel so pure and true for you, that has no element of doubt, that i have felt for along time, even if at times i waver in uncertainty, for whatever exterior stuff is/was going on, such as the unwise transference in approach of others, normal.

    getting purely and truely grounded in our selves requires conducive environments to do so, which takes to to feel thru of what we find is comfortable for our original ‘real’ self, moving in the direction that is natural at ease comfort for us.

    there is a fearlessness of absolute carefree spirited happiness that is able to be maintained with those who are not only not toxic for us, they are likewise of the same joyful energy as us, of genuine delight enthusiasm for life.

    for me, i discovered an adventurous lifestyle like that of my childhood, of numerous outdoor activities, sex included, is what works perfectly for my high spirited enthusiastic life, such as downhill skiing, so exhilarating and healthy, one cannot feel anything but how they felt in their youth, carefree happiness, who my life partner is or WILL 2 BE.

    so ya, come on, i want to be your life coach, up close and intimately personal each blessed day, sensing that you do sense my carefree joyful spirit that wants to run with you in life as a life partner!

    you already have a well nurtured holy joy carefree spirit that i merely want run with in oneness sameness, of what is most important for ‘me’ and you, sacred mirroring for others to feel what is relaxed confident carefree holy joyful happiness eveywhere we go, especially me with flowers in hair……….what?……….i can’t have flowers in my hair, why not? lol

    i almost got caught up in the whole ego status quo thing one time, where i did not like who i was becoming, so obvious arrogant, boastful pride in wealth, i despised the falseness of it all, that is not of our pure spirit calm and gentle of exceeding grace.

    a life journey of self-awareness, and to be hear with you, well, feeling you feel the same way so intimate in your own self-awareness, well, of course i know who i am, where i too am cautious of falling away from being my at ease relaxed original pure and true ‘real’ self, when it comes to inner circle selection of friends.

  59. ya, we can tell the whole to kiss our ass, and run without a care of where or why, the joy of two purely loving souls who do and have yearned for one another the way we have, where i do feel you are authentic and genuine of feelings for me, of why i remain hopeful of us being together one day, something i always wanted, since way back when, when i came fully into knowing my own pure spirit like your own, the same light that draws us to one another, a mirror, a sacred mirror.

    surrendering to being our pure spirit is an interesting process, where ya, Jesus and God have assisted me purely, in a comprohensive way that purely does feel as though they 100% know ‘me’, why i kept coming back again and again, more frequently, of more time in dwelling in meditative self-awareness.

    you would not believe how much i have written on expanding the old words written so long ago, where all the words relate to one another.

    i was thinking of doing a giant floor mirroral of all the wisdom, that you can walk on, and read the self-awareness wisdom, where you are the only thing of interest in the room, free of all outside distractions, a plain white round room, the radiant colours of the self-awareness, including the dark awarenesses at the outer edges, of what are the various binding illnesses that is cause for the oppressive submerging of our holy joyful spirit.

    a massive quiet solitary sanctuary room of pure self-awareness meditative reflection of wisdom and imagery, permanently etched in stone, free for the public to come thru any time they want, day or night, a glass dome roof/walls open to the stars above, and surrounding natural landscape, no walls, near the oceans edge, in the sand, where the beach has always been and still is my most favorite place of all for my joyful original self, of so much none stop fun i had as a child running thru the dunes of endless summer days.

    ya, i want to be with you of our fun loving joyful happiness.

    argh………i am still overwhelmed, a level of certainty, without doubt, fully turned to you now, a sigh of relief, that my intuitiveness picked up on your denial……….

    me so wise, yes?

    well, ya, i felt it before, and i knew then, so in truth, i did not ever let go, only out of consideration to did i start letting go, respectful thing to do……although some queens here, they would shred anyone who drew near.

    we cannot make anyone love us, they either do or they don’t, and they make decisions on their own of what they want need think feel.

    when love feels without effort, for me, this is my true spirit shining bright of being enthralled by someone’s presence, and when i sensed you wanted me near, well, i was over joyed deep within, and i still am.

    how i always want to feel

    surrendered to who i know i want to love everyday, because i purely do feel you love me the same way.

    bless you

  60. ya, we can tell the whole WORLD to kiss our ass Biyatches!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol :mrgreen:

    we know where we belong

    eternally free to just always be our original ‘real’ self of holy joyful carefree happiness every blessed day we wake 2

    and no one can deny us our happiness, only your own divine self, is able to deny your own happiness, hear in the kingdom of heaven love devoid of fear binding useless absurd unwise doubt

    the wise divine child of God intuitively feels the truth at all times, where one merely has to pay attention to their feelings and follow pure heart to where the divine child always knows where they belong, of constant yearning to always be found, their blessed feelings of only love that is good enough to feel each moment of each blessed day.

    blessings to all

  61. i just found out this person i was dating has been un faithful like we have only been dating 4 a couple weeks.. past tense.. i must terminate that toxic relationship,… o mg i am such a loving person Ive only had one relationship that was monogamous my first love when i was 24.. then a couple after that which the other person cheated on me… kinda convinced myself; that was OK cause then i did too and well today i realize it’s not a good idea to let that happen, allowing external energy to corrupt the pure energy of love between two people connected.

    i’m so hurting right now… but I’ll get over it… my twin is just around the corner…

    correction… already here…

    always has been, why do you freeze up when i’m near…

    just curious.. it’s happened a couple times dat’s all..anywaz be faithful 🙂

    like how awesome would it feel to vibrate in the realm of true pure love.. it feels like you know your heart is being touched by the hand of God… totally awesome

  62. hmmm

    how to discribe this day….

    like i felt after asking this girl if she wanted to me as a boyfriend and she(surprisingly) said yes!

    found out later, had no idea, that she was secretly of sexual fantasy of me for awhile before hooking up with her!

    who knew?

    well, my guess is, SOME OF YOU KNEW DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!

    always the last to know

    on we go

    ya, i feel like i am dating you now!

    and until you tell me in person, to get down off this podium, i will just go on feeling i am your boyfriend, even if it is obvious to others(my blinders on) that i am not, i will shall remain who i feel i truly am 2 you in Just BEing the one i know you want to fuck



    sneaked up on ya that time, surprise! lol :mrgreen:

  63. ya me too, i terminated my recent intimate activity, a dead end street for me with them, although, purely within all is the divine child, but some are so horribly caught up in their egocentricity, it is like, how dare they put that ahead of me, as though i am less important.

    not ever, mr.nevers!

    and surprisingly, they have the audacity to ask why?




    are you for real?



  64. why do i freeze up when around you?

    well, let’s see;

    a) i am afraid of getting eatin alive?
    b) i am afraid of not getting eatin alive?
    c) i am afraid of not eating you first?
    d) i am afraid neither one of us eating properly?
    e) all of the above?


  65. oh fuck, i am in a library, where you are supposed to be quiet, and with hysterical mad laughter(think YOU), well, they are giving me the evil eye……….again! lol

  66. ya, be faithful to my true blue self, for sure!


  67. hmmm

    ya, that is the blessed divine ‘real’ self, of pure inner self-confidence inner awareness knowingness certainty that only love feels good enough, of what is the driving eternal spirited hopefulness of the divine child, who intuitively is actually beyond hopefulness in a knowingness intuitive way, scratching of head, when others are of the contrary to what they know of WILL 2 BE true YOU!

  68. vibrate constantly in the realm of pure fearlessness of calm at ease relaxed self-confidence that comes from surrendering to being our original ‘real’ self that God constantly knows at all times, of our confusion moments(unwiseness of others), where we do have to turn fully to our divine self Jesus and God know, and be without fear in being the exceeding graceful pure and true divine ‘real’ YOU!

    ya, i have been surrendering in this process for some time now, and so have you, and of all things i want for you to always feel, is your own 100% pure self-confidence, free of any fear or anxiety, like that of the unwise haphazard outside world, where i know i have eyes purely for you, of no distraction to be any other place, knowing i want to stay………eternally

    in us both purely being our spiritual higher self, of the awareness we have been processing thru.

    that is my main focus with you

    and i am growing in this as well

  69. ya, the external energies have played havok with me, of transferences i often saw flowing thru me to you, hoping you understood, or took time to reflect that perhaps i was not my self some days, so ya, terminate, terminate, terminate, hey have you seen the new Terminator movie yet?

    have not seen it

    a bizarre film, intense, yet somewhat childishly immature, asking somedays, am i actually watching this crap?

    God wants us to be our divine pure of heart constantly open of the flowing loving ‘real’ self, and i am purely motivated of this for you, and wisely so for my own self to come to rest in peaceful at ease blessed constant flowing of only love with you, which i have attempted to, often pondering in seeing my graceful self of a day i am with you, of such incredible settings so beautiful and purely vibrant, visions so purely real that i felt like i did, that told me it was real within me, of the feelings i was purely feeling, the surrendering of divine self to just be, such as in the video frozen, which i understand it’s wise objective……….in case ya was wondering

    i had a dream of that video recent, where my pure spirit floated thru what seemed like a tunnel, and then opened into the desert there with you alone, under the full moon, the intertwinning fearlessness of our two spirits so purely yearning of one another, the most vivid feeling i have felt ever of what is of my divine ‘real’ self, and without doubt, who i do feel you are, my twin

    where twins do sense each other, even of distance between, my Mom being a twin, alot of stories i heard of them, interesting spiritually.

  70. it is this constant pure exceeding grace certainty love we are able to awaken and nurture in others, where they too realize fully that they are the most important in the universe, in God’s eyes, our eyes, their eyes

    the divine child of God eternal all hear in the future Jesus eternally speaks to of divine self-awareness, of what is his own self-awareness

  71. i suppose my fear is an immature imagined fear within, of fears i am shedding by means of divine self awareness wisdom that removes all doubt, replaced with wise compassionate descerning of the condition of our own soul, soul of another, without any doubt, of what is the obviously unattended, unnurtured, unprotected, unawake divine child of most any we come to know like we do.

    all behaviour is purely 100% normal and dynamically driven of everyone.

    which is not to say it is tolerable or enjoyable to be around or invite near, yet everyone is actually of blessed 100% pure normal behaviour all according to not only of the entire life path, but also of all the intertwinning of paths of those around them, and the paths of those who came before them, since the beginning, all connected in real time, across all time, yep, in real time, however miniscule or immeasurable, all connected in real time, as evident of the pen drawing the line on the paper, of what appears or does not appear, of what we bring forth from the storehouse of our hearts, of what we do not bring forth, of what we turn to and become, or not turn towards………

    eternal all connected in real time

    yes, every word you speak, alters the entire future.

    constantly of everyone at all times

    and that is the blessed wise awareness of Jesus and God’s eternal awareness of the eternal all, of what is opening of the heart mind body spirit and soul wide to compassionate awareness truth for us to be diligent in turning purely towards only love, where already the divine child within us all is constantly yearning of the day to only feel love at all times, every moment of every day.

    well, we can

    where compassionate love understanding of unwise snaring of souls snared in generational unwiseness, replaces anger or hatred towards another soul, purely embracing of the truth, that all these unwise behaviourals are learned and taught, handed down thru millenia, where today they still stone women to death for adultery in Iran, the very thing Jesus happened apon two thousand years ago, and ridiculed them openly of their unwise boasting as though wise, themselves not realizing they are unwise children of God snared by the generational mad flood ignorances.

    enough is enough

    time to humilate all these unwisenesses

    where truth is what humiliates and humbles any to their knees before a wise divine child who awakens them to purely feel who they are, constantly loving as the wise divine child who awakens them to divine self-awareness, blessedly so, of oneness sameness awareness awakening, that causes them to easily drop the harmful unwise forefather weapons in their hand, sighing, in humble gentle at ease spirit, their heads down, in full atonement, softly saying, “Forgive me, forgive us all, for we did not know it was you Jesus.”

    oh hey, that is some good script writing, yes? :mrgreen:

  72. that vibration?


  73. so pure and true, the ‘real’ YOU!

  74. perhaps i am afraid of losing how i always have felt for you, of admiration for so long, that i want to feel to always feel as i have thus far, in not getting up close and personal in finding out what a nasty Biyatch you really are!


    oh come on, i am joking with you! :mrgreen:

    ok, why were you so afraid?


    afraid to be the exceeding graceful timid real you, that you don’t think i know like i do?

    i want to meet you and spend time with you in peaceful pure settings, at ease with our friendship, in just being our selves, without masks…..

    when you are ready, a day in the future you will know, that will come.


    sorry…….i just had to vent that one

    lol :mrgreen:

    ok, all clear, landing gear is up, climbing to 500,000 feet! lol

  75. when we read books, we can feel the spirit of the characters, yes?

    so too we can read ancient Christian Antiquities such as the Nag Hammadi Library, and purely feel the spirit of those there, as though you are there, of what is their eternal spirit thru you inner connectedness of oneness sameness love exactly as their spirit, and this is what is of understanding eternal life, where those in the future, here with us in this moment reading and feeling who we were, likewise sense their own oneness sameness feelings as our own, of all our music, our art, our dancing, our sincere genuine authentic divine ‘real’ self love we turn towards within and bring forth our radiant brilliant bright light of what is the eternal day light of the divine child of God eternal all.

    we all feel the same, do we not?

    we all cry the same
    we all love the same
    we all compassionate feel the same

    even if we are not all on the same page, for lack of leaders in the correct direction, the divine child of eternal all, constantly is YOU!

    the eternal all YOU!

    of all YOU yet to come.

    we are all the same, from the same way we all came into the kingdom of heaven, all from the womb of God.

    so look out for your loving brothers and sisters, in taking time to truly desire to understand what they may be going thru, loving them as you lover your self, who feels the same things you feel, of what is all our harshnesses yet of this unwise world yet led astray from purely knowing, loving and being the divine child of God.

    seems the businessman leads the world now, but they cannot ever lead anyone away from their most loving eternal brother Jesus Christ, who is wise in his oneness sameness of the eternal all YOU, where it is we who are yet fully evolved as Jesus, coming fully into divine self-awareness wisdom awakening, in our constantly being 100% without doubt

    bless YOU

  76. lol

    loving them as you ‘lover’ your self

    masturbate much AndYY

    oh fuck you!

    no wait, fuck me!

    no wait, let me fuck you!

    no wait, just wait, im out of breath, ok, just wait, damn………

    i need a glass of water


  77. oh, you only think you can keep up with ‘me’ Biyatch!

    and i’ll just keep on letting you think you can…..knowing you can’t

    can’t stop
    won’t stop


    only love is all i want to constantly feel with you, holding your hand, knowing you too want to constantly feel the same.

    oneness sameness

    of eternal all

    so ah, just curious, what century do you plan on stopping by our Galaxy Marco?

    lol :mrgreen:

  78. library is closing

    bless you

  79. yes the rejection thing, definatly…

    oh im still huring, don’t know why .. why allow myself to feel pain inflicted by onother.. oh i know because they are not true. dah .. anyway i’ll come past in my space ship & pick you up..

  80. i think in a relationship with someone you need to have boundries / conditions not that i am into rules & regulations but more so for protection like a one needs to be aware that the ego & pain from the past trauma can be a distraction & cause unnessasary pain so rules come good to protect from that .. then eventually when trust & respect … knowing of each other you can relax the rules alittle…

    Some like to ease the other into knowing their darkest secrets so they lie about things.. even when being caught out … I prefer to be open from the begining .. why hide the truth .. i mean the truth eventually comes out .. the light find’s a way to shine through the darkness you know through the cracks..

    Happened to me last year i had every moment of my life monitered .. even my darkness lol… well i knew .. i always know cause im connected.. so i had a choice … i could hide & believe me i am very expert in hiding … but i chose not too because i was frustrated & I figured why hide something that i don’t truly like about myself anyway maybe a cry for help .. ok so no one’s gonna help me … its not that it’s like healping each other in a productive & benificial way… not such a burden… I realised that more & more I am so tired of carrying people … like you help people till they suck you try and hang you out to burn …

    I’m sure i have been guilty of that myself…

    hey do you think it’s really possible to love someone at the same time protect your own self.. like i mean human nature make’s me wonder sometimes on the one hand we hve a duty to find ourselves & protect ourself yet on the other we all desperatly crave and longeed to be loved ( not to mention the raw sexual needs ) but yet every relationship that opens the intimacy & expression of love between two people always ultimatly leads to some form of dependancy, be it financial or emotional, well maybe not so much financial in the western world the are always opportunities for one get get their lame ass out of bed and make a buck to feed themselves unless your a user & expect everyone else to support you then you deserve what you get, i mean more the emotional dependancy is it selfish to be emotionally dependant by that i mean is it wrong to want someone to cuddle up to at night to laugh with to bring joy to each other’s life probaly not, but then they get bored with you because your too nice or they like some debauched kinda kinky sex satisfaction which you cannot provide cause your not into lust … oh i think i’ve just been hooking up with the wrong types cute but omg what happened to good old fashioned romance … the internet i guess it’s too easy these days to just meet everyone too much choice but its not real it’s just lust … i can talk… i’ve been one that’s gotten caught up in the lust thing well you know it’s a buz but then after you feel degraded why would’nt you its not real like taking drugs fun for a minute then crash bang… bang bang .. yer fun is over rated alright maybe serves a purpose to release some pent up stress balance the stresses of life that sometimes takes hold .. well i believe balance is the ultimate goal to persue & that can be hard especially in the world we live in today a constant challenge but challenge can be good just it takes it’s toll like everything in life…

    anwayz i’m leaning towards my soulmate because someting i feel inside my conscienssness tells me that all of the above will cease to exisit when i am with my twin .. because we have both been through the same shit, maybe on a different stage & different actors in life, but the same script…

    only the twins truly know the other twin

    opposites attract but as Jesus wise words say “of the same Yoke…”

    & line a line of coke to break the ice ..i’m kidding .(. i don’t do ice) ….

    really why would you need drugs to enhance the experience of true love, no artifical drug could possibly compete with the pure divine hand of God, you know that feeling that takes over you…

    It’s called Love

  81. im watchin Ciao Italia.. he he have’nt seen that concert in 15yrs you ave’nt aged a bit.. although your ass is better now than then … gym’s paid off

  82. people are into various self-exploration, physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually, spiritually……..all of us of what we self-discover in what is purely so wonderful for us, and what is not so wonderful, having gone thru the experience we may once felt curious to know, like casual sex with strangers, threesomes, all well and fine, provided it was safe sex, coming away from the experience wiser as to what is comfortable for our pure spirit and what is not, the false bravedo facades, all fake, not of the gentle graceful mild sensitive delicate holy joyful ‘real’ self that yearns to swim in constant certainty of their most loving lover holding their hand, of oneness enthusiasm with each other……..

    who i am

  83. i think it is good to experience whatever and whatever, so long as we don’t go beyond the curiousity and fall into a snaring of our precious pure loving spirit so carefree and joyful

  84. sorta like you have to find out the truth that the grass is not greener on the other side, such as those who think a wealthy life is better.

    depends on who the partner is

    of in most cases, is not

  85. as in not compatible with my pure spirit

  86. I have made so many unwise choices in the past, careful more in the last 3 years.. so aware now of the catastrophic effect it has on me, being extremly sensitive & open to the toxic effect’s on my soul, yet as careful & patient i have been I still just very recently did it again, the effect has been well painful, a completion of understanding my final disasterous decision something i had to go through to truly understand.. fuck it hurts.. not my head not my thoughts .. it’s the damn chest pain from it all I have had 2 weeks of toxic I need to detox my ex out of me.. oh where are the scissors i need I need to be brutal.

    If you get to know someone over time the illusion’s fade, the reality un mask’s itself & sincere choices can be made everyone portray’s a mystery it is seductive, but so can the true loving twin the real twin inside the twin, could always rent a shack in the wilderness & meet up in the solitude of peaceful serene nature away from all the bullshit

    yes definatly, careful what you wish for

  87. ya, at some point you fully sit and realize what you constantly yearn for, from a pure self-awareness flawless feeling introspection, of what you want from the twin, the same thing the twin wants of you, that you have eyes only for them, without effort, the natural sexual arousal that is constantly there in your thoughts of them, your wet dreams of them, waking in the morning with your cock in your hand……..


    made ya smile


    then getting on the bike, your arms around them, to go where ever, do whatever, so long as you are together, is all the twins constantly want, and the rest of the world can kiss our sweet asses and fuck right off with all the useless annoying negativity we became free of by means of fully turning to what makes me hard!


  88. hurry up!


    im bored

  89. my blue jean baby with the perfect ass!

  90. is all i want and crave……constantly!

  91. blue jean’s haha…

  92. omg.. the hotness

    not me .. YOU !

  93. omg you look hot.. electrocuted me with one look

  94. lol

    tell that to my next door neighbor’s grandmother, her grandson son yelling, “Grandma, look!”, as i walk past on the sidewalk, where many don’t quite know what to think of a 45 year old(tranny) who like dressing better than they do, here in little Italy of Toronto.

    have not really sat with what my neighbors think of me until recently, of where i have arrived in life here before them.

    My Dad was homosexual.

    Dad lived Brokeback Mountain for years, running with his lover Jimmy while i was growing up, until the day the wives caught them. Him and Jimmy would fuck off for weekends to where ever, not telling the wives where, just took off on them. I remember the fighting on their return, and the big blow up when they got caught, and Jimmy crying, his wife(who wore the pants), packed up the house and kids and moved away, Jimmy in tow.

    Years later, well into my homosexual life, i tryed to get Dad to come out of the closet, after so many years, and he would not even acknowledge it openly with me, not knowing i could tell by the look in his eyes, what he could not hide, body language of what we homosexuals learn well, the fixed stare in their eyes of deep seated fear.

    there are parents with homosexual kids, then there are kids with homosexual parents, and homosexual parents with homosexual parents.

    personally, i do not see the female brain sex activity as any different from the female, as far as brain activity pleasure response stimulation.

  95. really, i do not see sexual pleasure as different at all between sexes……exactly the same

  96. a broken back mountain moment, brought to you by some tranny who still can’t get her shit together. lol

  97. ha, must be too early for me….

    then there are homosexual parents with homosexual kids


  98. actually, i am an evolved bisexual, not gay

  99. brokeback mountain does not address bisexuality, at least not directly, somewhat of an immature film in my opinion, of what is of most any who director or script writer, who are not open and evolved in their own self-acceptance bisexuality.

    you either are, or you are not, and i am well into my self-acceptance of bisexuality, having lived equal number of years in both hetersexual activity and homosexual activity.

  100. i really don’t see the female and male sexual pleasure as different in feeling for either, which is not something a male can prove to a female and vice versa.

    as a male, you would have to live in a female body to know

    and likewise as a female, you would have to live in a male body



    i live in both a male and female body Biyatches!


    truly i tell you, i do!

    i am

    both male and female, in my brain

    and the body parts, well, i am blessed with great fortitude, and i am keeping it the way my physical body is, comfortably so, enjoyably so………..daily Biyatches!

    so if any of you wanna get with me, well, ya better have a healthy sexual attitude and sex drive!

    or it ain’t happening

    done enough dysfunctional ones to know the difference, where action truly does speak louder than words when it comes to my sex drive!

  101. there is hetero parents accepting their homosexual kids

    there is hetero kids accepting their homosexual parents

    there is homo kids accepting their homosexual parents

    there is homo kids accepting their hetero parents

    then there is the other kids on the block not knowing anything about anything, that we all put up with!


    that one was for you and the family Rosie!

    we know

    on we go

  102. seriously though

    as a female you love your sex, yes?

    as a male you love your sex, yes?

    same same same

  103. still exploring the Transexuality issue, with weekly group meetings for Transexuals only.

    for sure there is a comfort level mirroring there of what some refer to as effeminate, which i don’t see as, and rather merely that of the way i felt as a child, the natural occuring gracefulness of my ‘real’ self, that some call being effeminate……ya, i suppose it is, compared to you fuctard macho assholes and all your trashing on females, ya closet control freak scardy cats, to afraid to talk openly about your anal stimulation masterbation therapy sessions you all secretly enjoy at one time or another!

    gee, how wood i know that one(so well)?


    started when i hit puberty Biyatches!

    people don’t love their own bodies well enough i suppose, like i did, like i wanted so many to……….


    argh…..i am so fucking bored!

  104. i need to find someone like me…….my twin

  105. omg… wtf you going on about andy.. ha ha..

    i went to gym today & some guy follows me into the toilet stand right next me i’m like what’s obsession with guy’s anatomy i mean you got your own .. lol then walking around doing my thingo & some guy keeps looking at my poochie i mean you got your own stop staring ha ha.. why do dogs sniff each others bum when they greet.. whats with that..

    nah sex is so lame… making love is so much more satisfying..

    where’s my twin gone ..

    cuddling up is more fun then sex.. well inevitably something pop’s up then sex is more kinda necessarily necessary… sex is overrated but a couple times a day’s ok… with the right person.. especially the one person..

    oh fuck,

    it’s love or nothing.. love a fuck , fuck a love.. love a lover..

    fuck a lover…

    just don’t love a fucker..

    fuck a lover..

    fuck me ha ha..

    or just love me ..

    everyone has a twin.. they inevitably find each other… they have a spiritual knowing/connection with each other… they know each other better than anyone in the whole universe.. they love each other… they never argue … they never get bored with each other… & they will always be there for each other… but they really need to ask someone to fucking forcibly tie them up together.. because they are god damn in love with each other they keep playing cat and mouse with each other.

  106. oh, im just thinking out loud, and my insecure usual tendency……..and……….YOUR PROCRASTINATING SLOW LAME ASS HESITATION………*cough*……….

    sometimes i just get to thinking i am the one dreaming, an awkwardness ‘trembling’ i have about you, that’s all.

    oh for sure, the constant gentle pleasantness with one another daily, where i belong, in the same room with you, spiritually i have been all along, you just did not notice me, although there was a time i think you saw or sensed my spirit there in the same room…….

    on the ceiling at times………holy joyfulness within

    i just get nervous that my dream won’t come true somedays, am i dreaming, is it all my own fantasy of you, of where i always yearned to be, 100% sensing you felt the same, your own pure spirit like my own, am i a nut case, you know, the usual negative thinking one that comes in sometimes

  107. hold still damn it, i can’t tie the knots!!!!!!!!!!!!


    oh, you are frisky today, hmmmm….

    maybe i am a bit pissed off bitter in resent of your finally conceding to the truth, and stop denying your supremo happiness you keep holding within, the fear binding insecure like my own, and i do know my own well, somedays unbareable and so unnecessary, not like before of my pure self-confident days, but i figured out what was causing it, my brow beating insecure belittling condescending control freak ex……….

    it got so i cringed every time i walked down the street to where we lived for so long, somedays worse than others, my intolerance of his unnecessary insecure manifestations, which likely stem from his own intuitive subconscious reading of my body language and lacking enthusiasm, there in body, not in spirit some days………

    it’s all Matt’s fault!

    he kindled my inner spirit so much like his own, so joyful, bursting at the seams, his own love of sex pure and true like most any are in their healthy self-esteem and healthy sexual attitude and drive.

    i surrender

    to my TRUE high spirited ‘real’ self i always was, still am, just abit beat up, that’s all

    understanding, the road was harsh at times, leaving me bashed in more than ever could of imagined, all imagined fear transference from others, which leaves one open to entertaining their own imagined fears which are a normal occurance of processing thru and out of fear like we do, imagining the worse case senario, best case senario, in enters the dreamer boy and dreamer girl, of constant hopeful praying knowingness certainty, you can all fuck off now, we found each other fuckers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    they inevitably find each other… they have a spiritual knowing/connection with each other… they know each other better than anyone in the whole universe.. they love each other… they never argue … they never get bored with each other… & they will always be there for each otherbecause they are god damn in love with each other they keep playing cat and mouse with each other.

    ummmm………i just don’t see a cat getting it on with a mouse………

    although i suppose a mouse getting it one with a cat might work……….


  108. at times i get beside myself, afraid, insecure, still detoxing, processing thru, which takes time, and it’s not a matter of how long is long enough, as we all process differently, according to every step of what has been our entire life prior, all the way back to the womb, the breast feeding, “Mommy, how come Daddy has a penis and you don’t?”



    you really do want this boys perfect ass!

    you make me glow inside, vibrating, the skip in my step, the oh so beautiful flutter in the heart, the holy joyful tears that i experience daily, god, if anyone knew how i cry holy joyful tears every day, since i don’t remember when it all started, they would purely know ‘me’, likely someone just like ‘me’ need to purely know ‘me’, yes?

    the whole fear thing took along time to disarm/process, my confident dreamy boy inside who always knew what he felt, the holy joyful tears so pure and true, he just always knew, hesitant way back when, felt like a sissy girl, is a sissy girl?

    the outside world we let go of what they may think of ever say, kiss our sweet asses everyone!

    the magic is when it is obvious they both feel the same way, hiding from each other for so long, of what is the submerging of our ‘real’ self who now comes forth completely unafraid, stumbling abit at first, processing processing processing………….growing of fearless ‘real’ self-confidence.

    the deamy girl and dreamy boy dreams coming true

    bless you

    there, knots are tied

    just try getting away from ‘me’ now Biyatch! :mrgreen:

  109. they have a spiritual knowing/connection with each other… they know each other better than anyone in the whole universe.. they love each other

    ……………without doubt

    what we always wanted

    and constantly yearn for

    each other


  110. hurry up!

  111. waiting………got no where else i wanna go without you!

  112. it’s true

  113. An apparition is an act or instance of appearing, including:

    superheroine also called Phantom Girl

    ya, an apparition, that only the pure of heart are able to see/feel/sense their presence.

    merely a fascination area of study for me, nothing more, like clairvoyance occurances and other phenom

  114. oh, you didn’t answer the question…

    and Mommy says, “Because if Daddy had a vagina, he wouldn’t know what to do with that either!”


    oh come on, even Rosie wouldn’t come up with as good a one as that one!

  115. ya, sex is lame, why i can’t just do it any more with just anyone, of at least not for very long, of what wanes for me, my lacking zeal, the no magic inner spark of pure connectedness some of us discover with one another, pure and true of our blessed ‘real’ self, of constant yearning for the other……….without doubt.

    what we both always wanted

    still do

    for me, it is the beautiful pureness i feel that you feel for me, so sincerely genuine of your desire for me, the magic, our happiness.

    cannot turn away from ‘that’

  116. i’ll answer the question, i know your fear’s just as you know mine.

    & to be truthful they are justified, but ultimatly they need to be worked through so they are no longer.. you know from past experience if you fear something enough or let it get out of control then they manifest, so that’s what is needed they need to be worked through,
    nobody’s going to get hurt here, my number one priority..

  117. i am very well aware of what you refer to with just doing it weith anyone, that feeling that just does not exist, well you do it for a while then you get bored, then you do it with one that gives you that feeling then you get bored is my concern .. lol,.. seriously .. but then that someone you don’t get bored with .. i don’t know .. only one way to find out.. get to it.. do it..

  118. argh……you talk like i am in the same room with ya, while on the other side of the planet!

    oh ya, i forgot, spiritual we are in the same room together

  119. yes, the focus as individuals, has to be on each day we wake to, living in the now, and revisit any unresolved old emotional stuff at our own comfortable speed(does not overwhelm your life) with the aid of professionals who know what they are doing.

    in the mean time, live in the now, of daily devoted works, and what is of pure joyfulness for you, of what you want need think feel, not someone else, your daily list of what is your balanced life.

    i know i have alot of manifesting stuff yet, the letting go, working thru, ya, somewhat embarrassed by it looking back at how emotionally tightly strung i am somedays.

    we are all 100% normal of what ever the manifestations of our life path are, where we do have to work thru the stuff that plagues our inabilities of paralizing unresolved penting up that does explode when left unchecked.

    child like is purely of our pure of heart spirit

    childish immaturity of cycle pattern behaviourals needing modified is what needs addressed…..we all have them.

    i want to be as healthy as possible mentally emotionally for you, so as to be able to purely and truly stop with all the annoying uncertainty crap of the cycle repeat cat and mouse, of what i am processing thru, however long it takes, the objective i feel within grasp, merely by staying the course of processing.

    my biking is the most liberating of my original holy joyful spirited ‘real’ self, that leaves me feel exactly how i felt in my youth, of pure self-confidence and zeal for life, beaming with enthusiasm like we all did early in life.

    a mature wise approach is the path ahead, of what clearly is obvious in feeling for me, wanting only more of the same, which i know you are well in your own self-awareness regimented daily approach.

    my teacher

    my mentor

    my lover one day i pray

    where only someone as healthy as you is good enough for you, of what i want more than anything, for me, for you, for all those who cannot stop asking, “What the fuck is wrong with those two?”

    leading the all by example of what is the most healthy physical mental emotional sexual and spiritual well being, sacred mirroring holy joyful absolute carefree authentic genuine spirited happiness of the divine child of God’s heart mind body spirit and soul of the all eternal yet to come.

    our empowerment

    with the reward of the best sex one could ever imagine!

    lol :mrgreen:

    i am on track with an open mind to any and all

  120. i don’t have a victim mentality like some do, no, i despise that lame ass whiner! lol

    it’s just not who i am, of joyful happiness.

    now if i could just get away from all these lameass whiners!

    so unnerving toxic they are to be around

    i love all souls, purely now, of only compassion(mostly) for the condition of a soul, where it is the eternal patience(devoid of doubtful uncertainty bashing) of God thru us that is healing for the divine child of God.

    just as one who holds back the crushing walls of poverty, not just one day, no, until they are strong enough on the own, no matter how long it takes, we have eternity to process thru.

    it is this very eternal mindset that reverberates thru all generations yet to come, raising the bar as they say, raising it to it’s highest level, only truth, only love, only wisdom, only compassion, the eternal day light that pushes out all darkness, by means of the joyful light that is obviously more enjoyable and true of the divine child of any to constantly feel, not all this weighed down stick in the much heavey moving coffins(spiritual metaphor).

  121. healthier individuals have balance and steadfast consistency of proper rest diet excercise and addressing issues as they come up, putting them to rest as quickly as possible.

    so many people allow unresolved issues continue to plague their life for years, such as a complacent lover procrastinating in getting out of a compromised relationship they allowed them to enter into.

    oh ya, that would be me

    ok, i learned that one well

    but it was not as bad as perhaps i made it out to be

    i merely out grew the childish immature approach unnecessary, unwelcomed, unwarranted controling belittling condescending ANNOYING FUCKING approach he was with me………daily.

    where i actually feel small in pointing out his smallnesses which were not really that big, just annoying, like a tic in your brain that keeps you on edge all the time………come to think of it, my Mom was and still is like that……..

    do i draw this out in a person?

    i do so long as i don’t tell them where the line is, and shout, “FREEZE!!!!!!!!!! ONE MORE STEP AND THIS PAINT BALL IS SO GOING TO HURT!!!!!!!!!!!!”


    they say you need to turn your focus to something positive for both to enjoy, away from the usual negative cycle patterns so well practiced, it becomes part of your personality, of what is part of behaviour modification of partner therapy.

    i have faith that anyone can work thru such processing, and i am purely compassionate for any individual in process, where my issue was of patience to go thru the process with him.

    the real issue though, was my sexual attraction of him, just was not my type when we met and entered quickly into a compromizing complacent relationship that stemmed off our dread of being alone.

    in homosexual life, we don’t have the same life networks like an ordinary heterosexuals take for granted, where we are in truth classified as isolation groups by the professionals, where many of us are not ostracized as perverted deviants by our biological religiously FUCKED families(still a tender one for me fuckers!) lol

    this does leave us feeling more vulnerable, of inability to take our time in wisely descerning of who is healthy for us, or like some, who don’t even descern at all, “You have a nice body, i don’t care if you drink, and the drug thing, well, just don’t bring it in the house!”

    years unfold, and the inevitable sometimes happens………disaster.


    it’s not just life, it is the immature childish unwise child at play, where child like is of God, where God summons the divine child of eternal all to divine self-awareness wisdom that is devoid of all the generational taught and learned unwisenesses hear today……tomorrow.

    compassion of eternal tomorrow is God’s war today, every blessed day, our evolving in divine self-awareness wisdom.

    i was thinking of a speech from the throne at a New Years party someday.

    “Madonna and i have decided we want to adopt a divine child from each of your countries, to prove to you once and for all to see, the truth of the generational taught absurd divisional seperation barriers of what is of all these generational unwise political and religious leaders. Truth for all generations yet to come that we are all the eternal divine child of God across all these unwise generational barriers of TRULY absurd seperation, that are not true of any divine child of God’s pure of heart flawless healing feelings.

    just an idea

  122. stick in the mud, much heavey movin coffins

    truly, when we look around, people are like the living dead, spiritually dead, heavey and sluggish, of what is indicative of their spiritual unwise condition of the soul left unattended.

  123. the child who suffer these generational ignorances, are my main concern, where it is obvious that it is not just the children of this generations, and rather is suffering of children of all generations past, and sadly, likely the suffering of all generations yet to come.

    there is just so much apathy in this heartless cold world, where it will take the power of love of the all to be lift the all up out of hell we all dwell in

    it’s just fucked

    seeming futile

    optimistically, i do see technology as playing the most important role in bringing an end to poverty, where in the coming decade, such as communications that reach out to these outcast rural communities, and uniting us all as one global society, which we already are, just not spiritually there yet.


  124. the divine child is of sacred divine self-awareness wisdom knowingness of what is lacking in the divine child of any one on the planet.

    merely ‘that’ of lacking articulation wisdom of what is purely intuitive of the divine child of all

  125. our society, politically and religously speaking, is not purely of priority or concern for the condition of the divine child’s heart mind body spirit and soul.

    thank God for the pure of heart artists

    bless you

    “And the HOT HOT HOT motherfucking lovers who love them!!!!!!!!” lol :mrgreen:

  126. ah………that wood be ‘me’ again! lol

    i so love your energy at times that is so awakening, so authentic, so obvious of your evolved fearlessness, of the two twins naturally attracted and trusting of one another.

    for sure, the wise healthy approach in maintaining the authentic fearlessly high spirited ‘real’ self YOU, is what is of my main focus for both of us, where outdoor activity such as downhill skiing is what works for ‘me’.

    healthy sexual attitude is obviously something we both excell at, joyfully so of our own individual comfort levels with our own bodies, especially yours, so friggin hot hot hot!

    argh………i saw you the other day in that beautiful silk flowing outfit in the desert and i was like, argh, she is so the only girl for me, without hesitation!

    you dress fiercely class at times too

    and the dressed down comfort one is appealing for me as well, of what is essential in centering and grounding as our comfort ‘real’ self we always were, not the ostentatious fucktard hyped up world.

    i do like to dress in comfortable clothing though, soft and free flowing…………..”Can i wear the wedding dress?”

    just askin…………..

    i was thinking Tray as a boys name and Madonna as a girls name if someday we…………………………

    on a beach is where i want to live primarily, as it is my most favorite place of all on the planet, at one with nature, so soothing for the soul, for artists, writters, lovers and kids at play.

    i don’t like the hyperthreaded world and all it’s phony mascarading, annoying fakers too afraid to just be themselves.

    as for outdoor activities, just ask the kids what they think is most fun, swimming, tennis(did i say tennis?)…………..”BUT NO SHARK FISHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

    no way i am ever going shark fishing!

    no way


    i ain’t going………..go without me!


  127. made the commitment today to quit the smoking, a must, of why my Dad died, and his Dad, both at the age of 61, same thing, smoking, ~ ‘Emphysema’

    i have liver damage, and most likely is what will get me eventually, one reason why i don’t drink alcohol, rarely.

    i love deserts, so dune buggies in a desert is something i want to do, get all dressed in Mad Max crazy ass leather and metal armoring with paintball in hand……..what?……….oh they will be fine, you worry too much!

    come on kids! Mommy says she hates paintball, a sore loser who hates losing all the time! She has near sighted poor eye~sight! lol

  128. heli skiing snow boarding in 10 feet of powder, in pre planned trails you learn to ski on(slowly with practice), oh for sure!

    come on kids, Mommy says she hates the cold!

    the kids screaming, “YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

    alot of adventure out there, you just have to be motivated, and become surprised by how much your pure spirit truly does feel liberated from the absurd world.

    which is not to say we need to be of devoted works, where a healthy lifestyle is a sacred devoted work, at all times, of God’s divine will objective…………..sheer happiness!




    ……… only get so many to live

    live each one as though a gift, all of the opportunity to be the happy ‘real’ YOU!

    forget the stick in mud downer frowners of generational snaring, argh, run to your own inner happiness and set your divine spirit free to just constantly BE who constantly yearn to BE, who you always were and yet are, truly and purely God’s, the wise divine child YOU!

    where wisdom leads YOU to healthy YOU of YOU ALL!

    forever more

    no matter wealth, rich or poor, the divine child of us all merely wants to have fun and be happy, every blessed day we wake to.

    sing it loud

    sing it proud

    shout it from your roof tops.


    blessed eternal all

  129. must be all that country fresh air!

    city smog is horrible!

    and you sleep better in quiet country settings!

    profoundly so


    once of healthy within, there is no effort to letting it shine brightly in everything you do and everywhere you go, constantly the inner joyful you of delight in opening your eyes each day.

    just need to practice being the ‘real’ YOU!


    and those who get in your way, well, let them follow, as all are of the same WILL you came to within YOU!

    bless you

  130. i should catch up with Bill Clinton and do some of those pep talk conventions he loves to do, such enthusiasm, so heart felt genuine concern ‘real’

    what a sweetheart

    he was hear in TO this summer, missed his appearance, wanted to go……………

    “Hey, ask Mommy if uncle Bill can come over for dinner?”

    “YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” lol :mrgreen:

  131. and Hilary, of course, duh, if she is not too busy with the peace talks!

    what an enormous job!

    more important than a presidents job, like a kings most valuable trusted Knight sent forward into the unwise world, as though the king, of the king’s grace.

  132. oh don’t worry, i won’t talk religion at the table, i’ll just be ‘me’!

    and you say, “ya, i know, ‘that’ is what what i am worried about!” ha

  133. i find i get annoyed in open conversations with others, so best avoided, and save it for a book, where deliberation of expanding one’s wisdom thru open mindedness is easily achieved in quiet study alone reading, because we are more our relaxed divine self when alone, of our at ease sanctuaries to do so, humbly so, the only way the divine child of any is purely able to learn of their divine self, which is clearly not like that of the hyperthreaded world of so many egotisms, and such nasty egotisms out there to. All fake. argh

  134. ya, i want someone who is into ‘me’ as much as i am into them………..and no, that was not meant to sound sexual, although i suppose that is ok too.

    really though, someone authentic, purely authentic ‘real’ self them, and this is what i sense purely with you, obviously, that anyone can easily sense about who the real you is……….so vibrant, so overflowing with positive energy pure and truly YOU!

    who does not want ‘that’?

  135. what did you say your name was again?

  136. let’s say i live another 20 years, age 65 = 7350 blessed days to go!

  137. not alot

    and that is if i live 20 years more, which no one is assured of.

    we live like we are all going to live forever, apathetically so, when there is so much we all could be doing in society to make the world a perfect place for all yet to come.

    especially if they decide to build the solar collector sphere…………….generations to build it up to the free flow state of constant expansion, ending all poverty on earth.

  138. we already have the technology, just missing the WILL, God’s WILL, our WILL BE Done on earth of what Heaven constantly is………..


  139. always some dickwad who wants to feel superior to another in this world, so childishly immature, are they not?

    this sphere would likely end up in the hands of a heartless bunch of idiots who charge for the solar power, even while children are dying all around us from starvation and childhood preventable diseases that cost virtually nothing per child.

    how the world yet is………….

    ya i am talking to YOU!

    all of YOU!

  140. ya, no one should be hurting in this world, and the truth is, we all are hurting inside for the children suffering in this world, of horrid world leader wretched blinding ignorance, greed of wealth and power tripping on what?

    thinking you are superiour to a divine child suffering and so weak unable to even stand up in front of you?

    oh ya, now there is someone to look up to………….not

  141. bless you

  142. 7299 blessed days to go…….

    hint! :mrgreen:

  143. watched the sunrise break on the lake this morning so peaceful and calm, the exceeding graceful slowness of it coming up, what we all intuitive connect with within of our own exceeding graceful divine ‘real’ self YOU!

    the ‘real’ YOU ‘that’ YOU always were

    forever more

  144. what do you mean you can’t find the link to flowers*cough* dot com?


    persistent am i not?

    like you

    the endless constantly yearning of LOVE ‘real’ YOU!

    i like tropical flowers, in case some one is wondering!

    need to get the smell out of this house somehow! lol

    oh, it’s not that bad actually, a spotless house mostly.

    i light candles everyday that burn all day long while i read, write, music, artwork……… first passion………LOVE

    feel blessed in coming back to it again, of endlessness expression of our divine pure of heart ‘real’ YOU!

    how is your day today LOVE?

    i feel it too………..beautiful yes? :mrgreen:




    holy joyful






    blessed YOU!

    blessed ALL! :mrgreen:

  145. reminds me of that Tom Hanks film……….what was it called again……………oh ya, Philidelphia(1993).

    they have amazing art at the Philidelphia Museum of Art……….want to go someday…………..

    Im off to see the Dead Sea Scrolls on display here at the ROM museum here in TO.

    bless you bless you bless you all

  146. that’s awesome seeing Lourdes take to the stage so fearless like her Mom, and Piano playing? Really? Excellent!

    We all should learn how to play and sing music, a favorite passtime thruout mankinds history.

    Seems kinda funny somedays, where when we look around, we are all like a bunch a Sissys everywhere we go, are we not, i mean there is music EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!

    all the time!

    must be our pure oneness sameness hearts of constant yearning connectedness, yes?

    i love you


  147. blessings to all

  148. Sarah Jessica Parker dressed as Madonna?

    well now that’s cool!

  149. hmmm…..i like the video being DJed back and forth, not real big on the outfit though………, but, oh i don’t know, with boots like that, i would go with a black patten leather top, with black feathers coming off the shoulder straps out over the shoulders, and a tight slicked down hair with fierce black thick eyeliner, black lipstick………..fierce

    oh, and don’t forget the black gloves up past the elbow!

    loose the bling, maybe some silver……..


  150. seriously, i saw this chick dressed like that and i was like WOW!!!!!!!!!!


    hey, that hurt! fuck! what’s your problem anyway? lol

    made ya smile

  151. ssshhhhhhhhhhhhh……….

    they are sleeping……

    they don’t yet know we are thinking of them and are hear for them, their thinking the opposite, the false unwise transference in the world, that makes them feel as outcasts, unloved, unwelcomed, that we don’t care

    not true

    of any of us

    and this is ‘that’ of the eternal truth of the divine child of God’s heart mind body spirit and soul of the blessed ‘real’ self YOU radiant brilliant bright eternal day light! :mrgreen:

    forever more

  152. so pure and true in flawless healing feeling thru and thru

    the ‘real’ YOU!

    blessings to all


    while the black cat’s away the mice might play.

  154. argh…… done playing………..yearning for what i am not going to deny myself any more…..someone who purely and truly wants to swim in the holy joyfulness of knowing and loving ‘me’ every second of every blessed day, the two surrendered without doubt to where the always want to be found, holding hands with their most beloved loving lover………….their spirits set free from useless uncertainty doubt anxiety, my nice ass in their hands, and their ass in mine, the sensual lips of pure gentle slow graceful kiss, the warm bubbling of the water surround, the oh so tantilizing titillation of hard nipples, the flooding of the brain sex sweet anticipation of their without doubt naked bodies coming together……………………ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    good morning :mrgreen:

    i love love love that Frampton song, since i first heard it so long ago, would love to learn to play it, using the tube in mouth thingy……………

    i want to let my fun joyful creative side out to play with you everyday, the musician who is without doubt of what is and was my first passion in life, the guitar, the jam sessions of endless hours in the creative process…………

  155. LOVE is but a song WE sing

  156. it take 2 to thrive in holy joyful happiness Biyatches!

    get lame with ‘me’ too long, and well, it is what it is for the other to feel each blessed day.

  157. you know i cannot turn away from you

    turn away from my self when i do

    fear and anxiety is normal in entering into new relationships.

    i am not playing

    you need only reach out your hand and i am there

    hmmmmm……….Jesus said that, yes? :mrgreen:

    we are of yearning outward appearance of what is inward appearance

    LOVE is but a song ‘WE’ SING

    fear is the way ‘WE’ die

  158. take as long as you need, just don’t lead me on and then run with another, or do, and when you turn around, i’ll be gone, and let go to find another.

  159. this is it for ‘me’

    but it WILL not be the end for my exceeding happiness within that someone else WILL come to purely know and love within them selves of oneness sameness eternal day lighting up the world.

    seriously………i am not waiting another year, no way

  160. one day is all i should wait

  161. what of the one who gets with ‘me’?

    how blessed for them, yes?

  162. uncertainty doubt fades away, when ‘WE’ are of what we are within in outward appearance with one another.

    uncertainty doubt hades away, when ‘WE’ are NOT of what are within in outward appearance with one another.

    i don’t mind waiting, just don’t leave ‘me’ out hear wondering another year, i cannot do it…………..and to be sure………i won’t.

    most people toss in the towel when another leaves them for one week………….

    be grateful i am yet hear

    well ok, i am rushing, and i am frustrated, but have you stopped to consider ‘me’?

    ok, i am being hypocritical and doubtful insecure, but i think that is normal when the hand of the one you want is not yet holding yours.

    it does get to me some days, badly………..

    hesitate hesitate hesitate

    insecure insecure insecure


  163. i purely know what i want

    BEing with YOU every blessed day of days that are running out for us both

    delay what ‘WE’ both want, and risk opportunity of another’s voice in our ear

    ‘WE’ are all the blessed divine child of God within, which you know is the eternal truth, all of ease for us to love of mirroring reciprical loving light we purely are.

    although some are horribly immature in this, insecure………

    either way we go from hear, every step is sacred onto Jesus and God when it comes to others

    you with them

    me with them

    something i’ve known along time of so many who merely need someone to talk to that sooths the inner anxiety that results from the fuckedup world

    yeah sure, i know our importance

    you are mature, who i am most comfortable with, my knowingness of thriving happiness without doubt, yet doubt is what continues to keep us apart, for so long, i should of come to you way back when, don’t look back, live in the now, i am hear

    seriously, each day is hard for me

    i dread the doubt i am left to feel each day passing

    the uncertainty that trys to get back in, deep breaths, maybe today, constant yearning knowingness hopefulness, i come to you again and again, knowing i WILL

    no matter how long it takes

    it’s not within me to give up, toss in the towel, truly i know how i feel about you

    it’s just the days of journey towards inner fearless now surfacing, joyfully so, yes?


    rant over

    i am hear

  164. i love that song by Frampton!

    would like to learn it using the tube mouth peice and microphone………you don’t see that often.

    takes me back to the seventies

  165. come on, let’s do it again!

    do you feel like i do

    stop teasing me

    argh :mrgreen:

    frustrated AndYY?

    ah, just tad

  166. lame lame lame

    rant rant rant

  167. i am too strong… everybody thinks i am weak..

  168. leave ego behind.. then let love shine..

    love transcends the self

  169. j’ étais quand même au courant de voir la projection d’ une partie de mon imaginaire dans l’ aspect visuel…mais j’ etais in love with la grosse qui m’ a déçu mais bon c’ est comme ça; ciao.

  170. love transcends the self in climbing a tree, sitting there alone, wondering why the fuck did i climb this fucking tree when there ain’t no one hear………….

  171. excuses are for wimps, lamer, shamer, frowners, downers, on and on they go whiles some of us pass them bi of our inner delight joyfulness zeal for life, oh whatever, talk around in circles to the wall for all i care, it’s going no where the longer i sit alone…………….

    pray the day comes another does not find me or i them and ditch all your sorry asses for good………………i really should………one more day i say, and for what?

    more of the same stuck fuckedup bs

    lame game

    when people excuse themselves, they are usually fucking somebody else……………….

    …… more day

    pray for your selves Jesus says, where most don’t even understand the experiential technique of prayer that opens wide the divine ‘real’ self to

    ………….’feel like i do’

    i so love Frampton, always was my favorite!

    i am here

    you are there

    are we having fun yet?

    somebody let me know when we are having fun……….

    i really should cut my self loose from the lame gamers……and all their paranoid anxiety

    i wanna fuck you!

    argh, i love that part of the song!

    we really should sing it together someday, or at least make out to it!

    argh……….talking to myself, no one hear, everyone out having fun…………….i am the lame one for thinking you were for ‘real’

    i should walk, and let you come to me in real life, no more chatting…………..why bother staying stuck hear?

    same old thing

    same old boring crap………………of one way conversations with those who don’t speak directly in pure words of what they want to do………….do you know how lame this is?

    oh ya, i am the lame one!

    fuck this

  172. here they come, excuses in hand, while they are fucking someone else……………


  173. save it for who ever you are fucking, “WHICH AIN’T ME!!!!!!!!!!”


  174. summer is drawing to a close, not sure what i did for summer fun, oh yeah, my daughter………..the one beat her up is in prison now for stabbing someone else, a crackhead, for what i feared might happen to my daughter, who stayed with me out of harms way for the past two months, of God i was there, his blessed spirit so pure and true, the way he crys so easily somedays when watching movies, so sweet he is……………alive not dead fuckers!

    cultivated the friendship for a year now, where she knows i am there till the end, so obvious how much we enjoy each other’s sense of humour that outshines the lamers………….on we go

  175. im serious, if you think i am going to be doing this six months from now, think again, no way………….way too lame excusing stuckness, mostly on my part, my imagination that won’t let go from where we still are, not even a fucking coffee at a nice cafe yet, wtf is that?


    and boring as fuck


  176. go do whatever with whoever, and for sure, that’s it for me……… done

  177. you chase someone too long, and they take it for granted, until one day they turn around, and actually wonder where you went, as though you would be there indefinitely waiting, and i am thru waiting everyone, decide it, as i want need think feel happiness with someone who obviously wants needs thinks and feels as i do for them, obvious, as in holding my hand real life obvious.

    oh don’t bother putting yourself out to help me feel like a human being, and let keep playing the alien, with another alien of oneness sameness.

    i am going to let you chase me for a change…………

    or don’t

    without doubt i expressed myself

    an out bisexual

    for the entire world to know

    i need to physically feel loved

    beginning/end of conversation

  178. calmed down yet Andy. i really need to go for a walk in the natural setting of some park today .. `maybe you should to go for a bike ride.. too.. ain’t fucking no one.. think it’s easy trying to find someone at my level of consciousness.. half the time people cannot even see me. like i’m invisible except you.. you see me.. i saw you too.. looking very pretty all white.. like an angel.. from heaven,, i have to go i need fresh air.

  179. come . I.m chasing you now. Ok. Just don’t make it impossibe. It’s a beautiful day. Come.

  180. obviously i cannot compete with your ego..

    so i excuse myself once for your every five times..

    that’s twice me 10 you

    the hypocrisy of it all..

    i have no number to call..

    so let’s just stall


    where’s my coffee.. ???

    I want my coffee !!!!

  181. yes, it’s true, it’s not you, it’s me, just some too loose boundaries yet in my life, toxic ones for sure, the daughter, her trying to stand on her own two feet, barely able to do so, somewhat bashed in self-esteem, weening her slowly from depending on me too much, the nurse i have been of recent, where she truly did need a stay with me to gain some sense of normality……sorry about that……..lack of sleep lately, well rested once again.


    i do see you, yes, i do

    and i 100% love the purity of love we are of within

    i am not 100% healthy yet, obviously, but i do have a tuned in inner connection of my original self, growing in restoration of my once pure self-confidence, a rocky road of past few years, the same thing, too loose boundaries with the inappropriates, learning, adjusting, getting steadfast in self control when it comes to who is purely appropriate for us.

    i am hear for both of us running towards our pure self so free now, growing in that absolute carefree self-confident holy joyfulness we feel that is exceedingly bright, shedding the old self(ego) masks we took to hiding behind, well ok, me mostly i suppose, as i am not yet of what has been your inner circle of close friends so tuned into what you know matters, so sacred………ya, for sure Andy is in love with you, you should go to him, he really does love you, meant for you and you for him.

    ya, i know

    stop thinking i am going to let go of what is the most beautiful soul i know is purely right for me in growing alongside of you where i always want to be, so obvious i have been in continuing towards you, towards the real me, the only way we can ever be together, surrendered spiritually first, mentally, emotionally, physically, sexually……..eventually.

    we are walking along side each other in life now for some time, so why would i walk away from what i have wanted with you for so long now?

    i may sometimes appear frustrated, a multitude of inner anxiety resolution i am yet dealing with, where mostly i am free of the past, feeling glad that i am, everyone now moved on, disconnected now, which has not really been that long, three weeks, realizing i am still healing over it all, yeah, the manifesting of it all, asking that you merely give me some more time to heal thru it, as i truly am, feeling so liberated in having made healthy decisions for my self, getting away from the toxic ones that were oppressive for my pure spirit.

    i feel fantastic mostly, except when i get over tired in lacking of proper sleep, rising at 4 am, not getting to bed early enough, the daughter being somewhat of a handful at times, her issues, her harm reduction substance use, realizing i am too close at times with her for my own good, but she needed a confidant, desperately, it all came out, her whole life, the processing she is going thru, not out of the woods yet, but she is thinking and talking purely sensible in self-respect self-preservation, growing wise in who is not healthy for her to be around, the whole drug scene unhealthy ones and their own lacking irresponsible approach with divine self.

    unnerving somedays

    i really do feel i saved her life from a dangerous crack addict who was way out of control, violent as one could ever meet, in prison now.

    question is, have i delayed the inevitable, her eventual dying, still snared by the beast of ignorance, the drugs controling her, the subconscious asleep in ignorance of her drug addict personality running the show.

    i ask, what wall has she not hit recent that is enough to wake her up, her own near death experience, another dying, another in prison for attempted murder, i mean, what does it take to snap them awake, scare them awake…………….they die stupid.

    forgive my immaturity with you

    i sometimes don’t realize i am caught up in other’s stuff, and it manifests itself.

    just hold on awhile longer, six months, yeah, it’s so true for me, i need at least that long to catch my breath, the necessary healing i have to go thru……..alone.

  182. ah, which stall you referring too, the women’s stall or the men’s stall?

    could not resist that one! lol :mrgreen:

  183. coffee gives me jitters……..drink tea now, a Teetotaler

    Teetotalism is the practice and promotion of complete abstinence from alcoholic beverages. A person who practices (and possibly advocates) teetotalism is called a teetotaler or teetotaller (plural teetotalers or teetotallers) or is simply said to be teetotal.

    Some common reasons for choosing teetotalism are religious, health, family, philosophical and/or social reasons, and, sometimes, as simply a matter of taste preference. When at drinking establishments, they either abstain from drinking or consume non-alcoholic beverages such as tea, coffee, water, juice, and soft drinks.

    Contemporary and colloquial usage has somewhat expanded teetotalism to include strict abstinence from most “recreational” intoxicants (legal and illegal, see controlled substances). Most teetotaller organizations also demand from their members that they do not promote or produce non-alcoholic intoxicants.

    yep, that’s me!

  184. once in awhile i cut my self loose to have a beer or two, or three……….

    but rarely, preference for the calm life of my original self who is purely in feeling how i felt before ever drinking or doing drugs.

    i never did get into the drug scene much at all, even as a teen, did not go out to find it, to buy it, just at parties of others who handed it to me, and the alcohol thing i found help relax me, where there are healthier ways to relax wholesomely, like walks, i love walking as my peaceful self, for sure, we will enjoy walks together.

    i feel delight inside hearing your words today, feeling revitalized that you do think of me of a potential future together, as friends or otherwise.

    the other day i was thinking people should marry their best friends, and then later that same evening, someone called into the 97.3 radio show with Dilila(spelling), a truly wise spiritual host of the evening show, as she said what i was previously thinking, “People should marry their best friends.”

    the purity of feelings i feel with these spiritual moments i wanted to share with you, but how?

    how do i convey to you how i purely feel for you like i do thruout my day.

    well, i say relax and be your original ‘real’ self we once were, where we operate purely from a only love is good enough to feel with others in our approach with them and they us.

    ya, i really do want to marry you

    i knew way back when in the 90’s, that day………………….

    and if someone told me someday i would, well, i still would not believe them, and yet, more and more in each day passing, i am allowing myself to believe we will, naturally so, of the only way it will ever work for us, of you being your original ‘real’ self who feels the same way i do.

    and that is the magic i feel of each word you say, that of my divine self constant yearning seeking to always feel only love flowing, for sure i do.

    why hide from one who constantly yearns for the same thing i do?

    i am tatered around the edges, yes?


    rough boy

    forgive my absurd faultering, it’s all normal, and you would understand why if you were here, the toxic ones i am too close to at the moment, unhealthy for both of us.

    boundaries are essential

    so who do you confide in about me?

    i hope they are on our side as regards the future.

    seems they are

    thank you

  185. i confide in my best friend jay jay.. he’s a spirit now, died when he was only 26.. suicide drugs .. ok i know that sound’s crazy & many will think so .. but it’s not so crazy to be able to connect with the spirit world it just requires an ability to interpret & a refined scense of awareness which i have, jay jay was my best friend in life a true pure real soul in life & now in heaven, he was an extreemly good looking young man I always had a harlem of girl’s & guy’s gathering at my door trying to get at him, only allowed his girl friend into the house she was a sensitive type never spoke much except the screams from the couch.

    Anywaz I could easly be fake, but I have come this far, may as well be real, i know you will not run away, how can you run from yourself !… being fake achieves nothing, being real or true to myself my innner sincere feelings is real to me real to you, & eventually will manifest into real loving sincere FUN.. !

    ok we are having FUN already see.. real FUN !

    & the FUN has just BEGUN …

    BIG GUN..

  186. that song ‘Let’s Get Together’ is haunting for me, a song written by Chet Powers in 1963 and recorded by many artists, most notably The Youngbloods

    the year i was born

    takes me back to my youth, purely within of feeling

    holding your hand on a beach, hold on, wait, i am already there within, truly, i am there……….

  187. oh hey, there you are!

  188. so tragic the suicide drug thing, the irrational impaired limited thinking they find themselves contending with near the end of their progress cycle up to high amounts of drugs, self-medicating increase as they delve deeper into their own psyche, the toxic behaviours of others that is all of mere unwise generational handed down crap……….as the angels fall thru death’s door, the unwise snares that gripped them so tightly like it does.

    this world feeds on insatiable appetite gross materialism distraction away from coming to know their divine self, and it grows so many roots and branches, such as the drug dealing bottom feeders, the fuck pig spa trolls(oh, a new one!), not meantioning any names, you know who you are fuckers!

    won’t get their hands on me again

    same old same old shit with the spas……………

    im done with their tossing you because of the fuck pig appetite that has nothing to do with you!

    fucking lameass fuckers!

    fuck off!

    lol :mrgreen:

    i deserve what i know you know Marco, only love

  189. i think i am fucked up over Troy, to what degree i don’t know, but i know i am, the deep seated seemingly unable to heal sadness of someone i fell in love with…… fucking up, the whole fucked scene at the time…………

  190. i think i am afraid of female sexual companionship, because of the betraying i experienced so many times, of all my failed relationships with females, and yet, i love females abit more than males, just seemingly unable to purely trust them like i have always wanted to, and yet, i am putting myself forward to, not desperately either, no, in a pure spiritual way, more later if what i am to them is what they to are ready for, to always love one another, but only when we are fully what we purely are within, our own self-awareness, and yeah, i know you evolved, by the way you speak, an exceedingly wise intellectual.

    i feel stupid somedays, and yet, i know you know i need to purely feel what you have to say, of perhaps where you once were in your own evolving it seems, your evaluating me like you do, taking time to, well, sounds like a best friend to me, a strong hand lifting the divine ‘real’ me up to where we both belong, no good to anyone, not myself or anyone unless i do.

    the process


    bless you

  191. i found the spiritual connectedness of the spirit realm is by means 100% pure fearlessness i learned about my spirit over time, the meditation awareness alone, alot of it actually, and i grew less and less afraid, becoming purely unafraid, without any doubt, and that is when the spirit realm opened wide for me, flowing of so much that i can see that others don’t, the anxiety that grips them for example, of our silent observing them there before us, while walking about, sometimes tears that flow for me, of their not knowing why i am crying for the condition of their precious souls left unattended.

    i am such a sap

    you have no idea

  192. we all purely came from love, and it is this very same love we came from that we all subconsciously intuitively knowingly seek, without doubt as you say, and when i am with Jesus, there is no doubt between us, of who is my confidant, greater than any other in life, in love with a ghost, of oneness sameness, where coming fully into the oneness sameness reveals the truth of my divine self, of 100% knowingness, it is true of us all.


    of why my passion flows like it does


  193. the divine original ‘real’ self YOU

    of us all


    according to Jesus and God

    forever more

    we are talking about the eternal divine human being here that WILL eternally live on in the universe for so long, and that is where so many fall short in their limited attention span and apathetic motivation empowerment, where so much is at stake, for so many trillions apon trillions yet to come, the eternal all

    Jesus knew this, and when i am with Jesus, i feel the attitudes today, of time that has not changed at all from when Jesus walked the earth, where in truth, Jesus is yet hear with us, spiritually, where i know Jesus, without doubt

  194. well, if you want someone who won’t betray, it is ‘me’, the one i am becoming fully restored of, the original divine ‘real’ self.

    Troy’s suicide woke him up

    in a blessed way, where i still feel his presence at times, what he wants me to always know, only love is good enough for ‘me’ to always feel, what he knew about ‘me’, however fuckedup he was, he knew i wanted to spend the rest of life with him, my crying in front of him so many times, he knew how i felt about him, of waiting so long like i did, perhaps to a fault, the stuckness homophobia we crappled with the whole time, the internal homophobia resulting from the open exterior homophobes, the death threats of his family towards me if they ever found it, yeah, it was hell for us, the drifting apart, the wedge they drove between us, why i gave up, walked away, praying he would be ok, his suicide in the weeks that followed, all generational bullshit fucked world we were contending with, not just of this generation, since way back in the beginning, handed down to today, all yet with us each blessed day we wake to, what escapes the limited attention span of even the Vatican, their own group dynamic binding fear of what is understanding, “Look for the one sheep who went astray, for that sheep is more valuable than the 99 sheep.”

    i am that sheep

  195. ya, i know who i am according to Jesus, devoted my life to him, who i feel is the one who is 100% deserving of me, and now i know why………..

    it’s about the truth of the divine child of us all unattended

    the purity love that flows like it does

    what i want with you

    someone i do trust like i trust Jesus

    seemingly afraid somedays

    yet while alone, i know you are purely feeling and thinking of me

    my inner struggling you seem tuned into, your own self-awareness like my own, why we are yet hear all this time.

    why we don’t want to leave

    to what?

  196. the journey of self-discovery, becoming fearlessly and constantly YOU!

    blessed YOU!

    i am only able to purely know and love you by means of purely knowing and loving ‘me’

  197. there is no other way

    cannot escape this truth

    had a blessed peaceful day today, the daughter off on her own for abit, of what is healthy for us both, a pure sense of self in taking a break from each other, she knows i am here if she needs me, won’t enable her, as she gets back on her feet, weening her slowly, leaving the nest, her spirit free to just be, of wings i don’t think she knows she even has yet, wings of an angel, she loves her gay life purely so.

    i spent time bringing her into awareness of how her every step is blessed and sacred with regards to the others suffering with homophobia like they do, herself well into her coming out now, 10 years or so, explaining to her that we all need each other along life’s road, of merely a smile, a touch of their hand, a coffee of quality time together, she gets it now, and purely feels the truth of the inner struggle of others she knows, a sense of worth and great value as a wiser member of our community, not of money or wealth, no, never was or will be, of our pure spirited oneness sameness, what she needed to fully realize just how valuable her life is, her laughing of the truth she now sees and feels each day of so many.

    a wise daughter becoming like her mother, herself a mother of others she now knows she is………a blessed life path she is learning to walk apon, of the only thing that matters to any of us, only love

  198. as she says, “Oh stop, i am going to cry!”

    her favorite expression. lol :mrgreen:

  199. i am at rest now

    peaceful calm at ease now

    just being ‘me’

    of calm delight of each passing moment

    feels as though i came thru a spiritual door surrendering to my divine self of purely feeling at all times, of what is my growing fully awake in knowingness certainty of what matters to me most, the tenderness of another, and when it’s not, well, get away from me! lol

  200. i think i slept 14 hours last night, stayed in bed till after lunch

    needed it

    still out of sync with RED40

    lead by example is the only way, the blessed way, in just being YOU!

    who others come to know and love

    every blessed day

    the way we all want to feel of what you have come fully in knowing within

    the blessed divine pure of heart flawless healing feeling holy joyful absolute carefree happy ‘real’ self YOU!

    forever more

    so long as you want more

    want some more?

    of ‘me’?

    come on Marco!

    i am free! :mrgreen:

    just for thee!

    you see!

    what we yearn to be!


    eternal all

  201. people don’t purely sense the presence of the eternal all constantly there……….

    you know, we can communicate directly with someone in real time from the future?

    “Hey, you there in the future, reading these words before you, do you know who i am?” :mrgreen:

    “Do you too feel frustrated by others around you at times like we do?”

    “Do you understand why others are the way they are?”

    “Do you sense their generational snarings they are oblivious to?”

    “Do you sense their subconscious unattended precious spirit anxiety from being left unattended by those who do not purely desire to know and love their divine self?”

    “Is it obvious to you yet of what are the trueness aspects of the divine self eternal all, such as constant yearning to feel loved and to feel loving at all times?”

    “Bless YOU”

  202. AndYY forgot to take his meds today. lol

    actually, i don’t do meds, nor do i agree with meds when it comes to toxic others of affect/effect/direct/indirect.

    and get this

    it’s eternal all connectedness everyone!


    wake up everyone!

    none of us are alone, ever

    as we are all eternally connected in every step, every heartbeat, every breath, every word, even of those who do not know they are, they are.

    where everything of the future changes according to each blessed day we wake to.

    where the future can only be changed today, not tomorrow, although i suppose tomorrow is another today, and the day after tomorrow would be yet another today, so therefore every day is today past present future, and guess who is with us everyone?

    hmmm…….if this theory holds purely true, then Jesus is with us, is he not?

    i wonder what sex Jesus actually was, if he did not have sex with anyone, how would anyone know?

    or better yet, what sex did he want to be?

    or what sex did he enjoy the most?

    hmmmmm…….talking about myself again……..sorry. lol :mrgreen:

    well, Jesus wants YOU all to know, YOU are all the divine child of God.

    forever more

    eternal all yet to come

    bless you all

  203. beyond eloquent in your speaking of Michael.

    the truth of the purity of loving soul Michael was fearlessly restorating in his evolving past where many where unable to reach his level of fearlessness so pure.

    i know i could of, easily so, but when it comes to self-medication coping his feelings, well, he had to go thru withdrawal, a difficult process, and he had to have only trusting wise others at his side during and after the withdrawal process, of the family kind of love that does not fade or change over time, of those likewise evolved to what we know is the only thing that matters most in life, only love.

    the divine child is not of the fortitude of wise descerning fully embracing of what is hazardous snaring unwiseness when it comes to allowing substances in their hand, no matter your age, so long as potentially harmful substances are in your hand, you are a child of God who is not wise.

    We go around as though having blinders on or tunnel vision, or blurred vision denial of what the divine child constantly senses, yearning to be allowed to speak freely and fearlessly open of what is the intuitive feelings we the divine child constantly is in awareness of, those moments of wondering why we are sitting at certain tables at times with those clearly of unwise snared illness of heart behavioural, the blind leading the blind, until such a time we stop, and surrender to our constant flowing intuitive knowingness feelings so pure of heart, descerning of the unwiseness all around us of so many plodding along aimlessly unaware of blind leading the blind into destruction death and oppression.

    nearly destroyed my life so many times, of learned behaviourals i picked up in the forefather household i was born into.

    bless you

  204. daughter is calling, be back later………..

  205. if YOU hear the song i sing

    YOU WILL understand

    YOU hold the key to love and fear

    all in your trembling little hand

    just one key unlocks them both

    it’s there at your command


    oh hurry up, this damn chastity belt is annoying the fuck out of ‘me’!

    what do you mean the lock is stuck?

    how is that possible?

    i just put it back on last week! lol

    of for fuck sakes, give me the damn key and let ‘me’ try!

    last thing i want to do is die from bordom!

    set out spirits free to Just BE YOU! :mrgreen:

  206. i miss playing guitar, jamming in harmonious spirit with one another, for years like i did before, of what i came to know purely within about my self, the purity of love flowing constantly, what i had unknowingly cultivated for so many years of playing, a decade or so of daily jamming, singing guitar playing, that kept me tuned purely into that knowingness certainty feeling we feel like we feel when playing a favorite song together, the feeling the flows thru us that is without doubt of what matter most in life to us, HAVING SEX WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!

    EVERY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :mrgreen:

    lover lover where art though lover?

  207. the musician purely knows without doubt, the precious love feelings they feel while playing, of love that surpasses everything in life, beyond all the riches, the without doubt love of tender lovers hand in theirs, the knowingness that is the only way one ever wants to feel, to wake to in feeling each blessed day.

    what we all constantly yearn for within, only love

  208. i feel the bubbling up feelings like before, of how i always felt each day, sincere joyful delight of life shining bright in who i was, i am, only happiness of smiling faces…….



    ok don’t all jump @ once

  210. hmmmm…..

    i thought we were already fucking!

    [everybody jumps for joy, finally, they are fucking] lol

    what the fuck is wrong with those two, when are they going to hitch up? :mrgreen:

    did you see the moon this morning during the twilight hour?

    you could see the dark side of the moon so clearly, what an incredible sight!

  211. what im not qualified

    so you have a whole team to tell you ?

    was there an exchange .. of fees ?

    did you pay them to counsel you ?

    pay you to tell you what you wanted to hear ?

    i dont charge

    i just tell it how it is

    im not saying im qualified

    I m just SAYING !

  212. do you even know how fucked it is

    Living with a 007 james bond FBI agent

    in your own house ???

    its moronic

    like Jesus Said

    “Dont TEST ME “””

  213. for fucks sake Madonna

    wake up …

    Malawi is pissed off with you …

    stop playing hard to get …



    YOUR PLANS !!!!!!!

    im sure they’ll


  214. ok everyone She’s still asleep,

    but nnnnnnnnnnnnnn ooooooooooo


    she’ll be BACK !!!!

    like a BLACK CAT

    in the mean time

    enjoy the movie ……….

  215. Roar ……

  216. oh tell carlos to get fucked also


    mr know it all, you know nothing


    take take out your insecurity on me


    big fat chicken

    what would you know


  217. anyone ELSE

    got something to SAY ?

    come on SAY IT !!!

    forever hold your peace !!

    your’ll all fucken Chicken’s

    peace out


    all’s Good …

    yer man

    ALL’s GOD

    at least, learn how to spell


  218. Well there’s nothing wrong with my right leg, but I do have an absess up my ass

  219. i say just pay attention to you pure true real self feelings of attraction adoration you do feel for another, of who ever that may be while walking lover’s road, rather than the tiresome ANNOYING testing, probing, controlling know it all projection identification transference ego mask, so easy to distinguish of one’s own self, self of another, compared to the two exceedingly happy joyful one’s of unending smiles, prancing, dancing, skipping down the street, as their original pure true real self oneness loving lover happiness joy in constant yearning freeness of holding each other’s hand, holding each others ass, holding each other’s cock, where you need not ever wonder at all what those two are doing in their spare time alone with each other! 😉

    as they break into another rendition reinvention of the song, ‘I found my true love, on blueberry hill….’, singing with utmost joyful enthusiasm, naturally so!

    where sex IS indeed, ……without doubt…….the greatest of all oneness loving lover holy joyful absolute carefree oneness happiness of ALL!

    which means, i am mostly my ID, not my ego, biyatches!

    wisely so 😉

    come on, it’s time to……..go

    just go damn it, fuck, you are so annoying!



  220. I used to be pure…

    until i fell in love with my SELF

    then I became

    A Platinum Blond

    & spent my birthday in a mood, drinking several

  221. But i still Love you …

    there is a tiny spot , somewhere in my


    but it’s most likely just a hole & i’ll die soon of a heart attack…

    & if I do

    everyone knows

    you murdered


  222. & in a BLACK VOLVO !!!!!

    God Bless…

  223. I just desovered Ansel Extra Large

    what a relief

    i feel so less constricted

    whith this new


  224. how about a random reading, written 2000 years ago, a feeling of a world not much different than is today, of awareness just as is possible our own……not sure why i do this……still i ponder the existence of the spirit realm calling, preparedness apparently, learning of atonement of my own oneness spirit as is their own, amid the chaos and all the useless absurd disconnected ego maniac madness flood manifestation of the truth of one’s own self no one really even cares to learn about, fuck, some of the shit things people say, like what the fuck is wrong with people in all their aimless shit for brains way?……..argh….so annoying…….most any are for me

    not sure the year……..does it matter, when all the words of seeker atonement is meant for change of the eternal all safe passage, beyond our own life?…….well, what life if only of gloom and doom shit?

    where the fuck is happiness any more?

    packed up, fucked off, you can all go be the deadbeat fucks you were, don’t want to come back to hell i guess…..

    Darkness. It lifted itself up and shone upon the whole world instead of the righteous one. And all her forms sent forth a power like a flame of fire up to heaven as a help to the corrupted light, which had lifted itself up. For they were members of the chaotic fire. And she did not know that she had harmed herself. When she cast for the power, the power which she possessed, she cast it forth from the………..

    oh for fuck sake……..this is trash reading

    for sure they were doing drugs back then too

    fucking anal retentive, oh God forbid i might enjoy loving lover sin of my own sexual body?

    what a bunch of fucking jerk off shit!

  225. paranoid strings…..

    i just want to live out a simple artist activist life of carefree fun, painting in joyful vibrant color happiness of transgendered lover love, just be who i am, not of care or concern for the status quo arrogance that leads to no where, don’t even want to talk with you if you are not one of them, ah well, news flash, i am one of you anal retentive fucks, with a nice cock, but without your nasty queeny ass shit for brains, don’t even ask me my name, too busy looking in your mirrors i guess…… all have the same enjoyable lover genitals bitches, of none of you who are different from another, of pure spirited lover oneness happiness JOY, that separates one from the fuck pig troll wannabes……don’t even have time to trouble myself thinking about it any more, just want to go enjoy my tea in the park, paint my lover heart contentment for all to feel, meet and greet so many of beautiful you is all i like to do NOW

  226. and listen/feel the oneness loving heart music resonate purely inside, the holy joy happiness radiant brilliant bright……color, yes, there will be lots of rainbow color forever in their life as was the life i lived!

    well, still working on the living part, just go be me from now on, don’t give a fuck about what anyone has to say, unless it serves us all purely, truely WELL! 😉

  227. next stone will be same pic as this, but with a trans person in heals, a hot leather clad gay boy, a butch dominatrix F-M lesbian, a queer, an androgynous confused bisexual yet of inner duality healing oneness of both sexes becoming transgendered……WHATTTTT?

    if anyone knows this shit, i do! 😉

  228. full circle…..the world over…….for all eternity…..the flag will be held high above the bullshit lying ass cowards we too once were, stupidly snared as so many yet are, therefore let us turn only towards compassion, not revenge, just go be our happy self

  229. oh, and for you oh so clever fuckers……a clever person solves a problem, but a wise person avoids it….so fuck off, ok?

    ok thanks

  230. i think i figured out why people are so nasty on the internet with all their random shit cowardice talk, because in real life, they would risk their lives with people who might pull out a gun and blow their fucking brains out all over the fujcking place!!!!!

  231. kinda pathetic how cowards go around with with nicknames on the internet, saying whatever random shit they want, their own lives so boring and empty i guess, nothing better to do than go around bullying people.

    and well, wisely i should avoid places where these jerks stalk around……..i mean how fucking sad is it to use a false name before God, before Madonna and everyone else who knows her, and bully people?

    i mean there is pathetic, but then there is pathetic

    you know, when i left the mental ward, 3rd floor, i knew i was not able to ever simply leave this generational mind fucker flooding…… truly is everywhere

    you know, i just would not even think something like the way some people bully, it’s just not my nature

    intent is what it is, and well………you can all fuck off…….i hate this fucking blog now


  232. oh for fuck sakes, i wasting precious time trying to talk with a random noname sociopath

    fuck off, all of you

  233. alright then , as you wish

    Your Majesty ….

    so as you Desire ..

    all of me, all or YOU

  234. I congratulate, what necessary words…, a magnificent idea

    P.S. Please review icons

  235. Great seeing ink you speaking Spanish in the elevator wow great conversation, & and did I mentiontion dancing with your back to me all night the day

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