That’s What Friends Are For

This may sound corny, but I don’t care. I don’t know what I’d do without my friend Gwyneth. She has been there for me through all of this latest scandal surrounding me. I was so happy to see her in New York. She’s been helping me in so many ways. We were just just joking around yesterday singing, “Keep smiling, keep shining…knowing you can always count on me…for sure…that’s what friends are for!” I am so frustrated with all of the lies and rumours about my life. My attorneys have sent a warning letter to Mrs. Rodriguez’s attorneys. One more comment about me and their firm will be facing a defamation lawsuit. I don’t play around! I hope you are having a better week than I am having. Oh…I almost forgot. I have been working with Britney on a special project. She has made so much progress. I cannot wait for you to see it! It’s da bomb!


5,786 Responses

  1. Everyone needs Best Friends, hence why their called such because they are their for you when needed and vice-versa! I am so glad you are blogging again, I have missed them! I will be seeing you in Atlantic City in November, I can not wait!!!

    Love you, M!

  2. Hi M,
    we know very well that all this shit about you is a lie. Don’t worry…we still love you more than ever!!! You’re a fantastic person…not only the Queen of Pop!!!!
    I’ve been your fan (ventilateur πŸ™‚ ) from the beginning…and now you’re so mature…I mean mentally πŸ˜€
    See you in Rome at the Stadio olimpico!
    We really love you.

    PS: sorry for my english

  3. Yep!

    I totally agree and I love your way to move !!
    Thank you for making my day and have a power of jump for transforming week.
    Much love and shine the light on your life and power of blessing,

    Love ya,

  4. you think you are having a rough week…you should try being me.

    i just stepped out of a 12 year relationship today, the last day.

    some moments i am smiling, other times i am crying, then uncertainty grips me as i take a deep breath and sigh relief, recalling that i deserve only love at all times. Fortunate for me, i have had many loving relationships in life for me to easily recall of how my (divine) true self has shined brightly in loving relationships, and not so brightly in relationships i unwisely entered into, of my not slowing down into loving grace of my (divine) true self to feel loving of the lover i hurriedly got involved with for all the wrong reasons….ya, i admit, Thanh and i started out as a convienent relationship to stave off being alone, of me being a care giver.

    i am not saying it was a bad one, not at all, in fact it was exceedingly pleasant most of the time, but we just did not connect at the loving lover lever that anticipates seeing our lover, or at least i didn’t. i don’t see this as something bad of me, and rather sadly made myself unavailable for the one who is my loving lover.

    my new walking alone has brought this fully into my awareness of the graceful tender loving feelings i am once again feeling, fear left behind, stepped thru the door, out walking alone in the ghetto, my new single life.

    a friend just bringing you up to speed on how my week is going. definitely emotional, yet a powerful loving feeling of now being free to greet the soul mate i pray for to one day hug, kiss, hold hands with and run down the street in exceeding joy with, of the loving tender feelings so graceful within that you don’t want to ever stop feeling, married of course, with eyes only for each other…for sure, i will not settle for less than the tender graceful loving caress of another and they with me, of sincere loving tenderness with each other, each and ever single day we awake, of smiling joyfulness that reaches tenderly for their hand to hold.

    oh, why is this so hard for me…i hope i am feeling less anxiety by the week’s end.

  5. i am sitting in an internet cafe crying listening to this video.

    thanks M.

  6. for sure, an excellent video and song for such a special day that today is for me. You have no idea how much i need this today.

    God blesses us with sicerely feeling our tender loving feelings, like i do for you.

    i love you M. thank you for that.

  7. love forever more, ‘that’s what we are M.

  8. we all need a good cry once in while, reconnecting with our love that is sincerely true of us, as i my hand grip tightly like before.

  9. without doubt, sincerely we love Britney.

  10. just as she does us.

    ‘that’s what matters most in everyone’s life, always of love we feel for one another.

  11. Good day Madonna!

    I’ve been hearing rumors that Mrs. Rodriguez is a β€œgold digga” and she seems to be using you as her golden excuse to divorce the ball player. It is nice that your awesome friend is helping you get through this. And glad to know that you have your attorneys ready to attack any further lies.
    Did you get my message yesterday about a costume that I had designed for you approx. 20 years ago? It is such a simple yet screaming timeless design. Let me know if you would like to have it shipped.

    Twenty years ago, I was a 30 year old stay-at-home mom living in New Hampshire with two sons (8 yr. and 4 yr. old) and I had time in the evenings to be creative. Last year my husband and I moved to Maine … our sons are now grown and living on their own … and I couldn’t believe my eyes when I unpacked a few boxes the other day and found YOUR costume! It brought back fond memories of the days when I and everyone else in the world enjoyed listening to Madonna songs. And through the years I have enjoyed seeing the new generations become Madonna fans. You have a great gift … I am so amazed that you keep sharing your talents even after having your own family.
    I am sharing a recent photo of my oldest son’s wedding …I am standing next to my son.


  12. P.S.

    My mother love Brittany! I hope the best for her.

  13. Good for Gweneth, she is obviously living the right way and really cares about herself and you. That is what a true friend is all about, caring about someone else other then yourself…You have always been so supportive of friends and family, and even when they have let you down, you always stood there with an ear open. Other people wouldn’t give a shit, you do and that is what matters.. I knew Britney would make a comeback, and its nice to see you give a shit about Britney, see, friendship is contagious…

  14. …it’s not corny, it shows you are a regular person with feelings……hang in there, you have many wellwishers xxx

  15. It is sad that they are trying to get you to divorce your husband. I do notice though that these rumors do come up when you are going on a tour, perhaps because you will be kind of seperated from your husband for a long time and perhaps becuse you need to focus on your work.

  16. yunno, i didn’t like gwennie when she came out, but she has grown on me and think she’s a cutie! i loved her iron man movie, the stewardess move, possesion, the karoke movie, shallow hal, that thing she did no snl, destiny3 of fate3, she’s great. it’s always nice to have that best bud who you know you can always turn too. as far as those tabloid pix, it’s great to see you on more magazine covers! (hahaha) i wish it could help the give it 2 me radio play, oh well, i love u girl!

  17. well she is a scorned woman
    i feel bad for her

    he is a man who made a lot of money
    and they say money is the root of all evil
    and then their marriage went down hill

    they were together along time
    it is a shame

    however, divorce is over way before you go to court
    she needs others to blame.

    again, we all know he is way hot…

    gwenith is so sweet and kind
    you can see it right through her face.

    incredible actress as well

    just a joke though
    i would never name my daughter apple


    i mean not a joke but you know a comment
    but to each their own
    but hey in todays world anything goes

  18. I get you sister πŸ˜‰
    We love you in Romania!!!!

  19. whats wrong with people , why can’nt madonna
    put her career first that’s who she is, she an artist, teacher, angel, it’s jealousy every one is just jealous, even her brother,(just read something he said) well at least Lola her cute daughter is wise, she’s proud of her mum, she said so in that confession’s video, Jealous Moron’s… for God’s sake women fought alongside men in the second world war and still managed to grow up a family with lot’s of kid’s.

    ok i’ve vented, sorry M

    i just see things for what they are..

  20. did i mention, JUDGEMENTAL ?

    NO !

    well i should have ..

  21. I love you ….no matter what they say!! Hoping that all gonna be ok….give them a kick on their asses…you are my sunshine!!!

  22. Everybody who knows U, knows that this smear is nothing U havn’t faced AND conquered be4.
    Look at the positive — U started to blog again.
    Is not THAT wonderfull.



  25. Good songs but not for right now :

  26. A totally new remix of Causing a commotion can be great !

  27. Britney is a sweetie,

  28. I only have 3 real friend’s but they mean more to me then 1000 more, one girl she know’s who she is and one guy and he know’s who he is. their the best, and rachel cartwright who i’ve never met but she’s the best too, i know because she’s real.

  29. Hi M!!I belive in you and in your marriage..But do you really want to work again with Britney??However I can understand you about friends..I have not so much friends, but fortunatly I have a lovley boyfriend that love me..I’d belive in friendship but I had bad experiences with friends, so I prefer to speak with my mum..She’s like my best firend..She’s young so she can understand what I feel..

  30. Glad to see you back. Keep up the good work. I bought 2 HARD CANDY cd and one of i gifted to my best friend on his birthday.

  31. Marco, on July 11th, 2008 at 9:18 am Said:
    I only have 3 real friend’s but they mean more to me then 1000 more, one girl she know’s who she is and one guy and he know’s who he is. their the best, and rachel cartwright who i’ve never met but she’s the best too, i know because she’s real

    and only 3…have u even metthem???and rachel??a 13 yr old .be careful hon….

  32. you think you are having a rough week…you should try being me.

    i just stepped out of a 12 year relationship today, the last day.

    some moments i am smiling, other times i am crying, then uncertainty grips me as i take a deep breath and sigh relief, recalling that i deserve only love at all times. Fortunate for me, i have had many loving relationships in life for me to easily recall of how my (divine) true self has shined brightly in loving relationships, and not so brightly in relationships i unwisely entered into, of my not slowing down into loving grace of my (divine) true self to feel loving of the lover i hurriedly got involved with for all the wrong reasons….ya, i admit, Thanh and i started out as a convienent relationship to stave off being alone, of me being a care giver.

    andy nowhere in you rlong long unending ramblings across atwo year period have u ever mentioned a relationship??yes??no!! youre an attention seeking sad individual..personal shit displayed on various fake websites all to do and to achieve?i truly beleive you hav elost all your marbles…all your stabilty and truthfullness have given way long ago .i think you are lost inyour ownlies and sad tragic fantasies…i may write a blog and screen play with you inmind would probably screen at the local mental asylum..half price

  33. ms bitch of course i’ve met them i’ve know one for 8 yrs and the other since 1995, i have not met rachel , but i’m no deviant so why should i need to be careful because she’s 13, its all innocent she has boyfriend silvio , i think your thinking in a perverted way …

  34. whatever ms. anan retentive bitch!

    keep smiling.

    love is not fake for me.

  35. you are old and a has been, and you should of never accepted and enticed alex rodrieguez, you are not very well liked in the sports field, you should here what the men say, yes men the people you try to seduce with your hard candy. you are an old joke, grow up keep your religion to yourself and stay the hell out of insecure peoples lives. alex has a crush on you and how did that happen don’t play mis innocence because you are not, my god you are fifty, and you look it. nice schnozolla, you could play a perfect halloween witch. stay home and raise your kids, maybe your husband should go after someone young like cynthia, and qweneth get a life naming your kid apple, and moses, right…………….. peace out home wrecker

  36. you must love all these people doting on you you are such a fake. who are you trying to kid. oh are you gonna kiss britney again, oooh you suck madonna you are such a phoney from michigan.

  37. I love Dionne Warwick! Reminds me of my mothers old records that I used to listen to!

  38. can i entice you with say, your soul back

  39. we can negotiate

  40. Andy i saw the wing’s on your blog that you made for pride and it reminded me of this;

    Sexual cannibalism
    From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    Jump to: navigation, search

    This article is about arthropod behavior; for the human psychological disorder see sexually motivated cannibalism

    Sexual cannibalism is a special case of cannibalism in which a female organism kills and consumes a male of the same species before, during, or after copulation. Rarely, these roles are reversed.[1][2]
    This female Stagmomantis carolina is eating her mate. Sexual cannibalism occurs in roughly one quarter of all intersexual encounters of this species.
    This female Stagmomantis carolina is eating her mate. Sexual cannibalism occurs in roughly one quarter of all intersexual encounters of this species.[3]

    The New York Times provides this lurid description:

    A male mantis approaches a female, flapping his wings and swaying his abdomen. Leaping on her back, he begins to mate. And quite often, she tears off his head. The female mantis devours the head of the still-mating male and then moves on to the rest of his body. […] If you put a pair together and come back later, you’ll just find the wings of the male and no other evidence he was ever there […] Sexual cannibalism has fascinated biologists ever since Darwin.[4]

  41. A male mantis ( ANDY) approaches a female ( LIKE A GAY BISEXUAL- YER RIGHT), flapping his wings ( BLUE ANGEL WINGS ) and swaying his abdomen ( THE GAY MINCE WALK). Leaping on her back, he begins to mate. And quite often, she tears off his head. The female mantis devours the head of the still-mating male and then moves on to the rest of his body. […] If you put a pair together and come back later, you’ll just find the wings of the male and no other evidence he was ever there [.SEE ANDY’S BLOG- THE BLUE WINGS ON THE BENCH..] Sexual cannibalism has fascinated biologists ever since Darwin.[4

  42. and the wings that were left behind were cast into heaven, when god blew life into the world like a big gust of wind…

    what a great title for a band….

    The Greedy Grasshoppers

  43. love you till the end.
    the song is good, I love it

  44. Dear M.,
    I am sorry that I have never been a follower of your music. I am 11 years older so I think that really puts me into a different realm of artistry than you.

    Presently I love your new work with Justin. You being a great businessperson, it was a cleaver move to have Brit incorporated in your new show. It is intriguing for your fans and giving Brit a chance to show her professions, kudos for you.

    God bless you. It is hard be married to a strong Englishman . I have been married to one for 30 years. When we fall in love we think the accent is cute and not really realizing that they are European and so different from us Americans. Marriage is hard and at the end of the day your can snuggle up to someone who is really there for you.

    God bless.

    Patty Joyce

  45. why would you sue c rod, how much more do you want to hurt this women, you are a cruel and mean and un holy person, where are your morals? what do they teach you in your religion, narcissium, and feel sorry for me as i home wrecked so many marriages with your monetary ruthlessness. Hey i said it once, i will say it again, you were cute in the eighties but now you look like a hag. what was the deal wearing a red slip, unlatched shoes and a hoodie, and sunglasses. give me a break for some one who wants to not be seen with that get up people notice. so you are all hype, phoney and worst of all you are an idol to young girls. i don’t know why maybe its the kissing britney. nice pals you hang with. nice mother roles, oh thats right you have no role, you create and it comes out manure.

  46. I’m so excited that you are asking Britney to be a part of the tour. This is gonna be fasinating!!!

  47. I had actually deleted this bookmark and found it on another computer.. Wow! It’s been revived.. COOL…

    Girlfriends are like oxygen… A necessary part of life….

  48. Dear Madonna,

    In this comments one reader is giving you all kind of insults, which means that you are really wooing that woman’s husband heart. don’t you have a heart of your own. I am sure if your husband flirts with anybody you will be upset too. you have grown but I do not think that you will turn into an ugly ha… as she is saying. Stop playing with young and old man’s hearts and women too!!!!!They love you so don’t play with their hearts and remove that from your hand

  49. Its amazing that your critics come to your blog to bag you. It shows what level their souls are at. You look Great you will always will. At least you can laugh at what is real and what is fantasy with Gwyneth.
    IYour new CD is great thanks…








  51. Hi Madonna,

    I stumbled upon your blog, I didnΒ΄t even know you have a blog. I just want to say how I admire your work, I love your music, your way to perform on stage and stay on tune with time through all those years. But I canΒ΄t imagine how tough it is to handle the fame. All those rumours and sad people that are after a little drama, to make their lives feel more comfortable to live in.
    I work in the filmindustry, behind the camera, my work is very creative and I am dedicated to it 24/7. Having to handle peoples stupidity on top of that, daily, must be exhausting.

    I am glad, that you have stayed strong and that you keep on making good music. Your new album is GREAT. I have listen to it 3 days in a row now. The music video of “4 minutes” is amazing. Who made it?
    You never sieze to surprise and amaze me and I have listened to your music sinse the 80-s.
    You look great too.
    Just stay strong and know there are people out there who appreciate you for what you do professionaly and for who you are.
    You inspire me in many ways.
    Thanks for the new album.

    Greetings from Stockholm


  53. I would never write this shit…or post this song…nothing is all that it seams…be aware my friends xx

  54. Indeed, awareness is the doorway to our divine true self.

    Maintaining awareness is exceedingly difficult for most people who do not have the fortitude of descerning wisdom to set flexible boundaries for themselves, with those who may not be at the same level of positive mental emotional well being.

    While we are able to connect with the divine true self within another thru our sincerity with them, where they see and feel their own divine true self within you, many are not aware of how one maintains always just being their divine true self.

    I met Mika, and he connected with me, in the same way i connected with him…unfailing sincerity devoid of useless doubt, where words do not even have to be spoken, as the feelings flow, calming us both. What a sweety he is, but i am afraid for his future, as he is ADHD, with an already low impulse control issue. Normal people have a difficult time with impulse control when it comes to substance abuse…add into the mix ADHD, and you have disaster in the future.

    I do not assist or enable his substance abuse in my approach with him, and rather merely always there as a friend he can always turn to, unable to turn away from him, because of the hazardous direction his life is taking. I truly depise the drug dealers who know and care nothing at all about Mika’s condition of ADHD.

    I am completely at ease and accepting of his condition, where most are not understanding, as i look for the sincerity in his soul, that is expressing himself artistically, verbally, poetically, musically in his singing, story telling in his theatrical wizardry of his writings, and in his fashion sense that he loves.

    Field study is fascinating for me, as individuals are merely stuggling at being themself as they live and experience their life, however haphazard it may be.

    i pray love and wisdom for Mika’s loving soul.

    I composed a guitar piece for Mika, that i am still working on. It is one of my best yet, that has a harkening feeling to is, like that of the summoning of all souls into Porta Caeli. i will record and post it eventually, once i practice perfecting the timing of it.

    Looking into returning to my music again, with new instruments, like a Martin guitar.

    My guitar was always my best friend in life that i could turn to and feel good, if ever something painful in life came my way, soothing and calming for me, healing too.

    I was speaking with a musician the yesterday, about the composer within. I said, “A composer connects with their sincere feelings within in a fearless way, that naturally comes with years of playing music, and the confidence that comes thru years of playing. As a musician, we connect with our feelings while playing music of other, but with composing, you open the door to expressing your feelings, which may be alot more intense than you first realize while exploring your own depth of soul, and sincerity of love you feel. Being fearless in exploring and expressing our feelings is the goal in composing, doing whatever it takes to get into the zone, like playing for four hours before entering into composition mode.

    I have descovered that my love devoid of doubt is coming out in my compositions, and i am truly more excited than any previous time in my life as a musician. A true artist connects with their loving feelings and wants to express for sake of others feeling what they too feel.

  55. While out walking, i felt the gentle breeze on my skin, the warmth of sun, and i realized that nothing can compete with real life experience, when it comes to loving another…not music, not art, not words written.

    Out walking, talking, holding hands, hugging, kissing, swimming, biking with another, will always win over words written, albeit, writting is one of the best experiential techniques for maintaining positive mental emotional well being.

    Still, nothing can take the place of a soft gentle kiss, or hand to hold.

    Mika says to hug a tree.

    Indeed, acceptance of the divine true self of others starts with acceptance of and knowingness of our own divine true self within. Jesus came to this place of certainty in his own mind, of his knowingness that others too are capable to come to the level of awareness he arrived at and journeyed, of love in each step, breath, heart beat and dance move! haha! πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€


    well someone has to cheer this place up! πŸ˜‰

  56. HEY MADDY!!!





  57. Vote Madonna… MTV VMA 2008 HollyWood

    Best Female Video: 4 Minutes
    Give It 2 Me
    Madonna Needs Our Votes.. C’Mon!!

  58. i’ve become a nude model 2 earn money 4 myself & i feel really ashamed. i know you were a nude model yourself M (i’ve done a tribute 2 you as well, look @ my page),please help me get thru this, you’re still my no.1!

  59. i am in san antonio,texas.there is no society here worth staying for.i talked to the illustrious potentate of the local #99 freemasons,he told me something about the future of this area.i understand that arian brotherhood want this state,and want me out because i am the godspirit of the american skinheads.nobody can compete with me,cuz i have all the books that the movies are using and it takes one good out-burst and i am on thier game and tell the mehecans whos who.i have the 1980 revcon prince 33 foot motorhome,from dalongega georgia,i was told to buy.and the 327 v8 from a 1969 impala to put in my truck.and the z1r-900 kawasaki motorcycle,you people are going to get me black-balled in the union,if you do not stick to u.s.a. products,madonna.please tell hollywood that.i will have to custom an exterier for it not to be noticed,readily.are you coming back to the u.s. now that your divorcing guy?i would like to live in the same square as you,because i know you are at such a level in ambiguity,that -that place is best for our people.3456 BT,2.5 .i may go to france to get what i need from the society around me,i do not want to raise children in texas with this silent confederate side-line.the mehecans are at war with the A.B. and do not recognize any left-wingers.the only gang i represent in my strongest form with is SLUM-BOARD,they are like E.M.E. i deal great with them also.alot are coming over to our side in secret.they are tired of the racism.i also found the mask from the 15th century,with the long nose it is so masculin,i love it.$55 out of california.i may go to oregan,then down into cali.the union is paying electritians $48 an hour in san francisco.i want to jion that local committee of 300,chapter 31.they say i am up for an aunterage prospect,under robt. williams,who was anton levays prospect.i am a secret inside free masonry,just like you who i respect most,your THE MOST!

  60. Hi Madonna,
    I have been a major, big time, ‘hell of’ Madonna fan for 25 years. I just wanted to express my support for you. I admire you so much. I am now 45 with 2 girls 7 and 6 but when I was at UCLA I will never forget when I heard Borderline and thought who is this amazing new black singer? It makes me so incredibly sad to read people bashing you on this site. They SO need a hobby. I have a confession.. in 1991 I was working for a famous rock star whose music I wasn’t into and I wanted to work for you so I put a letter/resume on an exact replica of the open your heart bustier and delivered it to Oriole way.. I bought it at Trashy Lingerie on La Cienega. Now that I am older, I think how pathetic, I know, but I really wanted to try to work for someone whose music I loved and was in my 20s… Anyway, I danced on the stage with you at the AIDS danceathon in 1990 in LA and met you once at Roxbury during the Body of Evidence era. You were so cute in person. So tiny like a little Venus De Milo. Anyway, for what its worth f**ck everyone who says mean things. You RULE. write me puhleeeeeze

  61. oh–almost forgot. Remember Facade on La Cienega circa 1985 and that club in Manhattan around the same time that was in a church?? 85 was SUCH a great year. ya think? So fun growing up with you!

  62. Hi, iΒ΄m from argentina, sorry if the question donΒ΄t like you, and sorry for my english, is it realy you Madonna who are writing? This is not for what friends are for note, is only to know if you are writing all of that, if so itΒ΄s amazing, I know you are making a lot for poor people, living your life, singing, a so on, and I am realy happy that people like you make that, and also write for the fans, here in Argentina we need more like you!! you are an example of human in the world. Thanks for being what you are. If you are coming to argentina next december I hope you have a wanderfull stay and feel the love of all of us. I love you. Once I would like to see you and only hug you and be a part of your life just while that hug happens.

  63. This blog is FAKE!

  64. Dear Madonna

    I have always loved your music and your art. At the moment, I am sending you lots of positive vibes during this difficult time. As a fan, I will never purchase or read your brother’s book.

    I am horrified and can’t believe he is dumb enough to do this to himself. The media will turn on him. He is portraying himself as the poor, little neglected brat. I feel sorry for him…

    Keep strong!!
    Lots of love Rose

  65. hi.

  66. Hi, how ya doin? You need to chuck this “macrobiotic diet” nonsense and eat a few good pies. A good steak pie and chips would give you the energy you lack – seriously. Steak pie, chips, and peas. Normal food – not this fashionable macriobiotic stuff. All your problems can be solved by pies. Have a nice steak pie, chips and peas on me.

    And have a lie down a bit. You do too much running around. Have a lie down and eat some good food for a change.

    I know it sounds like I’m joking but I’m not. You need to do some things which normal people do. Chuck all the weird stuff and try doing normal things. Act normal, eat normal, live normal. I like normal. The singing and dancing and your work can be exceptional, but for the rest of your life, normal would be good.

    Feel free to ignore me. But I am the voice of reason.

  67. Your friend Gweneth scored when she married the hottie from COLDPLAY.
    Their new song Viva la Vida… OMG….
    Possibly THE BEST SONG EVER!! outside of your work my dear… cuz I LOVE YOU…. but… this is the bomb… come on.. ya godda give it to em…

  68. WHAT A FAKE!!!
    She’s not the real Madonna on the blog! This blogger is a woman that wrote on another blog 1 year ago and than she confessed the truth! She wrote: “”I tried to take things that happened to me or friends and apply them to Madonna and how she’d react to them. The longer I did it the better I got at it. When I first started it was obvious that it was a joke, but I do see that the longer I did it the more convincing it was. I’m sincerely sorry to the ones who really thought it was her. I really thought you were laughing along with the rest of us. I even thought that Madonna would laugh if she read them. She used to have a great sense of humor! I’m going to keep blogging. I don’t care if anyone reads it or not. I do this for fun. I will still post funny stories and everything. I will never lose my sense of humor. If you post negative comments, they will not appear.!” Now the other blog does not already exist and she’s created this ’cause all Madonna’s fans was very angry with her!
    I’m a fan too and I don’t like this joke of illusion for all of us!
    Now plese post this comment or I’ll write private messages to everyone to advise them!
    People, play attention!

  69. It’s good that Coldplay song because it’s simple and catchy, and doesn’t try to be more than it is.

    Really can’t stand the rest of their stuff, though. Pretentious and overblown.

    Go back on blog!
    On february 17 she wrote than she didn’t find the title for the new album (sorry for my english if it’s not perfect), but the real Madonna decided it BEFORE this date!
    This article is dated 1st february 2008.
    Go to see it on this link!

  71. you are right Val it is a fake blog, i don’t understand how it is possible to believe it is the true Madonna, thank you Val for your sens of reality…

  72. I actually feel better out of my 12 year relationship, of no more toxic feelings each day like before. Not of accusing any, rather of my awareness of such, as happiness seems to be flowing within me, of the me who will not tolerate any more inappropriateness from anyone ever again, or at least not for long, setting healthy boundaries along the way.

    With you M, i have come to know i need no boundaries, of someone i sincerely and completely trust, like none other i have before. I have said this many times before, of not knowing why it i trust you at the level that i do. Perhaps because we pose no threat to one another, of dear loving sincerity that comes with soul mate friends?

    Truly, it is a most loving feeling beyond all the riches of the world for me, that i have explored and felt with you since and before we first started chatting, of what i had not expected or anticipated i would feel, knowing you too felt it too.

    Always know that i love you, of the depth of the sincere love that my divine true self is, 100% love for you, now and forever more…eternal love i suppose, like that of Jesus, where it is silly to be unloving, is it not? duh! πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    I feel the same for Matt, and i know he feels it too, just as i feel for many souls i have met in life, and continue to meet.

    We connected M, both with each other and with our divine true self within, and i know you felt it too, praying that you always feel the sincerity we have come to know, of my daily prayers for you and those you love.

    Only love is good enough for Jesus, you, me and others…at all times.

    Love one another.

  73. Words they cut like a knife ..i dont wanna hear your words….we have a good vibe ..the best tour yet ? are you ready or are you paying for the top

  74. paying for the top? huh?

    i am a top, why would i pay for one? lol πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    ready for a hand to hold, but not just any hand to hold. Only one that yearns to hold mine like i do theirs will do, of gentle sincerity like when we are alone praying, the divine true self that loves without useless doubt, unlike so many yet full of insecurity, fear and the manifesting behaviours that come with aimless uncertain soul conditions. Bin there. done that. not again.

    It is what i want most in life, where everything else is second. Finding a true loving soul mate to live out the rest of my life with, will see everything else flow from the joyful loving couple that sets an example for all to easily know love is beyond all the riches of the world.

    Oh, you must be talking about Kyle! Ya, Kyle is a beautiful guy. loves his pot. loves me. too dysfunctionall for me though. I mean this guy smokes pot every single day, for the past six years. Still, i love him alot, as he is so relaxing to be around, albeit, i think his pot use is effecting his sexual funtioning. He actually walks strangely because of his chronic pot use, and a small speech impediment that may or may not be a result of his self abuse. Reminds me alot of Mike, and how Mike behaves, always smiling.

    paying for a top. ha. as if that will ever happen, what with this body? who would not want this body? duh!

    i suppose Kyle is broke most of the time, and i guess you could say it is abit of a codependent relationship at times, but he’s so fucking adorable!

    and dysfunctional. ah well, i can function for him!

    actually, he does not like to hold my hand in public, so he is off my list of potential partners.

    why is it people don’t recognize a good thing when the have it? Are they really that stunned? lol πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    apparently so. ah well. who wants someone that don’t want them? does not work when it is only one sided.

    I was thinking of you lately, hoping you are feelings as sincere as i do. lit a candle for you this morning. one for Matt too. and Rosie.

    if you love someone, and yearn for them, let them know. If it is mutual, great! If not…at least you expressed how you felt for them, good for them, and good for you as well, to feel the depth of your own spirit and soul, which radiates thru them to others, and back to you again. πŸ˜‰

    Why hide how we feel for another, if it is true of us?

    well ok, there are many reasons not to open up to others, such as those who may not be appropriate for us, and instead, we eventually come to realize they were not what we thought, nor need. Who needs or wants dysfunction? Go ahead if you must. We eventually feel the results of our own decisions. Personally, i am done with the idiots.

    A camera grew drove by shelter yesterday, filming from the door of a van as they drove by. Always alot of film productions here in the city.

    Cruise time! πŸ˜‰

    i miss you.

  75. Valentine… Did you ever think.. We don’t care if it’s real or not?… We love the blog…
    Why are you so worried?

  76. Dearest Madonna,
    first of all itΒ΄s a great pleasure to have a possibility to comunicate with you. I found this blog only today…thanks!!!!

    I have kept you from since as my “universal” sister and I “ti voglio bene” a lot – I am a finnish woman and at about the same age you moved to NY i started my experiences in living in italy from 1991 moved alone in Milan. After 10 difficult years (imagine from scandinavia to latin country learning the language, social life and all the rest…surely the most difficult is in the working field) the lady in the next door talked to me about buddishm. Firstly I couldΒ΄n understand it and I tried not to go ahead but misticly one other dearest frend of mine talked it to me again after not to see him for a long time – he has converted to buddishm and this way, i understood that this practice i could not leave it anymore.

    Now after 7-8 years after conversion in buddhism I understand that this is a huge occasion to give me and my life could be orientated for a reason and a happy future I want to realize could be mine. this means anyway working very hard with the difficult side of me, while living with all kind of difficulties around. Still I can say i have received some important very personal benefits by chanting.

    You Madonna are doing it too in your way and i am sure you will super them since you have won so many other obstacles in your life!
    I am also very fond of the idea of your interest to kabbalah. (i have only once studied some parts of it when I studied astrology)

    Also with this occasion I express to you Madonna my deepest gratitude, you have been to me all these 20 years a great teacher in life listening your music and “feeling” your feelings that has given me a very big hand to go ahead and that I have learned lot of things from your incredible way to transform your life and passing them to me as teachings.

    I hope you all the best and I wish you the most most pleaseant and peaceful summer and to make an excellent candy tour as the confession one was!!!!!

    Big big hug

  77. Oh I love this song! It is so beautiful, and I hope it will be sung forever.

  78. I LOVE YOU M. I hope that you`re administrator blog. Unless read it.

  79. As a white collar professional who deals with difficult individuals who try to propagate BS as a way of life, I feel deep empathy for the trials and tribulations that you have had to go through. I believe that you are not involved in the Rodriguez scandal, I truly believe that, and it is unfortunate that you have been put in the middle of something that you are truly uninvolved with. Stay strong, and remember who your true friends really are. It is better to have a few true blue friends; rather than suffer through a number of sycophantic admirers who are out for their own gain. I am waiting on pins and needles to see you in Chicago, center stage. Take care and stay true to your family, your children, and your faith. That is what really matters.

  80. Ingredable your welcome to my party, see ya soon xxx

  81. Ingredable your welcome to my party, see ya soon xx

  82. Clearly this woman is not Madonna!! I’m sorry, but there is only one way to communicate with her and that is to go through her people!!!
    If this blog were legit, which it is not, then there would be a link to it from her OFFICIAL website. And furthermore, if Madonna had a blog then it would not be on some public site like this. She would do the logical thing and have her tech team take care of it and make her a blog on her website!!!

    I feel incredibly sorry for all of you who have been duped by this cruel joke. Now lets see how long it takes for this post to be ripped down!! Bet it won’t take long!!

  83. Crusty Candy Girl…did you block me?

  84. Where’s Crusty Candy Girl? MIA for awhile now.

  85. I’m shocked I’m gagging..I’ve started my alcohol ban, none now until the tour is over …”Put your hands up for Detroit” xXx

  86. bless you.

    Truly a life without alcohol is a pure life of sincerity and true gracefulness that is true of the divine true self by nature.

    Forteen years of clean and sober, i truly know that clean and sober is the only way for the divine true self of me, where in acknowledging the truth of this, i easily know it to be true of everyone.

    Why invite such things into our path of an exceeding joyful loving life?

    Truly i do not want such things in my path, nor in your path, nor in Matt’s path, nor of the path of anyone.

    I ask for forgiveness from Jesus and God for unwisely inviting such things into my path, when ever i relapse, which is less than five times a year now, and with recent events, may see me cast it from my life forever more.

    Truly i wish all of you to not invite these things into your precious loving lives, especially you Matt, of whom i know is at high risk of high risk behaviour.

    I pray for safe passage of you to journey, of a journey which will see the natural exceeding joyfulness of a healthy divine true self, merely by your desire to just be who you are right now, delicate, sensitive, tender and loving.

    Jesus and God summon you to the wisdom which your divine true self feels the truth of these things i speak of. Truly, it is the divine will of Jesus and God that you feel the truth of the divine true self of YOU.

    bless you, bless you, bless you.

  87. yeah,friends are good.friends can disagree or come to blows but they wind up laughing.tiffs between friends,and the resolution of momentary anger,makes for the best friendships.we all must slip sometimes.Those moments when we don’t feel forgiving towards ourselves ,and so,friendships don’t have a chance to grow slowly and firmly,by time and season.To be even cornier;the song on the other side of the coin plays”I don’t want ourlives…to be over..”…….but its true.forgive,forget are good words and betterrealities.Before I went away from a recent jaunt in the woods it occured to me that it would truely be a bizarre strange event for anyone to be seen leaving said central park west apt building.if it makes you feel better,many people areupset to see there number2 news story when they toon in is not about important problems and sollutions but what the famous are doing.To boot,they know their lying!!!!!!!!!!h Ditto for a hard week.I learned about myself and others through it all ,actually not crying on the bus from seeing so many in discomfort and various distress.crying on the bus.jeesh.we alwayse knew you would be there for britney at THE RIGHT TIME.Bearing in mind that i am also a mean person and can wax nasty,hurtful mouth,it is not brown nosing to say that you are very wise.And……considerate…………and generous……………….plus your kind. rock on dude purdas dafogoo

  88. We are not what the business machine of society would like us to be, of slavery mentality that buys into it all, like owning a car, a house, the false status of life sensibility that many hold their noses above the meek and weak, which disconnects from the sincerely loving and gentle divine true self within themselves, as though they are so much greater than the weakest and meekest among us, shunning them as outcasts, when in truth, the weakest and meekest one is of more connected with the sincere feelings of the divine true self than the ones who shun them as outcasts, making them seem as though unworthy of even speaking with them.

    Ok, not all are like this, but many there are who are not of the gentle grace of their own divine true self.

    For me, i see so much absurdness daily, it bewilders me of just how snared so many souls are, and worse, the weak and meek actually buy into all the falseness that surrounds them.

    ~ an observation

  89. So what could M truly want for her birthday, that she does not already have?

    You already have my heart, so besides that, what else could you wish for?

    Ok. Let’s not go there. πŸ˜‰

    Sometimes i get these moments in my day, where i feel lifted beyond the mundane life i actually am living. Not sure what it is, other than it has to do with the future of my life, of where i know my path is one of a wholesome fun loving life with someone loving of me and i them.

    What does it matter what we own or what status any of us are, where one can easily choose to live a wholesome healthy life free of substance abuse and the anxiety that comes with such?

    I am excited about my future, in my knowingness that it will be free of the unwiseness i once participated with many others, of the first half of my life.

    Please, please, please know fully and completely the depth and truth of my words of my life experience which saw how dangerous and haphazard one can easily fall into substance abuse issues, which derail the ability for the divine true self within to sincerely live a wholesome fun loving and exceedingly joyful healthy life with one just like you.

    Pray to Jesus and God, asking forgiveness of the unwiseness of inviting such into your life, including unwise descerning for entertaining friendships or lovers who may be participating in such, for no one escapes the truth of the reality that comes with substance abuse, including those who associate with individuals who may not desire to become free of their unwise learned behaviours.

    I discovered my sincere connection with Jesus, God and my divine true self while praying, where my divine true self has Jesus and God to be 100% safe and supportive of me.

    Ya, i know, some of you may look apon me as some religious freak. Truly i tell you, Jesus and God are 100% safe and supportive of me, and are restoring me fully, where i feel certainty of my future path to be forever free of the absurd unwisenesses which snare so many in life who think causual drinking and associating with such is ok. Truly, time reveals the truth of these things i speak of, where i pray for all to become wise of unwiseness which fails to descern for sake of themselves and those they love.

    When we turn towards Jesus and God, we turn towards sincerity of our divine true self within and the divine true self within others.

    A peaceful loving life is for those who come to know themselves, who come to awareness and feel the sincere emotions of their own divine true self. Jesus and God will this apon us all, and will apon us the descerning wisdom which nurtures and protects our ability to live a wholesome fun loving life of exceeding joyfulness which comes natural to those who are deliberate in their health approach to life.

    One cannot live a healthy life without descerning wisdom.

    I am thankful of where my path is this day, of the dark passage of spiritual death i currently am surrounded by, where the light is bright, by means of the contrasting darkness and illnesses of heart, mind, body, spirit and soul of nearly everyone at the hostile i am currently a resident. Truly, it is a passage of great depth of learning, which is ushering me into a future life that will remain free of absurd unwiseness.

    I am deeply saddened by my inability to assist those who are so deeply snared physically, mentally and emotionally by substance abuse, encouraging all i speak with to come free of it, asking their counselors for a rehab program referral, if only they would. I do not recall seeing so many not only caught in substance abuse, but also caught in the group dynamics of substance abuse mentalities/personalities which feed into the notion that it is OK to continue, to the degree they actually think it is cool.

    Scared straight, i guess you could say. Truly i have seen enough to ensure my future will remain free of such learned behaviors, where i now question why i even bother hanging out in the ghetto, where so many are of substance abuse, where indeed, alcohol is substance abuse.

    OK…that was my sermon for the day.

    Jesus and God summon and bless us all with wisdom that protects and love that nurtures the divine true self within us all.

    Please choose to become wise, for sake of you and those you love, and for sake of the example which others are affected/effected.

    bless you, bless you, bless you.

  90. i love you

  91. Truly, my love is with you in every sincere step towards feeling the tender loving feelings of your divine true self…at all times.

    Truly, any other direction is the wrong direction, is it not? πŸ˜‰

  92. truly, i love you

  93. i used to be a dreamer, but then i woke up to the sincere feelings, delicate, sensitive and true of the divine true self me.

    Best of all, it is true of everyone! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

  94. I’ve personally reported this site to Warner Bros and asked them if it was real and to rip it off the net if it is not Madonna. They haven’t yet.

    So….maybe it is Madonna….Most people don’t believe it…fun for her right?

    I sent these sites to Liz herself!

  95. hello Madonna.
    im from Mexico.
    let me tell u these ….here in Mexico every day the radio play u music
    i really like it.



  96. Truly, she is a free loving spirit of exceeding delight and joyfulness, yes?

    I am too, but lately, life has kicked me around, ever reminding me of where i don’t belong, of those who unfortunate for them, are not suitable for me at times.

    So many there are who are complete jerks with me! agghh!

    ah well…makes it easy for me to descern when they are…Next!

    You there…what’s your name?

  97. πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

  98. You have no idea how special you are to me, in feeling your true self that i connect with.

    Truly, i don’t know why it is that i don’t feel overwhelmed by you, as i feel the sincerity of gentle loving You that has no desire to ever hurt me, or at least that is how it feels for me when i am around you.

    of course, i want to always be safe and supportive of your true self, of the way you just are. I am so amazed by how healthy you are, for more than i am, of this i know you know the truth. I get my good days, bad days emotionally.

    Is it just me, or is there something special between us (still)?

  99. My heart pounds at the thought of you and Brit Brit together.. you previously blogged about going back and giving to B again…soooo amazing M. your music moves but your actions soar. she needs you.. i love that you need her too. give receive ..make’n the world go round ;D

  100. Judas was always loving never turning his back in my moments of ignorance never reacting to intentionally inflict pain as some form of revenge, instead accepting my short comings and continuing to embrace me with his loving soul unconditionally, by doing so allowing me to heal and grow in love and light with minimal pain, his compassionate patience in me and warm loving embrace always there for me in my moments of Despair, instead I turned my back to him, with out reason without cause for I judged him and without consideration without thanks, without patience, now I walk alone unable to turn back, experiencing that inflicted pain. Perhaps one day I will be forgiven for the love and tenderness I so dearly miss, I doubt I will find anywhere else.

  101. And yet it was the ignorance for such was the insecurity and doubt that caused a judgement of error for I was not with Judas that night, but instead another with whom I had sought to take away the pain, for I was alone, abandoned and rejected by the one that I had sought with which I had offered my heart and love I would have waited if I was desired but unable to discern or clarify my concern, I was left with very little choice, now I have experienced that inflicted pain from another as I had also done to another, once there were three, then two now there are none, not even one, as one became lost inside the frost.

    Without communication there is a manifestation of misrepresentation = darkness

    Open communication manifests cooperation = brightness

    as clear as black and white

  102. But you’re always right, and way too uptight you gave me a fright by abusing your might, the other night, how about assisting me to help make it alright.

    I still want to hold you but only if, it is alright

  103. Next time “JUST ASK” openess & honesty from the truth you shall recieve, as i wear no mask.

  104. No point beating around the bush, I am bitter and angry as hell for the way I have been treated for so many years. It will remain like that until the situation is resolved. I’m being honest here.

    However … as I have said before, plenty of high-quality begging for forgiveness will go a long way towards sorting the matter. I am sure things can be sorted. OK.

    I’ll see Madonna a week on Saturday. πŸ™‚

  105. Indeed, life teaches us the truth wisdoms about our divine true self, but only when we take time to reflect on the greatest treasure in life one shall ever find, ‘that’ of the loving purity and sincerity of our divine true self.

    Be thankful of the purity and sincerity you come to know of your divine true self, irregardless of how others may or may not be in their conduct with you, in your turning towards feeling the treasure you come to know of YOU, no different than the same way Jesus came into the knowingness of the greatest treasure one shall ever find in life.

    Entering fully into Porta Caeli, we feel the fearlessness there, which does not seek to correct another, while being what Porat Caeli is, of the pure divinity of Jesus, God, and your divine true self.

    Many there are who do not seek the cognitive level of understanding, aimlessly of the subconscious searching of purity and sincerity within and of others instead. In purity, we easily feel compassion for the innocent souls unknowingly snared by unwiseness and their crucial lacking of desire for wisdom, rather than judgemental, where our loving feelings of compassion feel the truth of their anxieties and fear which no longer plague us in Porta Caeli.

    Learn to be always nurturing and protective of your divine true self which yearns to always be found of the purity and loving sincerity of your divine true self, for the world does not seek to nurture or protect the divine true self, where our knowingness of nurturing and protecting the purity and loving sincerity within another, reveals the truth of this fully and with clarity of our feelings which see the obvious truth in the conduct and approach of others.

    Responsibility for others, starts with responsibility of our divine true self, where when nurtured and protected, others feel their own loving sincerity, merely by us being among them, where our conduct is always of loving sincerity, pure and true of the divine true self within and within another.

    Turning towards the hypocrisy heart leads away, not towards the purity and loving sincerity of our divine true self, when in time, our loving feelings of sincerity in our cognitive reflecting and searching of our heart, reveals the obviousness of these unwise bitter things of the hypocrisy heart that we can easily pluck and cast from us.

    I always did despise foolish hypocrisy conduct, my entire life, in their bitter gnashing of teeth about others.

    Do not invite bitterness into the loving heart, mind, body, spirit and soul of the divine true self which despises the unwiseness of the hypocrisy heart, that of which we easily see and feel with clarity, just how bitter their bitterness feels which grips their precious loving souls, indeed, able to derange and lead away from their divine true self.

    Everyone needs to take the responsibility of nurturing and protecting their own divine true self, just as we do, just as Jesus did, of our embracing of wisdom which protects, and love that nurtures, able to always be found of loving sincere conduct that is of Jesus, God, and our divine true self.

    Know this…the pure loving sincere feelings that are 100% true and sincere, are of Jesus, God and our divine true self, where it is in these moments of standing in Porta Caeli, that we are connected with Jesus, God and our divine true self.

    Fully becoming ‘that’ of our divine true self at all times, is not small feat, and indeed, many souls there are which do not accomplish this in their life time.

    Truly are of knowingness of the truth of where we always wish to BE, merely by means of feeling what the loving sincere feelings of our divine true self feels like, alone, or with another.

    Magical is the feeling for the loving soul mate lovers who are of the loving sincerity of their divine true selves, where in doing so, the discover that once united, they no longer concern themselves of the fear that the world projects, for they have turned fully towards one another in sweet anticipation of each other, hourly, daily, forever more, having turned away from the world which once troubled them. The nurturing and protecting of the divine true self for the two soul mates comes natural for them in their turning towards one another, of eyes only for each other, of their always yearning for love’s embrace of the loving lovers.

    I too am yet growing in wisdom and certainty of the greatest treasure one shall ever find, where my yearning for loving sincerity and peaceful grace within, is what i am becoming more and more as time passes.

    Like all of you, i am always that of a humble student of Jesus and God’s loving compassionate wisdom which restores the divine true self within us all.

    By choice, i have turned towards Jesus, God and my divine true self, and in doing so, i turn towards the divine true self within everyone, here in Porta Caeli, where indeed, the beginning and the end is of the same place, is it not?

    The forces of negative and positive energy clash in the world, of wisdom replacing useless ignorance, love replacing absured hate and jealousies, of compassion replacing empty apathies which lead to now where, and certainly not to Jesus, God, me and your divine true self.

    When one comes to knowingness of fearless loving sincerity, they feel the truth of all things with clarity, compassionate of the truth of the many innocent souls born into the (yet) unwise world full of ignorances which snare so many souls, holding captive the world in great sufferings and despairs.

    God’s loving sincerity is of us all, sadly (yet) unattended, (yet) unnurtured, and (yet) unprotected for so many souls that dwell here in Heaven all around us.

    Peace be to you.

  106. Nothing to sort out for me with regards to my recent break up of a twelve year relationship.

    At some point we may salvage a friendship, but the break up is permanent, with his ex now moved in with him, me signed off the lease…it’s over.

    Been a few weeks of freedom, and i have to say, i am loving my freedom over condescending belittling that my ex gave me daily. I know, manifestations of low self esteem is why he behaves the way he does, but to call the police and trump charge on me, wrongfully sending me to prison, and bragging about it with his friends that he did it to help get me away from druggies? Sorry, that’s just too much for me to trust ever again, indicative of something that feels like a progressive illness for me, of which i am now free of.

    I will comply with the judge…no contact…thank you Your Honor.

  107. Anna? You are amazing with your fearless connectedness of self within, of such depth and patience of understanding with true certainty, fearless of embracing truth, even of mistakes we sometimes make.

    Your words stimulated my thoughts, where i felt a moment of certainty about how any conduct which leads away from our loving sincerity connectedness of self within, or self of another, in my mind, is of the ones who are yet immature, including ourselves at times of course.

    But here is the problem for me. I don’t see the desire in others to reach for understanding, like you do, and that is where i get discourage fast, when issues that need to be addressed are not, and psychological stuckness continues with those who don’t desire understanding that ushers us into being of the sincere grace, fearlessness and tender lovingness of our divine true self at all times, which for me is a path that i am on, of my knowingness of how my future self is, having dwelled with my future self, ever of my sincere desire to continue nurturing the growth and addressing protection required, such as my recent exiting of an unhealthy relationship that was toxic for me.

    While you appear to be blaming yourself for the breakup, i look at the truth of my knowingness of loving sincere conduct of the divine true self, and i question the truth of the maturity level of Judas, of my knowingness that Judas, if of the required maturity needed for you, would not behave as such.

    In this reqard, Judas is not the soul mate meant for you…at that time, nor any time, so long as they are not able to sit down and talk heart to heart with one another as sincere loving friends like you do here.

    Truly, your words are moving for me.

    Your words of, ‘love and tenderness I so dearly miss, I doubt I will find anywhere else.’ caused me to feel a gentle moment of sincerity that describes how i feel for M, and those i know of loving tenderness, like Matt.

    I do hope you keep writing Anna. Writing is an excellent experiential technique that helps us maintain positive mental emotional well being, so keep writing.

    And yes, is why i keep writing, of my knowingness that it assists my growth and nurturing of my true self that yearns to feel connectedness of loving sincerity at all times, where i am not yet there at this point in time…of the toxic environments i yet find myself in, not by choice…or at least i don’t think so(projection identification perhaps?)

    I will say this, i am glad my ex terminated the relationship, rather than me, as i could not bring myself to leave, hurting him…although in truth, staying was hurting us both.

  108. I love the outfits M.

  109. My spirit has been set free to just be me…no more toxic feelings will i tolerate…or at least not for long. snap snap

  110. breakups are always so…my body actually feels it all over at times, a detox sorta feeling i guess, as i take a deep breath, a chapter of my life over, a new chapter begins.

    Harder than i thought, walking out the door for the last time, of a sancuary i became so comforable in. Not sure how long it will take to regain myself. This is a tough one for me, yet each day i feel excitement building and growing of a new life approaching, a new lover, a new space, a new grace? πŸ˜‰

    In retrospect, i recall waiting during the day for my ex to dig his claws into me, and i started counting how many times a day he did.
    I would wake in my peaceful state, gracefully get out of bed and begin my morning routine, feeling fantastic…and then, the condescending belittling…ANNOYING!!!!…behavior of my ex would start, and every time, i felt it, the negativity that cut thru me, lessening the graceful loving feeling i was feeling, fear cast into me, anxiety building…fuck that!

    No more. Not again will i tolerate such negative approaches as much as i did my ex. And yet he treated everyone but me like royalty. jerk!

  111. like i said, it would be nice if one were loving all the time, and more often.

    I have learned that this has to do with the yearning of the divine true self within to always feel fearless, free of absurd anxiety the world projects, to always feel…well…divine! πŸ˜‰

    i hope you are getting the proper rest.

    Each day is more peaceful than the one before, as i find my confidence restoring to normal levels, actually better than before, although i know i am not out of the woods yet…

    It has felt like i have been violated, somewhat traumatizing for me.

  112. I know he’s too young, not of the same maturity, nor same passions, ambitions,

  113. I just wanted to say Thank you. I have one daughter age 12 and we just finally got around to reading English Roses. She cried… she kept saying I am so thankful to have a mom, and you know what, its ok to be different. Thank you so much for finally getting through to her what I have been trying to for years. I’ve always been the artsy fartsy one, the one that went against the grain, always the different one… now my daughter sees it’s ok, and that my dear is an awesome feeling. I have watched you and admired you throughout the years, continue being just you M, you’re an inspiration to more then you know. Thanks again E
    PS good luck on your tour

  114. Ya. me too. i am not ready for anyone right now. too messed up. over sensitive. unfocused. uncertain. confidence issues.

    why is it people kick the fuck out of ya when life goes down for you financially. what a bunch of fucking morons, treating me like i am a loser, when in truth…

    oh wait…”I’m FREE! I’m FREE! I’m FREE!!!!” πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    why am i complaining when i have nothing to complain about here in the present…where looking back, our hearts do indeed turn to stone, do we not? ha.


    “Im FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” πŸ˜‰

    hmmm….easier than i thought it would be.

  115. even my boss treats me like a loser now, when i have been his financial advisor for years…can you believe that? jerks!

    I can’t believe the way people can be such jerk offs! fuck!

    i will soon ditch his ass too…motherfuckers. πŸ˜‰

  116. deep breaths…inhale…exhale…hummmmmm…

    compassion for the morones….hummmmmm…

    ah, fuck this…im going out dancing!!! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

  117. FREEDOM!!!!

    of course, the greatest prison of all, is our own minds…rendered useless by some people…so long as we don’t build apon our own understanding and insight.

    Jesus was right. We all hold the key to freedom of our divine true self, able to free, nurture and protect our divine true self from useless, absurd, unwiseness of the morons, all the while having compassion for them…but dwelling among them too long…no wonder Jesus left them alone for long periods of time…so they could grow. πŸ˜‰

    Truly, i understand.

  118. ok…i am not entirely blameless.

    My own insincerity has now surrendered to sincerity in my exiting a relationship i was not truly happy to be in since the beginning…admitedly, i sought shelter at the time, thinking a couple years…that turned into twelve years.

    Now, being sincere to my self, happy to be free of inappropriateness which likely stems from his subconscious awareness of my not being truly happy at all times…as difficult as it may be for us both…we will be happier with someone else. I feel abandonment guilt, but not in the sense that one may think. I feel i am now sincere in leaving, of no desire to return, knowingness of my own feelings of insincerity all those years, where today, i feel guilty for staying, rather than leaving, hinder both of us from true happiness.

    although, had i commited whole heartedly, we could of become happier in addressing our needs and commitment to making it work.

    I will not entertain thoughts of returning, and instead stay true to myself, now free to fully experience the loving souls of others, of my full attention and appreciation to do so, unattached to thoughts of loss or returning to something i sincerely do not wish to.

    Does not make him a bad person, rather incompatible for me at this point in time. Truly, he is and was a loving soul for me, precious indeed, but i want something of more grace and purity of sincerity with someone, which neither of us seemed to connect with at a deeper level of sincerity which is of me, of my knowingness of loving sincere feelings of my divine true self.

    I will be there as a friend, like most gay couples are when the split, unlike the hetersexuals are in many cases, of our maturity to do so…family.

  119. ya…im ok…as you can tell by my ability to think rational in my certainty of understanding clarity…likely because of my thinking it over for the last few years.

    Only one life to live. CHOOSE wisely.

  120. Truly, i have experienced sincere appreciation in meeting new souls, precious and true like my own.

    I love meeting, interacting and getting to know new people, where i connect with thru sincerity with and of the divine true self within us.

    Actually, that is what i love most about life, interacting with the soul of others, feeling the sincere joy and happiness of them shine radiant and bright…now if i can just find the key to this damn shackle around my leg. ha. πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

  121. Happy birthday!!!!!!!! a very big kiss from italy.

  122. Happy Birthday girlfriend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! πŸ˜‰

    of course i love you! duh!

  123. Happy Birthday M!!!!!!! You look like a young girl!!
    I wish you a wonderful day!

    Much love

  124. Hey M just wanted to wish you a happy 50th birthday! You look just as hot as you did 25 years ago! I’m resting at home sick today watching an afternoon dedicated to you on the Star network in Canada. Have fun on your birthday πŸ˜€

  125. ya. i thought so too. She looks better than she ever has, in such perfect shape, physically, mentally, emotionally….just perfect please!

    oh, how i could lay next to her…no problems…just perfect.

    but only if she passes the rule: They must love me!

  126. give it up…let me have my way…which is the same direction as you, is it not?

    Only LOVE is good enough for me.

  127. Only love is good enough for YOU.

  128. Only Love is good enough for YOU. πŸ˜‰

  129. The expensive!!! Spit lie and envy round you!!! Envious persons wish to misdirect you, to destroy your rest and everything that you have created!!! Dear to listen to provocations and to endure – not our method. You are a beauty, the clear head and the remarkable skilled adviser. Spit gossips about operations, changes and other bosh!!! We do not trust these rascals!!! (Russia)

  130. Happy birthday Madonna! Love and kisses x

  131. M, what’s the matter with you, more than a month you didn’t blog ! Are you sure to be the Real Queen of Pop ?

    There’s something strange in your blog, you talk and talk and talk, but nobody has never seen you face. By the way, can you tell me why this video from the real Madonna from You tube ( can’t be found on your blog ? Sounds like it smells fake on this blog…


  132. there are 10,000s of us sitting in Cardiff getting very board waiting. come on it’s not like there’s even a supporting act here for gods sake !

  133. YOU are the supporting (act)! πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€




  135. Ive been saying this for ages, this blog is a place for Andy to vent as he has no real friends to talk to.
    As for the nasty comments, GET A LIFE, she may be 50 but she aint desperate, the only person who wants to fuck ARod is CRod and YES Madonna should sue, try looking up the word SLANDER you daft twats

  136. The only true and faithful REAL friends one can trust in life are Jesus and God.


  137. Most turn on YOU eventually.

    Then there are the ones we can easily do without, of their belittling condescending bs. that no one wants to hear or need.

    Oh yeah, almost forgot, i trust my SELF. πŸ˜‰

    You make only a mockery of YOU, in your belittling approach with me, who sees the condition of your soul as one who does not search for Jesus and God, a prisoner of your own mind, in chosing to turn towards the hypocrisy heart, chinadoll.

    as for friends, i am selective who i invite into my inner circle, where most i passby, depending on the condition of their soul.

    actually, you may be shocked in knowing the friends in my inner circle. πŸ˜‰

    Like Jesus said, “God casts no one out of heaven. He does not have to…they do it on their own, in all their unloving conduct.”

    Don’t mind me, i am merely one who stands in the kingdom of heaven with Jesus and God. ha. πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

  138. i jest not.

  139. your loss, not mine chinadoll.

  140. why not delete the blog if the words of Jesus and God, and a student of God are uninteresting for you?

  141. Bonjour my darlings…Quick Hello..Nice was tuff, things went wrong. .Cardiff was so smooth the crowd was amazing,thanks for all your support …i’m in the studio tomorrow with a top DJ to remix ‘Miles away’ , i feel so deep about this song the last time i felt like this was ‘live to tell ‘ xXx

  142. don’t mind me…i am an emotional wreck lately…toxic at times, what with my recent break up…normal reaction to so much unbelievalbe behaviour of controling others of me…

    i realize it is of my own inconsistency of behaviour with my ex, and i am to blame mostly for everything.

    i just want to get back to the calm Andy i used to be, without feeling abandonment guilt and all the toxic feelings i am currently experiencing.

    deep breaths…biking is helping me alot.

    When it comes to the TRUTH, we know only love is good enough for us all. We push forward in what the world needs to stay connected with, sincere fun loving SELF.

    So always know and feel the TRUTH that is of You and me, as we are learned of many things that others sadly are not.

    Positive and Negative forces clash in the world daily within everyone’s day, as the positive energy pushes out the negative, growing, just as we have.

    I have lost my footing…and these damn high heels are hurting bad! ha.

    You know how it is for tours, by the end of it, the last shows, you feel relaxed, wondering why you where uptight in the first place…uncertainty that gets pushed out as we become centered in stepping forward, shining brightly into the darkness.

    It is not about us, so much as it is for sake of them, and that is what you music has always been about, unconditional love.

    Why? Because we care, just as Jesus and God care about us all becoming the enlightened sincerity pure and true of the core of everyone’s BEing.

    Ya, i like that song. For me it reminds me of how we take time out to reflect, slowing down into grace(decending into grace where we learn thru sincerity, as Jesus says), and think our feelings, rather than ego. Sorta like writing a love letter to someone we deeply love and care for.

    Song writing, to me is love letters meant to be felt, for sake of nurturing the reader, for sake of those who hear, by means of their feelings.

    i have come enjoy dwelling in writing lately, of self reflection, self-actualization, self-discovery, such as our own fearlessness we feel at times. Your music has always had a fearless sense that grew as the years went by. At what point does fearlessness become 100% i wonder. For me, pure fearlessness is connected with pure sincerity, and love devoid doubt, macro thinking wisdom, all woven into a feeling that is incredible to feel, where doubtfulness fades away and viewed as something useless and unwise, of the world as Jesus says, not of we who are loving.

    Jesus was just a man, but he tapped into something of knowingness, that today, is frowned apon as something of a crazy person. ha.

    You think you got worries, i am worried they will chemically straight jacket me like they did my brother, who is still sadly instutionalized, shut down, broken hearted.

    I don’t think i be talking about God with them! ha. Nope! I will wear the mask they want to see.

    For you it is great, as you get to just be YOU, so fun loving and full of joy, like that of your own children who are fun loving, accepted by all who feel your inner joyfulness.

    Out here, it is a bit more difficult with so many who are doldrum mentalities that tend to weigh down our spirits, the work class stiff mentality i suppose, and yet, the dance floors await us all, so long as there are the enlightend artists in the world who keep us entertained.

    A sense of responsibility for you at times, and yet, it is your real self that is shining thru.

    I saw the video Rosie did of you from above, and the real YOU was shining brightly, of fun loving sincerity that is true of YOU, although there was a certain lacking of zeal, like something was missing in your world, that i felt, a sorta uncertainty or insecurity, unlike your previous tours of the decades past, and yet more enthusiastic than previous.

    Hey, we should chat more often! ha.

    just ignore my rantings. ok?

    Ok. deep breaths…i love YOU, because YOU love me!

    Because YOU loves us all.

    Here comes another blessed day for us all…well ok, for some, as many there are in the world who are suffering greatly.

    Oh, yeah, i was reading about what suffering is, and what it is not, from the view point of Jesus and God. It is not what we think, as most think only on the surface, rather it is of the deeper level of feeling, of one suffering for example, where they come into a knowingness of how the world really is, uncompassionate for example, where the suffering actually serves their hearts, by means of the coming into a knowingness of the world and of their own self-discover, as to the depth of their own loving heart, mind, body, spirit and soul. In that sense, suffering is something good for a soul, albeit, a growing experience that is healing for them, albeit, their should not be any children in the world suffering, who do have any fortitude of unstanding to grasp the truth, that the world is an unloving world, and rather they feel only what it is that they feel, completely unloved.

    Our empowerment and motivation, as bright as the sun, an eternal truth of the past, present and future generations.

  143. In the eyes of Jesus and God, all souls of the earth are Children of self-awareness, learning and growing in certainty of what matters most in life…Love.

    For me, having grown to a level of love devoid of doubt, finding of a soul mate of the same depth, is something i realize i may not get to experience in the physical realm, hence my self-reflections that i leave for others to ponder, for sake of them to be of the sincere diligence and determination that is needed to overcome the crucial lacking of desire for wisdom that grips the world for so many souls.

    My best friends in life are psychologists, and students of psychology, conducive interation that is healthy for me, a student mentality like their own.

  144. honestly, i don’t what is really happening to me, and have yet to sit down with the depth of the love devoid doubt feelings i feel in my visions with Jesus.

    For me, the visions is not something bad for me at all, and actually incredible for me, although the mental health community may have a different opinion, so i keep myself about the visions, because of the personal growth i have feel occuring over many years.

    Hey, there’s a new one for ya! ha. πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    Ya. It revolves around our pure sincerity of love, that i suspect you have felt and know about, love devoid of doubt.

    I will slow down and write extensively on it.

    The most significant aspect about it is the standing still aspect where we sense the uncertainty that grips the world, in our descerning of truth ability by means of the pure sincerity feelings, sight returned to the soul.

    I love being deliberate in just feeling the souls of many, who do not comprehend the macro level and sincerity as they pass by. I am a mad scientist, watching the world around me with complete awe and disbelief most days! ha. πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    i am not disconnecting from you, because i suspect you know the love devoid of doubt feeling, in your own personal growth, although at the same time, i do not wish to alarm you in any way, as you the most dear to me in life, of any have met or shall meet, along with my short meeting with Matt, another pure soul like our own, yet unjaded by the world.

    I cannot turn away from the purity of my own soul, as it is not possible. It is who we are, of a level of sincerity that many do not reach for or attain, at a cognitive level like we do, fearlessness and confidence that is good for us, and those we love.

    So, so long as you wish, i shall remain forever true to you as a friend, forever true to me, unable to turn away from someone so dear to me, beyond words.

  145. admittedly, i am lying about my feelings for you. i am too afraid to allow myself to believe something that may be true for you too.

    and so friendship i accept as the only thing we will ever be.

  146. oh oh.

    oh no…the cat is out of the bag, as they say, as i laugh in finally have spoken sincerely with you.

    i did sorta hint at a few times, did i not?

    i don’t to allow my inner happiness to be dashed of a dream i onced dreamed, trying hard to let go, thinking to myself, ah, it was just a dream, and yet, deep within, i know was just a dream, of my inner happiness that is real for me in my thoughts of a you and me, thoughts i have had since i first started thinking about you.

    there, now you truly know the truth.

    you would feel and understand perhaps my fear of a dashed dream that felt true for me, where rather than feel fear, i let go?

  147. If you’re feeling guilt, feel some un-guilt because I am being treated with respect at last. I have feelings too.

  148. ya. i was thinking about you all week, of my own uncertainty in knowinging how you (truly) feel, and yet at times certainty of your feelings for me, that i have felt numerous times, and of my knowingness of issues and how one feels while experiencing them. But then i see the kids, hoping and praying everyone is healthy and happy.

    It is not up to me. It never was, and never will be, but at least now you know the truth of me.

  149. i am not a home wrecker with an agenda. i know i am a loving brother to all, respectful in speaking the truth, unafraid of consequences in having spoke the truth to all, knowing my love is my life. If i have put people on notice in doing so, well good for them, is it not?

    I fear for everyone caught up in serious life issues.

    People don’t know how life plays out, often times until it is too late and serious things happen, like my loss of Troy that devastated me, and still, i am devastated, painfully wiser.

    May his life serve us all of the truth in just how serious life issues are. It sobered me up instantly, at a deep level that my inner five year old felt, that my entire life passed into, finding myself standing there, where i still see him laying dead on the road and me kneeling at his side, humbled before God.

  150. Time has stopped for me.

  151. I can only repeat what I just said. No situation is ever perfect, and we can’t always have evrrything how we would like it, but the trick is to focus on the positives. And it’s then often the case that we find out things have worked out for the best and everyone ends up happier. I am serious about things.

  152. frozen in the moment, emotionally, spiritually, physically, of the grace of my five year old within, who was so angry with me, while keeping a diary, he just kept striking at the page with a pen, telling me to just feel, and not write about it, where it was important that i feel what it is important, my own loving self that loved Troy. At first, i was not sure if it was Troy’s spirit or my own that was striking the blank page with the pen, and yet i knew it was me that feeling the depth of my love for him, that of my entire life that lead to that day, knowing i wanted to spend the rest of my life with Troy. I did tell Troy i wanted to be with him forever. He knew i was deeply in love with him, having cryed many times while with him, expressing myself to him.

  153. I’m not saying I’m perfect in relationships – far from it. I think I must be incredibly frustrating and hard work sometimes. And I am a bit strange, but who isn’t. OK, I’m very weird and strange. But I do feel there is something there. I think our joint weirdness would work/cancel. It would be … er … “unconventional”!

    I tear my hair out thinking about how things should have worked out for me (and you). I dunno. Just insane.

  154. So I’m warning you very clearly in advance in the clearest language: I am exceptionally weird and strange and hard work and very very frustrating for much of the time. I want to be very clear about that.

    Now it has been said.

  155. You can’t turn around and say I didn’t warn you.

  156. I want to live a healthy life like a Christian does, who are just their loving selves 24/7, of serenity and peace all around them.

    I am living the life of a Christian now, and have been since Troy died. It has taken along time to come free of the old self i once was.

    I know my life will not be that of a True Christian, if ever i allow alcohol into God’s house of love and peace. Without doubt, i know my true divine self, and his desire to be forever free of these things, and his desire to be sincerely joyous and happy, and is, and will be, with someone also of the same path.

  157. Ha! As kids of imagination, we were weird, were we not? And still are? Not strange at all for me.

    I know who i am…who i always was.

  158. Yes, you make a good point: if you’re weird yourself then other weird people seem normal. And normal people seem weird.

  159. Some people at first think we are wacky, what with our fun loving approach to the world. In that regard, we are of the same spirit, are we not. It is what connects with each other and the world, the truth we know of ourselves, and in so doing, that of everyone, that of the inner joyfulness and happiness within all.

    Our desire has always been to nurture and protect that of ourselves, naturally becoming self-actualized, naturally assisting others in self-actualization merely be being ourselves, and getting paid great attention in doing so, yes? Where everyone wins!

    Blessed are YOU and ME, forever free to just BE, for sake of thee, for sake three. You are of my daily prayers with Jesus and God, the real YOU i have come to know, no different than me, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, phsyically.

    Our work is our play, where every step is of our divine true self.

    Worry not of how i feel about you, for i love you completely. I have for along time, and in my knowingness of how that love has grown within me, i desire it to keep growing, just as you do, so don’t ever wonder if my love is able to change, for it is the love my true divine self, unable to change, because the divine true self is of becoming or restored into the purity of heart, mind, body, spirit and soul.

    i love her with all that i am, ever becoming what i am.

  160. Honestly, the world is not ready for us, and never was, still ain’t!

    Truth is, they don’t know we are of the advanced level.

  161. Lunchtime

  162. Always know that we too are yet growing. It is important to be of the humbleness of awareness of the truth of such. That’s how i connect to Jesus and God, where it is my divine true self that is growing richer of the wisdoms which protect the divine true self that is 100% pure and sincere, just as we were as kids…adult children.

    Jesus was a mature adult child, merely a man, who knew he was merely a man, and he knew he was advanced in his understandings, praying we would reach beyond what he had reached. He expressed it, telling them directly, both those of the current time, and those of the future, who he knew are listening, to reach beyond what he had reached, knowing he would soon his life was short and would soon pass out of the physical realm. When i write, i know i am speaking the future generations as well, and this is of the purity of Truth words that don’t fail. Truth does not fail.

  163. Ya. i have to go to work.

    That was a step we needed to take, reconnecting again in purity and sincerity of heart, for sake of us, more for sake of the many.

  164. i felt it coming on all week, knowing i was about to grieve something. i cannot lose your friendship. it would devastate me.

  165. actually, i don’t think it is possible for us to lose our friendship, in our knowingness that it is of our divine true self.

    I know i cannot turn away from that which i am, who is no different than YOU.

  166. hmmm…two large letters, M M

    Matt + Madonna!

    now there is a secret i would love to know and tell! πŸ˜‰

    oh yeah, i already did.

    me and my thoughts eh?

    Truly, i love YOU both equally, and always will, of the pure sincerity of love that is of our divine true selves.

    I pray safe journey for all, just as i used to pray for safe journey of Troy, who i knew was snared by unwiseness of the world. I told him the bridge is out up ahead Troy, we need to get off this runaway train before we both die. This was around the time of breakins at the local LCBO store of the friends we were keeping.

    Beware of the unwiseness which grips many souls of the earth, where merely slowing down into your our graceful (true) self, we are able to slowly reflect and dwell in our sacred place within us that is of pure certainty and knowingness of wisdom that sees(feels) with clarity, the TRUTH of these things we are 100% knowing of in our life, in the life of those we love.

    Without doubt, in know 100% i do not want any thing bad to happen to Matt or YOU, or those you love.

    without doubt Matt.
    without doubt Madonna.

    My love is Pure and True for both of YOU, that is of the loving respect of my own divine true self.

    RESPECT YOU when you do.

  167. of course, M&Ms still are one of my favorite candies! πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    without doubt…we love them, do we not? πŸ˜‰

  168. It is not up to me, of who it is who chooses to BE a friend of mine, of who chooses to feel the words i write, of who chooses to reflect on my words that may help in deciding the direction of their own path ahead of them.

    What is up to me, is who i choose as friends, which is everyone, just as Jesus and God do, obvious truth anyone can feel in the words i write, which is about the YOU of everyone…of the YOU of me…and YOU.

    Me & Matt
    Me & Madonna
    Me and someone like Me.

    Me! Me!

    Pick Me!

    as in Pick the YOU who is like Me.

    or better yet, Pick the YOU who loves Me, where Me is YOU.

    Hey! i heard that! ha. πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

  169. It’s about Self-Actualization, and how we maintain it.

    Just BE YOU!

    and attract someone just like YOU!

    Preferably a healthy YOU that attracts a healthy one like YOU.

  170. Now it has been said.

    Oh oh.

    Houston? We have a problem! ha. πŸ˜‰

  171. ah Houston?

    what does unconventional mean?

    “Oh! That kind of unconventional!” ha. πŸ˜‰

  172. being out of the ordinary.

    as in Extraordinary and Wonderous! πŸ˜‰

    Ya. We always knew that about our SELFs.

    Exceeding Joyfulness, like we felt as children, unafraid, so imaginative, purity of fun loving spirit.

    i don’t know if i am fixable though…not without alot of practice, work, and sincere love.

    Love fixes everything?

    If the REAL YOU is Pure Love, and only Love is what YOU wants and deserves, then only Love is good enough for YOU…Love!

    So who wants more of Love?

    We all do.

    When two Loves get together?

    A most incredible thing happens. Fear disappears, cast out forever more, love devoid of doubt flooding over them. Those who find themselves in such a place, desire without doubt to always remain, where thoughts of love fill their minds full, pushing out all foolish unwise thoughts.

    Jesus said, seek to BE filled, and yet not always full, to BE filled even more.

    in other words, be what we are…thirsty.

    in other words, loving feelings grow and increase to higher levels of value to us, just as wisdom grows, but only if we are of the descerning wisdom that realizes fully what plagues the world…’Crucial Lacking of Desire for Wisdom’…of SELF. BE thirsty.

    If one does not desire to drink, then how is one able to quench their thirst?

    If one does not decern between drinking of sweet, over bitter, then how can one remain sweet, sweetie?

    ~ common sense.

    As Jesus says, “Where our hearts are(bitter or sweet), there too is our treasure and our life…at all times. What we turn towards(embrace), we become…at all times. Turn away from the hypocrisy heart and turn towards sincere loving feelings of the divine true SELF. YOU.”

    We can serve both bitter and sweet side of ourselves, as most do, and yet, it is uselessly absurd to do so. Unfortunately, the world does not conduct itself as nurturing and protecting of our delicate sensitive divine true self, leaving us feeling isolated and alone at times, toxic, afraid, overwhelmed, feeling unloved, and yet these very feelings is what makes for what the divine true SELF is…beautiful!

  173. Hey M, don’t down while sitting on top of the world, with a best friend at your side forever more.

    Holy fuck, how the hell did you get up so figing high up in the tree?
    i ain’t comin up their to get you, so you will have to come to me.


    Every sincere loving step one takes, is always in step with Jesus and God’s purity and sincerity, of their divine will for us to be of the fearless willingness to feel our sincere loving feelings, so pure and true, like we do, and are.

    i am…because we are…of the God’s divine will for us to be of the fearless willingness to feel our sincere loving feelings, so pure and true.

    YOU know who YOU are, of many i have come to know.

  174. With flowers in my hair, i don’t care, if they stare, apon the one inside them all that yearns to BE forever FREE, to just BE the ME of all of YOU, that yearns to always ME!

    ok, that sounded self -centered, rather than the truth, centering of SELF.

    the hyprosy heart views it one way…bitter.
    the enlighted joyful Real Self views it the other way…sweet.

  175. opps…a word is missing.

    flowers in hair
    without a care
    when they stare
    i truly do care

    apon the me
    inside them all
    that yearns to BE
    the YOU in me

    hmmm…that sorta has a sexual overtone πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

  176. once a month, they bring me crayons for the plain white walls, that are so boring!

    no not really, i am not institutionalized…(yet).

  177. ya, there is no such thing as perfect, but if we truly love someone utterly and completely, they can do and say anything they want, so long as they too love us utterly and completely, like a childhood friend we grew up with, of not desire to be apart, granting and respectful of their boundaries(space) and independence, of what works for them as needed.

    A truly respectful approach of the delicate true nature of the other, where indeed, we all have days of uncertainty and need our space, for however long they need it.

    The key word is RESPECT.

    Respect the loving soul, approaching them as YOU desires to be approached, tender and loving at all times, of low tolerance for inappropriateness, and rightfully so.

    Out in the world, we are inundated by inappropriate others some days, where i have seen myself overly sensitive to inappropriate behaviour, abreactions that come on, questioning if i am having an over-sensitive day, or if it is my lowering of tolerance(or both).

  178. Unrealistic expectations of others is a necessary reality check as well, that serves those who are of commited relationships, such as family, yet inappropriate behaviour should not be given the green light that is ok when it occurs, as it serves no one when we do.

  179. ya, i am serious about things too.

  180. i have thought about your feelings alot, of the sincerity that we are, pure and true.

    i do know the purity of you. The whole world knows, which is such a beautiful thing that has stirred the souls of millions.

    At first i thought, oh don’t go there. But i then i thought about what i know to be true of me, that may be true of you, while you are alone, in dwelling with your sincere feelings, of truths that are rays of light feelings for me, pure and true, that feel amazing, leaving me wanting more of that!

    After awhile, i started to wonder, is it possible that she is…?

    I actually arrived at a special place in time, that made me feel yes, it is true, to turn around, and repectfully ask if it is ok for me to stay awhile, as i too yearn to stay? πŸ˜‰

    But be warned, i am crazy…for YOU!

    Our friendship is a life long friendship we both wanted and wish to keep?…best friends in life forever more, you shall have of me, but why do i sense it is more than that, where my own sincerity awareness of my own sincere loving feelings, senses we are of the same level or degree of purity of heart, mind, body, spirit and soul.

    To describe the feeling?

    Love utterlly and complete devoid of doubt forever more. I see you in a calm joyful state, that is far more mature and less afraid than i am, and yet we are the same in our love for one another, that is devoid of doubt.

    i am here to ask if my visions are true, because the purity of the visions, seems to have a true connection with you, not an imaginary one, where an imaginary one would be doubtful in feeling for me. I am not about imagination in of how i feel in my visions of Jesus, and in fact my visions are more real and enjoyable to me than that of real life, full of certainty that is about my divine true self that most do not know, or take time to know me, of my true peaceful state of pure grace, and thoughts only of love, and compassionate love for those sadly snared by bitterness of the hypocrisy heart i see and feel of so many, such absurdness they are some days.

    Good Morning! πŸ˜‰

  181. if you have been waiting, forgive me, so too have i been waiting…how many years now? πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    Like i said, i am have been afraid to know the answer all these years, watching you grow as you have, into the certainty of sincerity that surrounds you now, knowing at some point, maybe she would turn to me and say, what i’ve to hear, and have heard.

    like you wrote one time, “i am here, just for you.”

    only love do i feel for you.

    There was a day, in quiet reflection, i came to an awareness level that is 100% pure and true, devoid of doubt, in my loving thoughts of you, where i realized that the purity of the loving sincerity i was feeling, is what Jesus and God are about, of what Jesus and God want for me to always feel, for us all to feel, free of useless anxiety, ego and untrue thoughts that are not of the loving sincere divine true self.

    Of all the things i have come into awareness about, it is of that feeling i want for everyone to know and feel how it feels, that is true of them, of the core of their being, knowingness i have come into, devoid of doubt.

    Nurturing, protecting and maintaining the feeling?

    Not an easy task if we are not deliberate in approach, like meditation, yes?

    Our openness with one another, indicates to me that you know the feeling already, perhaps wondering how stable minded i am in my own certainty of what i consider the most signficant self-discovery of all.

    Granted, i have (acted) like an immature moron most days, hiding as i have, trust that has been building over time, like my own trusting relationship with Jesus and God, i don’t wish to hide from someone who may love me, who may want to love me, who is deserving of my sincere love for them, who i want to feel what it is that i feel, that i now feel is already true for you, perhaps long before my arrival before you.

    Without doubt, i do not to tarnish or deminish the feeling, and will continue to nurture and protect this of me, becoming it more and more daily, as Jesus says, in my seeking of those who are conducive for my positive mental emotional well being, meditation, prayer, and conduct with you.

    Forgive me for hiding behind my egotistic mask, for i don’t wish to any longer.

  182. To describe myself, i am a student in quiet study, calmness of the sincerity of my divine true self, of an uncluttered mind that sees past the immature behaviours and conduct of most in the world, seeking what is of the higher divine true self, that yearns to come forth in the world like we do, of exceeding joyfulness and wisdom that is of the knowingness about all souls of the earth, of motivation to write, reflect, spend time nurturing those who merely need our time, a hand to hold.

    I am compelled that there, for sake of all souls, that need to know it is not about ‘keeping up with the Jones’ mentality that seems to rule the hearts and minds of so many, so bitter they can be, so empty of grace and loving sincerity.

    I see so many who are down and out, unaware of the most signficant thing need to come into awareness of, their own loving sincerity, pure and true.

    Of all souls of the earth, truly i know, love devoid of doubt is the greatest feeling one shall ever feel, of the visions i have of Jesus, of my knowingness that it is of God’s divine will for us all to know the feeling, to come full awareness of the certainty that comes with feeling the feeling, indeed, love devoid of useless absurd doubt is the most beautiful feeling in life.

    How does one instill that in another, for sake them to come into the awareness of themselves and the knowingness that love devoid of doubt is what matters most in their entire life, of understanding to search for, feel and know, of understanding how nurture and protect, of understanding of how to instill in another?

    The only way to instill it in another, is to become Love devoid of doubt, of our conduct that is not so much deliberate, and rather what we have become, albeit, deliberate in our approach of how to become Love devoid of doubt.

    I look at it this way, why not just BE who YOU are, rather than be who you are not, where it is more loving and sincere to just BE your divine, delicate, graceful, sensitive, sincerely loving true SELF? YOU.

    Let others love YOU for who YOU are, and when they don’t, then it is just as well, when they don’t, is it not? As we are deserving and yearning of only LOVE, yes?

    Jesus says to be a passersby. Don’t be afraid to passby those who do not take time to know YOU, to sincerely love YOU, like the many who snear at us.

    There are many who i sincerely connect with, snared by substance abuse, who need encouragement to become fearless enough to walk away from the path(rut) they find themselves in, that i take time with, but i don’t welcome them into my sanctuary, passing them by until another day.

    Every day counts, in our conduct with everyone we meet, even of our expressing intolerance for inappropriate behaviour of others.

  183. As Jesus says, “Do not do what YOU hate doing.”

    Then Andy comes along and says, “But there is nothing i hate doing!” ha. πŸ˜‰

    i jest.

    Sometimes we get intimately involved with someone who may not be healthy enough for us, in meeting our needs on a regular consistent basis, for what ever reasons, disfunctional, emotionally unavailable, insincere of love for you, whatever, that feels toxic for us after awhile, in our own hurried rush, of our needs not being met for example(often the case), jumping to quickly into a relationship we did not take time(in BEing our true self) to feel thru of how may really feel about them.

    i speak from my own experience.

    Then a day comes where we wake up and wonder how we arrived where we are, as our true self takes back control of our life, and starts breaking things! ha. πŸ˜‰

    No! Don’t break that! It is a one of kind! ha. πŸ˜€

  184. Allowing our sincerely joyful fun loving true self to be held hostage, is of our own choosing, in most cases, where dynamics for allowing such, can be of many different issues, such as a substance abuser involved with another substance abuser, where one becomes free of continued chronic use, of no desire to continue and where the other partner chooses to continue. While the relationship may have started out with the dynamics of familiarity of same behaviours, when one partner grows out of such, becoming healthy and centered in their true self, we wake up and find ourselves feeling toxic during our transition of restoration of our divine true self.

    Bin there. done that.

    Life is the greatest teacher.

    Oh, we can pretend for along time, but eventually, we start breaking things! ha. πŸ˜‰

    Remember that video of duality you made. I love that video! It’s so true of our divine true self.

    i am here, just for YOU!

    “ah Houston, could repeat that last transmission?”

    “Houston, we’re not recieving. There appears to be a density in the atmosphere outside, that may interfering.” ha. πŸ˜‰

  185. im bad…i know.

  186. am i so really so strange and weird?

    Maybe at first, our delicate sensitive true feelings may feel strange and weird, but given the right enviroment, we come into the knowingness that the delicate feelings is of our divne true self that is graceful and sincerely loving, in our true knowingness of who we REALLY are, and not what others may project onto us of their own unresolved junk that is not true of the divine true self.

    “ah Houston, we’re still not recieving. Not sure if you are hearing us or not, yet we know our transmissions are of a stronger signal strength than that of yours. We’re gonna take a break for awhile, thinking maybe the current atmospheric conditions may be (responsible) for the interfering with our nightly transmissions, perhaps trying again in the mornings.” lol! ~ get it? ~ wet dreams! haha! Love it! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

  187. ok, perhaps i am strange to some, but at least i KNOW my SELF, fearlessly unconcerned of what others may think, of my education in psychology on knowingness of the divine true SELF, who is who we always were.

    It takes alot of practice BEing our SELF, and conducive enviroments and atmospheres that are healthy.

    Trust me on this one, where i have seen myself surrender to someone, of the horrible feelings of being rape by someone i do not truly love. Don’t ask.

    We hurt ourselves in the end, and no, not that end when we do or continue to do, allowing our own divine true self to be held hostage in intimate relationships we realize we should of avoided in the first place.

    i speak of my own experience that others too may be experiencing, merely that of my own self reflections of my long life lived.

    Today i know my divine true self well, that yearns for the delicate sensitive loving lover like that of my SELF, of what i know to BE my type, in my descerning of who is my type.

    Don’t rush into BEing involved in intimate relationships, until YOU are 100% certain that the one YOU love is indeed someone YOU wants to spend their life with. We’ve all done it. As you say, the trick is to undo the unwise approaches, leaning from life experience, looking to the positives of how the divine true self REALLY feels.

    Today i am FREE, filled with positive feelings to set my SELF free to BE who i am and always was, delicate, sensitive, mild, gentle, calm, peaceful, and sincerely loving of another who is like my SELF.

    Do YOU know who YOU are?

    “Houston, we are still not recieving, so we are gonna try switching back to the other channel, and see if that works.” πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

  188. omg! ha.

    Look what you’re bring out in me! πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    Truly, i am FREE, to just BE!

    Like that old match book cover from decades past said, “Just BE YOU!”

    The i truly and sincerely LOVE…Love!

    blessings to all.

  189. The ONE i truly and sincerely LOVE…Love!

  190. The ONE within us all.

  191. Tom Hanks is my one of my favorite actors, of a sincerity approach i suppose, that i connect with.

  192. i do see my SELF as corny, albeit, corny, rather, i see my SELF as somone searching for something tangible, something sweet, of my own sweet loving SELF, with ‘that’ of another, of ‘Love devoid of doubt’, i know of my divine true SELF, that i know shall one day find and experience, of a tangible sweet loving experience in the physical realm.

    It will happen day for me, and has happened, albeit, the love devoid of doubt we experienced while with them, was fleeting at the time. We all come back to what we all search for, of the core of our BEing, within everyone.

    I pray for all souls of earth, to one day come fully into the knowingness of the greatest treasure ONE shall ever discover of their SELF…Love of doubt, sincere and true within, sincere and true of another.

  193. It is of Jesus and God’s blessing and divine will for us all, ‘that’ we become the willingness. As Jesus said, “It is our willingness that is of most importance.”

    Always know, that what we look for has already come, Kingdom Hearts, the special part of every soul.

  194. *sp error*

    i don’t see my SELF as corny.

    do you really think i am corny? πŸ˜‰

  195. ah, who cares what anyone thinks of us.

    think for your SELF.

    BE a leader, not a follower. Follow your own sincere loving feelings of heart, mind, body, spirit and soul, in order for your soul mate friends and lovers to find YOU, those who are indeed, no different than YOU.

  196. ok…a bit too personal for this blog. swtiching channels.

  197. Hi beauty, you have the chance to have a good friend, keep it forever,friendship is very important,but it really doesn’t matter if you like to kiss
    i hope one day you make a concert in Porto,(portugal),in the dragΓ£o stadium,,please i never see you,give me that joy.
    big kiss

  198. It’s about true loving feelings, pure and true of us all.

    always will BE, what i am.

  199. …someone to BE loved.

    only love is good enough, of what i sincerely pray for daily, exactly like others who are pure and true in their heart, praying love for another.

  200. without doubt, i will praise and love him forever more.
    without doubt, i will praise and love her forever more.

  201. i too yearn for love just as YOU do.

  202. Stop with your shit, please!

  203. come on come to Porto..madonna please

  204. and you’ll drink the wine,big kiss

  205. indeed…you are wise of YOU and me.

  206. πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    BE of your exceeding joyfulness in having a true and faithful friend for the rest of your life.

    truly, i am…like you.

  207. in our calm loving stillness, pure and unafraid of the world that surrounds, united as ONE spirit that feels the delicateness of our divine true self, sensitive to everything, in every passing moment.

  208. would love to meet you someday…of your choosing.

  209. feel purity of the pure feelings which are indeed pure and true, unable to change, our sincerity connection that does not change nor fade, of our knowingness of the purity of our pure feelings in our just BEing, easily felt while in calm settings of twilght and tranquility as souls(spirits) which travel the earth, feelings of beauty in each passing moment, in our knowingness that we do indeed have a true and faithful friend who loves us without doubt.

    indeed, i feel it too in each passing moment, growing in each passing day.

    It is the treasure found, of our WILLINGNESS to just BE, of the feelings of what just BEing is, know known.

  210. Indeed, the treasure is our purity feelings of everything all around us which flow and eb, of love, of compassion, of wisdom that feels with clarity the truth of all things we look apon and hear, our fearlessness that is not afraid of our purity feelings, even of the dismay of conduct some souls which are sadly snared by unwiseness of conduct of the many souls we come across each day.

    We are of the compassion of Jesus and God, united as one with them, of their pure blessing apon us as ones who fearless come before them, in our knowingness that they will apon us ‘that’ which is goodness of restoration and maintaining our divine true self to fearless wise loving compassionate state…enlightened ONEs which affect/effect the entire world of all souls, directly/indirectly.

    ~ knowingness of what it feels like to BE and enlighten ONE choosen by God who is only loving of us, not ‘that’ of what the world thinks in their unknowingness that is not yet of purity of our knowingness, of the many things God reveals clearly for us to know we are chosen.

    the future is unfolding as it should, of God’s divine will.

    God is not fearful, rather it is the unwise world of souls which are snared by fearful controling others, is it not?

    πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    blessed BE this day and the days to come.

    YOU know who YOU are.

    i am…because we ARE.

  211. Andy,

    Help me i’ve just been cast out of Heaven and into Hell, Jesus you think God could have compromised alittle met me half way..

    Anyone know the right path to purgatory ??

    dont worry about it Andy i’ll find my own way..i’ve got map’s & a GPS,

    im used to being lonely, less baggage to carry when’s there’s only one set of clothing, now where’s my stilettos ?

    awch there they are, wedged in the back of my head,,

    Doctor, im bleeding,

    i need some blood. quick hurry before i die..

    Not !

  212. All right All right

    i’m dead


    Lest me rest in peace then

    Visit me occationally, if you want

    Red Roses

    my favourite

    and a candle

  213. Blog’s closed? That’s it.. no explanation?

  214. well if you carn’t beat them, i say you may as well join them..

    see you soon

    make some room

    i’ll make you notice me

  215. I just sent an email to Andy asking him not to post miles of off-topic stuff on my blog. I think that’s fair. Real people actually read my blog.

  216. People who post on-topic sensible comments are MORE THAN WELCOME to post on my blog.

  217. (I do have rules in my life, I’ll admit. I like rules. Though I’m not really aware of it. That has caused friction in my relationships in the past.)

  218. if people don’t know how to post a comment in a more or less a normal way the only choice for M to do is close the blog! i think that the amount of comments are a good reason for this to happen mostly the comments by Andy and hes friends here and in the other blog ….

  219. correction :
    if people don’t know how to post a comment in a more or less a normal way the only choice that M have is close the blog! i think that the amount of comments are a good reason for this to happen mostly the comments by Andy and hes friends here and in the other blog ….

  220. I’ve never had a bad word to say about you, i wish you well always.

    God bless you..

    Love Mariah

  221. Rules are made for breaking

    Love is for the taking

    Rings are for king’s

    i’d just be happy if the whole world got up and started to sing.

  222. Cool. We’re cool.

  223. Leave Andy alone you boring old fart’s, go stick a pole up your ass if you’ve got nothing better to do, or get blind drunk like a skunk and call yourself PepΓ© Le Pew, and chase pussy’s all day.

  224. What now i have to rewrite all my song’s.

    I know,

    i love it.

    not too cool..warmth is good

  225. I have absolutely no idea what any of that means.

  226. Right, I’m going to have a shower and get to bed. Night all.


  227. Im off to bed too,

    Night Andrew, by the way your amazing when your like this, i like it, something about you today that’s very real i feel it very strongly, I like it, never felt your energy so intensely real like this before, and that’s definatly the best compliment i could ever give and receive.

    thank you,

  228. everything i have learned and continue to learn thru my attention to inner awareness in my on going growth experience has and will BE of the experiential experience of my interactions with all of YOU.

    I am not about ego or hurting of anyone, least of all me, rather i am of what i have stated many times before, a humble curious student who is interested in restoration and maintainance of the divine true self within us all.

    Many interpret what ever they wish to, just as we do of any art piece where everyone has a different experience according to how their life has been up until the very moment, where indeed, our entire life does greet us in each moment of life, subconsciously for some, cognitively for others.

    i prefer cognitive awareness of certainty of conduct of descerning wisdom which takes time in fully surrendering to our inner grace, peaceful at rest, thinking by means of sincere feelings, descerning of words which are loving and not loving, wise and unwise, truthful of sincere SELF or false bitterness of the hypcrisy heart.

    If we don’t take time to feel the difference of what feels bitter and what feels sweet, then we are of the ones who are not of seeker mode mentality, aimless in approach to life, sadly snared by unwisness of fate which tosses to and fro a person’s life, sadly learning often too late of serious life issues which could of been prevented.

    Without doubt, life will greet each and everyone of you at all times, of the harsh realities of life which come your way, depending on YOUR CHOICES you make each and everyday, of whether or not you hear(feel) the call of God summoning your precious loving innocent souls to wisdom.

    wise are they who pay heed to one who takes time to give advice of life learned experience, one of a certainty path of destiny rather than uncertainty path of fate such as ignorance of the true powerful effects of alcoholism and substance abuse which takes the lifes of precious loving souls each minute of each day.

    I come in peace as a loving brother to all, and care not what any of you have to say or think of me, for many of you are not of my comprehsion at this point in time, not to be egotistical, rather, of the truth in my knowingness of the snares of ignorance which yet snares the precious loving souls of many of you, of how i know it statistically ends…badly.

    I offer forth words of protective wisdom for all to drink from, summoning you to embrace awareness of the level of your ‘crucial lacking of desire for wisdom’, for sake of you, for sake of all those you love.

    you make a mockery of only yourselfs in useless words of chatter which do not serve Jesus, God, nor YOU.

    beam me up Scotty, no intelligent life down here! lol

    oh, come on, i jest.

    i take time to offer constructive critism which is meant as something of goodness for you.

    those who fail to interpret my words as such, are not of their sincere graceful self in doing so, and rather of the disconnected superficial masks you all wear, including me somedays when i am weary.

    just thought i would drop in for a moment, and will from time to time, as a fierce loving warrior of God.

    hey, i like that new name.

    FIERCE LOVING WARRIOR of GOD, with bubblegum pink nail polish.

    if you are not fierce, do me a favour and stay home, ok? lol

    i jest.

    actually the demeanor my peaceful by nature natural true state, is like that of the graceful morning sunrise, calm and at ease for hours on end, of the preferred life i enjoy most…me.

  229. I completey over steped my boundries, now and also recently as well, it was very insensitive of me to say the least, infact i think i was acting on my ego rather than my sincere self, i cannot take back my childish action’s what’s done is done, maybe for a reason, such is life,

    Anyway this is a situation i rather not be in right now, because it perhaps is premature & just not healthy for both me and Andy right now in fact it’s more than likely the worst time but life never goes to plan,

    Your courage to say goodbye was the courage i craved for then when it happended i played it on, if it was the other way round i would have be really hurt, as i expect you are no doubt.

    Respect goes a long way & it’s about time i showed some, no exscuses,

    Im not ready at all to take on the sensitivity of someone with so much on their plate at the moment, and my stupid actions prove that beyond doubt,

    Im not closing the door and im not running away and im not anything else, except learning growing and trying my best,

    all is good,

    trying my best to keep it real.

    nothing more nothing less.

    hope that make some scense.

    and both better from it all, ahh i need a holiday..

    then dont we all…

    i’d rather you did’nt respond to this message, because there really is no need to, you know i know, its not nessasary, i just had to get the word’s out thats all. Xox

  230. At all times, God blesses us all, sadly unknowingly for most who are not of awareness, yet asleep, their divine true self yet submerged, sticking it’s head OUT, when environments are conducive enough to do so.

    ok. whatever. go back to sleep. sorry if i woke you up.

    well…ok…im not sorry.

    with such a beautiful loving spirit like yours, why would i ever BE sorry to wake you up, of my inner delightfulness within me to do so, of someone who adores YOU utterly and completely? πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    always did! always will! duh!

    you guys bore me some days. lol

    im sorry, but truly you do, well not completely, alittle somedays, as in, “is that all YOU has to say?”

    Ok. good then. we understand one another better now, yes, as likeminded students in seeker mode like we always have been, yes?

    There is a truly fucked up world OUT there everyone.

    As veterans, we must always remain connected with the sad truth of our loving brothers and sisters who are suffering thru the things we knowingly experienced of our SELF, as loving warriors and veterans of God, which i know i am and have been for along time.

    12,981 blessed days to go.

    blessings to all.

  231. somedays i do take delight in annoying some of you, of my deliberateness to keep you awakened.

    in case any were wondering who Andy is, a small tidbit about me approach with all of you, of one who enjoys watching and studying the human condition of every single one of you for hours on end, taking notes along the way.

    Hi, im Andy! Do you know where i might find a copy of the English translation of the Nag Hammadi Gnostic Gospels written in early coptic and classical Greek of leather bound books that were burried in a sealed clay jar along the Nile river near the town of Nag Hammadi, in the Egyptian desert, carbondated to the third century, of such severely damaged fragmentation, full of lacumas, it took them eleven years to translate into English, of secret missing teachings of Jesus(God)?

    Oh and get this, they say a peasant farmer found the clay jar burried, took it home not knowing what it was, where his wife used some of it burn in a fire to keep warm.

    Warm indeed, shall one BEcome, of any who pick up and read the Nag Hammadi.

    I prefer HOT or COLD over luke warm my SELF. πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    you guys are so luke warm…boring if you must know. lol

    Ok, now get your seeker caps on and get out their and help me find the Holy Grail will ya?

    Oh never mind, i ‘forgot’ i found it already.

    ForgetFULness is indeed my greatest foe somedays.

    sorry bout that.

    my love is true for all of YOU…although i could do with a little less annoying ego which distracts me and others from the truth within us all…LOVE.

    Seek and YOU shall find.

    Beware. Where your heart is(focus), there too is your treasure and your life…at all times.

    What you turn towards you BEcome(embrace)…at all times.

    These are not my words, rather the missing words from the lips of Jesus, which were not part of the words edited in creation of the bible by the early church who sided with the Roman empire in their gathering of recorded words of Jesus, who taught alot of people the entire time he walked the earth, and not just of the words in the bible.

    I will share something most may not BE aware of, the burial, and surfacing of these ancient books is of the Holy Spirit, of those who knew Jesus well.

    ok. get out their on our sacred quest and see what you can find out about YOU. πŸ˜‰

    blessed are the pure of heart.

  232. Matt.

    Do you know how blessed i feel in your return?

    What you do not know about me Matt, is of my intellect of what Jesus and God wish apon us all for all souls unattended, unnurtured, unprotected, for your precious loving pure soul to remain intact as you are today.

    YOU Matt, are my motivation, as well is the motivation of M.

    i have prayed daily for your return, for a reason…to protect you from the unwise world which lurks, of great dangers of self destructive behaviours able to derail your precious loving life that i adore.

    M is one who is most protective of us, including me, wishing us only to protect and nurture the goodness within us all. She is as wise as i am Matt.

    much wiser actually.

    i apologize to M for my inappropriateness of such demanding work she is currently engaged in.

    forgive me M.

  233. if my words keep you safe in life with Jesus and God in your life Matt, then my life has been one of purpose in the eyes of Jesus and God, of the very thing Jesus wishes for YOU.

    I have seen how lives play out for many Matt, and the many i have sadly seen get derailed in life, all a result of lacking in wisdom.

    it is my hope that my words with you increase your sincere desire for wisdom which protects and love which nurtures, because great and numerous are the harsh derailing unwisenesses in our path of life, everywhere we turn, the learned behaviours are there, enticing us, cajoling us to participate.

    Unwiseness took Troy’s precious loving life Matt.

    Don’t let them take yours.

  234. i have delved into my inner pain over Troy to bring forth goodness for sake of you Matt.

    Troy’s life was the most impactful event of my life, which is yet being healed within me, and why i get the way i do sometimes, of deep core unhealed pain.

    i am not afraid of anyone’s opinion of me, in my knowingness of needed healing for me to become healthy again. A long road since 1993.

  235. my chosen path of my CHOICE, is about SELF – ACTUALIZATION.

  236. i leave these words of reflection for sake of you, for sake of all in my doing so, and maybe make some great friends along the way, of what we all need in getting our needs met thru good friends, where talking is one of our needs, unknowingly for many, and why i talk so much.

    It is has to do with my Self-actualization process, and of course for sake of the focus of others apon my reflections of what i know is most important for the SELF of me, ie, such as our increasing value for sincerity of SELF to fearlessly embrace and feel their own sincerity, the most significant part of SELF in our self-actualization process.

    i am no expert, but like M, i like to delve deep into the soul as she does for us all in all her music.

    She is of the gift of blessedness 100% pure and true within, in my knowingness of 100% pure and true within myself which easily detects it within another.

    Like her, i too know it is not something many people nurture and protect within their own SELF, much less SELF of another.

    Truly we are wise of such in our approach with all of you.

    thank you Matt.

    you are focused in thought, and that is pleasing for me, knowing your path is of the desire for understanding, able to stear your life clear of the unwiseness in the world, of serious life skills you need make a part of your healthy approach to life, a wise leader, not a follower of ignorance.

    It is my prayer that God bestow the greatest of wisdom apon your life forever more, as i endeavor in my quests of revealing truth wisdoms as a revealer. In the bible they speak of a revealer. I know i am one such enlightened person in life, of many in enlightened ones like my self.

    There are scholars in the world of such amazing depth and understanding, dedicated lives to their cause for spiritual enlightenment thru wisdom. It is my single greatest passion in life, my theology studies. I am no scholar, but i know the difference of decerning wisdom between drinking ‘that’ which is sweet and good for the soul, and ‘that’ which is bitter, ie, hypocrisy(words of Jesus).

    Jesus summons me to wisdom, and so i came to him daily for some 20 years now.

    There is great enlightenment in theology and psychology study, of what i consider the greatest investment of ones time to embrace, greater than any investment of their time of anything in life.

    Of all things i would wish for you, is for you to increase your value for understandings of psychology and theology, in that order.

    pyschology is the foundation of my belief system, spirituality to the top of it.

  237. ohoh, here comes M again.

    shesshhh…don’t tell her im here. lol

    i love so damn much, and she knows it fully in her heart that i do, by the way i love to entertain her, like she has all of us for decades now.

    She is more than deserving of my time, she is deseving my life that willing and easily would surrender to her if she wanted me for a partner, without hesitation. i know the depth of my own soul, and she is there in the depth of my soul forever more.

    i am blessed by my knowingness of my own depth of soul which she has nurutured and protected for many years.

    i know i am more than a fan to her, of which i care not to explain at this time of no need to, just as she is more than a mere artist to me, far more actually. πŸ˜‰

    best of all, i know without doubt, she always will be, forever remaining in the core of my BEing, someone i hold closet in my heart of hearts.

    and if she says i am being chessy in saying this, i won’t speak to her…well…at least not today. lol

    anyway. I need to give M some breathing space, as i have been troublesome in my soul of my own instability of life experience in my personal life, doing what one should not do, deal with serious psychological stuff so openly like i have at such a critical time as this, where she is of a massive multi-million dollar music production, asking forgiveness in doing so, as i take my place quietly in the background for awhile, for her sake.

    once again M, forgive me of my inappropriateness, and yet, i have expressed myself well, something she loves about us all.

    So please, rest in the knowingness that i am more than ok, of professional counsel in my life, working thru my issues that must be worked thru.

    Serious life issues left unattended, do have the potential to manifest itself in your life everyone, so make your best friend in life a therapist of your choosing. You can thank me later. And remember, issues sometimes take years to work thru in our healing. Truly, i am one such person who knows this fully of my life experience.

    I am proud to say, i am 14 years clean and sober, a survivor, where statistically, only 8% make a full recovery program like i have successfully done.

    With the help of nurture confidence from M, Jesus, God and those of pure heart and sincerity along life’s road for me.

    Thank you for BEing YOU, the YOU i have come to love of many of U.

    Jesus loves YOU.

    God blesses ALL.

  238. Rio de Janeiro Dec 14 2008

  239. Dec 14 2008 VIP

  240. i think we have all come to a new level of sincerity, of my knowingness we have, of greater depth of soul, increased value of sincerity and grace, and of the joyful delight of loving purity of the divine true self within us all.

    which was my main objective with you all.

    i am just the puppet master. lol.

    ~ some jesus humor. πŸ˜‰

  241. ok Andy, back to your cell.

    oh man, it was just getting to the best part!

    someone let me know how everything turns out one day, ok?

    i pray everyone is ok.

    Jesus says, “Love one another as i have loved you.”

    that was my approach with all of you, to increase your value of love.

    my knowingness is of the purity of feelings of the purity of heart and utter sincerity i have felt within many of you, which felt so good for me, each and every passing moment i was here.

    what may not realize about me, is that is what is most valuable to me in my passing moments of each day, where feeling my feelings is what i enjoy most in life, of deep healing for me within.

    Truly, my value of loving feelings is of the greatest value in anyone’s life, of what Jesus says is far greater than all the riches of the world.

    truly, we SINCERELY are of the knowingness truth of these words Jesus spoke, are we not?

    Good then…mission accomplished father.

    i just know i will make a good film director one day, what of my director skills of the players of the world stage, yes? πŸ˜‰

    Andy? shut up! lol

    your spioling the moment.

    hey, i finally found a pair of pink converse running shoes….

    (Andy exits stage left, muttering on and on like he does, of any and all who will take time to listen to his endless bable, somewhat like a madman out in the street proclaiming God’s return, of such enthusiasm and delight in his voice as he leaves the staging area to go have a smoke break. After a few days, weeks, Andy did not return, leaving many to wonder, who was ‘that’ guy anyway)

    ~ a little inside humor between me and M. πŸ˜‰

    Sweetest of dreams are of lovers dreams, of the many dreamy lovers of lovers dreams.

    Oh dreamy lover, dream of me.

  242. ok, i better go before M decides to kick my butt some more.

    hey, what round is it?

    and who won anyway?

    we ALL did.

    win win win

    the only formula for true success…God’s formula.

  243. It’s all Troy’s fault, he is the one who set it all in motion, changed my time line of life, arriving before you today.

    we would of still been down at the lake had he not did what he did. I don’t think they even have a dance hall in the local town, and Andy never would of wore the clown outfit like he did, if it was not for Troy.

    I was just his loving lover who still loves him more than my SELF…although i am working on loving my SELF, which is what i wished Troy had of done, loved himSELF more than he did, and yet, he truly did love himSELF much more than i loved my self at the time, albeit, his lack of self respect was an issue in his alcohol abuse, of which i sadly unwisely encourage in my own unwise behaviour.

    ~ lessons learned of love and life, is the only thing i feel is of any value in leaving behind for future generations.

    Truly, without doubt, i wish Troy and i had of been taught the lessons, rather than learning like we did.

    God bless you Troy.

  244. Live your lives for sake of the precious loving soul of Troy who can no longer, of the unwiseness of the world ‘that’ to him from us all…’that’s my motto.

    You would of loved Troy. He was magic spark like Matt spirit, vibrant, exceeding joyfulness within that lights up the room. Lucky is the one who marries Matt, but if they like to drink, you better make sure Andy doesn’t find out about it!

    Blessings to you and those you love.

  245. It is about what Jesus says is of the most importance, “Our WILLINGNESS.”

    without our WILLINGNESS to look towards love and compassion and protective wisdom for sake of the divine true SELF, how else are we able to?

    Truly, restoration, maintainance of purity and sincerity conduct ‘that’ is natural of the divine true SELF, is of our WILLINGNESS.

    Without doubt, WILLINGNESS is what easily moves mountains, so easy for the fun loving divine true SELF, yes.

    BE without doubt, your WILLINGNESS is of God’s divine willingness ‘that’ we BEcome God’s WILLINGNESS, in every step, every breath, every heart beat, every word uttered, of healing powers of our WILLINGNESS so brave and true, where indeed, we are.

    i am…BE cause…we are…God’s divine WILLINGNESS for all souls of the earth to BEcome WILLINGNESS ‘that’ changes the world, and indeed, the world is changing, however slowly, it is changing for the better.

    May God continue to Bless us all in our continued work of God’s divine will for ALL, united under ONE sky, ONE world, of the ONE eternal human BEing ‘that’ walks the earth thru safe passage of True Loving Compassionate Wise Life forever more, of the extraordinary wonderous feelings ‘that’ feel pure and sincere of us ALL, of what MATTers most in life, in our knowingness of what the greatest hidden treasure is, ‘that’ of just how good purity of loving feelings truly FEEL, where indeed, it is our FEELINGS which is sight restored to our souls.

    ‘That’s what is about. always was. always WILL BE.


    Forever more.

  246. stop being so afraid to talk about whatever YOU wants to talk about.

    foget M’s rules, for she loves to hear us express our true SELF words and emotion, where in truth, she prods us to shut up, knowing it frustrates us more to express ourselves. ha.

    So please, the stage is ours to share in life, where truly, openly talking with one another is what loving life is, fearless talking, which the divine true SELF yearns to BE and speak, for i know the divine true SELF within all of YOU, sincere and sweet like my own.

    I continue like i do, hoping it instills fearlessness in all of YOU to JUST BE who YOU are to me, fearlessly loving like i am, of my yearning for sincere friendship with all of YOU, for sake of me, for sake of YOU, for sake of others who we are all affect/effect direct/indirectly thru others.

    Sincerely, i want life long friendships with YOU all, if only YOU would BE fearlessly loving of me, like i am of YOU, like we were, so fearless, beyond most any in life, and still are, are we not?

    im ok, alright? I was missing you the most Matt. So please, know that i do.

    You are growing in confidence, and i am pleased to know that you are.

    If you want my friendship, it is there for you to have.

    If not, then don’t.

    I just to know you are ok in life, of someone i came to love so dear to me.

    You have no idea how much it hurt me in your leaving like you did, and yet, i sensed you were still there, praying you were, so that i could nurture you some more.

    Anyway, i am getting all sappy again, gushing over your return.

    i don’t fucking believe it, he came back! Well almost. You are coming back, yes?

    I need some fun loving spirit around her, as these guys can get rather annoying somedays for me, yes? lol

    That better not be someone pretending to be Matt. That would be insincere, and well, just wrong.

    There is only one Matt in the world who i came to know, of pure heart, like my own, like Ms is, and Rosie too.

    Im ok, alright. I get weary when i am over tired, that’s all, and if you knew what i went thru the past few weeks, you understand fully, and still, i am not done with my detanglement and establishing more safe and supportive networks of friends in getting my needs met to keep my positive mental emotional well BEing healthy.

    Only thru a descerning Healthy approach to life do we lead a Healthy Life.

    M is one such individual who knows this better than most any in life, of greater health of heart, mind, body, spirit and soul, there is likely no other one alive as healthy as she truly is, of the one most do not know much about. I do. I was the one who told her to get and stay healthy long ago, and stop being so fucking lazy. lol

    πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    Truly, she is anything but lazy, yes?

    God bless you Matt.

    thank you.

  247. don’t be so hard on your SELFs about forgiveness, as all is forgiven by God, in God’s knowingness of the stumbling blocks of the unwise teachings of the forefathers before us all which sadly yet grips the world.

    What we need to BE is focused on a sincere approach with your precious loving heart, mind, body, spirit and souls, of which M is here to help us with.

    As M says, “Never forget, we are your family.”

    without any doubt whatsoever, the worldwide GLBT family is a REAL family of respect more so than of some of our immediate family snared by homophobia.

    Those of homophic issues internally and externally, M is here to help us with.

    Truly, i look forward to seeing concert, of my knowingness of what she is about, and has been about…the GLBT family, where she truly is to all of us worldwide in the GLBT communities…of our loving family forever more.

    Not sure why i am writting so much, other than to say, seeing Matt return is of great joy for me, if it truly is Matt.

    If not, inside we are not all so different, are we, in as much as we toss around our egotistic indifferences like we do, of all these useless words of seperation of the undescerning weak mindedness lacking in zeal and passion for loving life, where the words of Jesus resonate true, “If you are of spiritual poverty, indeed, you are spiritual poverty in outward appearance.”

    Not of the Matt i came to know, so enthusiastic about his loving life.

    Well, news flash, i am still as i was and have been for many years motherfuckers!

    Trust me, there is nothing any of you can do to get me down, although somedays i am overly sensitive, but think that’s a good quality about Andy, of the same precious quality he is of knowingness in all of YOU, of the YOU Andy loves.

  248. If anything Matt, it was your sincere attitude so fearless of exceeding exuberance and intensity which was is cause for my own awareness within, as in, oh ya, i remember feeling like that, the joyful fun loving high spirited Andy i know i yet am.

    I am on such a downer right now, need to bust free of all this self-motivational experiential technique stuff, although the internalizing experience of it was good, yes?

    I am on a quest for restoration of SELF, doing what i do at this point in my life, of my own focused approach of self in me. If it helped others too, then great, as there is good wine which flows forth in nurturing ability and protection from the unwise world, assurance, what ever spin you want to put on it, call it what ever you want…

    ~ experiential techniques is what it is

    ~ Jesus returns as a therapist?

    nah, it’s just some psyche student working out his own stuff, trying to get healthy enough to attract healthy friends and lover(s) of the GLBT community.

    just doing my part everyone, as someone who truly cares…without doubt.

    without doubt, i care about Matt and always will, expect him to be as respectful of himSELF as i am of me.

  249. wow!

    obviously, i really did miss you Matt.

    thank Matt.

  250. Thank God for Matt, a precious loving soul like our own, more so than most, so you need not ever apologize to me, and get back to the fearless one i remember, so fun to be around. πŸ˜‰

  251. The door to Jesus and God does not ever close, always there for anyone to turn to, if only the world would.

    If the leaders of the world were of God, the world would not be the way it is, yes?

    Where is loving sincerity in killing someone like they do in warfare? Is that something to teach a child to do, when in God’s eyes we are all yet children.

    Truly, my knowingness is of God’s eye, ‘that’ indeed, we are all yet as children in all our better than the next person bullshit mentality of ego and hypcrisy like that of the self-serving business communities. Not all of course.

    My point is this; the world is not yet of the FULL knowingness 100% true in their heart, mind, body, spirit and soul of what the greatest treasure known to mankind is…YOU, the delicate, sensitive, gentle by nature, sweet loving, sincere, Pure and true YOU ?

    And will NOT be so long as the many useless distractions of life continue to distract the heart and mind away from encouragement of loving sincerity development of SELF, as priority number one in teaching of our children.

    God’s divine WILL is for sake of us all living a truly more loving and blessed life than the one the world yet lives and is, of these many empty vessel approaches to purity and sincerity of the loving divine true SELF YOU.

    It’s your life to live, love and lead…always YOUR CHOICE each and every second of life in development of your own belief system to a truly loving blessed life.

    I know i will live such a life from this day forward, having cast out desire of anything less than what i am…a loving child of God who loves Jesus as much as Jesus loves me, forever more, loving of SELF within, of sameness of loving of SELF of others in doing so.

    God bless you all, for you are loved by Jesus and God forever more…without doubt, where in truth, love devoid of any useless absurd doubtfulness like ‘that’ of the world is what the divine will of Jesus and God is.

    Once you experience it, you know. I know Matt knows. I know Madonna knows too. I know Rosie knows too, what love devoid of doubt feels like.

    That’s what MATTers to Jesus, God and me, and to all who come into the knowingness of how love devoid of doubt feels like.

    When you know, you just know.

    i know without doubt i love all of you without doubt.

    and i would love to kick your butts for all eternity until you too feel what love devoid of doubt feels like, if ‘that’s ok with YOU? ha. πŸ˜‰

    i am relentless, i know.

    It’s not just about acheiving the feeling, it’s about maintaining it as well.

    So if you don’t mind me annoying you all from time to time in my endless chatter with YOU of Jesus and God’s willingness to do, then don’t kick me out the door when i do.

    ok, i will keep it to a minumum from now on, and post most of my research on my blog.

    But be ready, as the flow of the fountain is able to intoxicate if you drink to much too quickly. I am leaving the blog for the future generations to ponder, so don’t feel like you have to rush thru it.


    am i some kind of a ghost around here, nobody speaking? πŸ˜‰

    It’s just words of Jesus and God speaking to your divine true SELF what is nurturing and protective for you, meant for you to come into knowingness of sincere loving life with one another, and truly we are BEcoming ‘that’

    thank you.

    all of you. thank you. You have no idea how i love each and every one of you forever more.

  252. sorry…i have the day off…i tend to write alot on my days off.

    not ‘that’ of Jesus and God to ever take a day off of their wisdom and knowingness of truth which surrounds us all in each waking moment of life, obvious for the enlightened ones to see(feel) the truth of how the world really is.

    Truth is everywhere.

    Truth does not fail.

    It is we who fail the truth of the purity and sincerity of the spirit of the loving divine true SELF within us all. YOU.

    Just alittle wine for all you whiners. ha. πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    ok M. you can have your blog back. YOU know how to find me, yes? πŸ˜‰

    i am much closer than most realize, as in the YOU in all of YOU.

    Stop treating one another like YOU is any different from YOU in another, as ‘that’ is what breaks the sincerity connection of pure loving feelings we feel between one another, which is of the willingness of God for all to one day feel…love devoid of doubt that we are of the knowingness of.

    It is God thru all of us, thru all souls eventually of the earth.

    You’ll see(feel) soon enough, the truth of who i am, of who we all are, divine children of God.

    i have alot of writing yet to go for anyone interested in me. lol πŸ˜‰

    M is married, so forget that.

    I remain a true and faithful friend to M forever more, and to Matt forever more.

  253. It is of God’s willingness that i do.

  254. ok, i am back over to my blog.

    Matt, get your blog back up, if indeed you sincerely are the Matt i know.

  255. maybe now i can get some sleep, and stop worring about you all like i do.

    a mother’s job does not end. πŸ˜‰

  256. i agree, no more useless drama queen, as i prefer real.

    as in the real you in all of YOU, no different than the feelings in me….sameness….truth.

    Truth ‘that’ is not able to fail, always of our learning of truth of our sincere pure feelings…i am.

  257. i am…BE cause we are…truth for all to see and feel.

  258. time for much need rest.

    i’ll be back another day, with no more drama. on topic. it’s your blog M, not mine. run it your way. always.

    thanks for listening to your feelings everyone!

    after all, ‘that’s what true life is, the sincere feelings of YOU, some i can love who feels what i feel too….love.

    i had to have the last word, you know ‘that’.

    you don’t need me to know what ‘that’ is

    although i am near anytime you want to chat, please do, as i am always of the willingness to listen, if only some of you would more often, like true and faithful friends do.

    who does not want ‘that’ ? πŸ˜‰

    again, thank you

    God blesses ALL.

  259. can you believe M dedicated the song ‘Like a Virgin’ to the Pope.

    True fearlessness M


    hey, i noticed you have a body alot like Cloud from Final X

  260. ok. one final post.

    Let always BE of the remembrance of who’s side we all are on.

    Jesus’s side.
    God’s side.
    OUR side.

    The side of

    ‘that’ which pushes out of the world, all darkness of


    for sake of us
    for sake of others
    for sake of children yet unborn

    the future, always right here in the present, of our descerning wisdom to think with our loving feelings before speaking, of our one stream of thought in memory and knowingness of Jesus, who is only loving of us, just as we are only loving of each other and another along life’s road of many unwise stumbling blocks that derail pure loving sincerity of our tender loving true feelings for one another.

    Truly, we want everyone to feel the purity of love which we feel and know of our knowingness of what God wants for all precious loving innocent souls born into the (yet) unwise world sadly snared by so much apathy and unloving, unbecoming conduct not of Jesus and God, nor should ever BE of us…ever. We know what unloving feels like, so why invite such into our own lives or the lives of others, our loving neighbors who are no different than we are, albeit, perhaps not (yet) of our knowingness of what pure sincerity of love feels like.

    we know.

    we always did know.

    along time for some of us.

    As Rosie says, “Life This.”

    alright, i better go before i start crying again.

    stop hurting one another like you do. Nobody wants or deserves it.

    ok. thanks for sharing your sincerity we have come into the fullness of knowingness.

    Let it be known around the world, that what we look for has already come, within every soul of the earth, the precious loving divine true loving child of God sincere and true of love devoid of doubt, yet unattended, unnurtured, unprotected, ever growing in our conduct which is BEcoming of Jesus and the divine true self within us all.

    i’ll drop by from time to time, but for now, M needs to stay in the zone. Just make sure she does not cry while on stage, although it would be nice to see the real M i know.

  261. God blesses you forever more Madonna, of this i know to BE true…without doubt like ‘that’ of the world we see and feel of all unbecoming conduct so easy for us to feel.

    i love you. andy.

  262. when love is true, you just know, by it’s radiant and bright light, on par with ‘that’ of the sun, lighting up the whole world, like loving lovers do.

    i say, “BE THAT of what is TRUE of YOU, as i am of YOU.”

    Truly i am, yes? πŸ˜‰

    glad some of you understand, because sure don’t understand why people are so unbecoming of love ‘that’ is true.

    Someone fill me in someday will ya, and talk to me like i really do exist, as sometimes i feel i don’t.

    am i being too needy, or is ‘that’ what we all need? ha. πŸ˜‰

    ok, i really have to go now, but not far.

    when you are far away from me, i am near.
    when you are near, i am far away.
    so where am i?

    Where we always want to BE found, in each other’s heart.

    And indeed we are ‘that’, each others heart, mind, body, spirit and soul forever more.

    BE pleasing of Jesus and God, and we are pleasing to the divine true self when ever we do, of what Jesus so desperately wanted us all to know…

    …pure sincere love without doubt in each waking moment of each blessed day.

    blessed BE this day in your hearts forever more, as you are in mine…forever more.

  263. oh look, i just spammed Jesus and God.

    ‘that’ of me.

    so i guess i am spam and i just spammed all over the place! lol

    stop laughing Matt. πŸ˜‰

  264. keeping it real Matt.

    we are ‘that’ of real emotion pure and true, forever more, of what we yearn to always BE;

    ~ ‘that’ of our pure loving sincere feelings for one another.

    ~ ‘that’ of his contemplation while apon the cross of each passing moment while there, of each word uttered in betrayal of self within, self of another, compared with the pure sincere loving feelings of his followers who sincerely weep while there, not leaving his side the whole time, while others did, yet Jesus they would all return to their sanctuary eventually and weep before God asking for forgiveness, in his knowingness that eventually they all would, perhaps after his death.

    Jesus sacrificed his life to the cross in his knowingness of the many years in seeing so many innocent souls snared by unwiseness who turn towards the bitter, unwise, learned conduct of egotistic self defense mechanisms of the wearing of the insincere hypocrite masks we sometimes hide behind afraid.
    Jesus became fearless over time, of his continued steps apon the earth where each and every step of his life felt the truth of each passing moment, internalizing more and more the truth in his sincere desire to not BE like them, until eventually he became the TRUTH which freeing of LOVE.
    Jesus TRULY loved us all, in coming into his own knowingness of just how much he truly does love us, just like some of us truly know how much we another, not different than ‘that’ of the knowingness Jesus also transitioned thru his entire life, greeting him fully apon the day he surrendered fully into his WILLINGNESS of YES!, this is what i want to teach them all, ‘that’ of what i have fully into knowingness of self and self of another, sincere of love for all innocent souls snared by the ignorant teachings of the forefathers. Jesus knew the hypocrisy heart well, and knew what they would do as the drove the nails into his body, surrendered and commited fully to his WILLINGNESS to teach his pure sincere loving feelings he wanted everyone to come into the sameness of knowingness he did, of what is TRULY so VITAL to us all, is it not, tender sincere loving conduct with another?

    Jesus said, “Come before God alone in your safe sanctuaries of love and peace and pray, not as groups.” For obvious reasons Jesus asked of this healingness for us all, of what is easily understood of those who gather in groups, of the truth which is there, truth of ignorant snaring teachings of the forefathers all around them, of insincere conduct unBEcoming of the divine true self within, where dynamics of groups interfers with one’s ability to gently surrender into the grace pure and true of the divine true self while alone in prayer before God, the true healing power of weeping, trueness of the divine true self which needs to do in order to BEcome restored into the fullness of sincere pure love within.

    There is much which i will continue to write of my knowingness as one who surrendered their heart, mind, body, spirit and soul fully to Jesus and God, of my sincere desire to do so some time ago, and i will bring forth from the storehouse of goodness, the vast amounts of goodness reflections while in my sanctuary of love and peace where i pray, of so many things i love reflect apon as my divine true self which yearns to only speak words of wisdom sincere and pure, for sake of me and others.

    I have grown weary of insincerity in life, and truly love my restoration transition, a passage of learning, of my sincere desire for myself and others to live a blessed sincere loving pure life, especially you Matt, someone who already is pure of heart like the Matt i came to know.

    Beware of the bitter gnashing of teeth outside the gate of Porta Caeli which is able to taint your pure loving heart that i love so much, for great and numerous are the many bitter ignorant teachings of the forefathers which yet lurk in the world, those of unBEcoming conduct so obvious to feel, are they not?

    Not of me, do i desire to BE like them, has always been at the forefront of my thinking, that goes way back to my youth like youth of you Matt, sincere and true in your feelings of each passing moment. Embrace the goodness sincere and true of YOU, loved by Jesus and God who want you to live a pure sincere fun loving life forever more of your exceeding enthusiasm so true of YOU, incredible you are to me byatch! πŸ˜‰

    ok, i will slow down in these reflections here and just go and enjoy the blessed day, for i know i am walking in the direction i yearn to walk, toward setting Love to free, to forever more BE, someone like me, alongside thee.

    it is thru descern what we turn towards which is of the healing power of God, of the words Jesus spoke that i will speak once again as assurance;

    At all times, what you turn towards(embrace), YOU BEcome. ~ True, is it not?

    At all times, where ever your heart is, there too shall be YOUR treasure and YOUR life. ~ True, is it not?

    BE descerning of what YOU turns towards, and BEcome fearless in fearlessly turning towards the pure sincere love within YOU, ‘that’ of which is true for YOU, is it not?

    ‘that’ of which is true of M so brave and true to her SELF, of greater purity and sincerity of heart than most yet know, and yet, we all know, there is something special about M, is there not?

    i know she knows i know, that special place Kingdom hearts like to hide.

    these are not trivial Matters of life and love everyone, just as there is nothing trival out YOU in each blessed step you take each day, yearning for ‘that’ which is pure and true of YOU to be also of another, do we not?

    Love is TRUE of YOU too?

    Not to worry, Andy will BE around somewhere to hold your hand, of the many hands he has been holding of his 14 years living a gay life in the GLBT ghettos of the world.

    And yet, truly i tell YOU, the ghetto is not a ghetto at all, and rather of where i found hearts like my own, sincere and true, of greater wealth than all the riches of the world, seeing them holding hands so fearlessly daily, kissing in public too, of the sincere feelings of me and YOU.

    BE TRUE to YOU in all YOU do, always in step with your loving feelings, and you will live a most blessed true life forever more, just i am yet doing in every step.

    It is the BEcoming of these things i speak of which is most signifance in life, where ‘Crucial Lacking of Sincere Desire for God’s Pure Truth Wisdoms’, is of exacting cause for why the world yet is the way it is.

    Do not make a mockery of these sacred words, for the world is in great need of leaders who embrace their pure of heart knowingness we know about, as armagedon is approaching, where the only safe passage for mankind, is thru the safe passage of TRUTH, truth of the sincere loving BEcoming conduct of the divine true self to love thy neighbor as YOU love your SELF.

    this concludes today test of the emergency broadcast network, brought to you by nerds of telecommunications electronics, using the annoying boolean algebra mathematics created in the 1940s when they created the atom bomb.

    Trival dishearted approach, obviously, is of unwiseness, is it not?

    Is YOUR life trival?

    Not to me it’s not, for i love YOU with all that i am, of the truth of what the divine true SELF within all of us yearns for…LOVE.

    without doubt…i love YOU.

    God blesses ALL.

    12,980 blessed days to go meant to be enjoyed in each tender passing moment.

    Lead by the eample YOU are, such as taking the hand of a starving child, of the sincere yearning within YOU to do so, a reflection for all souls of the earth to feel the REAL YOU, doing what Jesus and God want for us all the world over, to unite in BEcoming the knowingness of the Loving Divine True Self YOU.

    Every step, even of our stumbling, is of God, for it is the child of God within us all, sadly unattended, unnurtured, unloved, unprotected for so many innocent souls of the world.

    I still don’t believe there are one billion children in poverty today. In pure reflection of truth, i asked my SELF why?

    I BEcame knowingness of the obviousness of why the world is the way it is in one sentence of pure truth that does not fail.

    The world is (yet) gripped by spiritual poverty of heart, mind, body, spirit and soul.

    bless YOU who likewise of likemindedness embrace this truth of words Jesus spoke so long ago. True words Jesus full heartedly embraced in every step he took while walking the earth, just we too can easily do as well, and indeed, we do, yes?

    Love is what MATTers.

  265. not to worry, Andy will forever BE somewhere near, as the thorn in your side who loves to annoy YOU forever more, of where i yearn to foreve BE…at your side as someone who sincerely loves YOU all.

    no really, i do enjoy annoying YOU, in a good way of course, the goodness of the storehouse of goodness within us all.

    blessings to all this blessed day.

  266. so don’t run away damn it.

    i love my sincere friends.

  267. im not going anywhere other than where i always am.

    so where am i?

    Same sky above. Same moon too. Same earth beneath our feet. Same great beachs to walk apon with another. Ya, loving of life, perhaps more so than most, but ‘that’ is a good thing, is it not? πŸ˜‰

  268. The GLBT family, is a blessed family in God’s eyes, as seen thru our eyes, the truth, of just how sincerely loving we REALLY are Matt, just like YOU.

    Give thanks to M while praying, for she is one like me who is most loving of us all, and has been for along time, ever nurturing, ever protective of us, in our knowingness of how the world treats. She is a blessing for so many of us, and has been for me, indeed of why i feel the way i do today, blessed by Jesus and God.

    Truly i know, we are the blessed brothers/sisters of Jesus. Truly we are.

    i am…BE cause…we are brothers/sisters of Jesus, all children of God, the world over.

  269. hey, i think maybe i will wear those big ass pink wings next year, that are so frigin awesome, yes!

    wings of truth wisdom πŸ˜‰

    enjoy the blessed day everyone!

    Jesus loves YOU.
    God loves YOU.
    i love YOU.

  270. i think my favorite film was the Romeo & Juliet film with Leonardo Decaprio.

    the sincerity level which is intense in awareness is something of a good experiential experience.

    i wish more directors and writers would BE like that.

    what a powerful film, if you have not seen it, do.

    It connects with the driving spirit of purity and sincerity within us that is demanding of integrity, honesty, genuine forceful pushing into a high level or increased value for sincerity.

    God actually speaks of our requirement to INCREASE our level of VALUE for sincerity, graceful approach, sincere and true of our divine true self, where it makes sense to me why…in order for the process of self-discovery/actualization/maintainance to be successful in our BEcoming of the divine true self, something i study in my knowingness of ‘that’ is what the divine will of Jesus and God.

    Here is something i know fully about Jesus that i will share with which is of the higher awareness level.

    In BEcoming the awareness level within Jesus, of his knowingness level of purity and sincerity he felt in each passing moment, sincere and true of him, he realized it was of God’s divine chosen one who chose God, where indeed, Jesus did chose God as the one to look to for understanding, all the while coming into the fullness of understanding is own SELF.

    Blessed Jesus, you are forever in my heart, of this i know, of someone i love that i am, so wanting to know youme more, and indeed, i am, BEcoming of the awareness of God’s divine will, which is incredible to feel and BE of purity, sincerity, honesty, truthfulness with others, of our desire for others to be of the knowingness of just how good it feels to just BE YOU.

    Best of all, it is true of every innocent soul the world over, of what the world is yet growing in and BEcoming, loving of SELF, loving of SELF of our neighbors, who are not any different from any of us, other than to say the obviousness of truth which is there, of every innocent soul snared by the unwise teachings of the forefathers, bitter to the taste, hateful, untrue, fearful…not of God.

    God asks us to be of the BEcoming knowingness, obviously for just how good pure loving emotion feels for another, sincere and true, thru and thru, yes?

    I love how ‘that’ feels, and so grateful you too feel as i do while we pray.

    obviously by all the words i write and express, it is not me to turn away from ‘that’, am i?

    Why would we want to?

    Truly we know how precious every innocent soul of the earth is, do we not? Truly we see and feel with clarity the harsh fear mongering of those who control so many preciously snared souls, yes, of how the world really is?

    I say, the BEcoming conduct of pure grace and sincere approach is what the world is in need of experiencing, of our fearless BEcoming conduct which the divine true self within all easily connects with and recognizes instantly of the mirroring experience they feel. I have practiced this with many snared souls, some so raging and full of terror within, my calmness actually protected me, like that Russian guy, 350lbs, drunk out of his mind, raging so loudly of such incredible brut force, i laughingly in my mind imagined him dressed in a Roman centurian skirt with heavey sword in hand, his nose two inches from me, yelling like i was at the other end of a football field…i recall not feeling hardly any fear of him…i don’t know, maybe secretly i wanted him to come home with me? maybe! lol

    This feelings of exceeding joy continues to grow within me, in my just BEing Andy, sincere and pure of heart, of what Andy knows about all of YOU, the very sameness of loving spirit of himSELF.

    anyway, i hope my words continue to evoke self-actualization feelings, as i am just BEing me from now on, unable and of no desire to BE anything other than how good it feels inside in our feelings we feel like we do, sincere and true.

    YOU know who YOU are, just as i too know YOU, by means of the knowingness feelings sincere and true of the YOU in me, sameness of YOU, the world over.

    and ‘that’ is the best news actually, our knowingness of the truth we know and feel, is true of every soul of the earth.

    Thank God for ‘that’, as the world sure could use some purity and sincerity, yes?

    YES! The only word of positive forward momentum for me to speak, as in YES, i know i am of Jesus and God forever more, of the very thing Jesus wanted everyone to feel, ‘that’ of himSELF so pure and true in loving sincere feelings for us all, the loving sincere YOU, that i love too.

    LOVE YOUR SELF, just as i do too, no different in ‘that’ of YOU.

    Truly, i do love YOU, do i not?

    So it is true, we all love one another, of God’s divine will for us to BE of the BEcoming into our knowingness awareness level like we have and continue to do.

    God offers words of wisdom of greatest significance;

    “BE not of FORGETFULNESS(of YOU) the greatest foe.”

    blessings to YOU. someone i love.

  271. you know i know you know i know YOU. πŸ˜‰

    not ‘that’ difficult really, seeing as i know me.

    and ‘that’s the joyful simplicity of, “Do unto others as you would want them to do to you.”

    And no, ‘that’ was not some gay humor, although i guess it is, and does work when practiced, yes? lol πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    YOU know i had to end on a positive note. πŸ˜‰

  272. ok, enough self exploration for today.

    thank YOU for listening(feeling), as ‘that’ has always been my approach with YOU, listening and paying attention to my feelings sincere and true for each of YOU, especially YOU Matt, someone i know is of pure heart like my own.

    YOU are loved by me forever more Matt. Truly you i do love YOU.

    So keep smiling, BE cause, my TRUE feelings don’t change like the hypocrits, something i always despised about others since my youth.

    keeping it real like Matt is.

    ‘that’s what MATTers.

    love andy OXXX

  273. +

    all my words, realness of YOU, someone i love, someone Jesus loves, someone God loves, forever more.


  274. Truthfully, who would want to BE anything other than who Matt is, of sincere heart, mind, body, spirit and soul?

    The ONE i know and love.

    bless you

    i love you too.

  275. forever Byatch! πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

  276. i can’t you came back. i prayed for you come back, and you did.

    Truth is, you did not leave, nor did i.

    why would i want to,
    and where would i go?
    same sky above,
    same earth below

    someone like YOU.
    sincere and true.

  277. i can’t BELIEVE!!!

    i forgot BELIEVE! πŸ˜‰

    as in BELIEVE in YOU! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

    and me 2.

    It’s all Rosie’s fault ya know, she is the one who has kept us all real.

    as real as it gets baby!

    ain’t nothing better! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

    oh sure, one can try to imagine, but i prefer REAL. πŸ˜‰

  278. GLBT family.

    keep on….keeping it together.

    and indeed, we are still together as ONE family forever more…we shall always BE.

    bless you M

  279. oh hey, we got sunshine today.

    Pray hard enough, and realize, the sun always shining bright.

    something we all forget ‘that’ is true.

    ~ some Jesus humor. πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

  280. Don’t ever forget me, just as i cannot forget YOU.

    i would have to leave me for that to BE possible.

    ~ impossible.

    and besides, who would want to leave me damn it?

    ok…i can BE annoying somedays, i admit. forgive me.

    but YOU love that about me.

    these fucking energy drinks are bad for ya. I have cut down to one a day now. But i love the taste of them. The green Monster one is my favorite, as it tastes like the pop rocks we ate as kids. remember the pop rocks that fizzed and poped when you ate them. They bottled the flavor!

    One of my many enjoyments of life, that and the Hot tub, my favorite place of all.

  281. LOVE is what MATTers damn it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    and Matt is LOVE…Loves. πŸ˜‰

  282. +

    blessed are the pure of heart.


  283. +

    i am about experiential techniques guys, of deliberate approach with YOU.

    i am trying to get YOU to feel what we feel, of my knowingness like your own, of how good love feels, of M’s knowingness too in the approach of all of YOU, prodding us all awakening into our loving sincere divine true SELF.

    And for those who have seen and will see her, YOU know!

    She is most beloved to me, always was, and always we BE, what we are, united together as ONE, forever more, of this i daily pray, of my pure sincere loving thoughts, pure and true of me, pure and true of her, for all of us.

    ~ family.

    Oh how i love your precious souls like my own.

    thank you.

    thank you father. thank you Jesus. thank you Matt. thank you Madonna, thank you Rosie & family/friends, thank you loving friends and family of the GLBT communties world wide, thank you to all who turn towards their pure sincere loving feelings within, ‘that’ which is TRUE of the divine true self within us all, ‘that’ which is TRUE of Jesus, ‘that’ which is TRUE of God’s divine WILLINGNESS for ALL to BE the WILLINGNESS of the divine TRUE SELF, of YOU, of Jesus, in exact sameness of the knowingness of Jesus Christ, our loving brother and saviour of ALL for all eternity, who sacrificed his life to reveal to us ALL the truth ‘that’ is there within us ALL, ‘that’ of the knowingness Jesus came to know about himSELF, and in so doing, came into the knowingness of ‘that’ which is TRUE of us ALL.

    thank you Jesus, for loving us as much as YOU did and do, forever loved by me, someone like YOU, who discovered the treasure of the pearl YOU spoke of like you did, and yet do, of those like me who yearn to truly know YOU, and in so doing, realize fully in their heart, mind, body, spirit and soul, what it was YOU so desperately were trying to tell us, the TRUTH about our knowingness of purity and sincerity of heart, mind, body, spirit and soul, of the knowingness you came to BE…the TRUTH.

    i love you Jesus with all that i am or ever shall BEcome, ever BEcoming the truth of YOU, of the YOU in all of us so loving and true like YOU.

    ~ now ‘that’ truly is some good vintage wine, yes? How old is it anyway, 2000 years old? Hey, is our time based on his death or his brith, as in 2008 AD?

    I am pushing forward in study, as have for decades now, in my understanding of what Jesus and God’s divine will is, of ancient text research and interpretations which i will continue to post, sincere in approach for all to easily read, in the hopes for unveiling the bridegroom Jesus to the world. We are obviously close in our knowingness here at his cross. I know that the world is of great need for sincerity and pure of heart, what with the one billion children needless suffering in poverty world wide. It is of God’s divine willingness for all of us, and indeed, it is what is the greatest treasure we shall ever find, more valuable than all the riches of the world, is it not?

    i am especially thankful of M, and she knows why. And you too Matt, your pure heart connectedness i feel in your every word, of my knowingness, indeed, it is you who is one most real in your pure heart sincerity that you are. i am of the knowingness of YOU Matt of what you have been wanting us to about you, indeed, BEing real, of what Matters. How does one thank a friend like you, other than to say, “let’s be best friends in life!” where sincerely, that is what i wanted and had with you, and yet have, i pray.

    thank you.

    break time. class dismissed. lol πŸ˜‰

    blessings to all. Peace BE to this house forever more.


  284. ~ a responsible muse? ya. πŸ˜‰

  285. +

    we tend to do alot of alot of musing, do we not? πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    i love you Madonna.

    always did. always will.



  286. +

    ‘that’ which is good for our heart, mind, body, spirit and soul. of God’s divine will for us to BEcome the WILLINGNESS to.

    blessed are those who seek.


  287. +

    the sacred treasure Jesus spoke of, in our knowingness of now found, is it not?

    blessed be this day forever more.

    bless you M

    as Matt says, don’t run away, for i know won’t either, a loving brother of the GLBT family. Honesly, where would i go, other than where we BELong, with and of Jesus and God?

    silly question, is it not?

    sincerely loving family forever more we all shall remain, ‘that’ of the truth of what we truly are…a blessed family blessed by Jesus and God forever more.

    thank you for returning Matt, as we missed you greatly.

    bless you

    ok, i will go and enjoy my hot tub now. catch ya all later.

    Truly, i love Matt more than realized, and my realizing today, the depth of my soul, the depth of his soul, the depth of M’s soul, the depth of Jesus, of what Jesus wanted us to turn towards…the sincere depth or our souls, where Jesus and God dwell forever more, for ALL souls, for all eternity.

    blessed is pure heart of Jesus.


  288. +

    give thanks to Jesus.

    thank you Jesus.


  289. +

    ok. Let’s foget about our mission from God, for each and everyone of us to pick up starving child from of the cold ground and sponsor them for life, not just a gift, sponsor them, take of their hand, each one of us, one child in the world. You can sponsor them thru many of the child sponsor agencies world wide. When you do, God’s thru YOU, radiates into the child’s life, surrounding them with love and protection from the great walls of poverty(spiritual) of the world, lighting the world all around them, these precious loving children of God.

    blessed are those of couragous heart in doing so, for your reward is YOU when you do.


  290. +


    Let’s not forget…about our mission from God.

    damn tears in my eyes today keep falling, of a fatigued student frustrated by the insincerity of the world we live in.

    JOY for the world, for exceeding great JOY is coming to the world in our mission from God, for so many precious souls.

    Let it be known for ALL, God’s WILLINGNESS for us ALL.

    God blesses ALL.

    many there will be who are last to enter, and we are of the knowingness of why. Be not concerned of them as time passes, staying focused on our work, for the radiant bright loving light thru us that lights up the world, is what ‘Power of the Love of the ALL’ is, which is what changes the hearts, minds, bodies, spirits, and souls of all God’s precious innocent souls born into the (yet) unwise unknowingness world around us.

    we know.

    BE of thankful of ‘that’ which we know, pure and true of our precious souls in our love for one another, and BE not of the unwise attitudes like many, for easy it is for us to fall from great heights of purity and sincerity, as great there are many and numerous unwise bitter gnashing of teeth outside Porta Caeli(gate of heaven) yes?

    thanks for BEing YOU.

    thanks Matt, for keeping it real.

    God bless YOU Matt.

    i’ll be back. To kick anyone’s butt that gets in the ring with M and i.

    ‘That’ you can count on! πŸ˜‰

    God bless YOU Madonna.

    for the incredible workout we kept at together in our diligence, determination, stick-to-it-tiveness, of our sincere approach within like we have for so many years.

    the best is yet to come, yes?

    of course it is, in our all of BEcoming conduct with and of one another in the world.

    ~ family united as ONE.

    blessings to ALL.

    thank you.


  291. +

    heading out to a cafe in the ghetto, always returning here to pray with all of YOU, forever more, God WILLING.

    thank you God.


  292. +

    relax everyone…it’s just experiential techniques able to usher you into Porta Caeli merely by turning towards them.

    At all times, where your heart is, there too is your treasure and your life.

    At all times, what you turn towards, YOU BEcome.

    Turn towards your precious sweet loving pure souls like my own, and away from the bitter hypocrisy heart which in truth, does not feel as good as our TRUE feelings, so why would you want to BE like those yet unwise?

    thank you Jesus.

    sincerely enjoy the blessed day of your loving SELF, as do i.

    practice at BEing you and pray daily, as prayer is how we connect and remain in connected knowingness of our sincere love within for each other, the great significance of prayer. Do pray in gatherings like the other 99sheep, rather pray in privacy alone with Jesus and God, as do i, as did Jesus in the desert for most of his life, the desert of life(metaphor).

    Extraordinary and Wondrous is our loving sincere pure feelings, yes?

    thank you Madonna.


  293. *correction note*

    Do not pray in gatherings, as the group dynamics which are fear based, however subtle, do hinder the true fearlessness pure and true, as the world is yet snared by controlling fear in our daily lives, of another dynamic, familiarity, which is cause of our not leaving the 99sheep and remain of our stuckness like the world does.

    It is of subtle intellect knowingness i speak of my knowingness findings of my life long research of my divine true SELF.

  294. I know M is of the knowingness i speak of.

    Truly, i am a true and faithful friend of M, so do not think any negativity of her, as she is of great intellect like my own.

    thanks M.

    how’s your day’s off going?

    hey, at least i don’t annoy you before concerts, considerate of YOU.

    more considerate now than i have ever been, yes?

    what time is it?

    4 minutes?

    nah, take less than four minutes for me! lol

    to feel love ‘that’ i feel.

    oh, you guys are so bad!

    ok, ‘that’ too. πŸ˜‰

    truly, who would ever want to live without a loving lover?

    although i don’t know if Jesus had lovers.

    i think he wanted to, in his journey, ever evolving of his virgin spirit until he came into his knowingness, easy for him to do actually, of the fearless virgin spirit that does not enjoy being among the unpure hearts, hence is waunding off into the desert like he did, alone, ever nurturing and protective of his divine true self virgin spirit, until such a time as he BEcame of great solidness in his ability to walk among them as his TRUE divine virgin spirit SELF.

    sadly, Jesus may have died a virgin, which is so heart breaking for me.

  295. +

    Jesus loves YOU


  296. +

    God loves YOU


  297. +

    i love YOU


  298. +

    forever more


  299. +

    forgiveness of God is of Jesus and God’s knowingness like our own of the obviousness of the innocent souls snared by the unwise teachings of the forefathers before us all, obvious in all their sadly unwise, bitter, hurtful, false conduct, of learned behaviours, not of Jesus, not of God, nor should ever BE of us, in our knowingness of how such conduct leaves us feeling, bitter anxiousness of foul tasting; rather, it is of the false teachings of the forefathers before us all in their claiming to know God, and did/do not no God, in their not desiring of God’s wisdom, in their not coming into the knowingness of purity and sincerity feelings true of the divine true SELF as we have.

    BE of the knowingness that all such conduct is forgiven at all times, as we journey safely thru dark passage of our ever learning and evolving, merely by means of surrending to our gracefulness within while in pray alone with Jesus and God, of where we truly feel best, of safe and supportive fearless places of sanctuaries of our CHOICE thru out life. We are all in it together as ONE in our journey along life’s road, as true and faithful friends to the end forever more, on the sameness road we walk apon together.

    It is of God’s divine will for us to BE of the knowingness of these words of Jesus and God forever more.

    i ask forgiveness from all in my own useless conduct of unwiseness, as i too am yet of the detanglement of snaring of ignroance, ever evolving away from the absurdness of bitterness of the hypcrosy heart Jesus spoke of.

    thank you.

    at all times, all is forgivable and forgive by God, of Jesus and God’s divine will that we BE of the desire to come free of such bitterness of leaned life unBEcoming conduct, of our knowingness of the contrasting difference between loving light and bitter darkness, and indeed, we are of ‘that’ knowingness, are we not?

    i am…BE cause…we are…of the descerning wisdom of Jesus and God’s divine will for ALL.

    blessed are those of sincere approach with Jesus and God, for they are ONLY loving of us ALL.

    Let’s go change the world, move the mountain, shall we? And indeed, we are doing just ‘that’, as we are ‘that’ πŸ˜‰

    oh hey look, it’s the Mountain movers. I heard these guys work for free, where even if you had all the riches of the world, you could not buy them! lol

    although i hear they love their morning coffee more than anything, where it is best not to speak with them until after they have had their morning coffee, as they can set your world on fire if you do. lol πŸ˜‰


  300. +

    respectFULLy yours forever more, a true and faithful friend i shall always BE till the end, a loving brother of Jesus, child of God, knowingness of the greatest treasure which lays (yet) burried(submerged divine true self) for all souls of the earth to discover, ‘that’ of the divine true self YOU.

    bless you


  301. +

    ok. how about some precious humor?

    my cat, when i am out, will snuggle with a pair of shoes, the odor of feet, the precious sincere love within the soul of the creature which sincerely loves a human BEing.

    can you believe ‘that’?

    everyday, the cat does this.

    i don’t know about you(albeit i know), but my feet stink! badly somedays. lol πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    Jesus said, “Blessed is he/she who IS, before he/she came into (knowingness) of BEing, for he/she who IS has always BEen and always WILL BE.”

    this is the pure truth of ALL innocent souls born into the unwise world sorround, (yet) of the unknowingness of the protective nurturing wisdoms of God which briing one into the knowingness of BEing, able to then always BE in their path of life, protected forever more by the great power of God’s descerning truth wisdoms which feel the truth of each passiing moment of each day of the true condition of each soul in passing, able to guard us against the tendencies of the unwise teachings which snare many unknowingly.

    peace be to you forever more.


  302. ok..break time.

    enjoy the blessed day.

    12, 981 blessed days to go, God WILLING >

  303. +

    BE of the knowingness of who are, a divine loving child of God forever more, of God’s divine will to protect and nurture ALL souls of the earth…(eventually).


  304. +

    something special to say.

    the locket around my neck which opens has a picture of both Matt and M, forever of my heart they shall remain, always of my remembrance of their love for me, and i them.


  305. +

    Indeed, Love is what MATTers most to me to Matt.

    forever more, to BE, loved by thee!

    if you find better guys, BE SURE…to let me know, ‘that’ IS.

    What is more blessed than the forever more loving feelings of thee, other than the loving feelings to BE, loving of ONE like thee who is loving of thee?

    hint: me

    ~ some more Jesus humor for the morons who have (yet) to BE as loving of thee, as in the thee of YOU Matt and M.

    BE of joyful spirit, as YOU are found to BE of Jesus and God forever more protective of thee, of ALL souls the world over eventually.

    the future IS unfolding as it should and WILL, as in it is ours of our WILLINGNESS to BE the loving ONE we always were and are.

    i am…BE cause…we are WILLINGNESS to BE set free as ONE like the love of thee Jesus.

    thank you Jesus.


  306. Andy I’m SORRY for saying that publicly but u are sick! do u think that any of us reading your to many long comments?i don’t think so !do yourself a huge favor give it up kid and check yourself in in 1 of the hospitals near u as soon as possibile thank u!

  307. whatever Ron.

    your belittling comments are indicative of the condition of your precious soul left uncheck, unattended, unnurtured, unprotected from the unwise ignorant teachings of the forefathers which clearly is evident for anyone to see and feel the TRUTH of your turning towards the learned behaviours of the hypocrisy heart, the same hypocrisy heart of many who laughed in emptiness of sincerity and shallowness of shortmindedness mockery(limited vocabulary such as your own), expressions of the defensive ego mechanisms like the one you hid behind.

    truly, i am not one who is mad?

    rather it is you who is angry mad, are you not?

    ~ bitter gnashing of teeth outside Porta Caeli, of those unknowingly snared by unwiseness of the world devoid of God, obvious to taste and smell of bad odor they give off, not of the storehouse of goodness, and instead of the turning towards the hypocrisy heart, yes?

    You one of the last to enter into full knowingness.

    you are already forgive by Jesus and God, unknowingly by you who are not of God’s divine wisdom, in your CHOICE not to BE (yet).

    i don’t plan on staying here much longer Ron, if that’s any consilation for YOU to embrace alone with your SELF where YOU are, where Jesus is not found in all untruthfulness.

    thank you for serving Jesus and God Ron(unknowingly in your blind ignorance of impure thought).

  308. any more contenders that want to get in the ring?

    come on, i need some exercise(of the heart, mind, body, spirit and soul).

    just like our sister M who is most like me(unknowingly for many). πŸ˜‰

  309. +

    all is forgiven by Jesus and God, but why waste your time in uselessness of negativity that only hurts YOU, and not those of pure enlightenment, YOU who turn towards the empty words devoid of love?

    Who would want YOU as a friend in your foul smelling odor?


  310. +

    YOUR life is always of YOUR CHOICES which YOU make in each waking moment of YOUR life, by all things you ponder or reflect apon.

    Reflect apon the loving sincere feelings of Jesus who looks apon all in the sad condition of our souls world wide, in your embracing of truth wisdom of God meant as ONLY goodness for YOU.

    Rather than reflect apon your faith in Jesus, it is better to reflect apon the faith Jesus has of YOU, in his knowingness of YOU, which is of his own knowingness he came to know of himSELF.


  311. +

    Just as i shall love and praise forever more Jesus, Matt and Madonna, i shall love and praise ALL who are of pure heart in all they say and do, those of loving pure thought and feelings.


  312. I have to catch a plane soon, one of those new planes that fly themselve’s you don’t even need to hold on to the CONTROL’s
    to fly, well sometimes you do

    Andy i don’t think Jesus died a virgin, there were a few guy’s in his inner circle, he must of been gay.

    i am happy today, found gay yesterday

    gay’s coming back soon, pure heart, freshly squeezed gay.

    have a wonderful day

    Love you M,
    Love you Andy
    Love you Gay
    Love you Jesus

  313. +

    YOU lead only your SELF away from your SELF in all your unloving unwise useless absurd bitter mean spirited arrows you shoot into darkness hoping to hit the target, of one who’s comprehension is of all you refuse to reflect apon, the ONE you cannot see who is there…YOU, yet unattended, unnurtured, unprotected by God’s wisdom, who summons YOU to wisdom for sake of YOU, of only goodness meant for your divine true loving sincere SELF…YOU.

    take time to get to come into the knowingness of the sincere pure thoughts and feelings of YOU, or BE like that of the many in all their mean spiritedness which serves no one, painful to all who are of sincere feelings of sight restored to their precious loving souls.

    truly, they make mockery only of themselves, do they not?

    blessed are the pure of heart, for the kingdom of heaven is your reward, of a joyful fun loving life you shall always live.


  314. oh hey Marco.

    always of sincere delightful feelings i have in seeing YOU each and everytime i did, and shall, yet again, of the joyful sweet loving beautiful soul YOU are.


    thanks Marco. i love you too. always did. your brace heart fearless and true in expressing your sincere true SELF which loves to feel feelings that are real for YOU, as are me.

    me gay? nah. just a figment of your imagination. lol πŸ˜‰

    bless YOU this day forever more Marco.

    thanks for BEing YOU Marco, a joyful fun loving pure heart.

    i tryed to convince M to come to Australia…no decision yet, butt she may…she is the boss after all.

    im just a sincere loving true and faithful friend of hers, like YOU are too.

    i am…BE cause…we are…sincere loving true and faithful friends till the end.

    hey, can i come over to your place tonight Marco?

    indeed, my happy self is returning Marco…your so smart. i can’t get anything past YOU.

    why would i want to when i would rather hand you ‘that’ of me too? πŸ˜‰

    are you looking to live a gay life Marco?

    good news if you do, as the sex is amazing. just asking.


  315. +

    i just though i would amuse everyone while M is resting and working. She is so busy right now. I don’t does it. Well actually i do. She is of pure heart like we are, sincere and true. I am only here to assure her, as a humble servant of God.


  316. +

    good point Marco. I think Jesus for sure thought about gay sex, and heterosexual sex, without doubt, and i even see Jesus as perhaps a frustrated homosexual struggling with homophobia, but of the pure virgin spirit he was, i think mayBE he was holding our for someone as sincerely loving as he came to know about himSELF, come to think of it, alot like YOU Marco.

    well now, isn’t that interesting, yes?

    im such a tease, i know.


  317. +

    I know i am.

    holding out for someone like me, sincerely loving like Jesus.

    i am a loving brother of Jesus, of his brotherhood, child of God, fatherhood of God.

    a sincere loving bisexual, where frustration is not of my heart, mind, body, spirit and soul, rather frustration of finding one like me who is equally as frustrated in finding ONE like thee! πŸ˜‰

    blessed are thee who know who thee is!

    someone let me know. take your time as Love waits, wise of what not to BEcome like in our knowingness of likemindedness…soul mate lovers and friends till the end.

    ok, im heading OUT to a cafe with the loving lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgendered, as many there are who need my support.

    if anyone wants to chat, please do, as i am always here.

    bless you

    i love you



  318. +

    thanks Matt


  319. +

    ya. i was hurt Matt.

    but something tells me you were hurting more than me at the time.

    your words of keeping it real, tell me you too are a tender loving sensitive soul like my own, who feels their life in each passing moment as do i.

    I so wanted to keep our friendship, and still do. i know you know that i do, and i know you know my love is true for you.

    always was Matt. always will BE.


    without doubt.


  320. +

    keeping it real.

    in this moment, relaxed, listening to music, at the key board, pondering of my feelings for you Matt, clasping of my hands tightly in prayer from moment to passing moment, real feelings i feel of my sweet memories of you, sensing your hesitation with me like before, someone like me afraid to lose a friendship like we had, knowingness of how much we enjoyed chatting like we did before, wondering if you are wanting to get back to the friendship we had and obviously enjoyed with one another, hoping and praying you want to keep the friendship going as much as do, wondering if you know just how much hurt me losing your friendship, where i got to a day of realizing just how hurt i really was and yet am, encompassing feelings that crashed in around me that i lost a best friend, a hopelessness feeling of life goes on, yearning to get away from the key board, so as not to feel the pain i was feeling all this time in having lost your friendship…letting go.

    I did let go in my mind, decided to call i quits and move on, feeling ok in doing so in my leaving something special always there for you at my blog for you to always have and feel how much i really did care for you as a young gay male in our community…a real friend that i was for you(still am).

    You sensed my loving joyful spirit that loved you, actually surprised when you openly expressed that you knew i how much i loved you.

    ya Matt. It’s true. i loved alot, of sincere life long loving feelings that wanted to keep you as best friend for the rest of my life, indeed, i did, and indeed, i sensed also that you did too as time passed, of your delightful loving spirit so joyful somedays so radiant and bright, pure loving light.

    well, new flash for you Matt, i will always want you as a best friend in life, today, tommorrow, the day after, even you don’t come back, i know my feelings for you are of one who will always you as a best friend in life forever more…without doubt, ok?

    these feelings won’t ever change for me Matt, no matter what you shall ever say or do, even if you don’t come back.

    i don’t want to be too forward with you in making you feel any expectations of you in doing so, and is not why i am expressing the truth of my feelings for you, rather, i want to come back because of your joyful fun loving feelings like before, wants the friendship to continue as much as i did and do, and for you to just feel at ease in just BEing you like we always did, talking about whatever the fuck we wanted to like we did, so fearless you were Matt, unbelievable some days.

    Do you know how much joy it was for me to see you just BEing you each day? Incredible was your fearlessness, beyond M’s if you must know, and M felt it too Matt. We all did Matt, Rosie and Kelly too.

    i know exactly what you mean by keeping it real, as in life is not about fame, fortune, glamor, status, or any of the things in life which are insecurities of many who allow their heads to carried away but such things, rather, true life, is about someone like me and you, who are in the real world of ordinary life, school, job, career, doing ordinary things in life, where what matters to us, is the friends we love who are always there, loving of each other each day, delightfulness of joy each day when spend time with one another.

    that is how i feel about BEing a real friend of yours, where each time i came over to your blog, i was always of joyful feelings in seeing you again, going on and on about whatever like we did, back and forth in our endless chatter about whatever we wanted to talk about, expressing ourselves openly and fearlessly i might add, you were.

    I encourage that for your sake Matt, as a friend in life who wants you to become fearless, because of the road ahead which inundates us with alot of fear sometimes, living a life as gay males, in our work place, schools, family, and restful play in the ghettos.

    My concern is this Matt, that you feel my sincere loving respect for you, of someone i sincerely love with all that i am and always will…without doubt, for truly i do, in my sincere concern that your self-esteem is ever of increasingness each day, so that you remain respectful of YOU, when it comes to making CHOICES of disrespectful conduct of things which are disrespectful of SELF, such as substance abuse, unsafe sex, drinking and driving, and most important, your higher level of good self-esteem which won’t tolerate inapporpiateness of others who may not be mentally/emotionally as healthy as you yet are, because of my knowingness of how traumatic the experience is for many gay males coming out of the closet, who do not transition very well, succuming to self-medication substance abuse and such as a means to cope with their anxieties, which become problematic for them in life rather than of any healthy use for them, derailing their life and the lives of those they are involved with, loving friends and lovers, all avoidable when we are of the life skills to slow down and make healthy CHOICES for ones self, RESPECTFUL of self at all times.

    I best friend is someone you can always turn to and chat with about your feelings of uncertainty you may have for some of these individuals you may get involved with, where without doubt Matt, you can probably guess my response in your CHOICES of friends, should any of them like to use drugs or alcohol.

    Seriously Matt, i am concerned for your life, as a true and real friend who does want to see you make unwise CHOICES in life…ever. Someone who will always reasure you at every turn in you questioning of concerns you may have as we venture thru life along life’s road.

    I want the friendship Matt, not just for sake of you.

    i’m going to be honest in saying this, ok? I utterly and completely adore your personality and warm loving spirit alot like my own, of why we connect like we do. I know how sensitive you are, and you can trust me as someone who will not ever betray you…ever. It is because of how much i love you Matt.

    Think it over and decide if you want to get back to our insanely fun loving joyful times like we did.

    I know i do. Unbelievably overwhelmed that you reappeared, all this time of daily praying that you would, of my only desire to love and praise you forever more, for that is of my sincere feelings for you Matt.

    And let’s not forget how much Rosie and the gang enjoy us too, and of course M, equally concerned for you precious loving life to remain safe and sound.

    bless you Matt. I really need to know you were ok, restful now in knowing you are.

    I realize i am still someone healing from devasting events in life, of somedays where i am abit too much. Your friendship was healing for me Matt, of my ever yearning to become restored to my fun loving self i was before, you being of the reminder of how fun loving i used to be.

    anyway, i don’t want to guilt you into coming back, rather i want Matt to do what Matt sincerely wants to do, of joyfulness in just being you Matt, of your freedom at all times to do what Matt wants to do, not what i want of Matt.


    i hope this increases your true sense of my loving life long concern for you that indeed, i too am a real friend to you, hurt badly that i lost a friend like you.

    i’m ok…just…well…still hurting over the loss of the friendship.

    i actually did feel that you were gone for good…my insecurities, nothing to do with you. I never was much of a secure person in life, having had my sense of security stripped away from me at age 15 when my parents seperated, loss of family home i grew up in since birth, hitting the steets alone, where i fell hard into substance abuse and prostitution.

    I survived, but i nearly did not survive Matt, having little or no life skills, bash in self-esteem from the loss of my sense of security, in great need of safe and supportive friendships, and not those of the street life survival mode artists snared by substance abuse.

    Life teaches us. Sadly too late for some, of loved ones who gather at funerals each day from preventable real life issues which could easily of been prevented, had individuals invested time in developing understanding for themselves and their children, being best friends for them along life’s road.

    Don’t follow the crowd into destruction Matt, as great is the issue of substance abuse in out GLBT communities. Don’t associate with those who do. Do make friends with them Matt…ever!

    As time goes by, you will see clearly the results of those in our community who make bad CHOICES in life, as regards substance abuse and alcoholism, CHOICES of wrong friends who start out incredibly healthy youths, and get sidelined so quickly into bad situations like prostitution and drug dealing, which is so prevailent now, more so than before.

    CHOICES Matt…that you to make in keeping your path ahead of you in life, in order to live a true and healthy loving life.

    Remember…healthy people are wise in their descerning CHOICES and decisions when selecting of friends and lovers in life, avoiding unhealthy individuals who do not embrace a Healthy Approach to life, wise of increasing their desire in establishing a Healthy Approach to loving life thru education, building of a life long belief system foundation for navigating thru life….YOUR RESPONSIBILITY in doing so at all times. Don’t leave it to late to take charge of building it, as great is the distance in life that many do not, often suffering the consequences in having not done so later in life, all avoidable had they taken the time to build their foundations of understanding.

    ya, i guess you could say i care about you Matt.

    just abit, yes? lol πŸ˜‰

    i fucking love you damn it!!!!!!!!!

    of course, you always i did. I tryed it, and so did you damn it, but i sorta knew too, what with our just BEing ourselves the way we did…so incredibly insane we were some days, cutting everyone up like we did…FEARLESS!!!!!!!!!!! πŸ˜‰

    welcome back Matt.

    you have no idea how i am you are still near. i sensed that you were.

    i hope that helps Matt, i sincerely do, as do miss you greatly.

    love andy OXXX

  321. fuck…my spelling really sucks today.

    ah well, if it slows you down enough to really make you think, then the spelling errors work to your advantage, yes? πŸ˜‰

  322. Andy

    My empowerment has and always will be my intent to be real, i call it the power of truth my mind sometimes decieves me often burdens me, something i am well aware of, i have made many sacrifices too, over the last 15 years always choosing road of self discovery of spiritual growth whatever it took to nurture my soul, often and usually putting other superficial delights and often myself last. Inner knowing that those foundations needed to be strong for whatever it was i was to do. ( help solve some problems in the world maybe, give some hope to lost souls maybe, wake up the sleeping maybe,) just like you and M.

    That’s my passion

    In that selfless persuit i became frail, vaunerable from all the negitivity in the world and defensive and isolated, ( my only form of preservation) yet my own walls of protection also served as a barrier to the very support love and protection i so craved, i carried the burden to understand it to be able to recognise it, if i was to fight it i would have sucuumbed to fear and i woul have imprisioned my soul and become it.

    Through the friendship’s so prized and valued that i have made here, YOU know who you all are !!, I have re discovered the great courage, hope and great strength that makes up that who i am, which was once buried by the weight of the ingnorance of the world that which weighed me down during my last 15 years of examination, many souls do not emark on this journey rather prefering the easy option of denial, and they continue to life in that very state fear for having never taken the time to understand the very nature of ingnorance, fear and that which imprisions the soul.

    yes i was hurting, so i ran away, then i came back, then i ran away again then came back, all the time learning, thinking will you just LET GO, i feel like a YO YO , ha ha.

    learning to let go is hard sometime YES a fear perhaps perhap’s not often we need to be in CONTROL of our lives we need to CONTROL to maintain healthy SELFCONTROL, but one must be careful to not allow that to burden the soul which needs to be free at all times.

    See the purity of sincere INTENT of mySELF & youSELF is enabled the YOU to grow, also i have helped YOU as YOU so sincerly have helped me,

    Hang on “WHO’s ME & WHO’s YOU ? yes we are all YOU,
    we are ONE every ONE of the Billion’s and Billion’s of souls are ONE.

    The maze i have created in my mind, from all the confusion that one accumilates along the journy’s of enlightenment, for me that journey has been relentless and intense, without take time for a break, every thought every waking moment for me was a conscious effort on my part to find the answers so intense i forgot how to release some of the baggage, i became so weighted down, my soul started to charge me excess baggage fee’s $20 a tonne lol… so i became bankrupt, and then when i had no money left my soul said Marco i have to give you some credit, you’ve done well, but only for the short term, because i have a billion souls to feed, and food’s not cheap go get your ass into gear, (figuratively speaking) and start doing something you really enjoy like being creative and healing all those things that not only heal others but heal yourself, so i say’s to my soul hey YOU, but i have offloaded more than half my baggage thank’s to ANdy and Candy , and MAtt and Madonna and Rosie, ok on and on i go, My soul say’s Marco you know the price of oil has gone up, not to mention inflation your baggage bill is the same as it was before. besides do whats best for YOU will be GOOD for YOU, and i know you’ll always have some baggage to cart around in your travels, i’ve seen your inside your closet, what ! you did’nt is nothing sacred. i love my clothes, yer i need the purity that keeps me real.

    freshly squeezed angel boy, deep soul like mine, expressing through poetry and music as i also find rewarding to do, i need, although one should never need, but will me off the streets at night, of pure innoccent heart thus far un burdend by that which has weighed me down i need that contrast, time out for me to re harmonise, default on my loan to my soul you know, a loving embrace with a heartbeat, unlike my pillow.

    Freinds for SURE, how could i not desire to have friends who help ME to help ME to help THEM, i remain true to YOU as do YOU to YOU.

    (ok guy’s thats a wrap, we start filming the next episode soon, and can somehire a few more editor’s i am having trouble fitting this all on the tape and everyone in the cinema has fallen asleep, WHAT ELSE IS NEW) ANGEL dont worry we willl wake them up, just as Madonna has

    pump up the volume !

    Love YOU ANDY
    Love you Madonna
    Love you YOU
    love you ME

  323. i tried twice to spell check and MS work spell check crashed twice on the dont worry we will wake them up line, how did you know that one ? amazing your amazing, i am going to pratice a little now in my guitar, it help’s me find my way through the maze that is my mind.

  324. no no. i am not letting go.

    i am probing, instilling, nurturing the gift, purity of heart within another.

    it usually only takes a few seconds of ‘Pure Knowingness’ experience for one to come into FULLness of awareness(awakening), of another enlightened pure spirit who approaches them in peace and only love, easily recognizing the life long enlightened one who approaches, not to take anything, rather to give them the much need assurance.

    i am one such enlightened one of God’s wisdom, who approaches another to instill the ‘Pure Knowingness’ of acknowledgment of their pure of heart feelings, so that they know what the gift is(pearl), ‘that’ of themselves, pure truth seeds planted and nurtured which take root in the them as cognitive awareness of something for them to love about themselves.

    Jesus did this with the blind man, but not of the way the religious organize preach it(sell it, merchants of God, not fully knowing of God, partiality of heart).

    I love the blind man story.

    One can easily imagine a blind man’s journey thru life, of one is of survival mode dependency of the decency of others, where in doing so, however struggling the experience was the entire life, we can identify the reality of being a blind man who would easily hear the tone of voice of others, ever descerning of the bitterness or sweetness of the souls the blind man would listen to daily, hourly. The blind man is of a higher level of increased value for appreciation for sweetness of the soul of another, dynamics of perhaps a struggling survival mode blind person handed around, lets say, from one family location to another, a burden you could say for those looking after the blind one, or perhaps i blind one who grew tired of the annoying mentalities of another and left for anywhere than where they were. Who knows the entire life of the blind one Jesus spoke with.

    Here is the beauty of the story. Jesus recognized the condition of the blind man’s sweetness of soul instantly, where apon speaking with the blind one, the blind one recognized(mirroring) of the spirit and soul of Jesus instantly …ok…here is the important part….instantly the blind one came into full ‘Pure Knowingness’ of the loving spirit of Jesus, by means of the exact sameness of emotional depth of soul as that of Jesus, one and the same of the blind ones own spirit and soul.

    Great joy came over the blind one, in hearing the voice of Jesus speaking directly to their soul, instantly recognizing(by means of their own sensitivity of soul) the one speaking. πŸ˜‰

    beautiful story yes?

    beautiful is the soul that understands what the gift is(pearl)…YOU.

    i always shed a tear when i tell people that story, seeing eyes light up brightly in exceeding joyfulness flooding them with sweet loving feelings of love, of Jesus recognizing how beautiful their precious loving pure heart is to Jesus, mirroring of his loving delight of them of himself, exactly that of their own.

    ah, love

    oh how i love your precious loving souls like my own.

    especially you Matt. It’s all Matt’s fault! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

    he was the one more jubilant about his own loving self than most i have ever met. Secretly, he still is…somewhere….out there…. πŸ˜‰

    ya, i love Matt.

    i love you too Marco, equally so, just as we all love M, and Rosie, Kelly & family.

    i am probing my SELF too, searching the depths of my heart, self-discovery, self-actualization, sharing my findings fearlessly openly with all of you.

    slipping some days.

    your sincere desire for wisdom Marco is what impress me the most, of the same thirst as i am.

    without doubt Marco, i truly am blessed by your friendship, just as you are mine.

    So hey, can i come over or what?

    second time i asked that question….

    if you have to ask more than once….

    i don’t agree with that one. I mean what if it takes time for someone to grow to liking you. Maybe they did not like you at first. Of maybe they did and did not like you later. or maybe the never liked you.

    is there a right time or wrong time to ask.

    biggest question of all is, if you don’t ask, how are they to know, and secondly, how are they ever to answer if you don’t ask them to ask themselves of their own feelings for you in asking if they will marry you.


    snuck up on ya with that one! lol πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    BE of joyful spirit which draws out the joyful spirit of another, for the joyful spirit within is of the one who yearns for joyful love with another.

    Now get over here damn it! I need that body massage! NOW!!!!!


    πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

  325. +

    for me, i know me.

    what i love of another is something i love of me.

    of increased value over all things in life, at the top of the list for me is pure sincerity of the pure of heart, those who love without doubt, radiant and bright in fearlessly being unafraid of their sweet loving sincere feelings of tender love for another, dancing with inner joyfulness within of the sincere loving feelings they feel for another, like Matt and M do.

    like them, someone equally fearless of feeling my feelings, outward radiance of feelings within, is not only what acknowledges to them of what i like about them, it also encourages them to be likewise in fearlessness like that of my own.

    i know i have succeeded in doing just that with both Matt and M, as a friend, but then…here’s the problem…i feel in love with them both.

    And now i am fucked, because they both know i love them both, and it won’t be long before they get together and decide my fate, as in, “ah fuck you Andy, i’m tired of waiting for you.” where it is not so much my fault for falling in love with them both, as that is a good thing, yes?

    The problem is…there is no problem in loving them both, of what they may not know about me as one who approaches them both, in my attempts to get them to reflect apon the negative reality of useless jealousies and such other distracts such as, ‘what ifs’ doubtfulness, until such a time where they break free above their notions,

    and just feel their sincere pure hearts feelings
    ‘that’ Andy’s knowingness of what i know about their pure of heart feelings…TRUE,
    ‘that’ of M’s knowingness about Matt’s pure of heart feelings…TRUE,
    that Matt’s knowingness about M’s pure of heart feelings…TRUE,
    that of their knowingness about Andy’s pure of heart feelings…TRUE.

    ‘that’ of what matters;


    Ok….now pay attention, as this next part is of Jesus and God….

    It is the ‘Pure Knowingness’ of our sincere feelings of love devoid of useless doubt which is what the PEARL is that Jesus wanted to give to others, reflections and mirroring that of the divine true SELF within them, of what will always BE the most important thing one shall ever come into the full Pure Knowingness about themselves in life, of what TRULY matters, to BE one who loves another as much as we love our SELF, where it is the overcoming of fear to allow our SELF to love another as much as would like to be loved by another, where our conduct of BEcoming ‘that’ of the delicate, sensitive, gentle by nature, sweet loving, sincere, Pure and true YOU comes into full view for them, of who they TRULY are, the radiant bright loving light of their divine true SELF, loving of their now visible (mirrored) SELF in doing so.

    I don’t know, i mean what do you give someone who already has everything already, of no need of me.

    I mean Matt has great looks more so than me, so i can’t give him what he already has.

    And Madonna, well, don’t even get me started on M, as she truly has everything one could ever want.

    So then i realized the only thing i can give them is me, and what i have come to know of the reflections of me, so easy to see, as just like thee, mirroring what to LOVE of their SELF.

    a true and faithful friend yes?

    Here is the thing though, i know i will love them for the rest of my life(which running short now), but hey, i will always know i loved and love them, what ever it is they will ever do in life, be it a friend to me or not, my prayer, is for them to always BE of the remembrance of the pure sincere love i came to know within them that WILL remain forever TRUE of them, of what i LOVE about them.

    With or without them in life along life’s road, i know they shall always be a special part of my heart forever more, where what i wanted most for them is to realize what i love most about them…their delicate, sensitive, gentle by nature, sweet loving, sincere, Pure and true YOU.

    forever more, loved by me, loved by Jesus, loved by God, of what Jesus wants ALL to come into the Pure Knowingness of…the delicate, sensitive, gentle by nature, sweet loving, sincere, Pure and true YOU

    Now if one of them asks me to marry them….well….they better hurry up, as they only have 4 fucking minutes to decide!!!!!!!!!!!


    πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

    best one all year, yes?

    ya…i thought so too.

    i am so frigin happy to see Matt’s return…can you tell? πŸ˜‰

    i was worried about him, as my sincere love for him is true.

    I wish you only love Matt, just as i wish only love for M, just as i wish ALL only love…

    …just as we ALL wish only love for ALL


  326. +

    forever more, i will BE, only loving of thee, forever more.


  327. +

    hey Marco, is there anything better than feelings of only love for someone?

    let me know if you find something better than feelings of only love will ya?

    i already know no one will, so don’t bother looking for what you ALL already have.

    who does not want ‘that’?

    Jesus loves you
    God loves you
    i love you

    any questions?

    ‘that’ was a hint by the way! πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    ok, really not much more to say, having already said it.


  328. +

    if you have doubt of my love for YOU, it is of the doubtfulness of YOU, not me, so worry not of my love that is true.

    without doubt…i love you.


  329. +

    hey, i should get a job writting for Hallmark cards, yes?

    say yes damn it!

    damn, i cannot even trick them into saying YES.

    ah fuck it.

    if someone loves as much as you do them, trust me, they will let you know.

    if not, don’t be afraid to let go.

    if Love comes back to you and says i know(their feelings),

    then don’t be afraid to let go…

    …and Just BE YOU.

    the one they love.

    ever notice when you love someone, there is nothing anyone can ever say to change your mind, you just love them with all that you are?

    i say trust in ‘that’ of another, of your own knowingness of this truth of when you love someone, in there being nothing anyone can ever say to change your mind when you love someone, so trust in ‘that’ of someone you love, for if the do love you like you do them, trust me, come hell or high water, they will tell you their feelings eventually.

    you got 4 minutes!

    ok, i am starting to sound like a broken record now, so will stop for awhile, and just BE what i always am, my sincere loving thoughts and feelings, with or without another.

    God blesses ALL


  330. +

    thanks Marco


  331. +

    ok…im bored…time to move on.


  332. Pop Corn , Hot Dog’s, anyone ?

    (best to keep their energy level’s up, were only halfway through the movie)

    wake up everyone, the best is yet to come.

    now look Andy everyone’s gone !

    where did they all go ?

    oh yer, to Madonna’s concert of course

    well it was too be expected

    she does know how to liven up the party.

  333. time

    thats all

    it does not diminish the love

    only strengthens the bond

    and love is all that matters

    one must always attend to matters that are at hand, in the moment in the now that is what is most important

    the future cannot escape the present, as the past can never escape the future.

  334. Marco…i love you.

    now shut and fucking hold me damn it!

    what ever it is one does, party, no party, big star, little star, who the fuck cares, when what i want is to merely be hand they yearn to hold as much as i do theirs.

    ah fuck Marco!

    hold me damn it!

    Truly, without doubt whatsoever, some i have had the chance of life time to meet, like Matt, is one individual i know i would love to be the hand Matt yearns to hold each day, where it is not about whatever fucking party or place in life that matters most, is it?

    It’s the true sincere loving feelings within of the hand we yearn to hold each day, where apon waking, we feel the bubbling beautiful REAL loving feelings within, of exceeding joy of waking to another day with love in our hearts for the one we will see and be with once again to hold their hand and kiss their lips, sweet anticipation of overflowing pure loving feelings within which indicate to us, just how much we REALLY do love the one we are in love with.

    That is how i felt with Troy each and every single day for three years.

    I realize, in seeing and feeling the joyful spirit of Matt, it is memories of all those beautiful days with Troy that come flooding back to me, unable for me to stop how the feelings once again as before, which i was feeling in seeing Matt the whole time i was there for him, and yet again, sensing his possible return, and yet again the flooding in of my loving feelings overflowing again, just like they did the whole time i knew Troy, no different at all of my time spent with Matt.

    After awhile, i realized that actually was more loving of Matt, than i was of Troy, as Matt was more recipricating with me more so than with Troy, in a more REALness of his delightful expression of Matt’s feelings of delightful loving joyfulness within him, exploding somedays all around him, lighting up the entire room, the entire world for that matter, at least my world, where Matt was my greatest of loving feelings i was feeling each day for him, my greatest joy of each day passing, more so than anyone else in my life at the time, feelings indeed ‘real’ for me, where indeed, i came to a day of awareness that i was falling in love with Matt, and indeed, i fell in love Matt, and still, i am in with Matt.

    But i far to old for Matt, and wish for him to be with someone of his same joyful fun loving youthful spirit exactly like his own.

    Today, i figure, i should just be honest Matt in telling him the truth, that indeed, i love him more than any other in my current life today. i mean, it has been sorta obvious everyone, has it not, that Andy loves Matt?

    ya, kinda obvious Andy!

    i would like to express, that of all the healing experiences i have felt since Troy died, nothing has compared to feeling once again my ability to love once again as much as i did with Troy, and Matt, i want you to know, that i came to realize i loved you more Matt, than i did Troy, as Troy was somewhat painful for me, what with his disfunctional issues of serious substance abuse which causes one to be emotionally/physicallly unavailable, of many days(weeks) of pain rather than delightful joy, when Troy would take off and run with his drug loving clics and clans of so many hard core alcoholics and drug users, that and his homophobic issues, hiding behind his girlfriend lover, who plyed his weakness for alcohol.

    Unknowingly for me at the time, my own unawareness of the true dynamics of internal/external affect/effects of homophobia both for Troy and myself, i did eventually come to terms with the reality check of statistical case study data that indicated to me that (at that time, 1992), most gay males were not coming out of the closet until the age of 30-35 years of age, a time of gay history when things were alot different than today, where police used raid the bathhouses, busting the doors of gay guys having sex, completely traumatizing beautiful gay guys of loving embrace of one another, likely for years later of the tramatic experience of the ones who experienced these events.

    It has been a wonderful experience for me being around Matt, seeing his pureness of loving delight of himself, accepting of himself as a gay male, so radiant and bright, far beyond my experience with Troy and many others in my life experience since then, and as i said, the most healing for me in my efforts of many years to reveal to myself just how wonderful and loving i really am, of who Andy is in life, a truly loving soul for another, pure and truly loving.

    Ya. I so very much love Matt, afraid to admit to myself i was falling in love with him, knowing my age and what not that i would eventuall have to let go, and accept i am a mature adult gay male of many years much older than he is, and of the truth that i am a veteran educated in the dangerous statistical data of the age group of 15-24 year old young gay males which are of the highest for high risk activity like substance abuse, unsafe sex and self abuse during their transitional years into a gay life.

    Truly, in my heart of hearts, my duality within is one of my sincere love and adoration of Matt, just as i was with Troy, and acceptance of my place in Matt’s life as merely a friend, too old for him as a lover, repectful of Matt in doing so, surprised beyond belief in sensing Matt was perhaps falling in love with me, a day when the door to my soul exploded off it’s hinges, if you must know.

    i was WOW! He read my mind, of my careful loving approach with Matt in not leading him on too much, sincerely desiring my accepted place in his life as an older adult gay male who merely wanted to successfully see Matt transition safely during his coming years, and indeed, i do want to be there for him, even if i of my knowingness that i am in love with him.

    Here’s the thing everyone. God says it’s ok for me to love Matt as much as i know i sincerely do and always will, ok? so fuck off everyone in any innuendos you may of me, as i don’t want to see Matt fall in life like Troy did from the stupidness of many of his friends in life like he had, likewise of so many in our GLBT comminities that may endanger Matt’s life, in my knowingness of just how much truly love Matt like know i do, with all that i am, more than any other in life according to my self reflections.

    We all love Matt. There is not one of you hear who does not love Matt as much as i do. Truth.

    So Matt. I am here as a life long friend for you, nothing more, someone who will always be safe supportive of you, in my ability as a wise adult gay(bisexual) make of wisdom which is safe from the dangers of substance abuse, wise in fearless commincation with you in helping you to likewise stay of the openness to your beautiful self, not ever being left to feel like you don’t have a true friend in life you can turn to and talk with, along life’s road of broken promises, broken heartedness over failed relationships, someone you can always turn to who WILL always be there for you, of my sincere delightful joy in doing so, of great admiration of your precious loving pure heart and soul, of the Matt i have come to know, that i hold so close in my heart. I will be there for Matt everyone, should Matt decide to include me in his life as a life long loving friend, of my prayers for him do so, my unceasing love and praise for him forever more, even if Matt chooses not to entertain me as a friend, in my knowingness of reflections of my feelings for him which are as real as i have felt since my years with Troy so long ago.

    God bless you in life Matt. You are forever of my daily prayers with Jesus and God, as one who is a true and faithful friend of Jesus and God, and in doing so, a true and faithful friend for Matt to have in life, should you decide to do so.

    there. i said what i have longed to express.

    the real Andy who loves Matt without any doubt whatsoever, where not doubtfulness shall ever come into my heart for Matt, so help me God, of my knowingness of just how much i really do love Matt.

    you are free to decide Matt, and don’t feel you need to be a friend with me for sake of me, as i do not wish to feel how that feels, insincere. I want my friends to embrace the own sincerity in chosing to be friends with me, just as i have embrace my sincere feelings for you Matt. If your feelings are sincere like my own, that follow your heart, as i wish to bring only loving goodness into your life forever more.

    thanks Matt.

    i am finally giving you what you are deserving of in God’s eyes Matt…the truth about Andy’s sincere loving feelings for you, of someone who truly does love you with all that he is.

    blessings to all.

  335. +

    being real is what i am, openly more so than most.


    because someone as beautiful a pure heart as Matt, is deserving only of the truth, in God’s eyes.

    Truly, Andy fell in love with Matt, of Andy’s awareness of his true loving feelings for most of his time spent around Matt, that he was in love with Matt, feelings of forever more love for someone Andy wanted Matt to know for his entire life, should Matt of decide(d) he wanted Andy in his life, as much as Andy wants Matt in his life.

    in reflections of my feelings in life, of looking back over my entire life, i realize fully, it was the tender loving feelings i felt for another, in my sincerity of yearning to hold and kiss another which matter most to me, much like any of you who are connected with your sincere loving feelings, openness of awareness, fearlessly unafraid to express them.

    well…if you don’t express them, how the fuck is anyone ever to know how you feel about them?

    bin there. done that. lost some dear friends along life’s road in not doing what was right, fearless embracing my feelings for someone and always remaining of turning towards the loving feelings and not the fucking uselessness of bullshit motherfucking ego, like so many morons do, in all the cold heartedness so cold to the taste and tough, arrogance ever a wall that gets between us and someone we love, between our own fearful inability to fearlessly feel our own fucking feelings and express them, of the learned behaviours of egotism that seperates so many from one another long life’s road, leaving us feeling hurt in passing by once in a life time chance in having met someone we loved, my sincere loving feelings for the once in a life time chance of having met Matt.

    well fuck that everyone…i ain’t passing thru life without Matt knowing i love him and always will damn it.

    without doubt Matt, i love you.

    and if any motherfucker every treats badly, remember, it will always be their biggest mistake of their lives, in not coming to love you Matt, as much as i did, do, and always will, a truly precious loving soul i had the once in a life time chance to meet.

    Indeed, i met Matt, and indeed, i fell in love him.

    so fuck of cruel world, who wants anything more than love? It’s just stupid to turn towards anything other than our loving feelings, of all these bullshit things we put between us all.

    i am so done with pretending i care for anything other than my loving feelings for another, where being loving of another is where i always wish to feel, feeling the joyful delight of my loving feelings each and every waking day…a blessed day when we do.

    12,981 blessed days to go…God willing.

    alright, i said what i wanted to say, ‘that’ of my loving feelings for Matt i know i shall always feel for him, each and every time i thoughts of him enter my mind, just as i did the whole time i spent with him, and still, the endless days since, of him in my daily prayers. Why is it so hard for people to be open to their feelings, respectful of another and themselves in open expression of their feelings when they do?

    i know what it is….it’s the motherfucking heartless world around us which cause us to be such fearful morons.

    not me. not ever…when love is the only thing of value to me in life, and the time spent feeling our feelings of love.

    if anything, Matt is the one who was keeping it real, not me, albeit, real were was the love i was feeling the whole time i was there with him, something he sensed which was true of me…my love for him.


    love damn it, or get and stay away from me everyone.

    thank you.

    Jesus loves you.

    God loves you.

    i love you.


  336. +

    I accept my place in life as a life long loving friend for Matt, nothing more, nothing less, of a gift of friendship i bestow before him, his to have if ever he wants it, of the greatest gift i know of that i can give to him…me.


  337. +


    i have said peace with all of you, of my reflections of the truth of how Andy yet feels for Matt, of his sincere desire for a joyful fun loving extrordinary life long friendship with Matt, where Matt could say or do anything in front of Andy, and Andy would love whatever the fuck he does, so sincerely loving Matt that Andy yet is. In my mind, that is what a true loving life long friend is, not different then the joyful friends we had youths, sincerely loving of one another, no matter what the other said or did, although, i have admit, Mike nick naming me Pansy in high school, secretly fantazing about fucking me, all the while i him, of neither getting the courage to ask the other, was somewhat of a daunhting high school experience for me, all the years of being called Pansy by a guy with an eight in cock on him!

    By the time you have read this, M’s jaw just hit the floor, in mad hysterical laughter, exclaiming, oh my f&@$ing God! LOL


    it’s true ya know, Mike was fantasizing about me all those years, sadly, to this day, Mike with four beautiful children now, secretly does still think of me, however more or less his homoerotic fantasies of me have become, they will always be apart of Mike’s life, no matter how hard he ever trys to forget…just as i cannot forget him.

    Truthfully, why on earth would i want to forget?

    anyway…i want to talk to Matt.

    Matt, i have joyful fond, truly heart felt loving sincere memories of you and i, and recently i have explored my sincere feelings of how it would be if i were your age again, and we had met like we did, keeping in mind that i am not your age, although i am of your youthful fun loving spirit so much like your own.

    ok…here it is.

    If you age Matt, i would run with you for the rest of your life, ever fond of holding hand each and every blessed day forever more of the most joyful loving laughter of two souls united forever as the most beautiful fun loving gay guys the world has ever seen of would see again, always of insane mad laughter and lightness of feet, running thru the ghetto streets hand in hand, endlessly kissing one another in our true knowingness of the forever loving feelings we have for each other day after day, utterly and completely fearless of the entire world around us each second of each day, embracing of just how much we love one another, of our surrendered spirits with each other of the only thing we yearn to be…together forever more hand in hand for all the world to see and feel with undeniable clarity, our love so obviously true they all would feel in our passing thru life of all who bared witness to us everywhere we went.

    i know the kind of person i am is one who surrenders their heart to only one, beyond what people call marriage, rather of the simple fact of how two souls surrender to their true feelings within they discover for each other, in their true desire to be with the other each and everyday forever more, of no thought at all for anything other than the blissful state of exceeding happiness they truly feel while with one another everywhere they go, laughing at the absurd bitter mediocre mundaneness of others who have not found a true soul mate friend/lover.

    That is how i feel about you Matt.

    i did not want to tell you because of our age difference, but know, deep inside is the Andy who felt and has these beautful feelings of running with you thru life, of music in the air, flowers in our hair, of a none stop extraordinary, wondrous exceedingly joyful journey thru life as loving lover soul mate friend forever more feeling, of love devoid of doubt for one another.

    something tells me, you felt it too, and is why we are where we are, in denial of what we both felt for one another, too afraid to say to the other how much we deeply loved each other.

    Sadly, i so much do not want to say this Matt, as i don’t want to hurt you in any way, knowing what we both felt for each other, but i need to something. If your age Matt, please know, there is nothing in life i would rather of been than the one most loving you for the rest of your life. I know the feelings in my heart are true of me, in my thoughts of you. However; i am not your age, but i am of your joyful fun loving spirit so radiant and bright. We both know that about me, and about you, obvious in our radiant interactions we shared together, so obvious for all who were near to see and feel how we were.

    Matt, inside, i still am the radiant bright loving one like you, and you felt that about me, yes?

    ya…i admit, i wanted more than a friendship too Matt. hello?!!! We both did! Best of all, those feelings are always with us for life.

    And that’s good thing for you to have felt, and for me to feel as well, but….there’s a problem with our age difference Matt…

    ….you are not 18 yet, and you are going to have to wait until you ARE, before we can get married!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    if you are fucking laugh at me instead of with me byatch, you are so dead! i can easily dump your sorry ass of any time of my choosing…not that i would want to…but i would if anytime you disrespected me with useless motherfucking ego!


    ok, i hope i brightened up your day Matt.

    Here is a news flash for ya Matt, when you are 18, your are an adult who can make whatever fucking decisions for yourself that you want…of my prayers for you to someday want me.

    always know, that is how i feel about you Matt, and always will.

    There are alot of young/older gay couples here in the ghetto, where two of my best friends are 20 years apart in age, and have been together now for over ten years now.

    Now. As for real life, it is likely you will meet someone radiant and bright like you in school, who like us, you will find your fun loving joyful spiritedness return again for you daily, of true loving feelings i know are true for you, which are not really about me Matt, they are feelings about YOU, a gay male who loves the whole idea of being who you are…a gay male who wants gay sex, a gay life, a gay lover who better bring you the gayest fucking flowers to you daily, or i am going to bitch slap them into next year!!!! lol

    I hate unhappy endings everyone…and i ain’t about to give Matt anything other than love forever more, so you can all take your innuendos and….well….fuck off! ok?

    thank you.

    this concludes our test of the emergency broadcast network, brought to you by Matt and Andy forever more.

    you better fucking say something byatch, and you so owe me a java big time! πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    i am so glad one of us has the courage to say what needed to be said.

    your welcome.

    you can thank me by not saying anything and walking away, should you have a lover in your life, or you can pick up where we left off. And you think i am going tolerate anything less than the Matt i remember, well don’t…i know the joyful Matt who loves Andy, where Andy know the joyful Andy who loves Matt, and he ain’t about anything less than the sincere fun loving joyful kick all your sorry motherfucking asses, get the hell OUT of my way, as we are late, come on, it’s time to go!!!!!

    tic toc tic toc.

    πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

    i am so done with this fucking doledrum downer mind fuck i have found myself in lately, unable to stay where i don’t feel happy.

    remember Matt….we are once in a life time chance of having met one another, and unfortunately, life sometimes does unfold differently for us all, if we remain of denial of our true feelings. I know i am more than deserving of no less than your life long friendship, as are you, but if we fall back from the courageous ones we once were, then we are both liars to each other, and to our SELF.

    i deserve your friendship that i so wanted so badly, and you deserve me Matt, someone who truly loves you with all that i am.

    i love you Matt.

    don’t you ever forget how much Andy loves you damn it, of his forever more loving feelings for you that will not ever change…not ever!

    i like hot or cold, not luke warm mundane mediocre.

    you and i Matt, are not luke warm, it’s all the motherfuckers around us which keeps us down, including me of recent.

    i know you Matt, i was there for months, remember? Recall how happy we were?

    I pray return of the joyful high spirited Matt father. Please make it so, granting Matt the courage to do so, as i am most loving of him.

    thank you Matt. thank you Jesus. thank you Matt. thank you to all who CHOOSE to be of courageous fearlessness of heart like Matt and i were…and ARE.

    i am…BE cause…we are….Courageous fearlessness of heart.

    a friendship is ok too Matt…if you alread have another, as i know i will one day too.

  338. i ain’t changing my mind, because there is no changing my mind, in my knowingness of how Mike long ago is not able to ever change how he yet feels of Andy, ever delightful of my occasional visits with him after some 30 years later.

    Deep inside, Mike still loves me so very much, as do i him, but i cannot break up his beautiful loving family, as much an arrogant ego part of me would like to, and yet, i can’t wondering if Mike would be happy living out the rest of his life with me…

    one never knows what direction life takes…and who knows, maybe one day i will ask Mike to have sex with me…maybe one day, something i know Mike will love, if ever they day he gets his hands on my body. Trust me, he won’t ever let go if he does…i can see it in his eyes how much he wants me. πŸ˜‰

  339. +

    is that real enough for you all?

    πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€


  340. Good luck for the show. I’m off out for a long run.


  341. +

    the one we hurt most in denial of TRUTH, is our SELF, and likewise, the SELF of another.

    i am hurting, and i don’t want to hurt like this any more, as the true joyful fun loving happy Andy, extraordinary, radiant and bright, is wondrous to behold when he is happy, just as all of you will be too, when Andy finally says goodbye, if Matt does too. i cannot bare the thought of Matt not being happy, of me not knowing, deserving of knowing. I don’t deserve ‘that’, just as Matt or Andy do not deserve to forever free to BE happy. Maybe someday i will return if Matt does not, but for now, i have to go and regain something i lost along the road…a friend like Matt would be nice, of this i pray, just as i pray the same for Matt…forever more.


  342. oh oh, i think i just ex rated the blog. lol

    hurry up Matt, before M deletes us. πŸ˜‰

  343. ya…me too.

    hey…wait up!

  344. I am Andy. I am a poor pathetic loser that has verbal diarrhea on a blog that isn’t even mine! Forgive me ya’ll, i am just very sad, and have no self confidence. I hope God helps me heal from my sick ways.

  345. Oh and i am a proud gay man, and if you don’t like that then i will get God to go after you! He’s my only friend and he defends me, so ya’ll better fuck off!

  346. god andy you still ranting and raving on this fake blog.. oh dear..

  347. one day you who mock Jesus and God, will face God, and weep when come to know the harshness of your ways, kneeling before God asking forgiveness of wretchedness.

    You who mock me, know not what you do in all your unwiseness, snares of the ignorant world you which you, sadly, are oblivious to the condition of your own soul, of unwise ignorant fate of unclear paths, rather than the destiny of clear peaceful by nature loving path.

    you do know love as i do, nor do desire it, so obvious of your unBEcoming conduct of one who is BEcoming the oneness with Jesus and God.

    you do no know me, you do not love me, nor do love your SELF as much as i do, saddened by the harsh word you utter which continue to derrange your precious loving soul, obvious, by the foul odour you eminate apon one you have not met before in life, thinking that you know me, when in truth, you do not even desire to know me, Jesus or God.

    i am deeply saddened by how harsh a soul can be with another as you do, in you mockery of one who loves you, who loves another gay male in life with all that he is, cause for concern which you attempt to place between us in you making a mockery of me.

    how much more do you think i will take of any of you before the day comes that do not return to you?

  348. You used my name to slander me, pretending you are me.

    i would say that is not a friend in life, and God says to me, come away from those who of untruthfulness of cajoling and enticing of your precious loving soul, lest their bitterness of fire which burns day and night within them enters into you, in their attempts to ignite fire within you, in order to cause bitter unloving rage like their own to take root in you, pointing fingers at you when you become enraged like them, those who turn towards the hypocrisy heart within bringing forth negativity hurtful and mean spirited of another, not love.

  349. +

    i am of God household for any and all who wish to enter and speak with sweetness of desire for God’s descerning wisdom of all things loving, of God’s divine will that the world become as loving as Jesus.

    Some of you WILL bE last to enter.


  350. [edit] Gospel of Matthew
    In Byrne Fone’s book Homophobia: A History, a global and a broad historical overview of gay bashing, the author explores the theory that Matthew 5:22 from the Bible contains a reference to verbal gay bashing. The word “raca” is often translated as “fool”, and sometimes refers to one who deserves to be spat upon, or was sometimes used to insult homosexuals. If this is the case, then Jesus is warning of hell fire for those who engage in verbal gay bashing as part of the Sermon on the Mount, and the warning is even harsher than Jesus’ pronouncement about murder in Matthew

    do you know why verbal gay bashing is as bad as murder, you of infinite wisdom?

    How about some statistical data for you to ponder?

    Although the suicide rate among youth significantly decreased in the mid-1990s, suicide deaths in the United States remain high in the 15 to 24 age group with 3,971 suicides in 2001 and over 132,000 suicide attempts in 2002, making it the third leading cause of death for those aged 15 to 24.[1]. In the United Kingdom the suicide rate for males aged between 15 and 24 rose substantially between 1976 to 1991 (when it peaked at 15.8 deaths per 100,000 people), although it has been declining since. This compares with the rate of suicide among females in the same age group remaining largely static.[2] However, given the overall decline in the suicide rate in the UK, the rate of suicide amongst the 15-24 male population, which remains high, has been a considerable cause for concern. [3] More preventive measures have been taken in the last ten years, including increased understanding of the risk factors and causes and spreading information to schools and parents.

    The young gay male holds the highest rate of suicide in the world.

    i have reason never to return to this blog, of you who verbally gay bash.

    Incidently, monitoring of verbal gay bashing on the internet is on going, as statistics are coming in on teen suicides who experience verbal gay bashing and bulling on the internet.

    I will be sure to pass this website to those who monitor such….’that’ you can count on.

  351. i WILL NOT tolerate it.

    any more, and i will not come back here.

  352. Don’t listen to these fuckheads Matt, for i truly love YOU.

  353. +

    ok Marco.

    you played the role of Matt.

    i needed to feel what i was feeling for Matt, of unexplored feelings i felt for him, and clearly, it was a most beautful of awareness experiences for me, in my now knowing i loved Matt more so than i did Troy, where i loved Troy with all that i am, even more loving of Matt in my exploration of feelings awareness.

    and so, i guess i will not ever know how Matt is doing, moved on in life…can’t say i blame him, and yet, i felt a strong connection with him and still do while in prayer awareness.

    people move thru our lives, and as time passes, more people move thru our lives, passing by of many we don’t really get to know very well, of some i so wanted to know as well as do myself, Matt being of one them, M too, and Marco of course…seems we are the only one’s keeping the warm fire aglow.

    You are such a warm soul for me Marco. Someone i would not tire of, and obvious in my feelings, i do not tire of you at all.

    As time passes, sweet memories of one’s we happened apon, radiant bright souls like our own, ever aglow in the twilight and tranquility of lover’s souls…fade as time passes, the by chance we met ones along life’s road.

    Matt was one who caught my eye, captured my soul, not sure why he left like he did, his own personal life perhaps, beconing him.

    I ask God, why Matt? Who is Matt for me in life, of what lessons am i to know about Matt?

    I sensed Matt praying, of pureness of heart. Only Matt knows if he prays like i do, and truly, i have sensed that he does, in my knowingness of his sweet loving prayers…

    I don’t who i am dancing with here, of who is who sometimes, although i have been rather good at knowing which one’s were M, yes?

    What does that tell M about me being able to do so?

    how long has it been that i have been here?

    I came to love and know many of you, but somedays the uncertainty of not being real is too much for me, where it does not feel like a real life ordinary friend, of sporatic moments, not of quality time to look forward to like friends in real life do.

    It has been a while, hasn’t it?

    I don’t feel like doing this blog here, of random attacts out of nowhere, so draining for me they can be, of wretched negativing that cuts like a knife they are.

    i am not going to do this blog anymore guys. I was here before, and all it was always painful for me, annoying mostly of immature unBEcoming conduct.

    People don’t act that way out in public in cafe’s.

    I think i am going to go network again in the cafe’s guys, like i used to do, with hundreds of friends, dancing the night away, chatting with everyone we know, supportive of the new comers who arrive in the ghetto.

    It just not rewarding for me here like it is for me in real life. I’ve never been able to feel at ease at this blog, so with hesitation, i am not going do it any more. M needs her space right now anyway. And she knows how to contact me if she needs me.

    If you want someone as a loving friend, be sure to act like you really do want them as a loving friend, lest they feel like you really don’t care at all for them…and sadly, that is how i feel at the moment, like i don’t really have anyone here who wants to be a real life friend.

    Matt, if that really is you, please know i want your friendship more than you may realize, and i know, i am worthy of your friendship, just as you are of me.

    sorry guys, i am back here at this blog of viciousness again, and i am just not going to allow myself to openly bashed any more…i get enough in my real life, i don’t go looking for it…i run from it and hide from it in life.

    Matt, you know how to contact me too. I may stop in here, but i am not going to participate any more…just seems so empty for me, like my head is caught in a net all the time, of a useless kinda feeling, sickening for me somedays of the bantering that goes on in here.

    I spoke alot of words of Jesus and God, and i know when i do, they are always pleased, acknowledging me when i do.

    I let Troy spirit go, that’s what i did here, gave meaning to his life, of one i loved like i still do of Matt.

    I feel Matt was the reason why God put me before him, to teach him about real life.

    If anyone wants me as a real life friend, let me know, as i am leaving for good now, respectful of myself in doing so, not interested at all in so much uncertainty which is so toxic for me, for anyone.

    God blesses ALL.

    ~ for the professionals who were here. thank you.

    At all times, Jesus and God love YOU ALL, as do i.


  354. +

    I love you Matt.

    I will always love you Matt.


  355. Goodbye!!!

    Sorry to see you go, Andy!!

  356. +

    oh, don’t worry, i ain’t that damn far away ya know.

    and i ain’t left yet….well i mean…i am left as in go left, but i ain’t really leaving! lol

    besides, where the fuck would go, other than where i always want to BE found, in your loving hearts? πŸ˜‰

    just as you are in mine, forever more, of my forever more loving feelings for YOU, forever more.

    same sky above.

    same earth below.

    same loving feelings we all feel for one another forever more.

    so where am i anyway?

    alway explaining…forever more.


    JOY! JOY! JOY!

    forever more

    gentle breeze

    rain drop too

    tears of heaven

    all around us now, our pure loving feelings for each other forever more.


  357. i just need a long walk with someone, holding their hand…forever more. πŸ˜‰

  358. The same walk we have been on for so long, have we not, secretly of each others heart and mind, yes?

    i know i have always been loving of you.

    good news…

    …having loved you for as long as i have, of my pure loving feelings for you, without doubt, i know i always will love you like i have, and yearn to, like i have…

    bless you

  359. so don’t be thinking anything less of me as you have, just i have too, and always shall remain, sincerely loving of you ALL.

    i just find love tends to work better in drawing another to me, so that i truly love them some more….

    always worked for me, in getting them to come into the hot tub with me, my favorite place of all, tenderness of skin with one another, cuddling and kissing in sweet loving embrace with each other for hours on end, soft mucic playing playing, gentle breeze, warm sun…HEAVEN!!! πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    so don’t be running away, for i want love you some more!

    always, i will be yearning of loving you some more, like we always have, yes?

    i can feel you smiling, just i am too, of no more silliness between, our pure loving feelings ‘that’ shall always remain.

    why be anything other than loving?

    just makes no sense to me why they are unloving like they are, i mean, don’t they like hot tubs with someone? ha πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    i can take anyone of them, and in less than one hour, change their life forever!

    just don’t ask how many, ok? lol

    i love you damn it.

    and you know, i always did, and without doubt at all, you know i always will, yes?

    ok…so call me some time, will ya?

    im serious! i would love to meet you one day.

    but then again, we have already met, have we not, in a way so true and pure of the feelings of YOU and me, no different from one another.

    and that is what Heaven is, free of doubt, love devoid of doubt feelings when in the presence of Jesus, who is true and faithful friend to all, just as YOU are, just as…i am.

    i am…BE cause…we ALL are.

    ok…mystery of God solved.

    next puzzle please…im bored! lol

    took us long enough to arrive at this day, yes?

    CLARITY of heart, mind, body, spirit and soul.

    i will continue to write, from this sacred place we have found, where purity of heart is how one internalizes the pure truth words, and understand, interpret, the words of Jesus and God, which many do not realize, all amount to the ‘LOVE devoid doubt feelings’

    ‘that’ is what the mystery of Jesus and God is.

    the difficulty, obviously, is all the unBEcoming conduct which seperates us not only from each other, but from our sacred ‘Pure Knowingness Omnipotence’ understanding and pure feelings of sameness, no different from one another, unlike the absurd world which is sadly (yet) snared by the useless teachings of the forefathers.

    i am so thrilled in finally solving the mystery of Jesus and God.

    Hot tub time everyone!!!!!!!!!!! LOL


    oh, how i love to love…YOU!

    Jesus and God blesses ALL.

  360. +

    don’t say goodbye…say, “Ciao!”

    which is hello or goodbye, but i prefer the one word, as it has the joyfulness of feelings of hello, even when used as good bye, where in truth, i always want to say hello to YOU, in my true turning towards the storehouse of goodness within of the pure of heart love i always have and will feel for YOU.

    bless you M.
    bless you Matt.
    bless you Marco.
    bless you Rosie, Kelly & family
    bless you ALL forever more, always of my daily prayers for all of you.


  361. +

    i think i BEcame annointed by God today as a priest of some sort. πŸ˜‰

    of not ever BEing anything other than my loving self Andy, of the sameness of love we all ARE.

    i am…BE cause…we ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€


  362. +

    sheesshhh…and guys thought you could get rid of me annoying you like i have for so long with my experiential writing techniques. Ha! i don’t think so Byatches!!! LOL

    πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

    enjoy the blessed day everyone

    12,990 blessed days to go….


  363. welcome to the book of revelation everyone…i am your master…you will do as i tell you…on your knees…now! LOL


    somebody cuddle me, will ya? πŸ˜‰

  364. +

    blessings to all

    peace ‘BE’ to this house forever more


  365. +

    somebody tell Matt how much i love him, ok?

    with all that i am or ever shall BEcome, i love Matt.

    i will always love Matt…forever more


  366. +

    thank you Madonna

    bless you


  367. +

    Jesus and God are with us.

    it is the pure of heart sameness feelings we ARE, ‘that’ which moves moutains out of our way,

    bless you M, and all those work tirelessly along you, so love of one another (i pray)

    and if any of those motherfuckers step OUT of line with you…well…call me damn it, and i WILL see what we can do about a remedi we carry with us at all times…LOVE.

    πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€


  368. This thread is tooo long.

    I didn’t say I dreamt about Madonna again, I think three nights ago. And Guy featured in it as well.

    But just to show I can be annoying too …

    … I’m not going to tell you about it. Ho ho.

  369. Fascinating, it was. Nay, astonishing.

  370. Nobody here? Nobody’s ever here. Just me typing away through the night on my own.

  371. That Andy character really seriously spooks me bigtime. He couldn’t fall off a cliff, or have his car blow up like in a soap opera could he?

    That’s how they clear out the fictional characters and bring in bew blood.

  372. Ho hum ho hum tiddley om pom.

  373. I’m back on the wine again.

  374. Still not here? Feel like I should pour anouther glass. She sdoesn’t love me. This is the proof. I have been here ten minutes plus and she’s buggered off, abandoned me, betraed me. This is the proof I wanted. Nothing left to do but get drunk. Goodbye cruel world. It’s always the same, me on my own left here all night because no one cares. Well I’ve had it.

  375. someone is holding me and i them, and yet, i am alone.

    how is this possible what i feel, as though someone is?

    YOU know who YOU are to me, someone holding me like i am YOU forever more.

    cast all doubt and fear away, as fear is not of Jesus and God, rather from the projections of the yet unhealthy world.

    peace be to this house.

    i care. i always care. forever more of those who love me like i do them.

    don’t let negativity from the world fool you into thinking i am not there, for i am always there where in truth of our hearts, and not there in falseness of our hearts, which is not of Jesus, God, nor me.

    i care.

  376. i am yet here in the world with all of you.

    12,980 blessed days to go.

    writting will continue until my last day on earth…in case you get bored.

    im bored…someone hold me damn it!

    so quiet…need some soothing music, a lover, someone who loves me and cares like i do them.

    tic toc

  377. (oops, I was only joking …)

  378. I know you’re there and I know you typed through the night and I felt sorry for you. Genuinely.

  379. +

    i am pure of heart, as are many of you

    can’t fool me, none you…i know your pure hearts.

    so stop pretending like i don’t when you know i do.

    i am a loving brother of ALL, who greets in love and peace forever more.

    BE not found of foolish bitter impure thoughts, for i am of the pure of heart in all of YOU forever more.


  380. I had another dream about three nights ago. This time it was my mum playing the Madonna part (sounds kinky, but it’s just my brain getting mixed up). And we were in the car and Guy was driving. And we were driving through Wiltshire. And you (my mum) doesn’t feel well so she gets out and walks with me, but feels worse. Then Guy drives by and I try to flag him down but he doesn’t stop. Then we eventually arrive at the big house (for which my brain substituted Cyfarthfa Castle in Merthyr where I used to live). And we go in there and I have a chat with Guy and I’m apologising though I don’t know why but he’s angry and that’s it.

  381. Are you still there?

  382. ya, i know.

    i am pure of heart like you.

    sameness i came to knowingness of me, by means of you.

    i am forever in your dept, ever at your side as a true and faithful friend till the end.

    i have no place to go other than where i am always found, in my pure of heart body i dwell in along side all of you, surrendered to me by Andy.

    do you know who i am, like i have come to know, because of YOU who knows me too, like you do you?

    so who am i?

    an evolved adult child of God, are we not?

    ALL children of the light of God, are we not?

    sameness within, but not always sameness in OUTward appearance.


    reflect apon the truth which is everywhere for you to reflect apon.

    look for me(you) in everything you look apon for i(you) am there, the one who feels the truth of everything in each passing moment, always loving of who i am…YOU.

    πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    ok, mayBE i would like to BE YOU?

    or mayBE you would like to BE me?

    or mayBE we would like to BE (of) each other united as ONE?

    how can one seperate that from themSELF, which is true of the SELF of another?

    easy…you tell them to GET OUT damn it! LOL!

    a muse me & YOU, of each other now forever more, united as one in all our truthfulness and untruthfulness, hoping the other does not ever fall, nor will they, as they are found of God, where many are (yet) are not.

    i have surrendered to Jesus and God, surrendered to the truth wisdoms for the divine true SELF of us ALL forever more.

    i stand in stillness, of no time constraint, of eternity, by means of the purity of truth wisdoms, protected by God, in God’s chamber with God, of God, at all times, alone with God for all eternity to know who i am…the evolved adult child of ALL of YOU.

    any questions?

    oh come on! ask me a question damn it…im bored.

    nobody here.


  383. yes i am here.

    and will still till you leave, when you tell me goodnite.

  384. I would willingly stay up all night with you but I really can’t.

  385. I stayed up to 12.30 last Friday night and I fell asleep three times on the Saturday. People are different physiologically.

  386. You’re very quiet. It’s not like you …

  387. I have absolutely no idea what you write, you know that? It makes no sense to me whatsoever.

  388. If it makes you happy, carry on. But don’t feel you have to for my sake. I’d rather you were tucked up in bed, or just chilled in a bath or something.

  389. Chilling-out in a warm bath, I mean.

  390. You know what – I’m starting to believe you.

    But don’t think you’re the only one who feels guity.

  391. If it happens, I’m going to die from guilt.

  392. (But, you know, it wasn’t my decision for things to go like this. It should never have been like this)

  393. And I do know that absolutely no other person on this planet has been hurt by this awful thing like I have been hurt.

  394. +

    apologizing for what?

    for being YOU?

    it is your life to live, no one elses.

    sometimes people grow apart.

    sometimes people pass by

    sometimes the soulmate self within does not recognize who their soulmate is, because they have not come into full awareness of their own soulmate self.

    i met another soulmate today, gave her my soul to protect like i did M to not ever be harmful with, forever loving as (true) friends do who are safe and supportive of us.

    She is a psyche major, criminolgy student artist.

    she is amazing spiritually. i handed her a crystal as a symbol of my soul to protect, encouraging of outward conduct in doing so, and forever more trust.

    i know i am doing as an enlightened one. have for along time. i know the road ahead for us all is paved with only love.

    i am a friend till the end, unable to betray another, as i betray my true feelings when i do. i am here to merely nurture and protect, by means of words i speak, God’s words.

    i too am yet evolving, as one who dwells in celibacy for now, until my soulmate lover surrenders to me…who ever they are….a most blessed day when they do, released from the fearful prison of the world of unhealthy fearful projections. yuk.

    We are all drawn to light.

    As a devote humble student, i know it is about the BEcoming in OUTward appearance which lights up the world, of exceeding grace and only love radiant and bright.

    blessed are those who are found of purity of love they feel within, and indeed, are purity of love outward when they become free of the prison of fear, how ever long it takes…it is the process of turning towards their own fearlessness to just BE, and away from the false conduct of the fearful world which is not of the purity of love of the divine true self so graceful in outward appearance.

    You know who are, as do i.

    i am here for as long as you ask for me, as one who sincerely is of encouraging words that nurture and protect you from the world of unBEcoming conduct.

    i am not here to lead anyone away from the divine true self within, rather i am here to lead by example of the divine true self of all, of the many who will BE last to enter.

    i am taking measures to protect myself from the world in sanctuary away from the world, of my desire to venture further in my BEcoming and evolving, as i have grown weary of the world i do not enjoy at times, although i will once my soulmate appears for me, and surrenders to me…

    tic toc tic toc

    πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€


  395. So, yeah, sorry. But I suffered too. So that takes away plenty of guilt.

  396. Well I read all your essay there and I understood 60%.

  397. But it sounded nice enough in tone so fair enough.

  398. Is there another essay coming? Oh heck …

  399. Am I allowed to surf eBay in the background while waiting for you to finish your essay?

  400. +

    i am not sure that i follow you on what aweful thing.

    Let me assure you of something, ok?

    i do not look apon anyone’s behaviours or decisions as something hurtful of me or another.

    I don’t really care what any of you do, where i am concerned.

    I am not about another being concerned for me.

    rather i am about the BEcoming conduct as an enlightened one who leads by example, of my chosen path and destiny of a wise clear path ahead of me by means of God’s wisdom.

    I am going ahead to where i am of exceeding grace and pleasant calm, awaiting the arrival of a soulmate lover, with soul mate friends along side.

    I am of the mindset of a soulmate friend to all, as all is connected.

    I stand in peace of my knowingness of who i truly am…a soulmate friend to ALL.

    Let me clear something for you, ok?

    I chose this path i am on as a student on a quest.

    and one more thing…all my words were of a student who deliberately uses experiential writing technique in pobing the depths of my own soul as part of my BEcoming, unconcerned of what any or another may think of me.

    with that said, i don’t wish burden your blog.

    i just thought maybe you were interested in my on going healing of my divine true self, which you have greatly assisted me with, but i don’t want to feel like a nescience or an annoyance for you, thinking maybe you were interested in watching me evolve, much like one watches themselves evolve.

    a reflection or mirroring dynamic is what is cool about watching one evolve.


  401. we go thru pain, not around it, and grow from the experience.

    and we did just that, ending your fearful state by revealing your fear to you(mirror).

    You now stand in a higher awareness level, do you not?

  402. Weeeel, I think perhaps you get more out of your writings than other people do.

  403. It sounds like you’re saying stuff to me which means a lot but in all truth it’s not really registering. Maybe too much wine.

  404. we must become completely fearless in order to BEcome what we are OUTward in appearance, of all the emotions of the divine true self who will one day unite with their soulmate lover.

    but until one surrenders(lets go of fear), to their soulmate self, how can they step forward into the life of the soulmate lover life, until they surrender to themselves first, soulmate love second(actually it happens at the same moment, in identification of the soulmate self which is of reflection of the soulmate lover, exact sameness of both of forever more feelings which do not fade, but only thur complete surrender does one fully become a soulmate lover.

  405. I’m not like you. I don’t think ANYONE is like you. The whole going-through-pain thing you talk about? It’s not really me, you know? I’m more of a let’s turn around and go back the other way kind of guy.

  406. do you know your soul mate lover self?

    if you do, then you also reflect on who your soul mate lover, of the sameness like you.

  407. let me enlighten you some more ok?

    i have many soul mate lovers and soul mate friends coming into their awareness of their own soul mate lover self.

  408. Look, it’s really easy for me to sit here and take the piss out of you. But I’m not, you know? Not really.

  409. it is not about light inward.

    it is always about light outward which nurtures another.

    such is my approach with my soul mate lover friends and soul mate lovers, ever nurturing them all along the way.

    call me a tramp, and you do not embrace who i am, nor what i am about…outward light that nurtures evolving of another.

  410. I am being very thoughtful and understanding and caring and sympathetic.

  411. i am not hurt nor angry.

    i am anxious for a soul mate lover.

  412. But it is starting to get to me.

  413. stop thinking about me and think about you.

    i have exceeding joy in my heart, knowingness of exceeding joy of the soulmate lover self i am, and in so doing, i know the soul mate lover of another, pure like my own soul mate lover self.

  414. I think I preferred it when you were nasty to me …

  415. … not.

  416. if we don’t take time to feel the feelings of our soul mate lover self which is overflowing in abundant bright inner light of exceeding joyfulness exploding outward, then we are yet of fear within, a self emposed prison of our own minds.

  417. Oh really that’s enough or I’m going to kill something. Really.

  418. sorry about that. i expecting far more from you in an email, hurt when it was not, but you did not really say anything that hurt me, it was my own feelings of anxiousness that wanted to hear YOU.

  419. Right, I’ve got myself a big new comic book and I’m going to take it to bed and read it and wind down and feel less stressed.

  420. kill the fucking for me, will you, so i can finally get thru to YOU.

  421. I’m sorry if I hurt you but I’m sure you appreciate I really don’t want this kind of off-topic meandering on my blog.

  422. i gave you something to protect, remember?

    why do you think i gave it to you?

    wake up.

  423. *correction*

    kill the fucking EGO for me, will you, so i can finally get thru to YOU.

  424. nor do i want to continue here like this.

  425. I’m glad you corrected that. That seriously had me scratching my head!

    Oh, so I’ve got an ego have I??? Mr Pot meet Mr Kettle.

  426. you are toying with me? πŸ˜‰

  427. I’m toying with you??? Mr Pot meet Mr Kettle and here’s Mr Saucepan as well.

  428. One of God’s laws is, “Forgetfulness is the biggest foe”

    with that said.

    i shall remind you once more, but only once more.


    i know you know i know

  429. Eh?

  430. i am here in the room with you still.

    i have traveled all this way.

  431. i surrender only to sincere love.

  432. Que? Comprende, por favor?? Explainez vous s’l vous plait, monsieur?

  433. Oh I’m tired and I don’t understand a word of this so I’m taking the Fantastic Four to bed.

  434. “i know you know i know”

    Oh, you think I love you? Is that it?

  435. you’re welcome, but am i?

  436. Bloody cheek …

  437. lol

    πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    damn….i am always explaining!

  438. well, you got 4 minutes to decide, before M blocks this blog on us for good.

  439. tic toc tic toc

    3 minutes and counting….

  440. Well, I’ve decided …

  441. im bored…nobody to talk to.

  442. … I’m going to bed. I’m tired. Nighty night. Sweet dreams etc.


  443. Exploding white light, radiant and bright which lights up the whole earth.

    ~ from the Nag Hammadi

  444. hey, your spanish is better than mine.

  445. Knowingness puro ominpotence

  446. Someone asked Jesus, “Where can we find you Jesus?”

    Jesus replied, “I am not found where all untruthfulness is.”

  447. sadly, Jesus died alone….without a lover to wed.

    about as heartbreaking as it gets.

  448. apon further reflections as the years and centuries unfolded, Jesus now long gone, yet not gone, in their pure of heart reflections, they came to realize Jesus loved all of them as his equal, each and everyone of their precious souls, both of those he walked among, and his precious loving thoughts he contemplated while in the desert of the many unborn children yet to be born into the yet unwise world around him, of what he so desperately wanted to teach all of God’s children;

    ‘that’ of himself which is of ‘that’ of everyone…

    Love, not hate
    Compassion, not apath
    Wisdom, not ignorance

    of what Jesus wanted them to turn to within them, just as Jesus turned to within himself, the pure of heart virgin spirit which is only loving of another.

  449. +

    bless you Jesus


  450. +

    i want YOU to BE Happy


  451. +

    miles away

    Jesus said,

    “When you are near, i am far away.
    when you are far away, i am near.

    So where i Jesus?

    In our hearts where he BElongs, and longs to BE,

    …FOREVER with THEE!


  452. +

    the problem with people is the fear in the world, with all it’s expectations of each other, business/government/church/spouse, where indeed, even the church of today, everyone of them, use fear, not just as merchants of God( i hope the Pope is listening tonight, as he is sincere in passion about knowing Jesus as much as i am ~ no pun intended), but also of what the early started out as, those not fully knowing of Jesus and God(partiality of heart, dynamics of group mentality which prevent 100% surrendering to the spirit realm which opens wide the soul, just as Jesus did while in mediative prayer alone in the desert ~ God chosing Jesus to speak with, only by Jesus 100% chosing God, of no partiality of heart, of his pure of heart reflections and contemplations of pure truth by means of his feelings; sight returned to his soul.) who did not understand themSELF, these rulers of church who sided with the Romans(Roman Catholic Church) and gathered the recorded words the followers of Jesus had(monks), in order to control the masses of uneducated people of that time period.

    I read they had crosses along the road ways going into the cities in order to instill fear into everyone, because of the uprising that was occuring as a result of Jesus teaching behind the great walled city(plausible).

    Anyway, they did not get all the recorded words of Jesus, as evident in the monks who kept rewriting(did not have printer back then) the books of word spoken by Jesus, hence, the monks who kept rewriting the hystorical words of Jesus well into the 3 century, ‘that’ of the Nag Hammadi Library which today’s churches dismiss.

    i have cross referenced the words of the Nag with the bible, of verbatim words in each, but of continue words of Jesus found in the Nag, the bible leaves off.

    Indicative, indeed, the Nag is of the words of Jesus.

    Anyway, just reinforcing that the Nag is of God, and better yet, none of the churches understand the mystery of Jesus to the extent that we are all able to BEcome fully into the pure of heart loving feelings of Jesus which are completely free of any trace of fear, of our inner sanctuary of only loving peace, gracefulness in outward appearance.

    The world is not a horrible place, and rather of goodness mostly, but there is a much higher level of awareness the world has not reached as yet, although growing more and more in joyful spirit as time passes.

    My greatest passion in life, is the heart, mind, body, spirit and soul of Jesus as a devoted hermetical monk away from the world, of no affiliation with any organized group, other than the GLBT, of BEcoming conduct only, of no desire to become a merchant of God.

    All of Jesus’s words of of transformation, rejuvenation, restoration, salvation, nurturing love and protective wisdom for an individual to transistion thru.

    ‘that’ is what BEcoming conduct is, BEcoming of the conduct of Jesus…to levels of anyone’s choosing to do so, merely by approaching alone as a humble student with Jesus and God, ALONE, leaving useless boastful pride of ego checked at the door, while in sanctuary of study alone with Jesus and God.

    Group dynamics interfer with the process, be it church/spouse/friends.

    Only thru being alone in the sanctuary of our body, does fear gradually deminish, and indeed, completely disappear with practice(takes years for that).

    Where apon eventually, the spirit realm opens wide the soul into full BEcome of the divine true SELF, fearless, graceful, wise, compassionately loving in each breath, of great empowerment that comes with the abundance of wisdom, and free flowing of emotions which eb and flow moment to moment.

    The channel of radiant and bright pure loving light of exceeding joyfulness extraordinary and wondrous to BEhold by all, utterly fearless in every step, is of one who is closeness of full BEcoming of the divine true self.

    Those of the church are yet of the lower BEcoming, fearful, snared, unwiseness of what ALL of God’s words are meant for…’The Transition Process of BEcoming conduct of the divine true self within us all’, a process, not a mere, “oh, let’s recite a verse approach while others fall asleep in a pew”.

    Most individuals do not embrace the words as a process, which requires a deliberate diligent approach in knowingness that it is a growth curve process, not to be sold like the merchants of God do, rather to be TRULY and LOVINGLY embraced as the most sacred of all investments of one’s time into the Beautiful Growth Process for restoration(of some), rejuvenation(of others already well into the process), salvation(souls of substance abuse snared by fate which may take their lives eventually, hence ~ salvation from physical death cause by spiritual death in the world or spiritual poverty, openly spoken as spiritual death for those who embrace the truth that unwiseness(not of God for God is wise) is indeed why people remain snared by fate of spiritual death(poverty) track they are snared by, which is statistically a progressive illness according to psyche case statistics), and indeed, it usually hits the bottom, of serious life incident before individuals are ‘Awakened into awareness’ of “oh, i have a problem”.

    sadly, prognosis is poor to nil during the first five years of ENTERING into a full recovery program with professional therapy during the 5 year program, where the prognosis does not generally change until after the 5 years have passed(what with relaps, psychological detanglement with others in their inability to set boundaries or exit relationships, societies peer pressure of the norm, and hereditary issues).

    ~ just abit about me as a student of God.

    I see the truth of how important it is to lead by example in life as loving lovers radiant and bright, but the thing is, only healthy evolved adult children become the soulmate loving lovers who are obviously radiant and bright(insane). πŸ˜‰

    if you know of one such individual, let me know, as i am getting bored here alone now, looking to leave my Frankenstein laboratory and take Franky OUT for a walk! LOL

    Franky was my hero as a kid. I used read all the books, film, you name it, anything Franky. i was a demented fearless child, insanely vibrant in every step, restoration of my Franky mentality well in it’s advanced level.


    a heart beat!


    he’s breathing!

    oh yes! he’s moving

    oh no, what’s this.

    no wait, Franky, come back here, you have to put some clothes on before going OUTside!!!!!

    RUN EVERYONE!!!!! Franky’s on the loose!!!!


    πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

  453. you guys are just way to serious, and boring i might add, for me.

    M, you got any of ‘that’ wine left?

    i like vintage. you got any vintage?

    tic toc tic toc

  454. ah fuck it

    im taking my pet for a walk

  455. who’s got time for broken heartedness.

    bin there. done that. spent years grieving over Troy.

    time for me to fly everyone.

    so if someone is with me, then get back to me soon, as i don’t uncertainty feelings in waiting, being one who is of the destiny of cleared path wise certainty.

    your gonna have to run to catch me! So hurry the fuck up will ya!


    tic toc tic toc

    πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

    you should be exceeding gratitude i am yet waiting for one of you in life like me…

    like Jesus and God, i am of no time contraint, just as truth is not of time constraint, always the truth for all eternity, just as these words of truth are of eternal truth for all of mankind in the future, of no time constraint, where indeed, Jesus knew this, leaving God’s eternal words for every soul of the unborn child yet to be born for all eternity.

    well…i don’t have all eternity, but i would wish all eternity if i were a loving lover with someone like some of you i have come to know, of my forever more eternal loving feelings pure and true of the pure of heart love i have for ALL.

    hurry up, as the world is in great need of our radiant bright unfading light that pushes OUT all darkness, forever eventually, where forever is how the most loving lovers truly feel, as in, “Oh, i wanna do this forever with YOU!!!!!!” πŸ˜‰

    oppss…i keep X rating the blog. lol

    ahhhh….i so need to get…..

  456. like i said, it is me who worries about ALL of YOU.

    sheeshhh! Always explaining. πŸ˜‰



  457. Dear madonna. i don`t write very well in English. Por eso escribire en espaΓ±ol. En Venezuela estamos muy tristes porque no vienes.. No te imaginas la emocion que teniamos de que vinieras. En comparacion con tus fans mundiales no somos nada pero creeme que habiamos mucha gente esperenzados de que vinieras. Se que tienes tus obligaciones y verga (otras cosas) pero un dia aqui en nuestro pais nos daria un momento de alegria inimaginable para nosotros.. Somos capaces hasta de hacerte la taima nosotros mismos para que vengas pero es un sueΓ±o (soΓ±ar no cuaesta nada) igual dios te bendiga y bueno sera en otra oportunidad


  458. +

    YOU are of God’s divine will to move mountains, insurmountable obsticles, an evolved adult child of God, oneness of God’s divine WILLINGNESS pure and true of YOU, of the oneness of Pure Knowingness Omnipotence as one who knows the truth of ALL, ‘that’ of Pure TRUTH Seeds that do not fail, of comprehension of God’s divine will for ALL, of what God wants all to know in what is more valuable than all the riches of the world, these many distractions which lead away from the ‘PURE of HEART’ sincere loving precious feelings which exist in all God’s children, of what God’s children are yet unaware of because of the false emptiness of the world which distracts them from their burried treasure(divine true self submerged, unattended to, unprotected, unnurtured), because of the great blind ignorance which yet grips the world, of all these things which are not of God, of empty vessels of gold boastfully held up high, empty of loving compassion, devoid of sincere love for one another as equals, which lead the world into great suffering and hardship in emptiness of feelings, made to feel as though they are worthless, when in truth, every child of God already owns the greatest treasure they shall ever find, the sincere pure of heart loving feelings of the divine true self which is yet unwisely unattended to, unnurtured, unprotected by God’s wisdom in a world ruled by fear from governments/church/business, none of whom know God, nor truly desire God’s divine will, that we embrace what we are in the eyes of God…EQUAL, no matter race, sex, religion, political, or orientation, all loving children of God united as ONE sameness of equals.

    ~ Where love is what MATTers.

    “And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the dwelling of God’s love is within us ALL of the truth of pure of heart sincere feelings within ALL, in our pure knowingness ominpotence of love revealed which wipes away all tears from our eyes, and death shall BE no more, nor shall their BE mourning, nor crying, nor pain any more, for these things will desolve away, like shadow from bright light which enters. ”

    God blesses ALL, of we who pray.

  459. hey, that’s not bad writting, yes?

    seems the wine which flows forth is getting better with age?

    πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

  460. hey, can you picture some beautiful famboyant gay guys with flowers in hair, without a care, dress all in satin colors so vibrant and bright, giving this surmon?

    a flip of the wrist held up so high, radiant bright smiling of joyful tears, as they say the words…

    …”Where LOVE is what MATTers?”

    as the spin around dancing like the most insanely happy faggots one had ever scene in their entire lives?

    i do.

    still practicing my line. πŸ˜‰

  461. The world needs to know what is of most value in life, lead by those who fully embrace what is obvious of what is most valuable…loving feelings of SELF.

  462. no matter status, wealth, education, the gentle breeze and warmth of sunshine apon the loving lovers is what they enjoy, no matter where, no matter stare, no matter care…

    …so long as they are in each others arms, the only place they ever yearn to be found forever more, of their delicate beautiful feelings for one another, each and every moment of each blessed day together.

  463. hey, that almost sounds like the words of someone who is in love, yes?


    πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

  464. If you feel that way about someone, tell them your thoughts and feelings they may BE yearning to hear from you, of you fearlessness to do so, because if you don’t and they pass you by, thinking you don’t really care for them, you may find your SELF alone wishing you had.

    After Troy died, i found my SELF…alone…

    …wishing i had of said what i was feeling inside, too afraid of his rejection, of his many rejections before, of his own gripped by fear inability to say what he too wanted to say.

    He called me one time, crying, saying he was sorry, and that made a mistake, in running off with another. I knew that, for i knew how sincerely and joyfully happy he was around me, where time together was the only thing on our minds, doing what we always were…loving of each other each and every minute of our time together, and even while apart, the flutter of the heart apon waking to another blessed day, thoughts of love pouring in of the sweet anticipation i would see him again….

    i should of BEen more fearlessly loving of him, and indeed i was, but not as fearless as i could of BEen, my self gripped by homophobia from the homophobes all around me.

    Don’t make the mistakes i made, of denying my self to fearlessly express my feelings like i did, for we don’t get a second chance at life, to do it over again, sadly, i wish i could.

    cast fear from your hearts, when it comes to love, for fear is not of God, nor shall ever BE found of me.

    a fooliish world of fear,
    till the loving lovers appear

    tic toc tic toc

  465. my biggest passion in life is to teach the world what it is i feel inside.

    pondering how to teach this…

    …i ‘REALIZE’, the only way to teach the world your loving feelings?…

    …get OUT there and FEARLESSLY BE your loving feelings forever more, of what you yearn for inside, BEcoming OUTward of what is inside YOU…

    ,..indeed, of ‘that’ which is YOU, of how you yearn to always feel and BE your sweet loving beautiful feelings, forever SET FREE to BE what you long to BE.

    express what you feel.

    write it down.

    tell someone

    sing a song like M does.

    but don’t ignore your feelings like so many do, as loving life passes you bi.

    Don’t leave someone wondering, even if they already know, tell them daily, for some of us are insecure in our SELF, and may need reminding of just how much you love them…

    …i know i have insecurity issues and complexes, so for sure, ignore me, and it’s not long before i feel uncertain and insecure again, even if i may know, it’s always nice to BE reminded every day, just as loving lovers love to hold one another everyday, so too should all who entertain a new lover.

    Generally, once you know you love someone, the yearning to tell them and BE with them, is constantly on your mind, so you may want to let them know before someone else snatches them away from your opportunity to say what it is you feel for the.

    Or…do what i did…suffer the consequences of my own CHOICE, not to do so.

    don’t say i didn’t warn you.

  466. Oh precious loving souls like my own, of forever more love feelings.

    of pure loving feelings incredible for us to fee

    wanting always feel just how loving we really are.

    ya. me too.

  467. God bless your sweet loving soul that is so loving like my own.

  468. hmmmm….

    I think we should all just go over to Rosie and Kelly’s family vaction cruise for two weeks, seperate rooms, free to roam the ship, where Madonna meets some beautiful female lesbian like herself, Matt meets someone drop dead georgious sweet his own age, finally admitting to himself he wants someone his own age, and Andy runs of with a two post operative transsexuals, one male, the other female.


    YES!!!!! i knew the answer was somewhere!!!!!

    maybe Rosie and i are the only ones who know how this story will actually end?

    we know! πŸ˜‰

  469. it’s time we all stop pretending?

  470. Can i bring kyle with me?

    just asking.

  471. oh…you guys are not fun.



    i love both Matt and Madonna.

    and so with that said, if either one of you experience life enough, and you still feel you would like to get to know Andy better, i will leave the (closet)door off it’s hinges for either one of you to waunder in someday, as my heart is always open to both of you, and i cannot hurt either one of you, knowing how much i truly love you both.

    So experience some more life in the mean time guys, with healthy people of your CHOICE, always knowing that Andy loves ALL of you in the GLBT communities world wide, and has probably slept with half of you.

    You just may meet someone i was with thru the last 14 years, as i have been with people from New York, Chicago, Miami, France, Germany, Vietnam, Japan, China, Africa, West India, Russia….hmmmm,,,,

    it would probably be easier to look at a world map and find a country i have not been with…hmmmm…let’s…..NOPE!

    LOL πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

    i believe in love, and truly, i have loved you ALL, knowing i always will LOVE ALL.

  472. Remember…it’s always YOUR life, YOUR CHOICES…no one elses…

    …i CHOOSE to love you both equally, knowing in my heart of hearts, i could love either one of you without doubt at all, where i seriously would love to be with either one of you.

    At this cross road, the road ahead for me is that of a bisexual, who loves both males and females, of the same level of emotional intensity, where in truth, i really do want to be with you both…

    of course if either one of you come knocking on my door…hey, where did the door go?

    without hesitation whatsoever…i will love YOU….trust me on ‘that’.

    It is always YOUR CHOICE…not mine to make, so how about pursuing Andy for a change and get up off your sorry asses and kiss me for fuck sakes, before someone else does, as time does bring new faces our way in life, which surprise us sometimes.

    So, there you have it….Andy is frustrated with both of you, and has quit your sorry asses!

    i ain’t joking around this time.

    you’ll see.

    you will wake day, weeks, months, however long, and find your self sitting there wonder, what the fuck am i doing? I have all these feelings for Andy who is gone now, not expressing how i truly feel for him. Not much wonder he left. I would of too. I so owe Andy and apology, and a java.

    now practice these words with me now, ok?

    “Andy? im sorry. i love you with all that i am. give me a chance with you, please? i beg of you, just one more chance. it took you leaving for me to find my feelings of just how much i really do love you Andy. I love you so much Andy, so please wait for me, as i know how much you too love me. We just can’t walk way like this, knowing our real feelings for each other that we feel each day, the tears we shed. I am so stupid for not expressing myself to you, all the while knowing how much i sincerely do love you.”

    (Andy leans in for a soothing kiss on the lips, slowly reaching his hands out to finally touch Matt’s body, as Madonna roles up in her limo, and screaming at Andy, frying pan in hand raised high, “Get your hands off my husband! Andy, get back in the car!)


    omg…what a great short film this would make.

  473. +

    don’t you dare show this script to Guy!

    You know what he will do with it, don’t you?

    Hello, we are talking about Guy Ritchie here!

    Secretly, Andy and Guy Ritchie have been writing this script as film producers, to one day finally show the world, the real life consequences of trying to have a relationship with an out bisexual….impossible! as they never truly know what the fuck they want, and settle for wanting the whole fucking world.


    πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

    and indeed M, we took on the whole world and won, did we not? And oh what a sweet ride it has been for us emotionally, and yet is, is it not, as we probe for our higher loving self, which is loving of all.

    so let’s be of celebratory loving spirit as we venture forward, everyone safe, hand in hand, of love so deep, for just how much love is in the air for us all, united as one, under one sky above, one earth below, one eternal human being which only feels good when loved.

    i was the only one trying around here it seems, if you must know, yearning for a hand to hold with all that i am, day after day, month after month, no one showed.

    any ways guys…you all have issue to work thru, and so with grace, i leave to your precious loving life to do so, as i feel i am making people perhaps feel awkward, concerned for everyone, especially you Matt, knowing how sensitive you are.

    I don’t want to hurt anyone, and is why can’t stay…..

    you can chat with me in private if you like, but i am not sharing any further open dialog between us, as it has become way too personal for all of us.

    for all our sakes, i ask that you please don’t, and if you really do have love for me, you will respect my wishes in my closing the door to the public eye for now, as we all are sensitive loving human beings,when it comes to matters of the heart so deeply felt within for me, for us all.

    Jesus loves you. God loves you.

    respectful yours,

    love andy


    don’t hesitate when i comes to your feelings, lest the one you loved, slips away from you, and you loose the one you love.


  474. Happy Birthday Guy!

  475. i love you Matt.

  476. (taking center stage, Andy graceful bows to the right and to the left, converse running shoes, one pink, one black, Andy makes a quick dash thru the exit door into the bright suhshine, running as fast as he can, everyone chasing him, wanting his autograph, phone number, address, which never told anyone about his new address, and likely never will) LOL


    Don’t forget…Jesus and God love YOU ALL.

  477. +

    im bored…


    i know….how about some radiant and bright light everyone?


    oh, you are so gonna love this guys! Trust me on this one!

    you’ll see, what i see in all of you soon enough!

    and what i always wanna see from your sorry motherfucking asses!

    GOT IT!!!!

    ok then…

    always explaining!

    why can’t people just be the joyful happy self all the time?

    i suppose if they all had a friend like me, maybe they would, yes?

    i know who you all are on the inside…same as me!

    πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

    oh sure, you can hide all you want, but i will find ya all eventually, and ask you all the same question?

    do you know what time it is?

    and your response had better BE, “Loving life time Andy , because YOU fucking love us! ”

    Andy says,”You’re fucking right i do…or wait…was that left?….ah fuck it! ,,,,who cares!….where’s my fucking coffee! Come on! The parade starts soon, and we are fucking late damn it!”

    14 year run guys, you all better show up next year, of i’ll have kid all your sorry asses again! And you all know how much i love your ASS, right?!!!!

    Good then, i am glad we are on the same page, where we shall always be found….family forever more.

    It’s all Rosie’s fault!

    blame Rosie, not me!

    please don’t hurt me…i am very fragile!

    enjoy the blessed day everyone, here in the kingdom of heaven all around us.

    don’t let the motherfuckers wear you down, as i don’t ever want to see any of you frown…i want fucking happiness, as i am tired of crying, ok?

    God knows how much i love you all, of my daily prayers with you, so you need not ever wonder how much Andy loves to love you all.

    Always did.

    Always will.


    forever more.

    oh sure, you can try being miserable, but don’t expect me to hanging around when you get in your moods. Trust me, it ain’t me guys that is causing it…it’s the motherfucking bullshit world we live in, so anal they all can be around me.

    Here is a good thought for you all to ponder. I want to do the 100 clowns for the parade some day, and i looking for volunteers, come one, come all, but BE sure to cum! LOL

    you all love my unceasing relentlessness of surprises, and trust me, i am just getting started, for truly, we are the one’s who usher in the kingdom of heaven for everyone else, we the enlightened children of the light of God, for God’s love is us.

    12,979 blessed days to go! πŸ˜‰

    with or without you guys, i am going to enjoy every last fucking one of them.

    if you need me, i’ll BE where everyone can find me, my favorite place of all, a warm soothing cuddling or so fucking beautiful skin to skin contact with someone in my hot tub!

    And so should all of you BE doing what you love to do.

    Jesus said, “Do not do what you hate doing.”

    Love in a hot tub is mind blowing experience for me, so gentle, so sincere, and so erotic!!!!!!!!!!!!

    la la lalala la la lalala la la LOVE!!!!!!!!


  478. Your language is terrible.

  479. Can we have a night off? Can I just talk for a bit tonight?

  480. I’ve had a very busy day and I don’t want a hard time here.

  481. (whisper it – looks like there’s no one here. Can I sneak out the back now and not be noticed?)

  482. Or maybe we’ve got another humungous essay coming up … 😦

  483. She’s really not here?!

  484. Whew! A close escape!

  485. +

    Let it BE known YOUR Exceeding Joy apon the earth forever more, for God is with us…motherfuckers! lol


  486. oh yeah!

    you won’t believe what’s coming in the future.

    you forgot, i am not of time contraint that rules the world…

    i tend to think outside the box, like how the world will be by say 2050?

    aim for the target of the next 20 years, where it is always a growth curve for all souls of the earth, of exceeding joy meant for all…of what is inside of us all.

    sorry…i was having a stupid moment there.

  487. everybody just seems so uptight for me, that’s all.

  488. the can’t breath sorta feeling…mostly just me…not going to try to explain or understand, as i don’t really don’t understand why people can’t just be relaxed around me…

  489. I’ve had an excellent day surfing, and I’ve been down the beach in the afternoon, and I’m a bit done in so I just want an easy night cos I’ll probably be doing it all again tomorrow. So I hoep things are well with you have a good night and a good day tomorrow. Okey dokey, see ya,


  490. ya, i was thinking of taking a week or two off…still moving into my new place…packing and what not.

    yes, please relax and be safe out there.

  491. Thank you very much, you are very understanding and sweet. Big hugs and kisses.

  492. i jest Rosie.

    she is supportive…i totally connect with her. totally.

  493. letting go is never easy, but let go, i must.

    fresh new start in life waiting for me…i am excited about it actually, just in transition, that’s all, my own emotional stuff, past, present…inhale, exhale…toxic ex….life that’s all.

    i have come thru worse.

    can’t wait to get back to the happy andy again. soon…however long it takes…i will BE happiness again, as i am a truly happy spirit, looking for other happy souls to run with.

  494. so ya, i guess it’s goodbye…or caio.

    i have to do this, as hard as it will be, staying is harder.

  495. a few months, a year, whatever, till i regain my composer, whatever that is, as i am no longer a corporate ladder climber, and won’t ever be again.

    art, music, writing, reading, lover.

    not necessarily in that order. lol.

    bless you.

  496. it was all about my healing over Troy guys, mostly.

    valuable are life lessons, should we take time to internalize what works for us….

    simple…a hand to hold, lips to kiss, cuddling, fun loving good times….

    being together was all that matter with Troy…

    it’s that simple…loving of one another.

    sincerely loving of one another…of each and every beautiful day.

    ‘More Than Words’ was the song i felt deeply when i fell in love with Troy, of the many days we would run and hid from the homphobic world, camping, cottage at the lake, alot of time out driving all over Ontario, taught him how to drive, had alot of sex out in the truck out driving, finding local beaches…just the two of us…mad passionate lovers, insanely mad if you must know, some the places we would have sex, like a rock along the waters edge, bright beautiful day…top of a hay bail one time….

    we were exceeding joyfulness most of the time, only way to fly!…like it’s your last day together, of no time constraint, who cared, let’s fuck! where? right here? yeah! ok!! lol

    Live your fucking life people!!!

    you only get one kick at the can of life!!!

    Live it well, and be sure to have lot’s of sex!!!….healthy for ya, stress reliever!

    caio bella caio bello byatches.

  497. +

    i’ll pop in from time to time, to kick your sorry asses, if any of you are mistreating one another, like we sometimes do…ever learning.

    God Blesses ALL. Jesus Loves ALL. We Love ALL.

    forever more


  498. catch me if ‘YOU can’. πŸ˜‰

  499. I don’t desire judas or you as a lover. Nor do i desire him as a friend. However i do desire you as a friend. Just certail the head a tad & focus on the heart. Your heart not mine.

  500. good contructive criticism Marco.

    i lose it somedays….vent…..

    but i know who i am, and if anything, my heart has always been the only significant part of my everyday since Troy died.

    I walk around in a sorta, what the fuck is wrong with everyone, as though i had left the earth and came back, seeing all these doldrum mentalities everywhere, in all their useless conduct of words with one another, and as for the one billion children in poverty world wide….well….let’s just say, as a revealer of truth about people’s heart, i ain’t no where done yet!

    ah fuck! i can’t find the door! lol

    how the hell do i get out? πŸ˜‰

  501. hey, how can you say that about me as a lover?

    you cannot go around making assumptions about how good or great one is as a lover, having not ever met them in real life, nor having not experienced them in say a hot tub, to give out words like that.

    that is like killing the spirit of someone with words like that…

    one more reason for me to leave i suppose.

  502. No, one more reason to express my sincerity, leave if you want, perhaps the hot tub might have changed my opinion but uhm the water is cold, its been while since you filled it remember.

    friends take it or leave it,

  503. i would say you need to becareful of your lacking in descerning words spoken, with a statement like that that cuts right thru a person, in all honesty, to the degree that i would not ever be able to ever trust you again, so careless with my soul like that.

    curtail my thoughts, ya sure, i can do that, but don’t go around knocking a soul to the ground and then telling them how stupid they are, ok? You may attack someone to you eventually, if you think with your feelings in descerning your words before speaking.

    as for Judas, Judas was often referred to as the twin of Jesus because of how close they were, indeed, Judas was the closet one to Jesus, and recent survacing of the gospel of Judas reveals Jesus asked Judas to betray him, not like the controling mass church says.

    In other words, Jesus killed himself on purpose for an exact reason.

    So far, i have reached the level of pure love compassion of the purity of heart level of Jesus, where i feel what Jesus was feeling of the awareness level where i am sensing why he did it, as far as the true compassion emotion level is concerned.

    It has to do more with concern for the eternity of mankind generations(us) than it did at the time few at the time, as to his empowerment, sorta like how i feel all the time, feeling of truth in every word one says for example, from an observation view(tend not to react much anymore).

    Jesus became in his mind, of no time constraint mentality at all times, like that which rules the world. I love the feeling of no time constraint level of awareness. very cool. It is like you are not part of the world any longer, totally seperated from it completely, as a wise observer, of how God looks apon i suppose, of the many aimless fearfully snared souls, ruled by government/church/business, no different today than was then.

    the dynamic of no time constraint is what played into the phyche of Jesus, as though an alien being sensibility. I love the feeling. It is utterly fearless of any who walk the earth, of no concern for serving government/church/business ever again, a humble student of Jesus and God.

    not interested in preaching, just speaking of my awareness level i am growing into, of my only driving empowerment…change the world for sake of every soul today and tomorrow, feeling of how the future will be, or should be, looking apon what needs addressed, revealed, that sorta thing…


    i don’t to see what happened to Troy ever happen again to anyone.

  504. i think i will leave and come back, is that ok?

  505. just don’t project onto me like that.

    speak of an issue or whatever, but don’t ever project at me again.

    nurturing words, protective understanding discussions only please.

    i don’t want to be drilled, nor do i want to drill anyone again…i prefer the calm peaceful andy who writes alone in reflection with no one there in my interpretations of everything. 20 years of writing so far. alot, still exploring.

  506. speak openly of anything but me, and i will do the same, no more interactions of my phyche please, or toying of my emotions, as i am not up to the challenge, nor am i interested anymore in participating like that anymore.

  507. i need to chill out for awhile.

  508. ya, you are right, friends take it or leave it, always accepting.

    i am getting grounded again as a calm student, free of clutter, peaceful and at ease.

    all the prodding we did back and forth was great in my probing of feelings, but i don’t need someone for that.

    it is projection stuff, and i was really not ever comfortable around people who project and prod alot, too interpersonal for me and annoying, as i am sensitive, healthy sensitive emotions just under the survace, right there all the time….i had years of therapy.

    anyway, not to pull punches or anything, i am just looking toward less interaction emotionally with people for awhile, ideal for me.

    i like calm pleasant relaxed at ease all the time, like loving lovers are with each other who truly love each other, only feelings of love ever present…gee, i wonder why? πŸ˜‰

    oh, i couldn’t possibly be…


  509. ask troy if that is ok, dont ask me, im not troy, never was never will be

    im MARCO always was alwyas will be

  510. ya…i fell in love with Matt guys…it’s true.

    God bless you Matt.. I love you.

  511. less thoughts from the head and more from the heart ok…

    goodnight.. xox

  512. not sure what you mean by your words of Troy.

    using a small cap on his name Marco?

    about as cold and insensitive a thing one has ever done with me.

    Troy was my lover who commited suicide in ’93

    for sure, it will be awhile before i return.

    i don’t even want to speak to you any more now.

  513. Repeat;



    in case any of you didn’t hear(feel) what i said. πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    IT’S 100% TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    i fucking love you byatch!!!!

    (andy grumbles to himself as he walks around the studio set, still trying to find the exit door, sensitive to everything everyone says, of everyone realizing how on edge Andy is, someone approaches asking Andy, “can i get you anything Andy?” as Andy snaps back, “fuck off! just leave me alone. fuck!”


    πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

  514. yer well i lost two lover’s to suicide in 1992 & 1994 also, get over it, i did, life goes on, such is life

    if your spiritual enough to connect to their souls you’ll realise you never lost them at all, eternal such is life eternal

  515. go go , fuck go im not stoping you

    i hope it does hurt

    only way you’ll learn

    no pain no gain

    just ask M

    God know’s she’s suffered enough





    i have no time for victims today..

    been there done that

    my dear

    just ask JEsus

    he should know

    he suffered enough

    hey i think its time we nailed you to the cross Andy

    then you can be Jesus for once the victim

    GOd;s know’s im not interested in being Jesus one bit

  516. please don’t talk to me anymore about it.

  517. please stop

  518. you totally do not get my words and research on Jesus at all, do ya?

    there is an exacting reason why Jesus did what he did, which is only pure white light understanding, because of the purity of Jesus, a virgin spirit.

    It has to obviously do with teaching, easy one there, of wrong and right conduct, but what i am probing, is the emotional level of Jesus, at his awareness level.

    i have nearly achieved it, and he standing very close in my visions with me, which i can enter into any time i want, sorta like a memory added to memory the vision is growing in my mind.

    i am close to what he feels like.

  519. he is there. i am looking apon him right now.

    do you want me to describe him for you?

  520. he has only love for me and all is calm, no fear at all of any kind whatsoever, just pure radiant love that is part of me, connects with me emotionally.

    it is not an intense emotion, rather it is one of one who has walked away complete from the world, of only desire to be with Jesus, with no hesitation, rather it is more one of , ‘what was i thinking?’, who would want to stay around the absurd unwise bitter conduct?

    anyway…i will write more later, as the vision continues to open for me.

    celibacy rocks everyone! i feel like a virgin!


  521. Repeat;



    in case any of you didn’t hear(feel) what i said.

    IT’S 100% TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    not sure if you heard me or not.

    you better be fucking nice to me Matt…although i know you love me too….

  522. Like a Virgin, cobweb’s more likely ha ha

    only Madonna could that one off and get away with it..

    i get it about Jesus truly i do, but there comes a time when we have to get off our cross and end the sufferiing, even for Jesus.

    Hey Jesus get off that damn cross, your setting a bad example, we hear you we know you’ve suffered for our sins for for God sake stop playing on it, sympathy card you know, i mean its been 2000 yrs don’t you think your stretching some what,

  523. you know what, you don’t no anything about my life in the real world and my efforts daily.

    i am probing the human condition and ways to nurture it, but at a higher more effect level of approach, of the intensity level awakening into awareness sorta thing.

    bad example?

    Jesus knew their hearts, and he knew they would reflect later the truth of the condition of their own hearts.

    All those days he hung on the cross, Jesus was the one who placed himself there on purpose, from the first nail to the last they unlovingly unwisely apathetically drove into his body.

    Every second of it was staged by Jesus, (a puppet master), for exacting reasoning of approach by Jesus.

    I am probing the teacher mentality of Jesus, of why and what compelled him to do so, as there is an exacting compassionate level of higher awareness associated with it, it is not about victim mentality at all for one thing, not at all. That is a totally shortsighted opinion, and i am having difficult sitting here chatting with someone who is of such limited emotional depth and desire for understanding.

    One you enter into the no time constraint awareness level, everything becomes calm within, even all the while the fearful unwise all around. It is in this mode of pureness feelings and awareness which great macro thinking awareness comprehsion occurs, beyond most anyone’s ability to reach, and what i notice is the negative spirits cannot penetrate into the sphere that surronds you. The dark spirits do sense your presence, but they cannot see you, as the dark spirits are not of the comprehension to see.

    makes sense, right?

    anyway, the dark spirits do become agitatted by the my presence, of my observations of dark spirits. But what i don’t understand yet about the spirit realm is the existence of the dark spirits, other than to say, i detect them, unafraid, because in the sphere, it is pure white light loving positive light feeling serene and calm, where dark spirits are of dark bitter exceedingly fearful and definitely not calm.

    I can see the spirits to striking the sphere, and desolve when the attempt to enter. It is very cool to experience the sensation of fearlessness while among them, sorta like an invincible warrior would feel unintimidated whatsoever by the motherfuckers.


    now that was funny! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

    ah fuck…im bored again.

  524. it is not about sympathy in your shortsightedness, but it may be about protection from dark spirits, a shield.

    something to think about.

  525. his spirit is able to be channeled, and i have channelled his spirit in my research.

    it is a pureness connection which opens, free of fear, but the dark spirits don;t like it.

  526. only apon entering fully into the sphere are you protected, by an invisible fearless state calm and serene, unable to be feared.

    there is alot to it, and it is the most fascinating of my study of the evolved adult child Jesus.

  527. the sphere is macro wisdom thinking awareness, or Halo.

  528. well that should shut them up for a few centuries i suppose.


    fucking morons…i am surrounded by pissy unthirsty fucking morons father.

  529. Jesus a victim….ha…

    it is all of you who are victimizers. duh!

    even of the low ignorance of victimizing your SELF.

    other than M, although i think she tolerates too much, knowing she would rather not.

    her life, not mine.

    i am just her soul mate friend, yet evolving along side her, of sameness awareness level as her.

  530. what you do not see about Jesus is his level of awareness of your ignorance which surrounds you, and you do not look apon him in the light of purity which is pure protection by means of God’s pure loving compassionate wisdom…

    any more shortsightedness?

    M gets it.

    Jesus is of the continuation for evolving growth curve we are all apart of, all connected, affect/effect, direct/indirect every second of each day for all eternity of the pure truth wisdom which provide safe passage for mankind to safe pass thru into the future for all eternity, because TRUTH is an eternal thing which does not change.

    still with me?

    Jesus is the most empowered one, and the most fearless one.

  531. why?

    because God is not fear based.

    rather it is the unruly world which rule that is fear based controling the world.

    Jesus and God are here to calm the world, and put out the raging fires within the hearts of men, and for good reason, as we are yet of great wars, and indeed, great war is yet lurking.

    if these fires are not extinguished by grace of God thru us, the beast of ignorance WILL rise up. It is a projection identification dynamic, where fearless loving joyful life exceeding and bright light will draw the souls to it, but it must be of pureness of heart and of the truly exceeding brightness, which is difficult because most souls of the world are of mundaneness survival mode mentality, sadly for many.

    Jesus is about increasing value for purity of the loving heart feelings.

    any more shortmindedness questions?

    ok…im tired and in need of R&R .

  532. anyone CARE to join me…

    …like that will ever happen, you and all your infinite wisdoms.

  533. stop laughing Matt…these guys really annoy the fuck out of me, which i then take their negative spuing and channel it into motivation, as there insipidness fires so tasteless and boring, remind me of the lacking desire for wisdom which is the single thing which grips the world.

    Truly, the enlightened ones lead the world, by means of affect/effect.

    so before anyone discredits M’s work, always know, she is of God’s wisdom and work in the world, affecting/effecting millions of souls hourly.

  534. i am merely one who understands and here to keep her stationary in her efforts as she is of God…we all are, unknowingly for many.

    at all times…it is a growth curve journey, just as it has been since God was here before thru Jesus, God is returning, and indeed, is here.

  535. let’s not forget the 30,000 children who died today, direct result of the spiritual poverty which yet grips the world.

    you people and your shallowness of spirit so undriven in compassionate awareness. Time is ticking, and another 30.000 children will die tommorrow.

    fucking morons father.

  536. never doubt, Madonna and i are of the same motivational pure of heart empowerment to change the world.

    It has not ever been about fame and fortune, nor shall it be in our pure of heart awareness wisdom thinking.

    indeed, we are one and the sameness of spirit in that regard.

    i always be somewhere near, and she knows i will, as in of God’s divine WILL for us ALL.

    always explaining….

  537. not to sound harsh…but it’s called FEELINGs.

  538. i think just bitch slapped them Matt, yes? lol πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

  539. is it just me, or is Matt fucking goreous? πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

    so fucking adorable!!!!!!

  540. +

    Open wide the soul to radiant white pure loving light which is of YOU, radiant and bright in exceeding joyfulness feeling, is it not?



  541. Repeat;



    in case any of you didn’t hear(feel) what i said.

    IT’S 100% TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    not sure if you heard me or not.

  542. Welcome to heaven everyone!

    I am your flight stewardess. We will be approaching the 1,200,000 crowd, in our upcoming flight, so please fasten yourselves in early for the party of a life time here in Toronto Ontario Canada, as limited hotel accomidation is the norm.


    fucking umbelievable how big it keeps growing each year.

    hmmm…that almost sounded homoerotic, yes?

  543. get offa ya Cross,

  544. your welcome

  545. i love you too

  546. sadly, living a gay life is the cross, of every unloving snear, unloving hiss, unloving spuing of hatefulness, unloving unwise not of God for God is wise, of the very things Jesus railed against, ‘that’ of all things unloving unwise apathic in understanding of no compassionate desire to understand, even for sake of their own precious loving children, where thousands of young gay youths lose there lifes to unwiseness of hatreds yet in the world, where in TRUTH, the GLBT is of the most loving souls who walk the earth, respectful of one another anywhere you go in the world of our communities all united in sameness of loving compassionate understanding youthful spirit, ever of our concern for the all youth in the world of that GLBT communities, in our knowingness of the transitional difficulties they experience during the coming out years, having navigated thru our own coming out of the closet years.

    I am here, just for that, for sake of my loving concern for you Matt, and all members of our worldwide GLBT family, united with Madonna as one of the single most strongest forces of our loving family forever more, ever pushing forward in safe garding the mental/emotional well BEing of our family, of special concern for the youth.

    God Blesses Madonna because she is of pure of heart feelings just as we all are of the GLBT communities worldwide.

    May God continue to bless us all as we push forward in pushing out all wretched darkness of spirit of ignorance and hatred towards our most loving family worldwide forever more.

    We are here to stay, forever gay, of forever prayer, in our oneness with Jesus and God, of our understanding of what the cross is…the world which surrounds us, in all of it’s unwiseness, hateful mean spiritedness devoid of compassion, devoid of Jesus and God’s love.

    We are here by example of who Jesus and God protect from the false ignorant teachings of the forefathers before us, obvious and clear are do these false teachings yet exist in the world handed down generation after generation, harming our precious loving children.

    forever i shall BE found of Jesus and God who summon us all to the goodness of wisdom which protects and the increasing in value of our love for one another, compassionate of our stumbling towards the cross, where the cross is the doorway into heaven in which all must pass by Jesus and God forever more, because Jesus is of God’s wisdom apon the cross which is indeed the symbol of reality check condition of how the world yet is.

    thank you Jesus. God bless you Jesus. thank you God. thank you.

  547. Matt asked me to tie him up, and i was the one who ended up tied Matt.

    It’s funny Matt, you can untie me anytime you know.

    (Matt laughs in hysterical mad laughter, Andy still swearing at anyone who comes near him)


    ah fuck, how do i can down from here? πŸ˜‰

    fear not, for i am of the no time constraints commitment to the growth curve process, diligent, determined, of a dedicated life, empowerment of God, of magnificence and magnitude on par with the sun which shines constantly, so too are we who pray, we the enlightenment of Jesus and God forever more for sake of all those yet to come, at all times, forver more.

    where’s my coffee?!!! lol πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

  548. It’s not me, it’s my alter ego.

  549. hey, what’s that line about God, some silly fear based mass churched leader thing, oh yeah, “And no one shall know the hour apon which i come.”

    oh fuck, what time is it….i am so late for my hot tub session!


    an excellent example of the fear based church, yes?

    clearly we know our love is certainly not fearful, yes?

    the future is about about exceeding joyfulness growing richer and richer, more and more, of the growth curve, in our determination to feel what is that we feel as artists, musician, and all participants of True Loving Life, which we easily feel the truth of yes?

    As true artists, musicians,writers, poets, we bring for the express of the feeling we delve deep for, find it, and express in outward appearance of what it is. Combination of music, art, dance, costume, is an excellent way to express it to the world, so let’s lock onto what it and push forward the pure true knowingness of the feelings radiant and bright white light as bright as the sun of exceeding joyfulness which comes with the pure loving feelings we genuinely feel.

    Madonna has always been one of the true artists in the world in approach for sake of all, may God continue to bless her with fearlessness in her continued efforts to explore and bring forth to the world our knowingness of what is there within all souls of the world, of our knowingness of what is there within our divine true self, which genuinely yearns for others too to feel what it is that we feel, for sake of all, for sake of our desire for increasing value of ‘that’ which is beyond all riches of the world, for truly we are pure of heart sincerely loving of one another…without doubt.

    bless you

  550. blessed ARE the pure of heart.

    i am…BE cause…we ARE.

    thank you God. thank you Jesus.

  551. sooooooo…do we or don’t we all love one another as utter equals?

    our feelings clearly reveal the truth of this with utter clarity, yes?

    so it’s true!

    for all God’s children of the world over, of what is more valuable than all the riches of the world, is it not?

    i so love the feelings within, of a forever dancing fall down stupid say whatever, do what ever, so long as we have someone there to be doing whatever we feel like doing, forever more God’s children forever at play, yes?

    and does it cost us any money to feel the incredible beauty of our own pure of heart feelings which overflow in great abundance of exceeding joyfulness?

    absolutely free for all God’s children of the earth.

    Exceeding while light radiant and bright which shines thru us from God, thru another, thru another, ever growing ever nurturing, ever protective as we grow in the richness of the divine true self with in us all, returning day after blessed day forever more of all God’s children forever at play of joyFUL pure loving pure of heart joyFULness

  552. who’s got time for useless bickering that leaves one another feeling less than what we truly are, exceedingly radiant of bright light which yearns to always flow thru us day after blessed day.

    oh sure, you can go bicker all you want, but don’t expect to find me near…no way…i only have 12, 978 blessed fucking days left guys, and i ain’t waisting one of them on no sorry ass motherfucking useless bullshit whatever! Got it?


    i jest.

    i just wanna spin and dance with someone of the same insanity i feel within…you know who you are.

    this is what i expect of all of you, to connect within, feel, and bring forth your expressions of the pure geniune feelins true of you, true of another, for sake of you, for sake of others, for sake of another.

    or sit around wasting your sorry asses away like some of you do…not me…no time for that anymore…i am running with and to the future.

  553. been saving this day for ya.

    it is able to be expressed apon in various ways and it is also of increasing radiance which grows within us, so long as we focus in and explore it in deliberateness of a true artist, where a true artist is not about fame or fortune or technique(albeit technique), rather for sake of the genuine desire for other to feel the magical feelings.

    That is the mission of God, who knows we don’t just approach in deliberate desire to do so, rather it is of the ease of having BEcome our pure of heart feelings which push out all negativity in our life, because of the radiant brightness of positive light flowing fearless thru us, every of the yearning to BE found of our precious loving feelings forever more with those we truly love with all that we are.

    It is of God’s divine will that we BEcome the willingness of our descerning wisdom to do so, of the exceeding joyfulness so good to feel in doing so, liberating others as we journey on safe passage with one another, drawing of all as journey forward into light out of darkness, freeing of all souls along the way yet sadly snared by the bitter uncaring fearful controling belittling condescending motherfucking world….sorry…been up 4 days now.

    blessings to all.

  554. will exit the lab soon. not to worry, as i am of deliberate approach in entering into my labratory of the mind approach study and research….an approach i have been doing for years, staying up for days on end….spelling is failing though. addictive work that i love.

  555. it is my hope that you become empowered by my words which are motivational direction of certainty, common sense descerning of what to BE as opposed to what feels lessor than the truth of what we yearn to always be, who we always were as kids, radiant bright light unceasing, so long as we desire to move forward in BEcome and maintaining it, our empowerment for sake of others to likewise come fully into the knowingness of the exceeding joyFULness of the divine true self of all of us, so easy, so long as the desire for change for the world is always of our concern.

    It is of God’s will to always be concerned, that of the mindset of an enlightened one at all times, a major part of BEcoming conduct of the divine true self which is always of outward flow of loving feelings of compassion, not selfish and uncaring.

    so there you have it guys, the greatest treasure mankind shall ever find….the wisdom of increasing our value of the feelings of the divine true self, value which truly is beyond all the riches of the world, centering us, ground us forever more, of no desire to be anything other than what we all are, albeit, yet unattended, unnurtured, unprotected, unwiseness of aimless souls sadly lead by businesss/church/state.

    blessings to all.

  556. Let’s ROCK IT!!!!!!!!!!

    peace be to you

  557. Let’s ROCK IT!!!!!!!!!!

    peace be to you

  558. +

    BE of Exceeding JoyFULness of the Divine True Self forever more.

    God blesses ALL


  559. feel your feelings bubble within you that come up, yearning to spin and dance, sing.

    just don’t get too stupid and fall down a flight of stairs, and no dancing onto of tables ok? lol

    and no jumping from buildings to building ok? very dangerous.

    oh yeah, of out skateboarding, where proper wrist gear!

    πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

  560. come on guys, jump around, let your divine true self out of prison.

    oh never mind, sit there then, see if i care.

    i care.

    alot actually.

    i just wish others would as much as we do.

  561. i always wanted to be a motivational speaker, and now look what happened…can’t find the off switch! lol

    why would i want to?

  562. ok, maybe i am abit too intense for some of you old folks, but Matt gets me.

  563. best expression i can think of is;



    πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

    best of all, once you connect with how it feels, you don’t want it to ever end, and good news, it does not, so long as you remember the rule, “YOU have to purse it, nurture it, maintain it, desire it, BEcome it.”

    BE sure to practice, as practice is needed in BEcoming the exceeding joyfulness of the divine true self SET FREE. πŸ˜‰

    so ya, BE sure to SET LOVE FREE!

    i do, and want to keep Setting Loves free forever more.

    blessed be this day forever more.

  564. ~ Only the one who inflicts the pain, can take it away ~

    ok Matt, i took your pain away, now untie me for fuck sakes, will ya?!!!!


    πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

  565. +

    somebody turn up the volume, i can’t HEAR YOU!!!!!!!!!!


    still can’t hear you!!!

    but if it’s any consilation, i feel the same way.

    ~ sameness of us ALL.


    best news of all, is it does not end…ever!!!

    Thank God. thank you God. thank you Jesus. thank you thank you thank you


  566. +

    i love YOU Matt!!!!!!!!!!

    always did

    always will


    forever more byatch!!!!!!! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€


  567. +

    and they all lived happily ever after in the years that followed, of forever more tender loving feelings sincere and true of the divine true self within everyone the world over…well almost everyone…seems the motherfuckers did not quite get the insanity of the enlightened ones, those who were last to enter, but eventually they did, as loving light naturally pushes out darkness within them all, freeing all souls from their self emposed prisons of the heart, mind, body, spirit and soul.

    Jesus said, “What YOU look for has already come, it is ‘that’ which is within YOU, merely by turning towards that of your pure of heart sincere and genuine precious loving feelings within YOU. Everyone already holds the key to the kingdom of heaven, sadly unknowingly for many who were last to enter into the city of heaven all around them which kept growing with enlightenment for centuries to come.”

    oppsss…some of those are my words.

    ah fuck it, it makes sense, does it not?

    hey, where did everybody go?

    hey, wait up will ya, i have to put my nail polish on. Oh fuck, where did i put the confetti?!!

    ya ya ya…im coming!!!

    πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€


  568. +

    find someone to love and love them with all that YOU ARE, sincere, pure of heart, delicate, gentle, mild, sweet loving, peaceful by nature, sensitive, warm hearted, and best of all…sexual!!!!!!!!!

    i am…BE cause…we ARE!!!!!!

    so get OUT and enjoy another blessed day with those you love everyone, and remember not to forget the fucking nail polish! LOL

    we only live once guys, so live it your way, and don’t listen to the motherfuckers who bring us down with falseness, passing them bi.

    Peace out everyone!

    God loves us ALL. Jesus loves us ALL. We love ALL.

    Lead bi example! which is easy to do, just by BEing YOU.

    Give thanks to God. thank you God. Give thanks to Jesus. thank you Jesus. Give thanks to those who love YOU. thanks everyone.

    i love YOU.


  569. +

    it’s about LOVE guys!

    such a simple thing, it boggles my mind why people don’t understand something so simple?

    Jesus gave his life to prove such a simple thing, and indeed, Jesus lives forever more in our hearts where he BElong, always long to BE who we all ARE.

    i am…BE cause….say together now! ARE!!!!!!!!!!

    ARE what?

    say it! yell it out loud!!!


    hey, don’t using his name in vain like that. LOL

    always did love montpython humor!

    on we go

    don’t forget to hold hands, and lots of kisses too, as Jesus likes them too.

    ah, you can thank me later, bi me a java sometime.

    Sweets of dreams, sweet dreamers dream, of the dreamers who dream.

    Oh dream of me, for i dream of thee, to forever JUST BE ME!!!!!!!!! πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    this concludes the test of the emergency broadcast network, brought to you by the happy faggots on the planet, Matt and Andy forever more.

    i love you Matt….don’t forget how much i love you damn it, for our love is TRUE. Was from the first day i saw you…i knew.


    πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€


  570. +

    thanks for praying Matt

    Jesus loves YOU. God loves YOU. i love YOU forever more…


  571. +

    Let your hearts always BE overflowing in abundance ever flowing forth like a fountain of Exceeding Joyfulness, as this is what is know as the Power of LOVE of the ALL which saves the ALL.

    thanks for listening(feeling), where it is YOUR FEELINGS which is sight restored to YOUR soul, and don’t worry about those who don’t quite get it, for in time, we know, they eventually do, those who are last to enter.

    JOY! JOY! JOY!

    forever more, i shall BE, my spirit SET FREE!


  572. +

    TO JUST BE…YOU!!! the ones i love.


  573. +

    ok guys…i am off…if you want to chat with me, sincerely as a true and faithful safe and supportive (friend), then act like you really do want to meet Andy and look him up someday, as that is what he truly desired.

    If you are weak of heart and mind to do so, then you are not of genuine sincerity like Andy is in his sincere desire to BE real life friends in life of likeminded thinking and approach with the world and one another.

    i am deserving of such friendship with all of you, and as of today, should feel i am not, your biggest mistake of life not to feel what Andy feels, where in truth, every word Andy spoke here all this time was for sake of one day having YOU as a real life friend.

    If you have figured that out by now, then go live your egotistic life without Andy, because he is done explaining his true sincere feelings of desire for what he knows he is deserving of…a REAL LIFE friend.

    Look him up someday if of the courage to do so, of your sincere desire to meet him as much as he has all this time gone by, albeit, obviously, Andy is not of time constraint in his heart, of the forever more loving endeavor to change the world and feel what it is he feels.

    Should you hesitate, you may loose a truly wonderful best friend, as Andy seeks others to fill the void with sincerely love individuals of likeminded approach to nurture the mental/emotional well BEing of us all, and indeed, Andy is doing just that, just as he always has. duh!

    Any thing less, and Andy will feel insulted by any who are not of the same sincere desire to BE his friend.

    God loves ALL. Jesus loves ALL. We love ALL.

    God Blesses ALL.


  574. Whatever.

    Night night,


  575. lol

    rant over

  576. i love you 2

  577. does that mean we will be doing the 100 clowns one day?

    i really am Madonna’s clown…always there to annoy her…someone who loves and protects me like i shall always do her. lol

    so is that yes? or a maybe? i know you know how much i love you all. so let’s keep on…keep it together.

    just as we always have, still do, always will.

    best friends for loving life forever more.


    and you fucking know it! lol

    i love you guys.

    God loves ALL. Jesus loves ALL. We love ALL

    God Blesses ALL

    bless this day forever more in our heart, mind, body, spirit and soul, our loving LOVE we SET FREE for all to feel who we ALL are…children of the light of God.

    Love and Peace to this house forever more…God’s house of love and peace.

    bless you


  578. +

    on we go


  579. +

    hey, these glossy pics would be great on a huge wall of all the smiling faces, always there to remind us of who we all are…family forever more.

    i am…BE cause we are…family forever more.

    we know.

    on we go

    thanks M


  580. +

    please please…i really wanna do the 100 clowns one day…and i know i will, but you to be part of it, ‘that’ which is of your loving precious heart i love so much, of all of us.

    ‘That’ is what we endeavor for them to know, just as Jesus did.

    please tell me you want to do this one day, as it will be a most joful fun loving day for us and ALL who experience what is we know of us ALL.

    In Jesus’s name, i ask that you WILL one day. please?


  581. oh, and we can bring Jerry C in from Japan, yes?

    Beautiful bright sunny day, crowd cheer more than one million strong, all of us dancing around like the children we are…children of the light of God.

    It is of God’s divine WILLINGNESS that we do, pure knowingness omnipotence of sameness for ALL.

    picture it…do you envision it like i do, with your feelings exploding, not a care the world, laughing our asses off at the mean spirited world, all shaking their heads in utter disbief, ALL the while feeling what we know we feel, of what we want them to feel too….sameness of the exceeding bright radiant loving light for ALL, united as ONE, no matter race, sex, orientation, religion, politics.

    after all, we all just working class stiffs out here, and today’s TV promaming really sucks, where it is better to LIVE LOVING LIFE rather than watch or imagine it, yes?

    i have no doors to knock apon.

    πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    one and ALL the same, we are.

    i am…BE cause Jesus and God says we ARE.

    bless you


  582. i just notice the bright green dot and biege dot above the world near Jesus’s feet are the same color as our icon’s here at the blog.

    coincidence? maybe?

    of angels we are.

  583. +

    not sure if you realize it or not, but what look apon is in fact Jesus’s eternal spirit of God….it is Jesus everyone…as we speak.

    bless you


  584. +

    in pureness of my knowingness, truly it tell you, it is his spirit of no time constraint with us right NOW.

    bless you Jesus.


  585. +

    Jesus commited himself to the cross, a one way street so to speak, apon surrendering to the claws of ignorance, and in doing so, what you may not fully realize, is that it was a one way ticket into the eternal spirit realm that does exist, just as Jesus came into awareness of in his awareness, just as i too have.

    Truly i tell you, it is Jesus you look apon, who is eternally the cross, apon the cross forever more, of what Jesus wanted to always BE, of the eternal pureness of heart he BEcame, always of his pure knowingness omnipotency of ‘that’ of himself, so to ‘that’ of us all, where indeed, it is Jesus who came into FULL knowingness of the sad reality of people’s hearts ALL around him, wishing ALL to feel his pure of heart sincere loving feelings in each and every passing moment, only of pure love did(does) he feel, so much so, so much so of his certainty of pure of heart loving feelings for ALL in 100% pure knowingness, sad for so many in painfulness of life of how the world treats one another, of what became his compellingness to surrender 100% to his feelings of PURE COMPASSION he was feeling, in his 100% surrendering to the cross, in his knowingness that WE would slow into our grace(knowingness of his own grace he knew exists in ALL) and reflect apon what we look apon this day….JESUS CHRIST everyone, before us all, of no time constraint, where Jesus knew fully, TRUTH is of no time constraint, that of the eternal loving spirit realm, that of our pure of heart dreams of angles visit while we dream.

    BEcoming of the pure spirit angel we are, is how we enter into eternity for all of the future world to look back apon this very moment in time where everyone stopped and entered into the knowingness of these words we reflect apon.

    BE of the eternal empowerment of the greater empowerment, that of ALL unborn yet to come for all eternity at this cross road of life for mankind, and bring forth that which is of YOU, for sake of YOU, for sake of our pure of heart knowingness omnipotency of sameness, ‘that’ which is TRUTH of ALL souls today, of ALL for all eternity.

    so what time is it everyone?

    we are of the omnipotent knowingness of what angels of the spirit realm are, of no time constraint pure compassion of TRUTH which is always of no time constraint, of the pureness of heart of Jesus we look apon before us, his eternal knowingness at some point we would come before his cross he stepped onto, a one way bus ticket, like so many gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgendered individuals step onto out our small towns, heading for life everlasting in our safe and supportive GLBT communities.

    indeed, Jesus is here before us this day, and everyday hereafter for all eternity for us to lovingly reflect apon his decision to kill himself like he did, for sake of our pure of heart reflections of the depth of his love for us to one day turn from all unloving, uncompassion, unwise unBEcoming conduct, ‘that’ of the world which is cause for the one billion children in poverty, ‘that’ of spiritual povert, is it not?

    ‘that’ of the eternal surrendering Jesus did in entering into the one way(bus ticket) out of hell(all unBEcoming conduct) in his knowingness we would reflect, just as i too have reflected in utter complete humbleness of Troy’s suicide, my dropping to my knees bowed before Jesus and God when news of Troy’s suicide came that day long ago…still i am humbled before Jesus and God, and ALL of you, of my pure of heart knowingness omnipotency sameness which came that day to me, as does to ALL of us today in our pure of heart reflections, yes?

    bless you bless you bless you


  586. +

    try to imagine Jesus surrendering to his compelling decision in the garden that day, in his knowingness of what was about to happen, knowing what they would do, and did do?

    in imagining so, we are able to come into the knowingness of the teach mindset of Jesus, compelled to teach YOU sitting here today, ‘that’ of the depth of YOU, ‘that’ of our pure of heart feelings, ‘that’ of what Jesus wanted YOU to BEcome in ALL our loving BEcoming conduct, for sake of safe passage for ALL future generations of unborn children of the light of God to pass thru, a passage of learning to pass, not a test to fail, for sake of ALL children of God apon the earth today, and for all eternity yet to come.

    therefore BE of the pure knowingness omnipotence sameness of Jesus YOU look apon, for truly i tell you, it is Jesus, his spirit before you, summoning YOU to pure of heart knowingness omnipotence understanding of the sameness YOU are, of the faith Jesus has in us ALL.

    BEhold the eternal spirit of Jesus Christ who has come!

    bless you bless you bless you

    i am merely a true and faithful loving brother of Jesus forever more, of my decision like Jesus did, surrendering of my heart, mind, body, spirit and soul to Jesus sometime ago, of my sincere pure love for Jesus forever more as my true and faithful friend forever more, who has come to me and dwells with me daily.

    bless this day forever more

    bless you

    God loves ALL. Jesus loves ALL. We love ALL.

    God blesses ALL.

    BEhold, for God is with us forever more. BE not of fearfulness, for God is not of dumb fear, rather it is the world which is of silly fear is it not? lol

    WE are not afraid father. thank you.

    thank you Jesus. thank you God. thank you.

    BEhold, Jesus has come for sake of ALL in our GLBT communities world wide, of his knowingness of our suffering, exact sameness of pure of heart feelings we feel, knowingness omnipotence sameness of ALL GLBT.

    holy holy holy


  587. holy fuck guys, this is incredible vintage wine i am drinking, yes?

    sweet to taste with a delightful exceedingly joyful bubbling after taste.


    oh fuck, i think i am getting drunk!

    in love that is, of ALL of YOU!

    forever more.

    come on everyone, and drink from the cup of sweetness which flows forth abundance of God’s wisdom forever more, for i am of God’s willingness forever more, of my surrendering my life to Jesus, of the greatest gift one can give Jesus at the alter, your heart, mind, body, spirit and soul, where God lifts us gently up out of all stupid unwiseness, heartless apathy, and yuky unloving unBEcoming conduct, falseness of the divine true SELF of us ALL, for we are CHOSEN by God, we who have CHOSEN Jesus and God, CHOSING our divine true SELF in doing so, instead of useless ego which is inward light.

    WE are of outward radiant pure of heart loving light that shines forever more outward of our pure love for one another here in the GLBT communities world wide.

    i greet you all in love and peace of God’s house of love and peace which welcome ALL, just as we continue to welcome all our truly loving sweet brothers and sisters world wide, with Madonna as our most loving one of ALL, as we are of her.

    God bless you Madonna, for love is true of us ALL, here in the GLBT, is it not?

    the motherfuckers are not going to be please by this i don’t think.

    ah fuck them, who cared what they thought anyway?


    blessings to all this blessed day and blessed days here after, for we are blessed by the coming of the spirit of Jesus.

    thank you Jesus. thank you God. thank you ALL.

    hmm, this wine is awesome! and, it flows endlessly forever more too.

    so ‘that’ is the wine they speak of ‘that’ Jesus gave them all.

    i knew i would figure it OUT one day!


    ah fuck, see what i mean, it does end…the mad laughter of TRUTH.

    WE are LOVED by JESUS, GOD, EACH OTHER forever more.

    i love you Matt

    please call me someday.


  588. +

    tears of joy now flow forth, in having come to know Matt, of my pure of heart forever more loving feelings for him.

    i know…i will always love you Matt…without doubt.


  589. +

    so don’t let me go byatch!!!

    a best friend for life…who does not want ‘that’?

    best friends we ALL are in the GLBT communites, feelings of REALNESS we feel each and every day.

    we know.

    on we go.


  590. +

    the eye brow of Jesus is the way it is for a reason.

    do you know why?

    we know.


  591. +

    it is for those who do not sincerely take time to truly know us, those of apathy in doing so, who aimless run about, snearing apon us in all their unloving unBEcoming conduct.

    those who do not take time to reflect as we do, in passing by us and Jesus, will look apon this Jesus as a anti-christ, when in truth, the ones who do not sincerly slow down as we do and reflect as we do, are what?

    the unBEcoming conduct of the anti-christ, are they not?

    ~ sadly there are many morons in life who unwisely don’t want to know our precious loving feelings for one another that are TRUE BLUE loving of one another…family forever more.

    we know.

    on we go.


  592. +

    he has some nice abs on him yes?

    well yeah! he was carpenter like his dad. πŸ˜‰


  593. +

    hey, my dad was a carpenter.

    hmm…who knew?

    always the last one to know…NOT!

    we know.

    on we go.



  594. +

    sorry guys, i am drunk with love.

    it;s all your fault Rosie


  595. think maybe those wings might be abit heavey for me next year?

    nah, feather light, like we are on our dancing feet of love for one another, are we not?

    damn straight!


    well ok…maybe not…bisexual YOU know.

    bless you.


  596. +

    bless you Jesus. thank you Jesus. thank you God.


  597. +

    hey M, thanks for blocking everyone. they were really annoying me ya KNOW.

    on we go.


  598. +

    i am going to do more truth wisdom pics like these where each one is a pure truth wisdom. The pics in total are in the thousands, so you may need a big wall for it.


    the truth wisdoms are of no time constraint feelings which are pure true feelings for all generations to reflect apon, of few words, rather of the pure love feelings which is true of us all here in the GLBT community, for sake of all new comers to our family, of the many to make safe journey into our loving arms forever more, a path cleared by means of truth wisdom for them, of our pure of heart knowingness omnipotent sameness.

    we know.

    on we go.


  599. +

    hmmm…do you feel the Power of the Love of the ALL in us, pure and true forever more?

    AMAZING is it not?

    fucking amazing. i love it!


    (andy staggers off stage left)


  600. to the left everyone…i am bisexual.

  601. truth is…we all are…mostly unknowingly for most.

    but i know the thoughts all of you have, so don’t think i don’t

    i know.

    we know.

    on we go.

    blessings to ALL for we ARE LOVED by Jesus and God forever more.

    thank you Jesus. thank you God. thank you.

    God loves ALL. Jesus loves ALL. We love ALL.

    God Blesses ALL. We bless ALL in ALL our BEcoming conduct of the pure of heart loving divine true SELF within ALL.


  602. +

    someone call Jerry C with the good news.


  603. +

    and Matt? You so owe me a java byatch!!!

    i love you Matt. i always did.

    always WILL.


    bless you


  604. +

    BEhold, for the hour has come, of what was always true of ALL in the GLBT community worldwide.


    i am…BE cause we ARE LOVNG.

    Jesus and God are with us forever more.

    time to truly celebrate our everlasting loving life, always of sincere pure of heart love for another, tender and sweet we are with one another forever more.

    God bless you Troy. and thank you for visiting me in my dreams.


  605. +

    Let’s continue to show the world who we ARE everyone, in our sincere calm pure of heart loving feelings for each other each and every blessed day from this day forward forever more, undestracted by ‘that’ which is not true of us, in all our sincere approach to embrace and express our loving pure of heart knowingness omnipotent sameness, of our dilgent, determined, stick-to-it-tiveness in ushering in the ALL into the kingdom of heaven, of ALL our efforts which radiate OUTward, ‘that’ of the pure of heart divine true SELF of ALL, meant for ALL to know who we ALL are….children of the loving light of God.

    we know.

    on we go.

    blessings to all.


  606. +

    rest easy, rest well, for these things of our pure of heart loving feelings are not able to change, TRUTH of us ALL, nor would we want to. hello?!!! duh!


    always, i am of no time constraint looking apon the path we walk hand in hand, forward into the blessed loving light of God’s love for ALL, where we ALL yearn to BE found of God, in each other’s loving arms forever more.

    Matt? where’s my jave?!!!!!!


    12,979 blessed days to go.

    bless you.


  607. +

    someone’s knocking at the door?

    i wonder who it is?

    oh fuck, it’s Jesus, put some clothes on!



  608. +

    ohhh…i love the violins in the opening of Canon Rock in C, with Jerry C and all the cover players. Hey, we should call FunTwo 2.

    a float with live violin players playing, Jerry C on his fender strat, 100 clowns(or more), free to all volunteer participants to take home with them, of our LOVE ‘that’ is forever more SET FREE! love it. Love is everywhere in the air, flowers in hair, without a care!

    get it? πŸ˜‰

    going on and on and on

    on we go


  609. +

    there is a spirit realm secret i have not told you yet M, about the marble statue of Jesus in the vatican.

    i will tell you perhaps one day, standing in front it with you.


  610. +

    Jesus and God’s divine blessings apon ALL of the GLBT community world wide, loved by Jesus and God forever more.


  611. +

    more to come…alot more!


  612. +

    the entire future is to come, united as ONE forever more.

    welcome one and ALL.


  613. +

    i look forward to the beautiful sunny day that i can hug you too Matt.

    bless U.

    on we go, forever more, always here for U.


  614. +

    BE fearless, for i am fearless in loving ALL, like Jesus does, like we do…sameness.

    i am…BE cause we are…fearless in loving ALL like Jesus does, like we do…sameness.


  615. It i had it my way, i would do no less than 20 floats, an emotional journey using different music, sameness of theme, but different in message.

  616. +

    take my fucking hand byatch! for this journey does not end.

    why would we want it to? duh! hello!!!

    like ‘that’s possible!

    πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€


  617. +

    i love you so fucking much! spinning and dancing our asses us forever more!


  618. here comes M, shisssh! don’t tell her im here.

    πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€


  619. +

    bless you bless you bless you


  620. +

    Jesus wants to say something.

    “God’s Kingdom dwells in YOUR HEART and all around YOU; when YOU know your SELF, YOU too shall BE known by ALL.”

    thank you Jesus. thank you God. thank you.


  621. Andy sorry but u are a crazy sick guy get some help please!

  622. Hello Ron, I agree with you, and Andy,
    since you have this much to write should you rather use your energy and write to a somebody else than here, mayby open your own blog – you are quite much talking about yourself and not anything concrete. Or mayby you should read some books instead? Well I do not want teach anything to anybody this is only my contribute to you.

  623. +

    many there will BE last to enter into love so pure of their own heart. mind, body, spirit and soul.

    Jesus refers to them as the bitter gnashing of teeth OUTside Porta Caeli(gate of heaven)

    blessings are the pure of heart

    you know who you are.

    i am…BE cause we are…pure of heart.


  624. thanks for the slam Ron, i really appreciate the gay bash which is worse than murder.

    ~ spiritual death Ron, is what you are.

  625. i think about covers it for me here.
    cya…wouldn’t wanna BE ya.

  626. +

    those of you who do not desire attend, nurture, and protect the divine true SELF, know this, God is not able to be defeated, for Jesus and God are of 100% truth in knowingness of how the world really is in all of it’s unwise, unnurturing, unprotective, unloving, uncompassionate, unknowingness of Jesus and God, indeed, the ignorant teachings of the forefathers before us, the same ignorant teachings of the forefathers before Jesus, of the many who did not know God, nor desire God, and of those who claim to know God and do not, obvious by ALL their unBEcoming unloving unwise uncompassionate false conduct, those who are apathetic in sincere approach in knowingness of the most important truth wisdom which points to why the world is yet the way it is


    no one escapes the truth.

    ~ God speaking, “Only the fool thinks they escape the truth, of their own self empose prisons of heart, mind, body, spirit and soul, in ALL their bitter foul tasting bad odor so obvious, are they not?

    thank you father. thank you Jesus. thank you to ALL who turn towards their precious loving divine true self, for ALL are loved by Jesus and God, sadly (yet) unknowingly for many.

    not to worry, for many are the enlightened ones who are of the no time constraint empowerment year after year in our knowingness of certainty in our endeavors in our turning towards the loving storehouse of our hearts where we take our stand of our BEing of loving feelings within, of OUTward BEcoming of loving conduct radiant and bright for ALL to the world to see and feel the Power of LOVE of the ALL, which ushers in the kingdom of heaven here on earth, inspite of the hissing, and spat apon of the many of YOU of your obvious CHOICE…not to love us like we do YOU.

    blessed are my loving brothers and sisters of the GLBT community, loved by Jesus, loved by God, loved by me, loved by Madonna, loved by we who are TRULY LOVING forever more.

    i am…BE cause we are….TRULY LOVING forever more. amen.

    God loves ALL. Jesus loves ALL We love ALL.

    God blesses ALL.


  627. +

    trust me, we are only just getting started, as many there are of the unborn yet to come, of the eternal human BEing.

    blessings to all.

    12, 978 blessed days to go.


  628. lol

    rant over πŸ˜‰

  629. God is a diva, and he ain’t taken no shit from any of ya.


    πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    approach in all your unwise unloving pissy negative apathy all you want, in your spuing of useless unloving fear, for radiant and bright is the light of the revealer of truth who stands guard forever more at Porta Caeli motherfuckers, revealer of the condition of your retardedness of you who spit apon my loving brothers and sisters! don’t say i didn’t warn ya.

    let me know if ya want some more and jump in the ring with me if you want. I sorta like my new job.

    πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€


  630. ( in mad hysterical laughter Matt and Andy continue to spin around in the bright sunshine, clown costumes, forever FREE of pure love for one another SET FREE to just BE, laughing out loud, rolling on the ground, spinning round, dancing without a care love of true loving friends like them, in their pure knowingness of the true loving feelings they feel and ARE within….sky camera ascends slowly upward high above the one million crowd gathered to see them year after year of the next flowing of the loving fountain of love they drink from which flows forth forever more, of them, of their loving brothers and sisters of holding of hands and kissing, indeed, the only place to BE found in the eyes of God, of the exceeding radiant and bright light of their pure of heart love.)

  631. +


    πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

    don’t fret over what the motherfuckers have to say everyone, for we know.

    we know.

    on we go.


  632. +

    someone has to save the world from it’s self, may as well BE us, we who know, and indeed, it is us, the sincerely loving brothers and sisters of the GLBT worldwide community, forever growing of new friends and lovers.


  633. oh don’t worry so much guys…i am merely a play wright for God, for sake of what we know about our true love for one another, of the many GLBT lovers worldwide.

    i am merely exploring the connection ways of experiential experience, such as costuming, music, of cognitive awareness that is of me, of my love i had for Troy, that i want all of you to feel, ok?

    while i do have sincere loving thoughts of Matt, and always will, like that of my loving memories of Troy, i don’t expect to ever BE his lover, being the old hag that i am slowly becoming, of far less attraction than Matt and friends his age.

    gee…you guys are too uptight.

    i am a play wright for fuck sakes…relax…i am merely on a mission from God, to save all your sorry asses.


    sheesshh…always explaining(expressing) myself…

    although if Matt is a non-fiction real character, then he does owe me a java, and a kiss…a hug would be nice too, butt only if you want to.


    i don’t know when to quit do i?

    why would i want to when love is true…for us ALL?

    alright, just thought i would clear the air, seeing as how stuffy it is getting around here.

    enjoy another blessed day, and remember, Andy is a play wright of the pure of heart feelings REAL of Andy, and indeed, REALNESS of us ALL.

    God loves YOU. Jesus loves YOU. We love YOU. We love ALL.

    God bless ALL.

    carry on.

    on we go.

    still, i will be heartbroken if the comes i learn Matt was a fictional character, so don’t tell me if he was, and let me keep feeling he is REAL, just as my loving memories of Troy are REAL of me, just as my feelings are REAL of all of YOU, the loving brothers and sisters of the worldwide GLBT community, of how the loving lovers feel. i merely one who is locked in, and tuned into our sincere loving feelings, of WILLINGNESS to help us stay locked in to purity and sincerity of our loving divine true self, for sake of dispelling fear we are inundated daily with by the motherfuckers who spit apon us, not knowing of how truly sensitive and delicate we are inside.

    i remain forever yours, as one who is of cognitive awareness of the subtle pure of heart loving feelings we feel while alone in our sanctuary of love and peace, alone or with a loving lover.

    i hope that helps everyone relax abit more…i just love expressing thru art and writing what it is i am growing into, more and more BEcoming conduct of within, OUTward shining radiant and bright, just as so many of us continue to do.

    thanks M.

    God blesses YOU and ALL those we sincerely love…including me motherfuckers…forever more, of our forever more loving feelings which are REAL lol πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

    i am…BE cause…we are REAL.


  634. it’s more than words i shall always feel for Matt and Troy, as my feelings are REAL.

  635. (andy walks off, muttering away to himself like he always does, discouraged no one is listening to a word he is saying, wondering where the fucking door is to get OUT of the studio, still not sure why he even bothers like he does, with occasional signs of loving light now and then from a few passersby, as Andy remains steadfast in his no time constraint determination to change the world along side his best friends in life of the GLBT family, united as one forever more. Suddenly, Andy yells out, “Well if you were all as fearless as M and i are, you may BEcome as happy as we are, failing that, in all your silent unwillingness to express your SELF, don’t say i didn’t warn you about how cruel the world is, of how and why M and i continue to push forward as sincere loving friends for life, loving of you ALL as we always have been now for past decades, just as Rosie and Kelly are. We know, ok? And we are here for YOU.
    Andy walks off again in disbelief again, tossing his pen in the garbage, finally finding the exit door out into the bright radiant sunshine for his lunch break, thinking of asking M for a week off or so from the motherfucking cold) lol

    πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

  636. +

    we are all born into this world of love, by chance we ever meet one another, of our sweet loving feelings which sincerely, with willingness, to reach out and hold their hand, of no desire to ever let go of their hand, knowingness of feelings within, of how great the feelings are within, of another who too may want to hold ours in REAL LIFE.

    We all were born, we all went thru school, we all grow and mature daily, and by chance we met…

    …by chance we met.

    i know it is of God that i met Matt, and M, Rosie and Kelly, of my fearlessness to know them and express how i feel within, of how i know we all feel.

    Today are my sweet envisions of holding a hand in real life, having come all this way, my knowingness of feelings within that has always yearned to hold their hand for real.

    Indeed, we are fearlessly loving, by chance we met, by chance we meet again, if our willingness is one and the same of tender loving feelings.

    sorry guys, i wanna take it the next level one day, out of the seemingly fictional pages of a novel, my self a character, and jump OUT into real life, by chance you feel the same way too?

    i don’t work for M, never met her, yet we have been distant friends, and indeed, we are all friends in the world of the affect/effect, direct/indirect of all our efforts thus far, in making the world a more loving accepting world for our GLBT community worldwide.

    Here is a news flash everyone…we are not about to quit having come so far in life in our efforts. Perhaps one day, by chance we meet here at the Toronto Pride Parade, by chance you feel the same way i do.

    Now if you don’t mind, i think i will take a break, maybe to a few art pieces, chill out, hang out, relax, having broken free, our loving spirits now set free to just BE.

    I pray safe journey for all, and be safe out there.

    life passes us by each day, in all our chances to meet one another. Be sure to pay attention to YOU, of who, by chance you meet, the ones in life matter to YOU the most. Truly, in my heart of hearts, Matt matter more to me than most any other in life, by chance we met.

    by chance we did meet.

    i hope my words brought joy to your hearts as it has mine, of our no time constraint forever more loving feelings.

    Keep feeling what i know i myself to be true of all of you.

    by chance, you may meet someone in life like we sincere are…loving light, radiant and bright forever more.

    (andy gets up, and leaves the book open on the park bench, for another to read, the wind gently tossing the pages of words and pictures in the warm sunshine, birds singing, smell of fresh java in the air, of loving feelings everywhere now, just as he always wanted it to be, in his hopes of by chance to meet someone like he.) πŸ˜‰

    indeed, by chance we did.

    God loves ALL. Jesus loves ALL. We love ALL.

    God blesses ALL.

    break time guys, be back another day.


  637. oh man, everytime i look at that wacky balloon head dress, i laugh, wondering to myself, how did i become so fearless?

    i credit M’s music.

    thanks M.

    bless you

    God Bless YOU M.


  638. +

    give thanks to God. thank you God. give thanks to Jesus. thank you Jesus. give thanks to all who are loving like we are. thank you to ALL, you KNOW who you ARE.

    i am…BE cause…we ARE.


  639. Isn’t there anyone normal here?

  640. lol

    as in normally happy when we are with the one we love?

    too bad Matt left…broke our hearts seeing leave.

    ah well.

  641. +

    BE Happy!

    BE Exceedingly Happy!!!

    and i will do the same. πŸ˜‰

    God bless YOU ALL.

    now where is that door anyway…oh yeah, there is no door any more….silly me.


  642. ahw, the doors open still,

    what you want ?

    tell me !

    whatever you want, it’s yours

  643. starting with Matt’s friendship of course! πŸ˜‰

    but that is up to Matt, just as it is up to us all who we CHOOSE to love.

    i love everybody.

    we all do.

  644. oh, and Jerry C from Japan…

    …oh, and can we get….

    (andy pulls a long list and reads off all his ideas)

    we all have love…but some are afraid of love.

    when i met you, i was afaid to like you,

    when i liked you, i was afraid to love you,

    when i loved you, i was afraid to lose you.

  645. why be afraid of what we yearn for?

    is love not the greatest treasure of all?

    it is for me…more valuable than anything else.

  646. Jesus says, “Love one another.”

    the 100 clowns encourage love and exceeding joyfulness of dancing, playful free loving spirits set free to just BE what we all are…loving of one another.

    Truly, i am on a mission from God, to kick this sorry ass world, of what Jesus asks us to do, “Love one another forever more.”

    Fear in the world is what hinders the playful free loving spirit of us all.

    If we don’t push forward in fearlessness, then the world stays the same as it has.

    Love is of great abundance, and indeed, does change the world in everyone’s heart, of positive radiant bright light which shines thru us all to another, of our BEcoming conduct of loving one another.

    Love is free for us all, i merely wish to reveal what is there already within us all, freeing the world from the bitter uselessness of absurd fears which control it.

  647. i’ve come to realize how much i miss Matt, as he was a fearless fun loving spirit of exceeding joy like myself.

    we connected.

    sadly, i lost that friendship, and it hurt me more than i realized at first until recent.

    there are extraordary people in life, and Matt is one of them.

  648. I don’t just embrace GLBT orientation any more, i embrace all souls, willingness to encourage love in those who may be unwise hateful of us for one thing, ending the gay bashing in the world by loving our enemies.

    makes sense yes?

    show them the love within them, as a truth revealer.

    truth revealer is in the book of revelations.

  649. +

    i know who i am ok, as God speaks with me. i am chosen by God, merely because i chose God, in 100% sincere pure loving heart of me, giving my life to God, more so than any other in life, like those of the church, in my full knowingness that God knows my level of comprehension as a truth revealer in the book of revelations, of what God waits for, someone of the comprehension in knowingness of what the abundance of wisdom is for, for sake of the truth revealer(s), which reveal the truth of all things in life.

    welcome to heaven everyone, as we venture into restoration of mankind forever more of our knowingness of the safe path ahead for us all as loving children of the light of God.

    those of doubtfulness, and unwise fear, don’t worry, as great is the bright radiant light of God’s all knowing omnipotent wisdom which flows forth for all children of God to drink from.

    Let it be known, that God has come to the world once again, as you all shall soon see and feel the pure truth of what God wants for his children, loving compassionate wisdom for ALL. i am of God’s loving compassionate wisdom, where God is not fearful like the church thinks, in my knowingness of having met God, who speaks with me daily.

    The church did know God, using fear to control the masses of uneducated people of time gone by. God is here as only loving, not at all fearful whatsoever, and exceeding radiant bright light of eternal truth wisdoms which are of no time constrant, indeed, eternal truth where truth does not fail, just as the sun above does not fail, always constant.

    Great is the pure LOVE feelings, pure and true of us all, which pours forth forever more.

    Great is the pure COMPASSION feelings, pure and true of us all, which pours forth forever more.

    Great is the pure WISDOM feelings, pure and true of us all, which pours forth forever more.

    YOU will see soon enough, so stop fretting like you do, as i am of the no time constraint empowerment which is of concern for all souls of the earth.

    So sit back and enjoy the ride, as the wave is a very big wave coming, like the 30 story waves in in the Pacific ocean.

    We are here to stay, forever more, of what we know is the truth of the GLBT community…we are loving compassionate wisdom for all, forever more.

    i am…BE cause we are…loving compassion wisdom for all, forever more.

    i look forward to working someday with those of likemindedness in our open discussions of approach for sake of ALL in the GLBT community worldwide, as well as for sake of ALL souls, as we are wise in our wisdom of loving our enemies, as revealers of their own precious loving heart, mind, body, spirit and soul, knowingness of what WE have come to know as TRUE of our SELF.

    thank you for listening(feeling).

    i think we can knock it off with this role playing guys. rather annoying for me if you must know.

    i want sincerity, and only pure of heart sincerity REAL people. Got it?

    i am not playing anymore, as my feelings are hurt over loss of my friendship with Matt, of great pain if you must know, deep inside my loving soul that will always love Matt.

    so please know, i am done with emptiness of words and conduct from everyone, of my knowingness of Matt’s love for me, who wants me to come away from the bullshit mentalities of impure thought and sincere love like he has for me yet.

    i know Matt.

    i know your love for me, ok?

    thanks for praying Matt.

    God knows i love you with all that i am, and best of all, i always will.

    God bless you Matt. Jesus loves you. i love you. We love you.

    God loves ALL. Jesus loves ALL. We love ALL.

    God blesses all with loving compassionate wisdom forever more.

    12,977 blessed days to go, and if one of you approach me with insincerity again, don’t expect me to speak with you, as i won’t.

    i am done with childish painful attacks which is falseness of the love we have for each other…either get real and stay real, or don’t, for i know Matt’s love is real for me, just as my love for him is and shall always be real for him, as a true and faithful friend for him to have in life forever more, just as i have been for M, always of sincere loving conduct in approach, admittedly, i have had my bad hair days, we all do, by why invite negativity which does not serve anyone including God.

    thank you.

    Respectfully yours, andy


    Matt, please get back to me, as my love is true for you, just as yours is for me, best friends for life, and you know it.

    i love you Matt.

    i think that about does if for the naysayers.

    the best is always yet to come, as the abundant fountain of life pours forth in the world, uniting us all as ONE.

    either participate, or get left behind, as one who will enter last into pure of heart knowingness of our sameness, of what Jesus came to know of us all, in his own coming into know of him SELF, the most evolved adult child to ever walk the earth.

    at this point in time, i have only shared less than 1% of my writings of truth wisdom understanding, and will continue to make them known, as i am of a devoted life to God forever more, of my only concern that time is running out for me in order to do so.

    Jesus says, β€œGod’s Kingdom dwells in YOUR HEART and all around YOU; when YOU know your SELF, YOU too shall BE known by ALL.”

    truly, it is easy for one to feel the pure of heart truth feelings deep in the core of your BEing, yes?

    ok then, carry on.

    and stop annoying me with childish shortmindedness approach which does not have sincerity of one who is thirsty for wisdom, obvious by the limited distasteful lacking of desire to contemplate in your shallow empty insincerity of eloborating discussion of likemindedness, not of a student, rather of those who are a nescience to one who sits his sanctuary with Jesus and God, of only pure loving thoughts and compassionate feelings of thirst for compassionate insight and pure love truth wisdom, as it is a waste of my precious time. thank you.

    go ahead if you want to annoy me some more…just don’t expect me to respond any more, as i won’t, as i will not give the green light to engage with those who cajole and entice any more, as time is precious to me, where i would rather spend time with someone loving like Matt, and those like us.

    thank you.

    enjoy the blessed day everyone.


  650. +

    Matt? stop laughing…im fucking serious! i have so had it with the morons, as i know you have too!

    πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

    who’s got time for anything but love, where in truth, we would rather be holding hands and loving with one another, of our graceful true loving precious SELF which yearns to do so…well ok, i know i do with YOU.

    i love Matt, and i know…WITHOUT DOUBT…i always will forever more until my last day apon the earth, and even after i am gone, all will know, i was eternally loving of Matt, as he is of me.

    we know…without doubt.

    so please Matt, stop hurting me like this, as loss of your friendship has hurt me greatly. i am here to nurture and protect you from the naysayers so hurtful in their insincere disheartedness of us like they do.

    bless you

    God blesses ALL.


  651. (andy walks off again, tossing his coffee cup into the trash bin, pausing for a moment, leaning over with his head in his hand, wondering to himself why people cannot just BE sincere like he is, as he slowly rises up, giving his head a shake, gracefully stepping away from the crowd who are silently watching him walk away, wondering why they don’t follow him, asking him questions he so desperately yearns for them to ask ) πŸ˜‰

  652. (muttering to himself, “fucking morons father, i am surround by fucking morons. forgive them father, as we are wise of thier stumbling blocks of the fear in the world which hinders their pure of heart feelings so fearless like my own, of only loving compassionate wisdom for them all, of not bitter hatred whatsoever, albeit, some good forceful constructive critisism never hurt anyone, meant as only goodness for them. thank you father. thank you Jesus. thank you to those who are pure of heart like Matt is.”)

  653. +

    “Oh, one more thing…i am spiritually married to Matt forever more, for all eternity, of the depth of love within me that i feel for him, in the very depth of my eternal soul, which knows how much i sincerely love Matt, incase any of you were wondering what i am about.”

    “Andy Loves Matt forever more!”


    “Because Matt loves Andy forever more! duh!”


    πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

    God blesses ALL.


  654. +

    (again andy gracefully turns and waunders off back to his art studio that he loves to dwell in, away from the absurd world of fear mongers, as the crowd still silent, until one softly speaks to another, whispering “i wonder if andy forgot to take his meds this morning?”)

    “i heard ‘that’!!



    me free guys, not need, as my feelings are pure and real, which i love…sincere and true loving feelings forever more for all of YOU, of what i know is true of me, also true of us ALL.

    blessings to all.



  655. +

    “Remember to always BE found of the no time constraint visionary YOU all are which FULLY embraces AT ALL TIMES, ‘that’ the BEST is YET to COME!, in our visionary knowingness, that feels the truth of our pure of heart loving feelings for one another, that indeed,……without useless absurd doubt, like that of the mean spirited world…..THE BEST IS YET TO COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

    got it?

    ok. carry on.

    on we go.

    blessed are the pure of heart. you KNOW who YOU ARE.

    i am…BE cause WE ARE….blessed PURE of HEART.

    God loves ALL. Jesus loves ALL. We love ALL.

    God blesses ALL.

    bless you

    thank you God. thank you Jesus. thank you to all who are PURE of HEART, loved by God, loved by Jesus, loved by me, loved by we who are sincerely loving of Jesus, God and each other, in our ‘love devoid of doubt love for one another’, true of us ALL, pure knowingness of the truth of our loving feelings is TRUE of all souls of the earth.

    thank you.

    bless you.



  656. Hi….

    hm…is this really M writing these posts? Or…? Teeeeeell me , I wanna know…..:)

  657. I can teeeeeell you – it can’t be Madonna – she’s performing in Spain right now. So it’s just some joker.

  658. For 15 years I thought it was the real Madonna, but I’ve finally given up. This is the proof it can’t be her.

    I’m off to the Mariah Carey forum. Now I think Mariah really **does** post in there. I’ve always been a fan of hers. I’ll make her fall in love with MEEEE!!!!

    Is she married? I have no idea. I think she is.

    It’ll have to be Kylie then.

  659. (that was a joke. Don’t get your knickers in a twist)

  660. know what? your feelings?

    they are your feelings to know what ever of who ever you want…your life to live, no one elses.

    how should i know what your feelings are?

    i am just the same happy go luck guy i always was, a fun loving care free spirit for all of thee.

  661. stay as upbeat as y